When Shadows Cry

They watched as Watari looked up at him. “I remember you.” He said and lifted up a dirty hand to touch Tatsumi’s face pulling his glasses away. “Only you didn’t wear these and your hair was longer.” He said and reached over to finger the short hair. “I like it better long.” He whispered.

“I remember Taka.” Tatsumi said and turned his face into the touch.

“Does it ever stop hurting?” Watari asked and rested his hand on Tatsumi’s cheek.

“What?” Tatsumi asked and looked down at him as more chemicals exploded in the background.

“The pain of being alone.” He said and rested his hand against his chest and then made a confused look pulling his hand away to see the blood.

“No.” Tatsumi answered. “It never stopped hurting.” He said and pulled his hand away and curled around him more.

Watari reached up and clung to his brown suit and buried his face inhaling deeply. “I know your smell.” He said with a smile. “Sakura blossoms.” He said and curled closer to him. “Can I do this forever?” He asked and fisted his hands into his clothes.

“What?” Tatsumi asked and rubbed his back gently.

“Die in your arms.” He said and flinched at the noise. “I feel like I’m home here. Like this is where I belong.” He answered and then kissed his neck. “Like I should have always been here.”

“You were.” Tatsumi choked and the tears dripped from his face to hit the ground. “this is were you belong.”

Watari noticed his crying and kissed his shoulder. “I hurt you.” He whispered.

Tatsumi shook his head violently. “No.”

“Yes Seii I did.” Watari voice dipped down and Tatsumi jerked back looking down at him confused. “SO many lives, You were there. Always watching over me taking care of me making sure I had what I needed.” He Smiled softly. “I had hoped we would be in eternity with each other but the gods don’t favor us do they Seii.” His tiny smiled became brighter.

Tatsumi shook his head a little. “they don’t seem to.”

“Seii will you die with me?” he asked and looked him dead in the eye.

“I wish I could.” He said mournfully.

Watari pulled himself up straighter and hugged Tatsumi close taking over the embrace. “Then take me with you. Use your shadows.” He whispered into his ear. “I don’t want to live without you. I want to go were you go.” He said sadly tears gathering in his own eyes. “I want my home back.” They slipped down his face as he spoke softly to him. “I can’t spend one more life screaming at myself to find you and then not having you. Of finding a replacement that doesn’t compare.” He gave a small sob and held him tighter. “I need this. Please don’t take it away from me.” He pleaded.

“It’s not mine to control.” He whispered and held on just as tightly “If I could stay here for all eternity then I would. It’s not my choice.”

“then kill me now and don’t let me come back.” Watari said. “I can’t take it Seii.” He whispered and cried softly. “I can’t take knowing there’s something missing. This life alone was hard enough. If you hadn’t come the I would have killed myself in my loneliness.” He stroked his back. “I can’t live like this again Seii. I can’t have you once and then not again.”

They watched as Tatsumi looked down to the ground. “Do you think it was any easier for me?” He questioned. “I still carry the mark. It still bleeds when I think of you. I still want to die with every step I take because I can’t find my HOME.” His voice cracked as he cried home. “At night when I reach over thinking you’ll be there and your not.” He sobbed all the harder against him. “When I see people in love and holding hands, When they kiss, When they look at each other and I see the love there, I think of you.” He choked and sobbed harder into his lab coat. “When I’m alone.” he stopped talking for a moment. “When I remember.” His eyes died as he laid there. “When your not there to kiss my nightmares away.”

Watari looked down at him and cried harder at the utterly heartbroken look on Tatsumi’s face. The pain that just wouldn’t die for him because he remembered. Because his memories didn’t get pushed back with each new body.

“When I can’t stop the tears cause it hurts to much to be. When I watched you kiss another, hold them, or even make love to them. To know I used to be that person. That, that used to be my home.” He clung tighter sliding down so that his head was in Watari’s stomach. “The memories that I carry alone. They are all mine to bare. The pain is mine. Everything that we were is all I have.”

