Why I Said Yes

Disclaimer: Hellsing and it\'s characters aren\'t mine. Also, I\'m making no money from writing this story.



A/N: This chapter will start out mainly in Alucard\'s point of view with other characters involved. Just a heads up for you guys.



Why I Said Yes



Chapter 2: Why I Chose Her



“So that\'s why she said yes. All this time I\'d wondered, questioning myself about why she would\'ve possibly wanted my nocturnal kiss. What would\'ve prompted her to agree? Well, now I have my answer. She wanted to be with me, pure and simple. To be able to be next to me, fight with me, and most of all just to exist by my side.”



Speaking softly to myself, allowing my words to be absorbed by the surrounding breeze, I wanted nothing more than to discuss such feelings with my police girl. Such a name she detested, but in my own way I tease her because I care. I never really wanted to, it just happened. Kind of like life...you never know what\'s gonna hit you until it does.



Continuing my musings, I smiled remembering my first contact with her. She\'d been afraid, but she was full of fire. Seras had possessed such an inferno of inner passion and heat that it had glowed brightly enough to attract two creatures of the night: one being myself, the much feared king of the vampires, Alucard, and two, the fake vampire posing as a priest.



My eyes gazed over the landscape as the moon lightly caressed the shadowed grounds here and there. Concentrating momentarily, I reached out on our link searching for her whereabouts. Aha! There she is. Still speaking with Integra about how she feels about me and her life, here, at Hellsing.



Eavesdropping on her earlier conversation, I learned more about my police girl tonight than in her short existence with Hellsing. For one thing, I never knew or realized that she\'d felt that way towards me. And I\'d always been cold and harsh to her. Patience had never been a forte of mine. And with her...at times it\'d seemed nonexistent. The more stubborn she\'d become the angrier I\'d grown with her, leading to the inevitable silent treatments and sulking that both of us indulged. Of course, for me, I always went searching for a damned good fight afterwards, as I never really wanted my violent side to touch her, to scare her. Although, I suspect that she wouldn\'t have let it chase her away, no matter what I did or had done. None of it really mattered with her. Memories of the night she traversed into the world of supernatural rose to the surface and I can\'t forget the hope I witnessed in her huge, blue eyes that night. She\'d believed I was her savior. And in a way...I was.



My thoughts drifted back to the night not so long ago when I\'d held a shivering, dying, petite blond in my arms. She didn\'t want to die, but she wasn\'t afraid of me either. Surprising indeed.



The moment I saw her enter the chapel I knew she wouldn\'t survive the experience, much less the night. My heightened senses had already told me the creature I sought awaited me in the stone church.



After destroying part of the door, anger turned to fury once I saw the filthy, maggot vampire holding Seras in his arms. He picked her up, holding her around her delicate throat, feet dangling a couple of feet from the stone floor. The trash freak dared to touch her! He further tempted his fate, and my anger, by threatening to turn her, keeping her warm, sweet blood to himself. Not a chance in hell! I\'d ensure his death first! Then he pulled Seras directly in front of him so he could hide behind her. Foolish creature! As if he could hide from me using a mere human!



The bastard dared to taunt me using her as a personal shield! He ordered his minions, former police officers, and coworkers to Seras, to kill me. Every one of them fired until their guns were empty. The shells as they ejected from the barrel passed through Alucard, creating a bloody mess. You could hear the clink of the metal casings fall to the floor after being spent.



Thinking he\'d won, the vampire ordered them to stop and he prepared to make Seras his own, but he received one hell of a shock. My blood, puddling on the stone floor sand into my bullet-ridden body, the moon casting an eerie light as I suddenly rose from my fallen position. My adversary\'s jaw fell open. Begging and pleading for mercy, for us to join forces, I smirked at him and rejected his lackluster offer.I\'d recovered and stood to my feet, pulling out my Casul as I raised up to my full, intimidating height. Cocking it using my fangs, I sneered as the vampire trash pleaded for his existence. His incessant whining pissed me off and I just wanted the job done.



