Honour, Duty, or Love?

Title: Honour, Duty or Love?
Author: JadeHeart
Located/Archived: If anyone would like it, please ask me first
Fandom: Saiyuki

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this, they belong to the creators, nor am I making any profits


Chapter 2


Hakkai stared out the window, gazing unseeing at the rooftops before him and the golden light playing over the polished brass fittings of the shop fronts below. His thoughts had wandered back to that night once again. That night he had been separated from his companions. The night that he had spent with Yaone.

He sighed softly. He had found that his thoughts often strayed back to that time, brushing off the memory delicately like it was something extremely fragile and very precious. He recalled the feel of her body’s warmth against his shoulder, her scent that was faintly of jasmine mixed with other fragrances that he couldn’t quite discern. Not surprising really. She was an apothecary so was frequently around a variety of herbs and potions so it wasn’t any wonder that such aromas clung to her clothes, hair and body. Despite the mix of perfumes he had found it more than just pleasant.

He remembered the touch of her long braids brushing against his arm as she had moved her head. He had almost wished at that time that he had been wearing no tunic, couldn’t help but wonder what it would have felt like to have those twisted strands touching his bare skin. What would they have felt like?

Her hands had been cool and efficient as she had helped heal his wounds yet they had left him feeling warm at their passing. None of his injuries had been severe fortunately, although they were certainly bloody. Hers had been a little less but deep enough to cause real pain. In all, they had been very lucky. He’d had just enough chi left to rectify the worse for both of them, using up the last to seal the blood seepage and begin the process of knitting flesh and tendon back together. After that he was spent, the last of his reserves depleted leaving him weary and weak.

That had left the finishing touches to Yaone’s competent skills. She had insisted on treating him first, ignoring his protestations, brushing his attempts to halt her actions aside as though he was no more than irritating insect. She frowned with concentration as she had worked; lips pursed together as she carefully cleaned then smeared healing salves over his wounds, neat stitches drawing jagged flesh together firmly, and then makeshift bandages bound over those wounds. The cloth they had used for the bandages had been his sash which had proved extremely helpful at the time.

He had watched her face the whole time, took note of every change in her features as she had worked. He had felt his lips curl in a soft smile as he gazed at her, a true smile, something which didn’t happen too often, and it had warmed his heart for a moment. She had looked so endearing, a cross between a solemn child and a determined woman. It was this almost childlike earnestness at times that drew him to her, an innocence that seemed to be a part of who she was. It reminded him of other times, times in the past when he too could remember what it had been like to believe and trust in this world. A time that was long gone, lost to him now, beyond his reach. A time that could never be recovered, an innocence that he would never again know. Was he mad to think of using such a word as ‘innocence’ for a demon?

But there was no other way he could describe what he felt in her. She was so open, so honest in her views. She spoke directly from the heart always, even when apologizing for having to fight him, perhaps to the death. There was no malicious intent, no animosity in her towards him or any of the Sanzo party. It was just something that she was committed to doing.

That thought had brought a small frown to his face. The battle between themselves and Kougaiji and his followers was disturbing. Hakkai was certain he wasn’t the only one who felt that way. He knew that Goku found it difficult many times to remember that Kougaiji and the others were actually their enemies when all was said and done, though no matter what happened, no matter how many times they fought and harmed each other, it still never felt like they were truly the foe. Every pain each party inflicted on the other seemed to be done regretfully. That didn’t mean that it was no less truly meant, but it just didn’t seem right that they were fighting on opposite sides. But till now there just didn’t seem to be any way of changing that.

Though there had been a number of times just like then where they had ended up helping each other, even healing each other. Was that something that enemies did for each other?

Perhaps, he considered. Perhaps you would do this for an enemy you considered honourable. To allow them to die in some ignominious manner or from wounds received in a minor battle was not the way you wanted them to end their time on this earth. Perhaps you would do this for an enemy you considered worthy of your skills and so only wished to know that you had been the one to defeat them in battle. Perhaps that was all there was to it.

“If you sigh any deeper you’re gonna pop a lung,’ said a voice from behind, startling him.

Hakkai turned to see Gojyo standing in the doorway. Immediately the faint smile curved his lips automatically; the smile that wasn’t a smile.

“I didn’t hear you come in,” he said, almost sounding apologetic.

“Not surprised,” Gojyo said, ambling forward to throw himself onto the bed. He lit up a cigarette and leant back on his forearms, looking at his friend by the window. “So whatcha thinking about?” he asked.

“Oh, nothing in particular,”

Gojyo snorted, “Yep, ‘nothing’ usually gives you such a long face. What gives?” he queried, eying his friend closely. “You’ve been acting weird since that night you were missing. Well, weirder than normal anyway.”

