Secret Confessions

Shinji fell asleep listening to his mp3 player on his bed. Shinji was lulled to sleep by the music into a peaceful sleep. When Shinji awoke it was early for a change instead of waking up to Asuka bickering at him as she would try to get him out of bed. Shinji got dressed and shut off his alarm. He looked around for his journal to write a little bit about yesterday, he looked high and low in his room and found it in a drawer. I don’t remember putting it there but oh well.


When Shinji finished his entry his mom peeked into his room “Shinji honey are you ready for school? Asuka is here for you.” She said.


“Yes I’m ready mom.” Shinji put his journal under his pillow and grabbed his bag. When he got to the kitchen Shinji grabbed his daily bento and put it in his bag as he headed outside to meet up with Asuka.


“Wow, the lazy Shinji is early for once, maybe today we won’t have to run to school like everyday.”


“You know I don’t like to get up in the mornings Asuka.”


“Yeah yeah, let’s go meet up with Rei and head for school.”


Once they met up with Rei, Shinji walked a little faster so to not hear them gossip. They all arrived to school, and homeroom began. Misato came in staggering from her night out yesterday. She took attendance as usual and the day was uneventful for the most part. And then lunch time arrived.


Kaworu and Mana came up to Shinji. “Hey, Shinji do you want to eat with us again?” Kaworu said


Shinji could only look up at Kaworu and blush with embarrassment as yesterday’s events unfolded in his mind. “Umm…I…” was all Shinji could say. He quickly grabbed his bento and ran out of the classroom.


“Awww you made Shinji all embarrassed Kaworu, what did you do yesterday at music club, kiss him?” Mana said teasingly.


“Let’s just go eat some lunch.” Avoiding the comment Mana said.


They got to the rooftop and no one was there. They ate their lunch but something seemed to be missing. There was an awkward silence in the air.


“I can tell you want to say something Kaworu so just say it for my sake.”


“Well, for starters it’s about Shinji…we like each other.” Kaworu said blushingly.


“That’s cute you know Kaworu, I know you told me you liked guys too but, I never thought Shinji…” She didn’t care to finish her sentence and gave Kaworu a warm embrace.


“It’s ok if you feel that way for him, I don’t mind it really.”


“It’s just I can’t choose between you two and I don’t want to hurt either of you.” Kaworu had tears coming down his cheek as his head lay against Mana’s chest.


“I don’t know what to do anymore.” He muffled.


“I think we should still date though, but I don’t mind if I have to share with Shinji.”


Kaworu cleaned himself up and they both finished eating their bento. “Thank you.” Kaworu said as they headed down to class. Then after school; Kaworu, Mana, and of course Rei and Asuka came to music club and played their instruments. Shinji didn’t show that day. “I think you scared him off a little Kaworu.” Mana said in a joking tone.


“I bet he’s at home so embarrassed his mom must think he has a fever. I think I’ll call him tonight maybe he’ll be back to normal by then.”
Music club finished, and Kaworu went his separate ways from Mana. There was a constant breeze that day from the windy skies. It was a wind of change and it was starting to take affect around Tokyo-3.


Ring…Ring…Ring. Shinji’s cell phone which never rang was on and someone was calling him no less. Shinji stirred from his afternoon nap. He didn’t mean to fall asleep but since he didn’t go to music club he just stared at his ceiling until he fell asleep. To be awakened by his cell phone, Shinji quickly picked up the phone and clicked SEND to pick up the phone call.


“Hey are you okay Shinji? You made me worried when you didn’t show up for music club.” The familiar voice said.


Shinji quickly turned red when he realized who was on the other end. He lay on his bed looking at the ceiling yet again as he tried to think of what to say. He kept on having visions of that day on the courtyard bench.


“Hi…Kaworu, I-I’m sorry.”


“I’m the one that should be sorry; I guess I shouldn’t have been so forward as to kiss you. Now you can’t even look at me without blushing.”


“No…I-I’ll get over it Kaworu. It…it’s just…I have to get used to the idea that, that you like me. I’ve wanted to believe that you did and now that it’s true…I have to let reality sit back in to me.”


“I feel better now that you can say that. I have to go for now though, I have to go do some laundry and make myself dinner. Living alone can be depressing sometimes. Will I see you tomorrow?”


“…yes but, since tomorrow is Saturday did you want to see if you could sleep over? If you feel so down and lonely.”


“Sure just as long as it’s ok, I wouldn’t want to get you in trouble now would I?”


“No, I guess you wouldn’t.”


“Okay well I’ll see you tomorrow then.”


“Yeah, see you tomorrow.” And both boys hung up on each other. Shinji put his cell phone in his desk drawer and went to the kitchen.


“Ready for dinner little Shin?” his mother asked getting a bowl of rice ready for him.


“Yeah I’m hungry from that nap.”


“You never seem to take a lot of naps, is something troubling you?” She asked while putting down a plate of grilled fish.


“Naw, it’s nothing really, just realizing I have a social life and it can affect how I think.”


“Ah, it’s always good to have connections or a bond between people, that’s what, allows interaction and without interaction we wouldn’t all feel so human.”


“Speaking of interaction, mom is it ok for Kaworu to sleep over Saturday night?”


“I don’t mind, he seems like a good friend. But your father and I are going to be working late at NERV Saturday so try and go to bed early, I don’t want to catch you up with Kaworu watching anime or playing video games because you know you’ll be complaining about it in the morning”


“Okay fine you win mom.”


“Good.”


By now Shinji has finished his dinner and he helped clean up after himself. He washed his dishes and put them away for his mom so she could sit down and relax. Shinji decided to go take a bath. He entered the bathroom. He took off his familiar school uniform, his white short sleeve button down shirt, his black pants, his brown belt that grabbed his waist, and his loose boxers he had underneath. The tub was full with warm water which calmed Shinji down.