Warning Seras about the implications of the actions I was about to carry out, abruptly, I asked her if she wanted to come with me. Why? Why did I do that? I didn\'t need a fledgling dogging my steps everywhere I went! So why in the hell did I pose that question to her?



It all came down to her fire and passion. That and she didn\'t quite see me as such a horrible monster after her run-in with the fake priest, whose ashes covered the floor of the chapel and scattered to the four winds.



There\'s so much she didn\'t understand, or know. So much I felt I needed to say and unsure of where to begin. She wanted to know more of my past. I feel it uneccessary. My past happened so long ago. What good would it do to dredge it up again? It wouldn\'t. There\'d only be memories of pain and seemingly endless suffering. Not that I hadn\'t caused my fair share, obviously.



Taking hold of my link with Seras, I eavesdropped on her and Integra\'s conversation a second time enjoying the words and emotions escaping her lips and her heart.



Integra stared at Seras in amusement. “You have no idea what you\'re in for, do you? Once you\'re his...he\'ll never let you go. Until he finds his next promising bride. And then what? What will you do if he abandons you?”



“I-i hadn\'t thought of that”, her voice replied quietly. “But I really don\'t care. I\'m a survivor, Integra! What doesn\'t kill you makes you stronger, right? Aren\'t you, Alucard and Walter always saying that phrase?”



Gently smiling, Seras\' eyes gazed around the room wondering if a certain vampire had honed in on their exchange. He\'s too quiet, she thought. More quiet than usual. What\'s going on?



“Seras, Alucard is like several hundred years old and you\'re how old...early twenties maybe?” The heiress scoured her employee with a no nonsense glare that told her to think before she acted.



Knowingly, Seras shook her head. “I can\'t believe you\'re turning this into an age issue! We\'re both immortal...age wise. Neither he or I will change facially or bodily unless we choose too, or we\'re killed. Either way, I really care for him, and if he decides to leave me in the future...” The blond\'s sentence trailed away giving Integra the answer she wanted.



Integra couldn\'t bring herself to tell Seras that her servant had been listening in almost the entire time. He\'d heard every damning word she\'d spoken about how she felt, and why she\'d accepted his proposition. The supernatural war hardened woman smirked. She\'d thought of a way to give Alucard hell through his fledgling and it was perfect.



“Seras, I must be honest, here.” Her snipped, icy tones caught the attention of Hellsing\'s newest, vampire requisition. Jerking her head towards the ceiling, and around the room, she implicated her servant\'s hiding places. “We are not alone. Your master has heard every word you\'ve uttered. Every gesture, every look, he now knows the meaning behind each one. Now can you face him? Even if in the future he left you alone? Would you hate him? Despise him? Or would you foolishly continue to love him?”



Integra could feel Alucard\'s wrath towards her. Chuckling inside, she thought, take that, you damn git. That\'s for all the trouble you\'ve given me lately! She didn\'t worry about Alucard harming her because he couldn\'t. He wasn\'t able to until he\'d partaken of her blood. Blood that she had to give freely. Only she wasn\'t ready to do that. She didn\'t know if she ever could.



Seras felt humiliated. Hurt, pissed and humiliated. How could they do this to her? She\'d never been anything but faithful, and this is one of the ways they repay her? God knows she\'d never been the best, and strongest, vampire due to resisting her blood thirst, but did she deserve to have her innermost feelings and thoughts made open to them? Talk about no privacy!



“Honestly, Sir Integra, I\'ve previously considered a few of the things you\'ve mentioned.”



“And?”



Coldly, her red gaze settled on the heiress in what she hoped to be a rather intimidating Alucard-like expression. “What difference does it make? If he stays or goes, I mean? If I\'m the one he wanted in the here and now...I\'d be happy just to have him, if for a time. And when he decided to go, there\'s nothing I can do to stop him because that would tell me that his heart was no longer with mine.”



