Full Metal Panic! Essay Assignment

2nd Step: Homework

The second I opened the door of my “lifeless”—as Commander Mardukas liked to call it—apartment, the immediate smell of CLP (cleaner, lubricant, and preservative, in other words: gun oil) and gun powder sneaked into my nostrils, the first thought that came to mind was that it was nice to finally be home.

Though as I thought about it, it was certainly a bit awkward. Two years ago, my mindset was so different that the thought of considering this apartment home didn't even remotely come to mind. Back then, being here was simply a mission, nothing else. But things certainly change before you even become aware of it. Who would've thought?

But, this is now, and I have to make the most of it.

Instinctively, I walked to my computer and wrote a brief daily report and sent it to the Tuatha de Danaan. Afterwards, I sank unceremoniously into a couch. I found myself thinking—not surprisingly—of Miss Chidori once again. What was this insistent desire to think about her, to wishing to be near her, and sometimes, to longing to... touch her?

I shook my head sharply, as if that would've helped take such... strange thoughts away. What was this feeling, anyway? Why was it that when she smiled at me, I felt this indescribable joy and an airy feeling at the pit of my stomach? It certainly was frustrating not knowing what to make of this feeling. I sighed. Perhaps I needed to talk about it with someone. Maybe I could ask her... no! She would immediately think me perverted for wanting to constantly be near her. After all, she had cynically mentioned I was her shadow, anyway. That would no doubt hinder my mission's objective and provide me with more unwelcome lumps to my head. I had enough of those to last me a lifetime!

I decided that the best solution to the problem was to deal with it as I went, and see what came of it. In the meantime, there was that exercise routine I had to do before dinner, security check of Miss Chidori's domicile, and homework.

0 0 0 0

I smirked to myself when the thought of inviting that stupid otaku to have dinner with me waltzed around my mind. Eating dinner by myself wasn't exactly my idea of fun. But then again, I was sure that with all the beating he got from me today, the last thing he'd want to do was be anywhere near me. I sighed. If I liked him that much, I really needed to have better control of my temper. Sure, he made me mad a lot of time, but that wasn't an entirely valid reason to beat him up every time he did something I disapproved of. Perhaps the only reason why I beat him so much was because I liked him.

I sighed again, looking at the setting sun through my window. Not only did I like him, but the reality was that I actually loved him. I frowned and rested my chin on my knees as my arms wrapped themselves around my legs. Hmm... I do love him, don't I? Well... that only complicated things! How was I going to deal with this feeling, I really didn't know. Worse yet, would I have the guts to admit these feelings to him? I smirked bitterly. Knowing him, he would probably ask me: “'Love', Miss Chidori? Forgive me, but is that the name of the latest warhead or a new battleship?”

Really now... he wouldn't be that obtuse, would he? Hmm... knowing Sousuke, there was always that possibility. But why! Why did I have to fall in love with that stupid moron... that jerk that always blew things up, and always got in trouble... and... and... then I would always have to be the one to go to his rescue, making up excuses, or dragging him out of the claws of so many people that Lord only knows would do to him the kinds of things that technically didn't have a name to describe them. I should be a saint for saving him so many times! Sometimes I wondered if Jeanne d'Arc had it this hard! Well... yeah, she did, but I'm not very far off either! Agh... this is so frustrating! What made it even worse was that so many times I caught him just looking at me... staring, glaring, oh, I don't know... it's so hard to tell what he's thinking with that emotionless face of his! And why do I always get so embarrassed when he catches me peeking, anyway? It's not as if I'm doing something bad, anyway!

I sighed. Why was I asking myself a question that I knew the answer to already? It embarrassed me because I liked him. Because like a silly infatuated girl I couldn't help but to look. Yep... I was acting like those silly manga girls with the big puppy eyes. Agghh... great! If he wasn't around causing commotion, distracting me, he was in my head... distracting me anyway!

“Sousuke...” I whispered unconsciously.

The truth was, I didn't really mind having him linger in my thoughts. Just thinking about him made me smile, like now. Even if he didn't realize it, he always kept me on my tows, and I never had a boring day around him... though that isn’t always a good thing... ha! Furthermore, knowing that he came back to Tokyo after I picked him up in Hong Kong and actually remained here because he wanted to, defying Mithril's orders to do otherwise made me love him all the more. It only further proved to me that deep down, he truly had a heart, and he cared... he had feelings, something that so many people thought otherwise. They thought they could control him, but it only backfired on them. He sure showed them! And he did it all because of me... that just gave me one more excuse to feel all goofy but special inside.

I stood up from the couch and walked into the balcony to think and clear my head. I needed to organize my thoughts and perhaps come up with a strategy to possibly declare myself to him. That, I knew, was not going to be an easy feat. Somehow I knew that explaining love to Sousuke was probably like explaining the string theory to a two year old who doesn't even know what a book looks like, let alone what science is. But despite everything, I knew that if and when I did it—that would be, of course, after I gathered enough courage, to which there was no telling when that might be—it would be worth it, and after all, would perhaps serve him as another “normal” part of life experience. I knew that deep down, the one reason why I stuck around to help him adapt was because I cared about him, because I loved him. The realization dawned on me by force, unfortunately, but it did, and if there was ever anything I could be grateful to Tessa's brother for, it would be for that.

I looked towards the horizon, noticing that the sky was going from purple to blue at a steady pace. I looked about, and noticed how his windows were all shut and covered by the blinds... stupid idiot... I can't peak into his apartment and see what he's up to!

Taking a deep breath, I turned around and went back inside, closing the sliding door shut, and shutting the blinds as well. Hmm... I guess it's dinnertime now.

0 0 0 0