You Belong to Me (song fic)

Hakkai jolted awake, panting and sweating. He’d had the weirdest dream. It had been him in the dream, but at the same time it hadn’t been. He trembled a little just thinking about it. Gojyo shifted in the Jeep right behind him, as if unconsciously aware of Hakkai’s distress.

Wake up in a dream…

Hakkai had to smile as his interpretation of Gojyo’s movement comforted him. It had been so long since he had allowed himself to think of someone else as being devoted to his happiness, his pleasure. But Gojyo was, and the hanyou had taken great pains to prove that fact to Hakkai, too. Three years of coaxing, pleading, and general forcing affection down Hakkai’s throat, and Hakkai had become hooked. It hadn’t really been that hard anyway – from the moment he looked up at Gojyo through the pouring rain, he felt as though he’d merely come home again.
Anxious to calm the trembling still pervading his body after such that nightmare, Hakkai stepped from the Jeep, answering the questioning ‘kyu’ with a single stroke of his hand. Jeep purred slightly and returned to his rest.

The brunette man walked into the woods, seeking clarity of thought. He often took walks to control himself, to collect the pieces of himself after something scattered them to the wind. He’d done the same thing as soon as he was able to move after failing to save Kanan. His stomach clenched further. He forcefully pushed such thoughts from his mind. There was no need to focus on that right now; there’d been no trigger.

As he drifted amongst the trees, he allowed his mind to wander a little. That fortuneteller… He knew those eyes… those haunting, malicious eyes. They wanted something from him. His death? It wouldn’t be the first time someone had tried to kill him. His pain? Again, there was nothing novel about that, either. He was stricken again by an image from his dream – gleaming eyes, narrowed, dangerous… hungry. He shivered. Though they were a different color and shape from those of the fortuneteller, they had the same feel. Hakkai didn’t like that one bit. But maybe this pair of eyes was more justified? After all, Hakkai was a sinner, a killer. He raised his hands to look at them. No matter how many times he washed his hands, no matter how many times he scrubbed the red lifeblood of others from his skin, it didn’t matter. He was like Lady Macbeth – constantly seeing stains upon spotless hands.

“Out damned spot,” He murmured.

“Damn, your lifeline’s tiny,” A warm voice said over his shoulder. “Maybe we should’ve let that fortuneteller take a look at you.”

Hakkai jumped. “Gojyo! Don’t surprise me like that!”

Gojyo blinked a couple times, “Dude. That’s my line. You’re never this easy to sneak up on.”

Hakkai forced a small laugh. “I suppose not. Which is the lifeline?”

Gojyo pointed it out, recognizing the signs of his lover being evasive about uncomfortable topics.

“Hm. It is short.”

“Mine extends to my wrist,” Gojyo said, showing Hakkai his hand by way of humoring the man. “You thinking about Kanan again?”

“Mm? Not really. Well, not more than I always do anyway.”

“Then why’re you out here?” Gojyo pressed.

“Wanted to clear my head. You?”

Gojyo leered at Hakkai. “You know me. I never miss an opportunity to see that depressed look on your face.”

Hakkai smiled and shook his head, appreciating Gojyo’s concern more than the man would likely ever know.

“So, what kind of nightmare was it this time if not Kanan?”

Hakkai tensed.

“Hakkai? Hey, Hakkai?” Gojyo, concerned, reached out to touch the brunette’s shoulder. It felt stiff, as if the man had frozen on the spot.

…frozen fear…

Gojyo panicked and shook Hakkai a little roughly. Hakkai seemed to come to, but it was as if he didn’t recognize Gojyo. That fact, more than anything else, told Gojyo that something was seriously wrong – Hakkai had never not been able to come back to himself after seeing Gojyo’s red hair and eyes.

Hakkai trembled against his will. Those hands… they poked and prodded and hurt and fondled… He couldn’t get away.

…All your hands on me…

And his throat was locked up. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t speak, couldn’t scream.

…I can’t scream
I can’t scream!

He fought against himself frantically, desperate to bring himself back to the present. He focused on Gojyo again. Red. Red like blood – admonishment. Gojyo. He shuddered and gasped, filling his lungs with much needed air. Gojyo was next to him instantly, holding him, rubbing his back.

“Hey. It’s okay. Just breathe,” Gojyo murmured. “Let’s go back to the Jeep, okay?”

Hakkai nodded slowly. “I’ll be there in a moment. I promise.” He smiled, a faint echo of true relief and affection. Gojyo accepted it. It was better than the mask. Hakkai watched as Gojyo walked away. As soon as Gojyo had disappeared, he slumped against a tree.