Crossing her arms tightly against her well developed chest, “I don\'t want someone with me out of obligation. They either want to be there or they don\'t. Personally speaking, I\'ve never really loved anyone but him. I\'m aware of certain ways he had to act with me, to train me, pushing me to be the best I could be. Granted, I wasn\'t always the most receptive to his ways, but he tried. When it all comes down to it, maybe I\'m not meant for him, for this", she said swinging her thin arm in a wide arc. The gesture encompassing the library; indicating that maybe she wasn\'t meant for Hellsing. Maybe he should\'ve killed me the night he turned me. But for some reason...he didn\'t. I don\'t know why and I wish I did.”



Uncharacteristically quiet, Integra spoke. “Maybe, Seras, he saw something in you. My servant never does anything without reason.” Pointedly staring at the young fledgling she shrugged and stated, “He\'s never dared to defy my orders before he met you. The night you were turned was the first time. I won\'t lie when I say that I was pissed and confused.”



“Why? How could his defiance have anything to do with me?” Seras was beginning to feel so nauseated. Her head swimming, she just wanted to crawl into her coffin bed and sleep until her time ran out. But she knew her master would never allow her the coward\'s way. Just her damned luck. Even though he didn\'t care about her that way, he\'d probably never let her go. She\'d be stuck, trapped, forever. Soon, eternity would be given a whole new meaning.



Rising from behind her massive desk, Integra turned her back to Seras to briefly stare at the grounds outside her windows. Holding the blinds open between her thumb and open hand, she stated sedately, “I\'d had Alucard to myself ever since I was a young girl. He\'d always followed every order without question, without fail, and here you come into the picture.”



“He cradled you so close to him that night that I was jealous, somewhat. He\'d never held me that close in all our years together. He\'d been my protector, my confidant, and the best friend and brother I never had until you came along. You became to him what I secretly wished to be and resentment shot through me like an arrow. The more time you two spent together meant that much less we had. And I felt as if you\'d stolen the only one that I gave a damn about since my father\'s passing, Walter excluded.”



Seras watched as a slightly sad smile crossed Integra\'s face. She felt helpless. There was nothing she could say or do to comfort her. For once, Seras was absolutely speechless to counter her employer\'s claims. So she just listened, forgetting temporarily that another pair of ears were paying attention.



“I witnessed the beginning of a change in Alucard the night he found you. He insisted that you be left to Hellsing\'s mercy, and that you be allowed to stay with him. You wouldn\'t believe how stunned I was that he would attempt to order me about; giving me orders. He still does it on occasion, but only when it pertains to you. You\'re special to him, Seras. More so than I could ever be. And I think, no I\'m sure that\'s were my problem stems from.”



“What problem what that be, Sir Integra?” The shorter, height challenged blond hoped that Integra hurried up. The nausea accompanied by emotions spinning out of control were growing steadily worse. Not completely sure what was happening to her, Seras theorized why she was reacting this way. It seemed that her traitorous body was calling out for her master. It needed him. Correction, she needed him. Damn! Bad timing going on here. That was life for Seras in general. Bad luck and even worse timing.



“Frankly speaking...I\'m jealous. He\'s always been there for me, and I know as long as he\'s obliged under servitude to my family, he always will be. But you\'re taking pieces of him that I\'ve always felt belonged to me. Little rare smiles, the teasing, the moments of quiet togetherness that only we used to have, and also the much more loudly advertised and heated arguments", she admitted with a slight chuckle. "Obviously, it never went further than that, but at one time I used to think that I might\'ve allowed it. I came to the realization that it was best for the both of us that it didn\'t proceed.”



“He made me feel so protected and cherished like my life and its continuance was all that mattered to him. If someone so much as gave me a harsh look or reprimand, he was always there, prepared to rip their throats out if I gave the order. It all boils down to that he was dedicated to me and only me. Now he has you. Other than to hand down orders he doesn\'t need me anymore.”



Releasing the blinds from her grasp, Integra tiredly returned to her seat at her desk. “I apologize for unloading this on you like this, but I wanted you to know that there will come a time when you\'ll no longer be the trusted, cherished one he holds dear.” Taking off her wire rimmed glasses, she gave Seras her dismissal. “That\'s all, Seras. I\'m sorry, but I\'d like to be alone for a while so you may go.”