“Seii.” He paused and ran his fingers through the short hair. “I still love you more then life itself. I still love how clear your eyes are, your smell, your touch.” He said gently. “I still love you.”

“I still love you too so much that at times I can’t breath.” Tatsumi Closed his eyes.

Watari bent over and rested his head on Tatsumi’s back. “I’m sorry you have to carry another one of my deaths on your shoulders.” He whispered his eyes slowly closing. “Maybe this time they won’t hate us and will let me come home.” His words slowed as his body slowly died.

Tatsumi nodded and closed his eyes tightly. When he opened then again he was in his office.

“I would have given anything to die with him.” He said softly. “But just like the times before I was taken from my home. Left to wonder again until he was born again. Or so I thought.” There was a pause and they watched Tatsumi clean all of his papers up and then walk into the chiefs office. He gasped and dropped all his papers.

“There in the seat was Watari bright eyed and beautiful.” he said softly. “I was happy until he stood up and stuck out his hand.”

“Yutaka Watari at your service and you are.” He asked.

“Seiichirou Tatsumi.” He answered back clasping his hand and shaking it quickly before retrieving his paper work.

“He didn’t remember me. I guess god had a sick sense of humor.” they watched as he threw the papers on the desk and walked out the shadows on the walls rippling with anger.

He want to his office and the door slammed shut from the force of the shadows. A few moment later the chief walked in and before he could even say anything the shadows pinned him painfully against the wall.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” He screamed in anger.

“He has powers we can use.” He answered and moved.

“THAT”S NOT WHAT I MEANT AND YOU KNOW IT!” he screamed even louder. The shadows on the walls rippled and slid even closer to the chief.

“It’s not my fault.” He said and tired to move again gasping for air. “I would have let him keep his memories.”

Tatsumi turned his back on the chief and stood in ridged anger.


“Tatsumi listen to me what good would it have done the two of you if he had his memories.” He said and then soon realized his said the wrong thing when the shadows pressed down on him even harder.

Tatsumi whipped around hair suddenly came down unbound to his waist. “ I WOULD HAVE LIVED!” He screamed. “I WOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO BE WITHOUT PAIN!” His voice rose.

They watched in amazement as the shadows slid up his own form and quickly braided his hair. “Do you realize how hard this will be for me?” He asked. “Do you even care?” He questioned the chief in a tense voice that was soon going to be yelling if he couldn’t get a grip on his anger. “Kill me if you must but to not make me work with him knowing what you do. If you want to kill me then fine make me do it but other then that keep him away from me cause I can’t handle it.” He said angry tears rolled down his face. “He begged me to bring him with me. I didn’t think I was allowed so I told him I couldn’t. This is just one more thing in a string of memories that I don’t need.”

The chief was slowly lowered. “I’m sorry Tatsumi truly I am but unfortunately you will have to work with him.” He said looking at him.

Tatsumi looked to the ground. “get out.” He said softly and they watched as the shadows slowly ate his hair and made it short again.


“I didn’t think I would live but somehow I did.” Tatsumi voice was soft. “It was a short while later that I noticed.” There was a smile in his voice. “randomly Watari would do something nice for me not thinking about it. Other times he would come in and talk to me ask me questions and others he would bug me about funding and then pout and storm off when I told him no. But over the months I noticed he brightened.” There was a pause and the shadows dispersed to show thing as they were at the moment.

“Isn’t nice to know that you had the best love in the world and you threw it away.” Muraki smiled until he was slammed against the wall by shadows. “Hit a soft spot.” He asked with an evil glint. “Well if you want to help him I would be quick about it.”

Watari stood up and put his head down. He walked out of the room without a sound Tsuzki following him.

“Were are you going?” He asked softly

“To find Tatsumi.” He said and went to his desk. “He wouldn’t have left without leaving something behind that would lead us to were he is.”

