Melancholy

"She will never be yours."



What? Who is pronouncing that antiquated sentiment? ...What is this blackness? This ethereal glow...? I smell something divine... something intoxicating. Am I... floating in blood? Crimson eyes for once did not stand out, for Alucard found himself immersed in a warm pool of sanguine liquid. The urge to drink began to take his thoughts, but his body, naked and at the mercy of the fluid, would not move. He growled, but could do nothing save look at his surroundings. The room, if indeed it could be a room with a ceiling but no walls, was simply a vast expanse filled with scarlet blood. The smell of it made him voracious and he desperately longed to sink and quaff the lives that flowed beneath him. His body remained obstinate, but his thoughts sang. All of his memories played in his head at once, forming a somehow coherent cacophony.



Cease this torture and let me drink... why must my brain regurgitate the awful past? Countenances breezed through his consciousness. Hundreds of years' worth of faces, dead and alive, passed through him. Endeared faces lingered, and those of his foes stayed even longer. Their voices blended so completely, all he heard was an unmelodic piece of music. Snippets here and there caught his attention, but in a lifetime of suffering, how could he be fazed by such trifles? By sheer power of his ennui, Alucard chased the voices out of his thoughts. At least, he believed his own power had done the deed. All was quiet now, except the sound of his own mental voice. He began to perceive that he was moving, being dragged almost by the hair, down the vast sea of blood.



This seems rather intriguing. I am powerless to move myself, yet there is an unmistakable current pulling me along blindly. Is this still the war? Have I finally been sent to Hell…? Odd, I thought there would be more waiting for me. Alucard let his mind drift. Certainly, to be cut off from the ability to drink whilst surrounded by the maddening food agitated and perturbed him. Yet, it was something he could endure. So many horrific sights had met his eyes, so much pain and agony had been wrought upon his body. No Hellish torture could possibly scratch his sanity. If he were in Hell, where was the one punishment that he would actually dread? Alucard began to laugh; he laughed insanely, not seeing the visions that would hurt him. He did not see his dead, long, long dead, wife burning in Hell for her suicide. Nor did he see her ravaged and tortured by demons simply to plague him. There was nothing but him and his self. Still, her face, pure and sweet, dark as the juice of overripe berries, hung in his mind and he hungered. A pang of emotion he had not felt in some years nearly rendered his heart. How he missed her, how he ached… and how many times, now, had he tried to replace her? Before Wilhelmina there were too many to count. His Master, Integra, would never join his legion unless there were no other choice. And now, one more. One more.



Human sentiment overtook my heart for one sheer moment when she reached out to me. A human that chose the darkness. Should I not vilify her choice? Do I not despise humans whom throw away their precious mortality? That fool priest, Anderson… Goddamned fool, ruin of a miracle. God’s monster, no better than I. And yet, the girl… those eyes that defy my edicts. Her thirst cannot overpower her heart. Alucard at once perceived a change in his surroundings. He could move, at last. The blood surrounding him began to smell sweeter. Via curiosity, and no longer depraved thirst, he swallowed some. It tasted marvelous, and he recognized the delicate flavor. It was innocent, sweet, virginal: It carried a bitter undertone of pain. It was Seras’ blood. Oh, how he remembered the ecstasy her blood had given him. He recalled the whimper that had escaped her lips as he drained her. Then, in unconsciousness, his blood had slipped down her throat and given her the life she had chosen. He had watched in increasing glee as her body repaired itself, and pride simmered in him every time he saw his little fledgling grow. The blood surrounding him no long glowed, and it was now no longer glowed. It was whitewater, rushing furiously and cold, and it bore him savagely toward a place he could not see. Above him, he could tell that the ceiling was now a sky. Vivid pinpricks of light and celestial bodies glittered jewel-like above him.