Knowing an opportunity to escape, or a dismissal, when she saw one, the strongly conflicted draculina fled from the room. Having no idea where she was headed, she kept walking, familiar scenery passing her by yet she paid it no mind. Emotionally numb, she walked by Walter without so much a greeting. And had she been paying attention she would\'ve seen the barely discerned and pained expression before it disappeared from his usually stoic face. Her eyes stared straight ahead, and her feet pushed her to a destination unknown to her.



Closing her eyes, she pictured the top of the roof, wishing she could be there more than any other place in the world. Her body tingled and feeling strange, she glanced down to see her body vanishing from it\'s solidified state into nothingness! Shutting her eyes again, she opened them after the tingly, strange sensation had disappeared from her skin.



Amazing! She was right where she wanted to be just by picturing it! Wouldn\'t her master be pleased with her! She\'d done something on her own! He\'d be a little impressed that she\'d learned something without him having to torture her, lesson wise, about it.



“Master...I wish you were here.” But she was certain of his whereabouts for the moment. He was always where he was...in Integra\'s study. A place where master and servant could share the things and feelings that existed between them, and them only. Seras could understand some of Integra\'s previously mentioned feelings of inadequacy and jealousy.



Her master would never care for her that way, so she must endure a one sided romance for now. And when her time to be freed occurred, she\'d make her own way in the world. But could she really force herself to leave his side? If she did it would be much easier said than done.



“Master, why can\'t you feel the same?” Tears formed in her eyes as she bittersweetly wished on the stars above. “Why can\'t you feel something besides sarcasm and antagonism towards me? I can\'t continuously fight this losing battle. I can\'t”, she ended in a whisper.



Her emotions so staggeringly overwhelming, she never noticed when a second presence joined her on the roof top. He\'d heard everything. He felt more than she believed he did. But he\'d had so much more time and practice shielding his heart and emotions from those he cared about. There\'d never been the time to indulge them due to all the time he\'d invested in hardening his heart and feelings towards everyone. Everything.



It all began changing small amounts at a time when he met a very young, frightened Integra Hellsing. In the very moment her uncle plotted to kill her, he attempted to follow through with his madness; Alucard killed him. He\'d done it for her as she was the rightful heir and had commanded him flawlessly. The girl had shown him no fear, just as Seras had shown him none when he approached her and the priest in the church.



Integra would always be special to him, but Seras was so much more and was unaware of her position. Fire and ice, blood and water, that\'s how the two fit. Opposites attracted, fate\'s magnetism had pulled them together for a reason. Now to see if they\'d continue on this path together or not. He had to know.



Hearing her ask, “Master, why can\'t you feel the same?”, he felt the sudden shift in her emotions again, perplexed at their strong intensity. Alucard was certain that he\'d make her his queen. She was perfect for him even though she didn\'t know it yet.



She\'d just spoken, brokenly, “Why can\'t you feel something besides sarcasm and antagonism towards me? I can\'t continuously fight this losing battle. I can\'t”, her voice faded into the caress of the wind.



“Who\'s says you have to?”



Seras, startled over an intrusion into her private place, she stumbled forward and would have fallen over the side of the roof if not for her master\'s quick reflexes. “M-master! What are you doing here?”



Exhibiting none of his usual animosity, he replied, “I heard your call. You needed something so I responded. It\'s that simple.”



Ashamed, she bowed her head. “I know you heard every word passed between Sir Integra and I. I apologize if any of it offended or angered you. I know you don\'t feel the same as I, and ...I can\'t help how I feel!”



“Seras, I don\'t wear my emotions on my sleeve as you do. They can be just as confusing and strange to me as well. What I\'m about to tell you goes no further than us, for now. Agreed?” His tone booked no arguments.



Eagerly, she nodded. She\'d happily accept any piece of his present, or past, willingly given to her. “Agreed.”



Holding her close, he ran the back of his fingers tantalizingly, slowly down her soft cheek. Drawing her into his sensual web, he spoke, not with his usual cold, smart-assed tone, but with a hint of feeling. Either way it was more than she expected, or asked for.