He sat down and looked at the neat desk. He looked carefully at the paper. “Seii were are you.” He whispered softly.

A shadow slipped up from the floor caressing Watari before covering his hand and moving it. Watari let it and smelled the soft sent of Sakura blossoms. “Seii.” He whispered and his hand stopped on a picture of an abandoned mansion on the east side of Nagasaki.

“This is were you are?” He asked the shadow gripping his hand.

The shadow slipped up his arm and wrapped around his waist pulling him up from the seat. Tsuzki watched
as Watari never flinched like he had from the coolness of the shadows and seemed to calm more then anything as it moved around his waist and up to his hair replacing the bright orange hair tie. Watari smiled and touched it.

“I’ve missed your shadows love.” He said and closed his eyes letting the shadow pull him through the slip of time.

“Your used to the feel of his shadows aren’t you.” Tsuzki asked.

“Yes.” Watari nodded and seemed much older suddenly. “To you they are nothing to me they are everything.”

“They feel good to you?” Hisoka asked.

Watari nodded his head. “Yes. Cause Tatsumi vibrates through them.” He answered as they came up through the floor near Tatsumi.

Watari looked at him and was suddenly lifted into the air. He smiled and untied the knots holding him. The shadows them let Tatsumi and Watari down to the ground gently. Watari curled around Tatsumi holding him closely to him. “Seii.” He whispered and pushed the hair back from his face ever so gently.


The shadow disappeared and Tatsumi’s unbound hair laid across the floor beautifully. He scrunched his eyes before they fluttered open. Watari ran him fingers through Tatsumi’s hair still. “Seii.’ He whispered again and leaned down to rest his head against Tatsumi’s.

Tatsumi lifted up his head and looked up at Watari. Slowly he sat up and wrapped his hands around Watari’s face. Tears gathered in the as he looked into the soft golden brown eyes. Watari reached his hand up and touched the hole on Tatsumi’s chest, that bled in a reminder of his love for Watari.

“Seii.” Watari whispered before wrapping his arms around Tatsumi’s shoulders to pull him close. He leaned in afterwards and sealed his lips to Tatsumi’s. Tatsumi for his part broke into tears and gripped Watari’s white lab coat tightly with bloodied hands. Watari broke off and gazed at him moving his hair from his face again.

“Don’t leave me again.” Tatsumi whispered. “I don’t think I’d survive it.” He held onto the front of his jacket and looked down at his trembling hands.

Watari covered Tatsumi’s hands and stroked his fingers. “I promise on all that I am.” He whispered and leaned forward to kiss his forehead in a simple gesture filled with love and adoration.

Tatsumi closed his eyes even tighter and seemed much younger and smaller to Tsuzki. “I want my home.” He whispered in a small hiccup.

Watari wrapped his arms around Tatsumi pulling him close to his chest and kissing the top of his head. “You have it love.” He answered and stroked his back.

Tatsumi smiled and clung to Watari. Watari held him tightly and rubbed his hand up and down his side. Muraki walked over to them with a bounce in his step and an evil smile on his face. It wasn’t there for long as the shadows viciously grabbed him and slammed him into the ground. Tatsumi stood on shaking legs holding onto Watari’s hand and glared at Muraki. His hair was pulled into a braid as he watched Muraki. The shadows lifted him to stand only to have one crash into the right side of him flinging him.

“Leave us be.” He growled and the shadows enveloped them and dropped them off at work. As soon as they got there Tatsumi’s legs shook and he fell to the ground panting. Watari for his part picked him up and went to the infirmary with him.


In the infirmary he took care of him bandaging his wounds and cleaning the blood from him. Tatsumi for his part sat there quietly watching him.

“How come you never said anything?” Watari asked his hand stopping on the wound on his chest.