I journey further, well beyond any land I have ever known… did she change my place? Police girl… my little fledgling, my kitten. You have grown since I last saw you. And what do you think of me now? Do you find me contradictory? I glorified your transformation, I ridiculed your weakness. I offered you the choice. Why did I do that? Why would I rob you of the Heaven you were sure to go to? Alucard’s eyes widened. The torrent of water bore him ever faster along. Is this what my Master meant when she said “the sentiment of a No-Life king?” How could I be so blind to myself? Alucard remembered how fondly he looked upon Seras when he’d seen her and smelled the life she held within her. Her smile was so delighted at hearing her name. Alucard chuckled. Regardless of the blood she’d taken from that mercenary Captain, Seras had done it for his sake instead of her own. She had done it for the sake of the brave man dying of the wounds he’d received for her. A life preserved for a life saved. Here he was, begging to be killed by a human, and damning the damned when right under his nose he had a flawless example of what it truly meant to be human. Seras had kept herself true, regardless of the state she was in, and she absolutely refused to compromise the qualities which made her a compassionate person. He knew it, then. He knew why he had done it. Longing. Longing was the answer. The river slowed suddenly and the sky grew lighter. Peach and gold shot along the length of the sky as the daystar rose and bathed him in warm light.



Do I truly love her…? I haven’t felt that singularly human emotion for so long, I feel I have forgotten it. True, I have felt lust, I have felt desire. But I feel as if I need her. I have discovered my heart once more… The current ceased altogether, and Alucard found that the water surrounding him now, pure and diamondlike, had become a deep but small lake. It was surrounded by tall grass on a dreaming moor, and the sun shone upon him and warmed his alabaster skin. For once, he did not despise it. He welcomed it, for it was like the gold of her hair. A musical laugh rode the wind to his ears, and he stood up. How joyous she was, how free! She was no longer chained by that hollow sentiment of “Master.”



Seras! Seras Victoria! He stepped into the tall grass, and in the distance, there she was. She was bathed in bright sunlight, out of her uniform and in a fetching white frock. Alucard’s pace quickened, his desire burned, and he reached for her. She spotted him and reached a perfect cream colored hand. Soon he was upon her, and entwined her irreversibly in his arms. Alucard began to press a fierce kiss upon her, and his chest heaved with a life that was not artificial or supernatural. Before the prize was upon his lips, she vanished. Startled, he looked up to see her dancing and laughing, far away on the field. She beckoned, he followed. His pursuit was slow-footed, but as he neared her she vanished into a black coffin. Alucard tore at the lid with his nails, straining to catch his quarry, but the merciless wood would not budge.



Seras! Seras! Why do you escape me?



Blackness was all that met his eyes when he opened them. Once adjusted, they took in the familiar sights of his “quarters.” The dungeon, dingy and well built, proved nothing new, He lifted his cheek from the gloved hand he had been leaning upon, slouched as usual in his throne. The details of his vision rushed back to him, and he was surprised by the sudden rush of information that came over him. He needed her. He wanted her, to see every moon and to enjoy every heady sensation. Seras Victoria would belong to him, in every sense of the word. Alucard was beginning to build himself into frenzy. It was dusk. Seras would be waking. The humans would be heading to bed. No one would interrupt. Alucard dissipated his body and passed through the castle walls with ease. He emerged in Seras’ room in time to hear her stir within her wooden bed, and he hastened to the coffin. He ripped the lid open himself and greeted her startling blue eyes. She seemed shocked but glad, and without words he tore her from her repose and crushed a kiss to her mouth. Alucard melted as he felt her give in, and her thrust his tongue between her soft lips with greed.



You are mine, forever. I have lived to find you. You have revived my heart, Seras Victoria.

























So here's the second chapter of "Melancholy." This is a reversal of Seras' portion. I actually tried to include a lot of symbolism and imagery in this. I think the idea for this was partially inspired by the Romantic (literature) notion of the state of "Melancholy." It's meditative, sombre and moody. Hope you liked Alucard's version. There will be one final chapter. I'm sure you can surmise what's coming.



I've always found it interesting that Alucard begins the story as a decadent, virulent, insane, lustful and PROUD character. He pushes Seras into her vampiric life, yet he then later seems to despise himself and everything about being a vampire, while at the same time, he OVERLOOKS Seras. She keeps everything about herself and refuses to let the baser nature of the vampire rule over her.



Finally, I have a plea. I am DESPERATE for information on Hellsing in Japan. I cannot seem to find any fan translations of the manga, nor can I find out what chapter he's up to over there or WHAT THE HELL HAPPENS IN THE GODDAMN REST OF THE STORY. I can't wait any longer!!! Please, if you have a website with the manga, or know for sure what Hirano's up to, or where to find Dawn, PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TELL ME!!!!