“Seras, I\'m aware that you think I don\'t care for you, but I do. I can\'t always show you affection, especially not on a mission. If I were to give way to my heart on a mission it could get us killed. I had to be harsh on you. At first, after I turned you I didn\'t think you\'d make that great of a vampire.”



“But?”



Stopping her interruption with his index finger, he said, “Allow me to finish.”



“Alright.” Waiting anxiously to hear his confession, suddenly she wondered if he was going to admit something that would break her heart.



“You were too soft, too emotional. You needed to settle down, see the killer inside of yourself, and meet her head on. There were things you needed to learn to shape the vampire I wanted you to be, the true vampire you could be. Along the way, I begin to see that I was wrong trying to force you to be something, and someone, you\'re not. One day, I received a glimpse of the powerful No Life Queen you could become. It was the day Hellsing was attacked by the Valentine brothers.”



He smiled as he remembered that violent day which changed pretty much all of them forever. “You were beautifully exquisite in your wrath. Tearing the ghouls apart, you demolished the majority of their army, almost single handedly, and the way the blood splattered on your face and body..you looked good enough to eat. Your actions impressed me, although I will say I was unhappy with your silly, starvation method.”



“I\'m sorry Alucard, I couldn\'t help it. I felt my humanity was vanishing before my eyes, even more so after my psychotic black-out that day." Eyes wide open, small blood tears streamed down her face, "I couldn\'t allow myself to lose control like that again. I was afraid that I\'d hurt someone that I care about in this life, or my life previous. And that would\'ve destroyed me should it have occurred. I couldn\'t allow the last of who I am to go away forever. I just couldn\'t.”



“I know, Seras. You have so much potential locked up inside you, and you don\'t even have a clue. Whether you believe it or not, you are more than a match for me. Your spirit is what I\'m referring to. The fire inside you calls to me, draws me like a moth to a flame.”



Pulling her tighter into his lean arms, he enjoyed the miracle that she was. He\'d wandered this Earth for centuries for his perfect bride, and here she was. There was still much to be accomplished for her transition, but it was all there.



Smoothing her hair, he pressed on, “Don\'t let yourself be fooled into thinking that your humanity is who you are. It\'s not. The woman you are inside, everything that combines together, your heart, your emotions, is what determines who you are. Humanity is nothing but a state of being, perhaps a state of mind if that\'s what you will.”



“But like this you\'ll never die from any human affliction unless it\'s by silver or a wooden stake or such. And I warn you, God help the person who ever hurts you, or attempts to hurt you in such a manner. My retribution towards them will be swift and harsh in coming, yet they won\'t die so quickly and easily. I will never let someone hurt you. Not while I\'m around to protect you.”



“And if it means anything at all to you, I had a little discussion with my master regarding her earlier words and statements. She spoke from her heart, but she could\'ve have handled it in a better way. She sincerely apologized, hoping you wouldn\'t hold any sort of grudge towards her.”



Smiling sweetly at her master, Seras shook her head. “She only spoke the truth. Why would I be angry or hold a grudge? Call me shocked because she actually confided in me, but her words may have hurt some and I realize now that she was trying to help me, not hurt me. So, really, there\'s nothing to forgive.”



Placing a gently kiss against her cool lips, “I want you, Seras, if you\'ll have me. Ever since the night I met you I\'ve fought my own reminiscent thoughts of my previous life, my own former human nature. I\'m a selfish vampire, Seras. Once you\'re mine...I won\'t let you go. You were right about that. I won\'t be able to release you. Ever.”



Tears streaming down her cheeks, the petite blond threw herself hard against his muscular chest. “That\'s all I wanted. Alucard, I\'ve longed to hear you say these things to me, but I was sure you never would. Ninety-five percent of the time, you have your cold bastard persona in place. And I don\'t think declarations of love would do well to be admitted while you\'re in that state. So I stayed silent.”



