Blood and Sugar

Chapter II: Pendulum



I was once again sitting in Misa\'s black BMW, with her smiling sweetly beside me, and Mogi driving us to her apartment. She had showed up at my hotel room, insisting that I come over for dinner with her and her boyfriend. I obliged, she was a nice girl, and I needed to get my mind off of L. It was weird hearing her calling me Xian. It wasn\'t my real name. I just used it to fit into Japan a little better. Truthfully, while I was half chinese, I had never set foot in Hong Kong or any part of China. I had only learned the language in High School. I was from England, living most of my life in London.



I met L in college. Everyone was a little intimidated by him, but I was fascinated by him. We challenged each other mentally. I liked that he was very weird, it made me laugh. It was refreshing to meet someone like that. Back then, I knew him as Laure Lawliet. After college, we moved in together and lived together. I had suspected him of being L for a long time, because no matter how good he was at hiding it, when you live together, some things just come out. And then four months ago, he said he had to go to Japan on business. Right at the start of the Kira case.



"Yay! We\'re here! Now you can meet my Raito-kun!" Misa squealed. My attention was drawn when she said Raito. Raito, as in Raito Yagami? We stepped out of the car, up the stairs and into a very lavish apartment. It was large, and had fine european furniture. It was not surprising, Misa Amane was a prominent model and pop star.



Misa called out for her beau, yelling sweet nothings at him in Japanese. Raito stepped out...the same Raito Yagami. He looked calm and friendly. He said, "Hi, Misa told me about you and insisted that we meet." I walked over to him and shook his hand. "I\'m Xian," I said. "I\'m visiting here from Hong Kong. My boyfriend is here on business, and depending how long it takes, I might move here." Raito squinted at me and smirked a bit. "What kind of business? Also, you don\'t look very Chinese to me," he said. I was taken aback, but I kept my calm. "He\'s involved in the technology industry," I lied. "And my father was English." I used the strategy of telling the truth and lie where necessary. The technology industry was huge in Japan, it was a believable lie.



We sat down on the couch, while Misa scuttled into the kitchen to get some coffee. "And besides, Raito, you don\'t look very Japanese, you have brown hair," I said. Raito chuckled lightly, and responded, "Fair enough. Sorry." I smiled politely, even though I really didn\'t like him. Misa came back in, setting three cups of steaming coffee on the coffee table. She sat next to Raito, and we began adding condiments to our coffee. Raito looked over at my cup, and observed, "You like sugar, don\'t you?" I could feel his eyes burning into me, challenging me. I turned and met his challenge, glaring right back.



I joked casually, "Yeah, I like a coffee with my sugar." Raito chuckled, and Misa laughed with vigor. "See, Raito-kun? She\'s so funny!" Misa said. I continued the conversation casually, but with the ulterior motive to probe Raito. "So, I know Misa is a model and actress, I see her all over those Yotsuba commercials," I said. "But what do you do, Raito?" Raito set his cup down, and calmly said, "I work for the police department." I took a sip of my poisonously diabetes-sweet coffee, and said, "Well, you must of heard about Kira. It\'s insane. Some people worship him, like he\'s a god. The whole \'cleaning up the world\' is just a weak justification. It\'s obvious he\'s in it for the power. He\'s nothing but a serial killer."



Raito shifted a little bit. I could tell he was trying to supress anger. He folded his hands, took a deep breath and said, "Crime rates have gone down as much as 70% in the world. Even if Kira is just a murderer, the peace is definately a plus." I was very pleased with this, I could push his buttons right in. I had a good feeling who Kira was. "That\'s not peace," I said. "It\'s just fear. As soon as Kira is caught, the world will go back to what it was before. More violent, maybe, but you could be human without living in fear of some crazed wannabe demigod."



Raito turned to Misa, and said gently, "Misa, why don\'t you get the salad started?" Misa nodded and scampered into the kitchen. Raito\'s demeanor changed immediately. "Xian, you are a very smart lady," he said. "It\'s nice to meet someone with half a brain, for once." His voice was lower and softer. His hand migrated onto my leg. Tsk, tsk, Raito, I thought. He was trying to seduce me. Even though I felt uncomfortable, and it was a little creepy, I went with it. "Thank you, Raito," I said. "You\'re a very smart man yourself." He leaned into my face and kissed my cheek lightly. I faked a smile, pretending that I was smitten with him.