Hakkai smiled again, that calm façade of a smile that both annoyed Gojyo enough to want to smack it away because he knew his friend was hiding something, and hurt him enough to know that he wasn’t trusted by said friend to share whatever was the problem.

He held his tongue, even though he wanted to rant at his exclusion, knowing it would do no good. Hakkai was just like that, and there was nothing he could do to change it. As much as he wished he could.

“Sorry for troubling you. It’s certainly nothing to be concerned about I assure you.” Hakkai said soothingly. “Where’s Goku? I thought he went shopping with you?”

Gojyo took a deep drag on his cigarette and went along with Hakkai’s blatantly obvious move at changing the subject. “The little ape’s sitting downstairs woofing his way through a bag of steamed buns.” he growled.

“Oh?” Hakkai just raised a querying brow. “Is Sanzo paying for them?” Which sounded completely unlike the perennial grumpy monk.

“Nah,” Gojyo explained. “Goku got talking to the owner of a stall in the market place that sells them and the lady there took a liking to the monkey. So he got a whole pile of yesterday’s buns and she reheated them for him. He says they taste just as good, and she’s promised to give him any others left over tomorrow as well.”

“So how many was he given?”

Gojyo blew out a perfect smoke ring. “Too many. I swear the idiot’s going to give himself a stomach ache and then keep me up all night with his moans!”

“Though then again, Goku frequently complains that you keep him awake because you talk in your sleep. And your moans are not from overeating.” Hakkai said mildly.

Gojyo scowled at him, feeling his face heat a little. “How could he claim anything like that when the idiot sleeps like the dead?” he stated. “There’s no way he would know if I talked in my sleep or not! Let alone what I was actually saying!”

“Oh, but I do,” Hakkai mentioned calmly, returning to his contemplation out the window so he didn’t see his friend’s face flush completely.

Shit, Gojyo thought, almost biting through his cigarette. Hakkai is right. He did, after all, share an apartment with him for some time and there was only one room which doubled as a bedroom as well as sitting room. Due to those close confines there was no way he could have hidden anything from Hakkai during that time. Hell, maybe he does talk in his sleep!

He frantically wracked his brains wondering if during the time they had shared living quarters if he’d had any embarrassing thoughts about his co-habitor. Would he have actually blurted out anything whilst sleeping that indicated how hot he thought Hakkai could be? Or did that come later?

“Ahem,” He cleared his throat, desperately thinking of a way to get the conversation away from that last statement. “Anyway, Goku will be happy for a while yet. And quiet as his mouth is stuffed full of food so that’s got to be a good thing!”

Hakkai returned his gaze to his friend with a smile. “So has Sanzo decided when we are leaving?”

“He did say two days but you know him,” Gojyo shrugged, his shoulders brushing against his loose red hair. “That damn monk changes his mind more times than a brothel’s favoured whore changes her panties!”

“I’m not sure that is the best analogy, but it is certainly… colourful.” Hakkai said with laughter in his voice.

Gojyo stood and stretched, feeling a number of places along his spine pop with the extension. “So you may as well make the most of the break. It looks like the next couple of weeks could be hell judging from the mountains we’re going to have to get across.”

“I hope it won’t be too arduous for Hakuryu,” Hakkai worried.

“That little beastie will be fine,” Gojyo reassured him. “I’m sure it won’t be that bad for him.”

“I do hope so,”

Gojyo headed for the door. “You ready to have dinner now?” he asked.

Hakkai glanced at the setting sun and lengthened shadows. “Is Sanzo eating now?”

“I’m just about to go see but he did indicate he wanted an early night so I guess that means he’s eating earlier. The guy’s beginning to show his age. You know what he’s like when he doesn’t get enough sleep. Anyway, it’s either lack of sleep that gives him that temper or he’s permanently got PMS! Besides, Goku should be so stuffed at the moment that the rest of us just might be able to get a mouthful for once!”

Hakkai moved away from the window and joined his friend, chuckling. “You don’t usually have too much trouble holding your own against him.” he stated, inclining his head as Gojyo opened the door and waved him through first.

“Yeah, but even I sometimes get tired of every meal actually being a battle just to save my quota of eggrolls!” He trooped down the stairs behind Hakkai, hands pushed deep in his pockets.

Hakkai glanced over his shoulder with a smirk. “Oh, so you don’t like to expend that much vigor over a meal? Is it only in the bedroom that you like to get that energetic?”

“Hey!” Gojyo stopped and glared at Hakkai’s back as he continued down the stairs. “How do you know how energetic I can get?”