“Ahh it’s so nice to take a warm bath.” He said enjoying every minute of solace away from his sporadic life.


Kaworu, I hope you’ll sleep over. I don’t think I can stop thinking about you. You’re always there as a friend, cracking jokes and poking fun. You’re always making life worth living. And when we’re alone away from everyone, I wish to be held in your arms. To listen to your heartbeat as our lips pass over each other. I want to be there; I want to know you and for you to come to me when you’re depressed or something troubles you. But…I don’t want to do anything that I will regret, so…what I mean is, I don’t want you to jeopardize your relationship with Mana just for me. I want what makes you happy no matter what it is…


Shinji’s thoughts were interrupted by his mother knocking on the door of the bathroom.


“Are you getting out Shinji? You know other people would like to use the bathroom. If you don’t come out I’ll come in whether you have a towel on or not.”


“Ah! Sorry mom!” Shinji scrambled out of the tub tripping on his way out which made him hit the floor face first. Shinji got up and rubbed his forehead. He got a towel on and ran out of the door saying “sorry, sorry.”


Shinji got to his room and went inside. He quickly got dressed into his pajamas which was a tank-top with boxer-shorts. Shinji grabbed his cell phone and fiddled through the buttons finding his received call numbers. He found Kaworu Nagisa’s number and dialed…waiting for someone to answer. Eventually Kaworu picked up.


“I’m sorry I was just finishing the dishes when you called Shinji.”


“Ho-how did you know it was me?”


“Caller ID, but why did you call?”


“Oh, my mom said it was ok for you to sleep over so if you need to pack anything I thought I’d call you so you wouldn’t come unprepared.”


“Thank you for being so considerate.” Shinji blushed slightly from the remark.


“I’m sorry to call so late, I’m going to go to bed for now sorry to have disturbed you. G’night, Kaworu.”


“Sweet dreams, Shinji.”


Shinji hung up his cell phone and shut it off for the evening. He hopped into bed as he heard his father come home. Shinji just put his covers over his head and ignored the conversation his father and mother were having.


The next morning Shinji awoke late as usual with Asuka shaking him awake.
“Come on you nutbar get up and get ready for school or Misato will have our heads!”


Shinji woke up, yawned and rubbed his eyes.
“Mornin’, Asuka.”


“Get up you lazy bum! We’re late for school you dork.”


“Wha!?” Shinji looked at his clock to notice it was 5mins before school starts


“Okay, Okay Asuka I get it, I’ll get ready.” Asuka left the room and Shinji came out 30 seconds later with his white button down shirt half on. He quickly grabbed his bento and Asuka and Shinji were out the door.


As they walked Shinji buttoned and tucked in his shirt. They arrived at school late and both were sent in the hallway with buckets of water to hold for punishment.


“Oh this is just great Shinji, if you hadn’t have slept in today we wouldn’t have been late but Noooo, you had to get your beauty sleep. I hope your happy princess.”


“Yea, yea, I’m sorry Asuka you know it’s not my fault I just don’t like school a lot.”


“Who does!?”
Time passed and both of them were sagging from the weight of the buckets.


“I can’t take much of this anymore, when is Misato going to let us off the hook?”


“She’ll punish us till the end of classes if she could.” Shinji sighed.
Misato heard the two of them bickering about their punishment. “Okay Asuka and Shinji you can come in now.”


They both entered, gladly to return to their seats. Homeroom finished and the school day began as normal. It soon came to lunchtime and Shinji could find no hide or tail of Kaworu. Mana was there though and came up to Shinji to ask for his company. They both sat down on the school roof.


“I just can’t eat anything today.” Shinji said closing his bento. He couldn’t even touch it, his stomach was in knots that Kaworu promised he’d be in school to see him but didn’t show. There was an awkward silence and a breeze past the two. Shinji and Mana’s eyes met. Shinji had a tear down his cheek. Mana showed concern.


“What’s wrong Shinji?” she asked moving closer to him. Adding “You can tell me anything, I’ll listen I won’t judge you either.”


This made it harder for Shinji to confront her about his feelings for her boyfriend. He went into a fetal position letting more tears come from his eyes. Mana stepped over to him and gave him a warm embrace.
“I-I’m sorry Mana.” Shinji said in between sobs.


“I-I haf-have feelings for Kaworu.”
Mana continued to hold him even though his sobbing stopped.


“Its okay, it’s okay.” She said rubbing his back.


“I don’t mind it, you’re you, if you have feelings for someone even if it’s someone I like too, I won’t mind if you wish to express it.”


“Really, Mana?” Shinji’s head popped out above his knees.


“I mean it; we can find a way, to make each of us happy.” She said smiling at Shinji.


Once Shinji calmed down they talked about their relationships with him.
“Aww, he kissed you on the courtyard bench, that’s so cliché of him. But still cute.”


“Do you know why he didn’t show up today?”


“Not a clue, even though we seem so close, he’s always far away from me. I mean there are moments when we truly share everything but, there are a lot more moments when he won’t open up or explain why he’s been gone for so long. What I mean is you sure you want to be involved with a guy who could indirectly break your heart?”


Mana looked at Shinji with concerned eyes. “It would hurt me just as much to see you get broken by him.”


“I think, I believe in him, I don’t think I’d be able to not be involved with him. He’s a caring light through the dark world I wander. You also have shown me that there is light in this world. If I get hurt I think it would be my fault for not having faith in Kaworu.”


“I’m glad.” Mana said and hugged Shinji again. Both of them had bright smiles for the man they loved.
TO BE CONTINUED…