“One thing I must know master...why did you choose me? It\'s impertinent of me to ask, but I need to know.” This would be their telling moment. She\'d determine here and now whether they\'d make it or not. His next words would crush her, or send her soaring. Which would it be?



“I\'ve told you one of the major things already. The fire in your spirit. Your refusal to give up, or give in, despite being faced with a vampire and several ghouls, formerly from your police unit. You stared into my eyes without flinching. You, alone, saw into me, glimpsing small parts of the man buried beneath.”



“At first I know you believed me to be a monster. And in all reality...I am.” His silky voice wrapped around her skin, wanting to seduce her; wanting to tell her everything.



“You and Integra are the same in a way. You both faced me. You both shoved away the fear you felt of me, confident that I\'d save you both, which obviously I did. But you, Seras, went a step further. You embraced the gift I offered, whereas, my master denied it at every turn, her Hellsing pride to stubborn to accept it. She\'d always said that she was meant to fight vampires not become one. It was destiny she said.”



“Deep inside, for the longest time, I was angry at her for refusing such a powerful gift. But as time passed quickly by, I realized she was right. She wasn\'t fit for this life. She wasn\'t meant for me. But you are.”



“My master has always been extremely courageous.” He cupped Seras\' chin in his hand. “Seras, you\'re so much more. You\'ve crashed the one frontier she can\'t and won\'t go. For that, I\'m grateful; I\'ll always be, Though I won\'t always show it.”



“Alucard?” Apprehensively, she looked at his eyes. For once, she was almost afraid to ask her next question. “Will you leave me? I mean, if you come across another female vampire whose strength rivals your own, will you desert me? To fend for myself, and continue your position of being all alone? I can\'t allow myself to become doomed to wander endlessly, searching for a companion.”



His lips swept down crushing hers in a fiery clash of possession. Finally he released her from his sensual hold. “There\'s no need of insecurities. And as for the female vampire who rivals me...I\'ve already met her.”



Seras\' head fell down to her chest in defeat. She\'d already lost, and the war had never truly begun. Red streaks flowed down her face in silent protestation of his cutting words. Wondering who the female vampire was, Seras felt a pang of everything hurtful hit her. There had to be another because she was nothing like what Alucard spoke of. She was a creature far and away more different than what her master described. So automatically her mind thought the worst without even bothering to question him further.



To avoid hearing who his equal was, she abruptly spoke, “I\'m sorry, Alucard. I can\'t do this! I can\'t hear anymore. I must go.”



Breaking out of his physical grip, she turned to leave, but he moved to block her path.



“Seras, you must hear this. It\'s of no consequence whether you want to listen or not. So pay close attention.”



“Alright. I\'ll listen. Or at least I\'ll try.” Resigned, she forced herself to stay and hear as much as she could handle. Already she plotted her exit from his life, knowing she could never compare with the creature that had captured his attention. She licked her dry lips hoping this would be over with. The pain was excruciating to her soul. Her heart had been splintering, on the verge of shattering.



“Seras, as I was saying before being interrupted. I\'ve met her. She\'s intriguing, fiery,everything I need. And also, she\'s a lot closer than you think. I just hope you can forgive my choice and that you won\'t hate me. But my perfect mate...she\'s... here in England. Much closer than I could\'ve ever dreamed. She\'s perfect and that\'s why I\'ve chosen her.”



These things her master was saying increased her pain one hundred fold. The fact that his “perfect” mate was so close, it was unbearable. Tearing away from him, refusing to listen to him, she jumped over the railing; leaving the ancient vampire to gaze after her in with narrowed eyes.



Shaking his head, he whispered after her retreating form, “My perfect mate...is you, Seras. Why can\'t you see?” Determination gripped him. “I\'ll make you see one way or another. You\'ll be mine,no one else can have you. You\'ll be with me throughout eternity as perfect mates should be.”



Feeling the urge for violence well up, he went in search of his master, and a mission.



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A/N: I know everyone was out of character on this one, but in life don\'t people always, at some point, do things or say things that are out of character for them? Anyway, I\'ll try to update this one in a week or less....until then...I look forward to hearing from you guys. Have a great one!