“All right. I know you’re out there. Might as well show yourself.” Hakkai braced himself for seeing his new enemy.

“Perceptive as always, Cho Gonou. That was a sickeningly disturbing display. Don’t you feel disgusted with yourself for so blatantly lying to that man?”

“I wasn’t lying.”

“What will he say when you’re not there ‘in a moment’?” The fortuneteller used air quotes to reference Hakkai’s own words.

“I never defined how long a moment would be, did I?” Hakkai answered coolly, feeling his anger rising to the surface.

“Ah, the devil runs through your veins, doesn’t it? But isn’t that what they say about those who become youkai?” The man stepped closer.

“Perhaps. What do they say about fortunetellers who stalk travelers?”

“I wouldn’t know. There’s only one person I’m interested in stalking, and I have him right here.”

Hakkai swallowed the feeling of anxiety rising in his throat. “Fancy that. What do you intend to do with me?”

“Penitence, Cho Gonou. Penitence. You killed nearly two clans of demons, and half a village of humans. All for the sake of one woman who didn’t even live to appreciate your heroism.”

I can’t escape the twisted way you think of me…

“What’s your idea of penitence?” Hakkai was rapidly getting annoyed. He wanted to go back to the Jeep, back to bed.

“Give yourself to me in the way that your dear sister did. After all, isn’t that fair? Isn’t that just? For you to experience exactly what she did?”

Hakkai froze again. He was faced with the worst mental images of Kanan being brutally taken, over and over, by demons who would have discarded her anyway after they were done with her. He swallowed thickly. He hadn’t been able to save her. He hadn’t been able to bury her. He’d sought penitence for so long… In Gojyo, in Sanzo… in this journey. Was this the way to achieve it?

“I accept on the terms that you don’t harm my companions.”

A cruel, vicious smirk appeared. “Of course. But should you even hint at what’s going on, the agreement is null and void. And as a token of my generosity, I’ll give you this tile,” the fortuneteller held up a mahjong tile with the word ‘dream’ on it. “It will guarantee that this entire night will seem a dream to your companions, and every other night until I decide your penitence is paid.”

“Meaning?” Hakkai was wary of what that tile might actually do.

“Every day will pass the same way. You will drive through this forest in a continuous loop, back to this clearing. And during the day, your companions will feel as though you just entered the forest. And every night, you will come and meet with me.”

“… Why me?”

“I’m insulted. You don’t remember me?”

Hakkai hesitated. There was still that nagging sense of familiarity. But he shook his head. In the distance, he could hear thunder.

“Let’s get to it then.”


Hakkai returned to the Jeep, bruised, bleeding, and walking with a limp. Gojyo had fallen asleep again. Hakkai looked at him with a pained smile, clutching the dream tile tightly.

“Forgive me.”


When he woke the next morning with a jolt, he searched his pockets, half-hoping everything had been a dream. But when his hand closed around the cool porcelain tile, his face fell. Reluctantly, he started up Jeep, beginning the long loop around that would start the first day of the next several. He hoped Sanzo would forgive him for this delay in their journey.

Gojyo was the first to wake, stretching. He wondered when he’d fallen asleep in the Jeep, but decided he didn’t really care. It was nice to be in a forest for awhile, even if it meant camping out. He looked at Hakkai’s head, knowing that that fortuneteller from town had really shaken him up.

“Hey.” He said conversationally. “When’d we get here?”

“Hm?” Hakkai glanced in the rearview mirror. “Oh, not too long ago. Ten minutes maybe.” His stomach knotted at the lie he’d told, but he soothed it, saying that it really was little different from what he did anyways. He put on his smile.

Sanzo woke at the sound of their voices, grumpy and gun-wielding as ever. He demanded they stop and make a little breakfast. The mention of food roused Goku from his sprawl across the backseat. And soon, Hakkai could almost believe that this was just exactly what it appeared to be – a normal day.


Things couldn’t stay in this perfectly tailored world forever. Eventually, they all started noticing that Hakkai was hoarse in the morning when they reached the forest. And he looked inexplicably haunted. There were bags under his eyes, as if he hadn’t been sleeping for… weeks. Gojyo and Sanzo shared a look wondering about that because they’d only just reached the forest that morning, right?

Goku commented absently to Sanzo that Hakkai had been tightening his belt. Something niggled at the back of Sanzo’s mind. It felt like… almost like dream magic. He thought that maybe, he already knew all this information, that it was being repeated. At the mandated lunch break, he hauled Gojyo off into the trees, leaving an abruptly startled and worried Hakkai sitting with an oblivious Goku.