“How was I supposed to say anything? Tatsumi asked him. “I couldn’t walk up to you and say hey I’m your dead lover from a really really long time ago and I was just wondering if you remembered me.” He said and looked out of the window. “You were happy.” He whispered and looked down at his lap. “And I couldn’t take that away from you. I did it once and I won’t do it again.” He looked up at him. “If you don’t love me anymore tell me now.” He said and stared at him.


“I still love you Seii. That never changed.” Watari answered back.

“Your using past tense.” Tatsumi said in a small voice.

“That will never change.” Watari corrected and sat on the side of the bed lifting his face. “I have my home. I have were I belong.” He said and smiled at Tatsumi.

He rubbed his cheek. “Taka.” Was all Tatsumi managed to get out.

He pulled him into his arms and Tatsumi went willingly. He rested his head and held on tightly to Watari. “I can’t lose my home again.” He whispered. “But I don’t want to make you stay if you don’t want to.” Tatsumi continued and buried his face.

Watari looked down at the top of the head that was buried in his chest. He smiled softly and whispered soothingly. “I am in the place I wish to be. I have my home again Seii. I remember us.” He whispered. “I remember your tears and your smiles. I remember your timidness and part of me wonders where it went and another part knows it never left.” He rubbed his back. “I love you Seii no less then I did when I first met you sobbing on the floor covered in blood and all out of joint.” He said and kissed the top of his head.

Tatsumi smiled into the lab coat and held onto Watari tighter. Watari only smiled back. “Thank you.” Tatsumi whispered before he yawned.

“You should sleep Seii.” He said and stood pushing him to lie down. “You’ve had a hard day.” He continued soothingly.

“will you be here when I wake up?” He asked and looked into the sparkling gold eyes.

“Yes.” He said and rubbed his cheek.

Tatsumi smiled a little and yawned again before closing his eyes and reaching out to hold onto Watari who simply smiled and let him. Watari watched Tatsumi for the longest time alone before Tsuzki walked into the room and stood next to him.

“He seems younger, or softer or something.” He said confused.

Watari smiled. “Well he is really.” He said and looked at Tsuzki. “He never had a childhood. What you heard was just the icing a lot of stuff happened to him.” He said and pushed the long hair from his face.


“What’s your favorite memory of Tatsumi?” He asked Watari who was looking at him.


Watari hummed and then said in a soft voice. “We were sitting one day outside. I had my back to the building and Tatsumi was leaning back against me.” He started and looked rather fondly at Tatsumi who made a small noise in his sleep. “And he sat there and sang a very beautiful song for me.” He finished.


Tsuzki looked at Tatsumi who was sleeping rather peacefully but holding tightly onto Watari. “Does he always hold on like that?” He asked and gestured towards his hand gripping Watari’s coat.


Watari smiled and nodded. “He keeps a hold of me so I can’t go away and so that if I did he’d know. That and knowing that I’m here makes it so he doesn’t have nightmares.” He said and looked at Tsuzki. “But do you understand now? Why he couldn’t be your partener?” He asked and looked at him.


Tsuzki nodded. “Kind of.” He said and looked at Tatsumi who was sleeping.

“He doesn’t want to kill you.” Watari informed him. “He doesn’t want anything bad to happen to you.” He said and watched his reaction. “You looked at Tatsumi and cried all the time which brought back memories of his mother and he was afraid he would unknowingly do that to you.” He concluded.

“Yea.” Tsuzki said. “I wish though that I hadn’t seen him cry.” He said and looked to Watari.

“Why?” He asked and looked at Tsuzki.

“Cause he reminded me.” He said.

“Of what?” Watari asked and looked over at Tatsumi and then back at Tsuzki.

“How hard it must have been for him. To carry that around and never say anything to anyone.”

Watari nodded his head and then looked at his face. “He’s never really understood that though.” He said softly. “That, that’s sad. He never understood that families just don’t work that way. He told me one day he would have given anything for his mother to look at him and smile. Even if that meant that he had to lay down and die for it to happen.” He said and pushed the hair from his face all over again.


Tsuzki nodded his head and watched him,