The Bad Adult Anime Fanfic

Disclaimer: Some dude created Azumanga Daioh, not me. (I)

Chapter Summary: I don't want to spoil it for you! (L)

Marty Stu bamfed into another world. This one was outside a school.
"Damn it, I wanna wangst! This story is not going any further until I can wangst!" Marty Stu said. "Oh, why can't I find a hot babe that will satisfy me? I travel from world to world and every woman I meet falls madly in love with me. I wish I had just one babe to love." Marty Stu said. The bell rang and class was let out.
"Remember, we all agreed to meet at Chio's place to study." The voice was that of Kagura. They walked up to Marty Stu and all of them swooned.
"Hey, who's the really cute guy?" Tomo asked.
"I am Marty Stu." Marty replied.
"He doesn't look like he can help us study." Sakaki said.
"Of course I'd be happy to help you." Marty Stu said.
"Yea! I'll understand it all!" Tomo said.
"I don't think he could work miracles here, Tomo-chan." Sakaki said.
"I accept your challenge." Marty Stu said. "I will help you study smarter." The girls agreed and walked with him to Chio-chan's home.
When they got there, a mysterious man was waiting for them. He was clad in a ninja outfit and sported a katana. The girls were frightened by him. He went straight for Chio-chan. He plunged his sword deep into her chest, sending blood flying everywhere. He then pulled his sword out, sending Chio's blood splattering all over the place. Osaka got some in her eyes. The ninja then ripped out Chio's entrails, giving everyone a full view of her intestines and stomach. He also tore her heart out, which was still beating. He pulled her liver out in a bloody mess. The rest of her entrails spilled out as well. The whole mess landed on the ground with a sickening splat and a shower of blood.
"Gahk... why?" Chio asked as she fell to the ground.
"Because this is a badfic." Marty Stu replied.
"This... would... never... happen to.. me in... canon." Chio said as she died, her blood soaking the front lawn of her home.(A)
"Oh my god! You killed Chio-chan!" Tomo said. (B)
"You bastard!" Yomi added. The ninja merely walked away.
"What's with all the blood and gore description?" Kagura asked.
"My guess is the author is intentionally trying to squick the audience." Marty Stu replied.
"He sure is doing a piss-poor job at it." Sakaki said.
"Shouldn't we call the police or something?" Osaka asked.
"No time for that. We've got to study!" Tomo replied.
"Well, I guess we should enter the house although normally I'd be going bat-ass insane at the death of cute little Chio-chan." Sakaki said. She stepped over Chio's stomach and entered the home.
Once inside, The girls set things up for studying. However, once they were done, there was a knock on the door. Karoin answered the door to see Mr. Kimura there with his daughter.
"Hi there. I asked Chio-chan if she could help my daughter study. Sakura here has been in trouble in school." (C)
"Well, come on in, Sakura. We'll help you study. Unfortunately, that's Chio-chan splattered all over the front lawn. Since this is a badfic, I suspected that you wouldn't notice the cute 12-year-old girl whose blood and guts are all over the front lawn." Karoin said.
"Great. I'll return around 8 p.m. or so to pick her up." Mr. Kimura said. With that, he walked away, stepping around the dead body of Chio-chan.
A little later, once everyone had settled in, there was another knock on the door. Sakaki answered it to see Hellsing standing there.(D)
"My name is Hellsing." He said. "I have no idea why the hell I'm here or why the author chose to stick me here since there's no way in hell an Azumanga Daioh/ Hellsing crossover would work, so I'm just going to leave now." He tipped his hat to Sakaki and walked away. Sakaki merely stood there. Kagura came up to her.
"Who was that?" Kagura asked.
"Beats me." Sakaki responded.
Anyway, inside the room, the girls were studying when Karoin noticed that Sakura was staring at her. Karoin asked her what was going on, and she blushed.
"Well Karoin... I think you're cute." Sakura announced. Karoin smiled.
"Well, you're cute as well. You know, in normal canon we'd just spend the evening talking and getting to know each other more. However, since this is a badfic, we should just go right up to Chio-chan's bedroom, right?" Karoin asked.(E)
"Fine with me." Sakura replied.
Then they went into Chio's bedroom, embraced each other and kissed. They loved the taste of each other's lips, and really enjoyed kissing. Sakura started caressing Karoin's body, savoring her soft skin and enjoying her gentle touch. Karoin responded by gently cupping Sakura's luscious tits in her hands. Sakura moaned softly.
"Mmm... you know, most women don't like having their tits fondled, but since this is a badfic, I can't help but want it all." Sakura said. She fondled Karoin's hot pussy and got her wet. Karoin responded by reaching up Sakura's skirt and doing the same, caressing her gash as well. They continued to kiss and started undressing each other, caressing skin as it was exposed. Karoin stared at Sakura's 102 cm tits (F) and smiled.
"This would never happen in canon, but I'm not complaining." Karoin
said.
She lay back as Sakura went down on her and put her tongue on Karoin's pussy. Sakura and Karoin moaned as Sakura gave Karoin head.
"Your pussy tastes very sweet." Sakura thought as she gave Karoin head. Sakura pushed her tongue deep into Karoin's pussy and back, getting her very wet. Sakura caressed Karoin's hot ass as she gave her head. Karoin felt the intense rush of pleasure as Sakura gave her head. Karoin never wanted it to stop as it filled her body with pleasure. Then they switched around. Sakura spread her legs wide and invited Karoin to eat her pussy out. Karoin eagerly stuck her tongue on Sakura's tight pussy and gave her head. Sakura moaned softly as Karoin licked her pussy. Sakura also felt the intense pleasure as Karoin licked her pussy and got her wet. They walked down the halls of pleasure hand in hand. Karoin then reached for Chio-chan's 2-ended dildo that was on the nightstand. (G)
Karoin stuck one end of the dildo deep inside Sakura's pussy, and then stuck the other end into her own pussy. Both of them moaned and gasped as they went back and forth on that dildo. Both pussies clamped very hard on that dildo, and tried to squeeze the life out of it. Both of them felt wonderful fucking each other long and hard, ramming that dildo back and forth in their hot pussies. Neither wanted to stop, but then they screamed in pleasure as they achieved their simultaneous climax.
Down below, Marty Stu and the girls were studying math.
"It's about time you got back to us. For a while I thought you'd never come back here." Marty Stu said.
At that time Chio-chan entered.(H)
"Okay guys, you ready to study?" She asked.
"Chio-chan? But you died earlier in all that squicky blood and gore." Osaka said.
"This is a badfic. I wouldn't get my hopes up for an explanation." Marty Stu said.
"You're right on that one. Well, I think I'd like to change out of this blood-soaked uniform and into something nicer." Chio said.
"*Sigh*... we can all see where this is going, can't we?" Sakaki said.
Chio walked up to her room and opened the door. What she saw - her friends Karoin and Sakura lying naked on her bed, the sheets soaked in orgasmic juices and with her dildo - made her scream in terror.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! MY BED! MY SHEETS! MY SPECIAL DILDO!" Chio-chan screamed. Karoin and Sakura quickly covered themselves up with the sheets.
"Chio-chan! Oh... I thought you had died." Karoin said.
"HOW COULD YOU!?" Chio shouted between sobs. At this point, The others came in.
"Whoa... Chio looks pretty mad." Tomo said.
"YOU MOTHERFUCKING BITCHES!!! DON'T YOU HAVE ANY RESPECT FOR SOMEONE ELSE'S PROPERTY?" Chio shouted.
"That really doesn't sound like you, Chio-chan." Sakaki noted.
"Yea, that swearing looks really out of character for her." Osaka pointed out.
"What the hell do you expect? This is a goddamn badfic!" Chio snapped back. (K)
"Wait a minute. I thought that when two people are discovered having sex in a badfic, the typical reaction would be to join in." Yomi said.
"Well, we already finished. You're too late." Sakura said.
"Oh God. You just gave Marty Stu an invitation to wangst some more." Sakaki said.
"Oh man, why can't I ever find love? Every woman I meet seems to fall madly in love with me, but they never can follow through with it." Marty Stu said.
Sakaki then cradled his head in her hands, and kissed him. They felt wonderful as they kissed. When they came up for air, Marty Stu smiled.
"Mmm... that's a lot better, babe. I have to go now, though." Marty Stu said.
"Oh, please stay, Marty Stu-san." Chio pleaded with tears in her eyes for no apparent reason.
"The open road is calling me, Chio-babe. I gotta go." Marty replied as he left.
"God, what a fucking asshole." Kagura said.
"You said it." Tomo replied. "But he was such a cute asshole."
"I'm just glad he didn't make me a hermaphrodite." Yomi said.
Outside, Marty Stu waded through the bloodstains.
"Damnit, this makes two chapters where I had the babes fall madly in love with me and I didn't get to fuck anyone." Marty Stu said as he bamfed out. "I had better get some action next chapter."

