Older

It’s been a week since he last came to see me…a week…since the last battle. Ritsuka looked out the window of his class and sighed. He turned back to his schoolwork. It wasn’t like he missed Soubi, he was bothersome. Always lying or joking about something, never giving the right answers, it was all bothersome, but he had gotten used to having him around.



“Hey, Ritsuka-kun?” Yuiko leaned over in her desk, looking at him. “are you alright?”



“Somewhat.” he replied. Yuiko had stopped her early puberty not long after they left grade school. Her bust was still the same size but she was a little taller and a bit smarter. Not only was her body finished developing, but her mind had also and she had grown out of her naïve self that she had in the sixth grade.



“Did you fight with Soubi-san again?” Ritsuka looked at her and sighed.



“Kind of…” If you can call it a fight. I yell and he just sits quietly and listens. “Are you understanding things Yuiko?”



Though she wasn’t as naïve as she was, the new fifteen year old version of her still had trouble in certain subjects. “Hai, I’m doing fine Ritsuka-kun.”



The rest of the day was slow but still a bit of a blur. Ritsuka had spent the day thinking about Soubi and whether he should call him. But if I call him he’ll come and I’ll be bothered again. No, I’ll let him come to me like he always does. Ritsuka went to therapy like always but didn’t talk much.



“Ritsuka, are you alright today?” Ritsuka looked up at her, then away.



“I’m a little tired…and confused.” he admitted.



She got up from her computer and joined him on the sofa. “What is it?”



Ritsuka looked at her and she smiled at him but he didn’t smile back. She was used to him not smiling much, that was how Ritsuka was. “There’s a guy…he wants to be close…”



“As a friend?” she asked.



Ritsuka looked away and nodded, his cheeks blushing. He didn’t think he wanted to tell her just what Soubi wanted. “He…he says he likes me, but I know when he says it he doesn’t mean it.”



Katsuko sighed. “Is it so bad that someone likes you Ritsuka?”



“It’s not bad. I just don’t know what they’re talking about when they say it, and when he says it…it only hurts.” Ritsuka closed his eyes. “he only has to speak my name and it brings tears to my eyes…”



Katsuko smiled softly. She looked at him as he looked back at her. He expected an answer from her but she didn’t say anything and he continued. “I used to think that it would be nice to have someone love me, or like me…that’s something I remember from before ‘Ristuka’ disappeared. I didn’t mind it when they said those things to me, whether they meant it or not.”



“You remember something?” her eyes widened in surprised. This was a first, Ritsuka had never said anything about remembering parts of his past before.



He nodded. “Just that. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I did like to hear that from people, but now, I don’t. Not from my classmates, not from neighbors or teachers…and not from him.”



Katsuko stood and went back over to her computer. She thought a minute then began typing something. He said again he doesn’t like to be told that he’s liked, or loved. He remembers what it was like, but doesn’t feel the same. Ritsuka may be taking in effect what his mother is telling him. When she says “you’re not Ritsuka” she may be telling him “I hate this part of you, this new son of mine” and he may be associating it with the people around him. He hears-



“Katsuko-sensei” She looked at Ritsuka who was putting his coat on. “It looks like our time is up.”



“Already?” Indeed, it was. “Well, I’ll see you next week Ritsuka. Ne…Ritsuka.”



“Hai, Sensei?” he stopped in the doorway.



She smiled. “It’s okay to let yourself be a little vulnerable. Let others like you.”



He paused a minute, not saying anything until finally, he said, “Thank you. See you next week,” before leaving. Katsuko went back to her computer. He hears a friend say “I like you” and it probably hurts him to know they do, and his mother doesn’t. His brother Seimei…he probably helped him when he was alive. He may have been the one who told Ritsuka he was liked and loved and made it all easier, being the only family member who said it to him.



Katsuko leaned back in her chair. “I don’t understand what she wants from you, but I think that’s what you want from her Ritsuka. Her love…”



Ritsuka sat at his computer and flipped through pictures. He thought about Katsuko’s words. It’s okay to let myself be vulnerable? If I do that, then I may make a mistake with mother, I may accidentally provoke her, I-



He paused on a picture of Soubi. I may let my guard down around him, and let him into a place I have closed off to everyone else… he quickly clicked to the next one but it was another of him. Picture after picture of Soubi and him popped up on the screen as he clicked through the album until he finally shut it off. “I need to start taking more pictures when I’m with Yuiko and Yayoi…” he murmured. He went over to his bed to sit down when he heard a shuffling sound coming from the curtain and he looked to see Soubi standing there.



“Good evening Ritsuka.” he smiled as he stepped inside.



Ritsuka looked away. “I don’t know why you still insist on coming in through the window Soubi.” he muttered.



“Why not? You leave it open…” he walked into the room and sat down in the middle, a little ways away from Ritsuka on the bed, who sighed in return.



“That doesn’t mean you can come in anytime you want!” he shouted to him.



Soubi got up and moved closer to him. “Ritsuka, are you angry still?”



“No!” he said, covering his face with his hands. “Not, not about that…I just…I don’t know anymore…I just want to know the truth.”



Soubi pulled him off of the bed and held him. Ritsuka tried to push back a minute but then stopped and just sat there in his arms, letting him play with his hair a little.



“I love you Ritsuka.” he whispered, kissing his head. Ritsuka tried to push away for a minute.



“Don’t say that to me! Don’t!”