“What the hell, monk?!”

“Hakkai hasn’t been sleeping for weeks.”

“Yeah. Tell me something I don’t know.” Gojyo pulled out a cigarette.

“Doesn’t that strike you as odd? According to your memory, my memory, and Goku’s memory, we just got to this forest today. That’s what Hakkai’s telling us, too. But he’s lost weight, and I caught sight of a hand-shaped bruise on his neck when he knelt down to start the kettle on the fire.”

Gojyo swallowed the growl. “What’s going on?”

“I don’t know, but I don’t like it. If it doesn’t stop fucking with me, I’m going to kill its source.”


Hakkai wasn’t too surprised when Sanzo and Gojyo cornered him right after Goku got sent to get water, as he had every day that they repeated the same activities over and over.

“What the hell’s going on?” Sanzo glowered fiercely as he asked his question.

“I’m not sure I know what you mean.” Hakkai put on his wide smile.

“The hell you don’t.” Gojyo spat. “Sanzo’s not the only one who’s beginning to get a sense of déjà vu.”

“You both are worrying too much. The repetitiveness of this journey is starting to get to you.”

They hesitated. That sounded… reasonable, right? With slow, skeptical nods, they let the matter drop.


That night, Hakkai slept fitfully before he had to meet his tormenter. He worried about what Chin Yisou would do to him. He could just picture the punishment for the façade beginning to crumble.

I feel you in my dreams and I don’t sleep (ever and ever)
I don’t sleep…


His eyes flew open. It was time. He reflected on the fact that he now knew the man’s name, though he still couldn’t quite recall where he knew it from before. But the man clearly knew about what had happened regarding Kanan. And as long as he could make it up to Kanan, finally, in some way, he would allow anything. But it was beginning to take its toll. With the now possible threat of harm coming to his companions, he was beginning to think he should find a way out of this. Quickly.

“This must be what Kanan felt.” He muttered to himself. “Maybe that’s why…”

“Talking to yourself is a sign of insanity.” Gojyo’s voice carried to him.

He jumped.

“Gojyo, go back to the Jeep.” Hakkai wasn’t going to play the repeat conversation tonight. He couldn’t. Not when
it was so close to the meeting time.

“What’s got you so worked up?”

“Nothing. Now go.”

Gojyo looked wounded. “Why won’t you tell me?”

“I can’t. Please.” Hakkai pleaded with his eyes.

Eventually, Gojyo left, looking sour and kicking at the ground.

“Well, that was harsh of you.” Came the voice he’d been dreading. “But I’m glad you did it. You’re learning.”

“Learning what?” Hakkai spat as a hand caressed his face and another slid into his pants.

“That you belong to me.”


You belong to me
My snow white queen…


The next day, Hakkai was on edge. It was like every other day before, but this time… This time, Hakkai was done playing. He was going to get out of this game. They were leaving this forest if it killed him. He couldn’t keep doing this, penitence or not. Sanzo and Gojyo were already suspicious. Chin Yisou had threatened a few horrific scenarios if Hakkai didn’t manage to quell those suspicions. How was he supposed to do that? Sanzo was a monk trained to identify spells like this. It was a miracle he hadn’t figured it out yet and come hounding him.

So when the three others woke because Hakkai suddenly slammed on the gas, Hakkai didn’t say anything to their questions, other than asserting that this forest felt wrong, and that he would not be camping here if he could help.


Chin Yisou smiled to himself. It was cute, really, how the prey thought he could escape… Positively endearing. But it wasn’t going to happen. However, he’d suspected that something like this might occur – that Hakkai would freak out and get protective over his friends. How… sweet. However, Chin Yisou wasn’t done playing.

…There’s nowhere to run
So let’s just get it over…


Hakkai had to slam on the breaks when the mist settled in so thickly. He cursed and slammed his hand against the wheel. Jeep chirped and squawked indignantly. Hakkai absently soothed it apologetically, well aware of the stares he was receiving.

“Explain.” Sanzo barked.

“No.” Hakkai snarled back. “I’m going for a walk. I’ll be back in a second.” He leapt out of the vehicle and sprinted off into the mist, fully intending to make one last negotiation if he could.


The three stared after the retreating form. Gojyo and Sanzo exchanged a look.

“I’m not going after him.” Gojyo stated. “Something ain’t right, but when he’s like that, I don’t want him ripping my head off.”