(A) Seems like every bad Azumanga Daioh fic has cute, adorable Chio-chan brutally killed or raped. Why is beyond me. Don't you think almost everyone was a bit too blasé about Chio dying? Canon would have them traumatized for life. In addition, the description of Chio's death was pretty verbose and graphic, wasn't it? Almost like the author wanted to squick the audience unnecessarily.
(B) Inappropriate pop culture references are a no-no. Would an Azumanga Daioh/South Park crossover work? Of course not. So keep the South Park references out of Azumanga Daioh.
(C) No, no, no! Kimura is a pervert! This is absolutely wrong about him! He NEVER wanted to ask the class to help his daughter study and find a girlfriend without making at least one pass at one of them! Not only that, Karoin seems pretty blasé about meeting him, doesn't she? Lastly (in this point,) Sakura is an anime name that's overused, don't you think?
(D) Just because you like a character, that does NOT mean you should throw him/her into EVERY fic you write. Helsing would NEVER fit into Azumanga Daioh.
(E) Karoin and Sakura sure fall in love pretty fast, don't they? In real life, only 5% of women are willing to go from meeting to sex partner this quickly. Not only that, Karoin is supposed to be in love with Sakaki.
(F) Be realistic about your measurements. There is no way 10-year-old Sakura's chest could be this big! 102 cm= 40 1/2 inches. This is Azumanga Daioh, not Eiken! In addition, sex with a minor is illegal in practically every country. Karoin would never consent to having sex with her normally.
(G) Why would Chio-chan have a 2 pronged dildo? She is only 12, for pete's sake! Sex toys do not just magically appear where you want them! Another point: this is probably their first time, so why aren't they cramping and bleeding? The first time is usually not a great experience for a woman. Third: vary your choice of words to describe the sex & genitalia. As you can see here, using only one word to describe the female genitalia gets repetitively boring after a while.
(H) Death is not a temporary thing, even if your fandom routinely kills a character off. If you kill a character off, KEEP THEM DEAD!! If you must bring them back to life, at least explain why you are resurrecting them. The exception is Marvel parodyfics, because in the Marvel universe, death is temporary.
(I) This is a piss-poor disclaimer. I know that Kiyohiko Azuma's name may be hard to spell, but damnit, at least say this is not for profit! (J)
(J) Keep your footnotes in order!
(K) This is kind of like watching Mr. Rogers swear up a storm, isn't it? Yet another OOC moment.
(L) What the hell kind of summary is this!? If you can't make a summary without spoilers, then you shouldn't be writing.