“Oh, I don’t. But I’ve certainly heard it, not to mention noticed how low your chi is afterwards so you obviously use a vast quantity in that activity.” Hakkai’s voice drifted up to him calmly.

Gojyo’s face grew hot as he thought about Hakkai having such intimate knowledge of his nocturnal activities. “That’s not fair!” he called down, “That’s peeking!”

“Sorry,” Hakkai had disappeared around the corner of the staircase and was out of Gojyo’s sight although he could still hear him clearly enough. “Are you going to join us for dinner?”

Before Goyjo could answer another voice piped up loudly.

“Hey, Hakkai, look what I’ve got! Steamed buns! Lots of them! And I can get more tomorrow! Here, have one!”

Gojyo walked down the last few steps and turned the corner to see Hakkai politely accepting a proffered bun from a beaming Goku and seating himself next to the younger man.

Damn Hakkai, he thought, chewing on the end of his almost burnt out cigarette. He was always so quiet that you just didn’t pay any attention to what he might be picking up from the situations around him.

He knew that when they were living together Hakkai probably did have a pretty good idea about what he’d been up to. Not that he brought female companions home very often but a couple of times when Hakkai had first moved in with him he had done so, and been busted big time with it. It hadn’t been that embarrassing for him, fortunately Hakkai had managed all three times to come home after everything was over and his girl of the day had either been showering or dressing so it was more embarrassing for them.

After that he had made certain to never take a woman home with him. He would instead go to her place or find another location, which could have been anything from a nice hotel room to a quick one against the back alley wall - whatever felt good at the time. But even though he no longer brought woman back, Hakkai would have still been able to smell the musky scent of sex on him before he would go shower. So, yeah, his sexual appetite was certainly no secret to his housemate.

However, what was a little unnerving was that Hakkai would have been able to tell what level of energy he was putting into the effort from the reduction of his chi, his own personal level of internal power which all living things held. He wasn’t able to concentrate and channel his chi like Hakkai did but that didn’t mean that he didn’t have it, and it was expended during any activities undertaken; some draining more than others. So the knowledge that Hakkai would have been able to see how depleted his chi levels were when he returned after having sex made him a little uncomfortable.

An image of Hakkai’s piercing good green eye peering right through him to his inner self made him feel quite naked. Although that thought was quickly followed by a flush of heat at the notion of actually being naked before Hakkai.

He accepted he had a very healthy sexual appetite and wasn’t afraid to admit that he could admire both sexes equally well; although to date he had only had enough interest to bed females. However that didn’t mean that he didn’t sometimes find himself eyeing a good looking guy and picturing them naked and wondering what it might be like.

And he had finally admitted to himself a long time ago that he certainly found Hakkai pretty damn attractive. He had a lean, fit body despite the disfiguring scar, and a face that took your breath away.

But his eyes would have to be the best part of him. Hakkai had a way of being able to see right through you, as though he were stripping away the multitude of layers of personality to reach your true essence beneath, the real you. It was completely unnerving, but highly erotic! Gojyo had found himself getting hard more than once when Hakkai had just looked at him – it was almost instinctual. So all round he found his friend damn hot. He still didn’t know if he would ever go as far as bedding him, but that hadn’t stopped him from thinking about it!

Then again, even if he did decide he wanted to sleep with Hakkai, he had no idea if he would be agreeable to it or not. Hakkai was just as liable to blow a whopping great whole in his guts if he tried anything, knowing he would be able to heal Gojyo afterwards.

In fact that is exactly something that Hakkai would do – cause enough pain to make certain you remembered for a looooong time the consequence of your actions and then solicitously make you better afterwards, just to rub it in further. That’s the dark side to Hakkai’s healing powers. He would make a great torturer because he actually could cut you into little pieces and just keep healing your wounds so you would survive for a hell of a long time, but all that time you would have to live through the pain over and over again. Of course, the downside for him would be that the use of his chi would be depleted each time also so he would require time to recover. But if you were tied up at the time it’s not like you would be going anywhere whilst he did!

He shook his head. What morbid thoughts! Hakkai wouldn’t do that – although in the back of his mind Gojyo never wanted to see his friend lose his self control completely to find out if he truly was capable of doing something like that. Someone who was capable of slaying one thousand demons was not someone to be trifled with.

He had reached the table and sat down next to Hakkai, leaving the fourth seat vacant next to Goku for Sanzo. No way was he sitting next to the hyperactive monkey!

Well, he thought, glancing at his friend. That was all beside the point really. What he really wanted to know was what was Hakkai thinking about so much lately that made him look so sad and lonely? And made him just ache to hold him?