Sanzo grumbled and gave pursuit, chanting a tracking spell under his breath. Those suspicions were back, and he was going to get to the bottom of them. He followed the light green trail that was Hakkai’s aura, weaving between trees and bushes. Hakkai had expected to be followed, but he’d obviously expected to be followed by Gojyo. Sanzo smirked. Well… Showed what the healer knew, didn’t it?

He stopped abruptly at the sound of Hakkai’s voice.


“Chin Yisou! I’ve got a proposition for you!”

“Oh? How delightful. And here I thought you were running away.”

“Spare the others. I’ll stay. But let them get out. It’s gone on long enough.”

Hakkai repressed a shudder when the fortuneteller’s mouth curved into a cruel smile. “You broke the rules. Or attempted to.”

“Please. I just want them to get out safely. They have work to do. They’re already behind a month and a half.”

“I’m disinclined to agree to that. Hope you enjoy the change of the game…”

“Chin Yisou! Chin Yisou!” Hakkai shouted as loudly as he could. “Dammit.”

When he turned and found Sanzo lurking in the shadows, he paled.

“H-how long have you been there?”

“Not long. I came out here to take a piss. Misjudged the distance.” Sanzo lied smoothly. If he told Hakkai he’d heard everything, Hakkai would run off again, and that really wouldn’t do. He jerked his head in the direction they’d come from. “Come on. Goku’s probably tried to eat Gojyo by now.”


“Ah, Cho Gonou… Why do you lie to yourself? You feel you need to give yourself over to me completely as penitence now for the lies to your friends, for the danger you’ve placed them in, the inconvenience you’ve caused them.” Chin Yisou murmured to himself as he watched Sanzo and Hakkai dance around each other. He was sure the monk had overheard too much, but there was a more amusing toy to play with first, and it was one that Hakkai had already been playing with so much already…

…Soon I know you’ll see
You’re just like me…


“Gojyo!” Hakkai screamed in horror as the projectile lodged itself in Gojyo’s chest.

Gojyo fell to the forest floor with a thump only to begin writhing in pain, screaming in his own agony. Hakkai screamed out his name again, only to feel a teasing touch on the breeze, cruel in its gentleness. And he swore he could hear taunting words.


Don’t scream anymore my love
‘Cause all I want is you…

Hakkai knelt over Gojyo’s bleeding form. Sanzo had shot the parasite. But he had to focus. He had to heal Gojyo. But he was so weak and tired. He hadn’t kept his strength up for this. He could feel Gojyo’s life slipping away under his hands. He grit his teeth and poured more of himself into the healing process. He would give every drop of his chi to Gojyo if he had to, but it still began to feel like a futile cause.

I can’t save your life…

Hakkai was vaguely aware that he’d started bleeding from the ears and nose. He could taste blood welling up in his mouth. So this was what it felt like to drain your chi… How… odd…. He felt dizzy.

… Though nothing I bleed for is more tormenting…

He could feel the demon within howling in rage, could feel his spirit wavering. He swore he could see himself, tied naked on the floor again with those same cruel eyes he’d first dreamt about boring into him. He began to feel himself there… And he saw blue eyes, black hair, that same cocky grin Gojyo usually sported… But he saw that beloved face morph into something of horror, of fueled rage…. Was there fighting going on around him? No. Concentrate… Gojyo was here. Now.

I’m losing my mind…

Hakkai looked up at Sanzo when the blond asked a question. He blinked. He had no idea what had been said. He just felt incredibly helpless as Sanzo mutely looked on. He turned back to Gojyo, whose eyes were open and who looked as though he was in pain. Hakkai blinked again. Gojyo was healed. His head swam. He backed away. Gojyo sat up slowly and watched him carefully. Again, Hakkai felt like he was in two places at once, but he couldn’t communicate this feeling. He just breathed… In and out, in and out. Why was it so difficult? Why was there a burning sensation in his posterior? He thought he’d become numb to the feeling under Chin Yisou’s ministrations… But this… He wanted to scream at Gojyo to help him, but he couldn’t.

… And you just stand there and stare as my world divides


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AN: Whew... Been awhile... My bad. ^^; I apologize for that. Thanks to Ten-chan though, I got my butt back into gear on this fic. This one felt more... action-driven to me. I don't know that I like it as well as the first part, but hey... I did what I could with it. I wanted to deal with Chin Yisou, and that particular arc has a lot of intense stuff going on in it, which had to be included. One moer part to this! And that's mostly Gojyo/Hakkai yummy fluffy comfort stuff. (Maybe even some Kenren/Tenpou cuddling.. Dunno yet).