“I do Ritsuka…and I’d do anything for you…” he whispered, kissing his lips. He felt the smaller body start to squirm and struggle against him but he held onto him. When he pulled back, Ritsuka was looking at him with hurt eyes.



“You say that all the time but you always lie each time! You say you’ll answer your phone, but you don’t, you tell me you’ll always listen to me, but you don’t! I just, I just want to hear the truth Soubi,” Soubi saw his eyes mist a minute before he put him on the bed.



“I’m sorry Ritsuka,” he kissed him one more time on the lips and when he went to go, he couldn’t. He was stuck staring at Ritsuka who had tears that were almost falling and was holding onto the front of Soubi‘s shirt. “Ritsuka?”



Suddenly, he was pulled forward to Ritsuka and his lips met his in a kiss again. He let Ritsuka kiss him, then felt his tongue slide into his mouth. He felt his lower half spark with lust and he started to pull back. Soubi sat up and Ritsuka sat up with him, his cheeks a pink color as he tried to kiss him again.



“Ritsuka…” he said, then his lips were taken again but this time he didn’t fight it. He relaxed and when Ritsuka felt him do so he let his hands move over his body and he started falling back on the bed again.



“Connect us…” he whispered. Chills ran through Soubi’s spine when he heard those words and he continued kissing him but didn’t touch him, didn’t let his hands explore his body. Ritsuka ran his hands up Soubi’s shirt and he shivered again as the smaller hands explored his body. “Touch me Soubi…”



Soubi didn’t and when he realized that he wasn’t going to he took one of his hands and placed it on his body, moving it for him as he kissed Soubi’s neck. “Ritsuka, you’re still too young…” Soubi didn’t think he would be able to hold back if they went any further.



He pulled from Soubi’s neck and stared up at him, his breathing was heavy and his cheeks were tinged a little. “You’ll do anything I say right?”



“Yes.”



“Then connect us!” he ordered, moving the hand over more of his body. Soubi could feel his heartbeat under his skin and felt his face grow hot. He pulled his hand back and sat back up. Ritsuka stayed on the bed, looking up at him. “Soubi, you told me two years ago that you would when I got older! Was that a lie too?!”



Soubi looked at him. “I did say that, but I wasn’t lying.” Ritsuka’s eyes dropped and Soubi looked at him. “I love you Ritsuka…”



Then he got up and as he went to go, Ritsuka stood up with him. Soubi looked down at him, not by much for Ritsuka had grown some and was now only a head shorter than Soubi instead of below his shoulders. He watched him as he pulled out an envelope. “It’s some more of the pictures we took a while ago. You wanted them right?”



Soubi smiled as he took them. He couldn’t help but smile at Ritsuka’s act; talking like he was angry but still giving him the photos like Soubi asked. Turning to go, his jacket was suddenly yanked on a little, causing him to stop in his tracks. “Ritsuka?”



“Soubi, when can you tell me what I want to know? About Seimei?” he asked, still not looking at him.



Soubi sighed. “When Seimei’s rule over me is complete.”



Ritsuka’s head snapped up. “But Semei is dead, right?! You’ll never be able to tell me!” he shouted to Soubi.



He looked down at Ritsuka. Seeing the hurt look in his eyes broke Soubi’s heart but there was nothing he could do about it. Seimei had always governed him, and been his original Sacrifice. Seimei’s word is his law. He pulled Ritsuka in and held him, just held him. Soubi couldn’t say anything that would make Ritsuka happy, nothing that was what he wanted to hear. Ritsuka stood there, his head against his chest as he sighed. “I’ll go…”



Ritsuka closed his eyes and felt him let go but before he could actually leave, he called him back. “I don’t want to hear you tell me you love me. Don’t tell me that until you are ready to show me, not…not with your body, but with your words as well.” he looked up at Soubi and despite the fact that his eyes were serious and straight with him, he could see sorrow behind them. “When you can tell me the truth about Seimei, and keep your promises.”



Soubi turned as Ritsuka turned his own head and whispered under his breath so he wouldn’t hear, “I love you Ritsuka…” before leaving out the window and leaving Ritsuka alone in his room. For the longest time that night, Ritsuka wondered if that was the right order to give. He expected Soubi to come back the next day but he didn’t. It was another week before he saw Soubi again and not until another two weeks after that did Soubi make a special trip to Ritsuka’s room. It was strange to Ritsuka to not see him as often as he did, to not have him stalking constantly. He felt like he was missing something familiar, which was in fact what was happening to him, and he noticed that Soubi had changed. Soubi didn’t reach out and touch him like before, nor did he tell him he loved Ritsuka. It was what Ritsuka wanted, but he didn’t like it. There were times when he’d miss Soubi a lot and he hated it. He hated the feeling of wanting him to show up and tell him all those irritating things. So like Soubi did, he shut down, stopping his emotions from showing and withdrew from everyone. His teachers, Yayoi, Yuiko, and Soubi most of all.







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Sooooo.....heres the next chapter of Older. I hope you like it a lot. Its kind of the beginning of Ritsuka looking into how much he misses Soubi and the love he had for him. I was writing it and the thing with the phsychiatrist (her comment on Ritsuka) just came to mind! :D I was thinking a bit on the whole story and what his mom does to him and stuff and studying the volumes of the loveless manga and watching the anime to better get the characters personas and I came across that. What do you think? Do you agree? Leave me a comment to tell me what you think about this chapter!