Misa popped out of the kitchen and said gleefully, "Salad\'s ready. Let\'s all go to the table." We moved in to the dining room. Misa and Raito sat on one end of the table, and I sat on the other. I took a bit of the salad, and I was surprised how good it was. Misa must be practicing those housewife skills. "This is delightful, Misa," I said. "I love Romaine." Raito nodded in agreement. Misa smiled huge in pure delight. "Can I offer anyone anything to drink?" Raito asked. I said, "I\'ll have a glass of water, thanks." Misa said sweetly, "We have this great wine we imported from spain, you must try it. Oh, it\'s to DIE for!" I nodded, "okay, sure." Raito returned with two glasses of red wine. Misa downed hers quickly, while I sipped my thoughtfully. Raito once again disappeared into the kitchen. He called from the kitchen, "Dinner\'s about ready. Xian, I hope you like linguini with mussels."



"Yes, I love mussels," I said. Misa got up and cleared the salad bowls. They both came back out with three plates of food. The three of us ate the meal with little talk. Afterwards, as Raito was clearing the plates, Misa yawned and stretched, and said, "I think I\'m going to bed. You guys can stay up and chat." She got up, walked over to Light, embraced him, and whispered sweetly to him in Japanese.



Misa retired into their bedroom. Raito and I sat on the couch. I scratched my head, and said, "You know, I should get going too. It\'s late, I\'m sure you\'d rather be in bed with Misa. I\'ll call a taxi." Raito placed his hand on my shoulder, and said softly, "Let me drive you home. It\'s dangerous at night." I nodded. I knew it was dangerous, but if I declined, he might be on to me. I got up, picked up my jacket, and put it on. Raito held my arm as he walked to a white mercedez parked by the apartment. I got into the passenger seat and he got into the driver\'s seat. "I\'m staying at the Teito Hotel, do you know where that is?" I asked. Raito nodded, and during the whole drive we didn\'t say a word. The air was thick with anticipation and uncertainty. I was pretty sure I was riding in a car with Kira, all alone.



We pulled up to the hotel. I looked at him, and said casually, "Thanks for dinner, it was lovely. Bye." Raito grabbed my arm, rather firmly, and said, "Let me walk you to your room. Please." I nodded and stepped out of the car. Raito turned the car off and also got out. He walked close to me, all the way to my room. We stopped at my door, and pulled out the key card to the room. I said softly, "Goodnight." Raito once again grabbed my arm. "Let me come in for a while," he said quietly. "I really want to talk to you more, alone."



I was a little afraid, feeling a bit vunerable, scared of what I might have to do. I opened the door, and he followed me in. The door closed loudly behind us. I stared at the window dead on, motionless. I jumped when I felt hands caressing my shoulders. "It\'s okay," Raito said softly. "I\'m on the investigation team for the Kira case. You\'re so smart, I think you could help us." He breathed into my ear lustfully. "God, you are beautiful," he hissed at me.



"Raito," I whispered. "I\'m actually here looking for L." I had to share something. He knew, and I had to cooperate in order for my plan to work. Raito nibbled at my ear, and hissed quietly, "I\'m working under L right now. Why are you looking for him?" I sighed, and said, "I\'m a relative of his. I just want to meet him." I couldn\'t possibly admit I was L\'s lover. Raito would dispose of me for sure.



"I have to use the bathroom, I\'ll be right back," I said quietly. I retreated into the bathroom. I scrummaged in my medicine bag, and pulled out a prescription bottle of valium. I had had surgery a few months ago, and took the valium to calm my nerves and for the pain. I opened the bottle, and dumped two pills into my hand. I took a paper cup from next to the sink, and filled it with water. I swallowed the pills and drank the water quickly.



I opened the door to the bathroom. I slipped off my jacket, and placed it on a nearby chair. I was starting to feel the drugs working. I looked at Raito, sitting on my bed. I\'m so sorry, love, I thought. This is for you.



I sat next to Raito on the bed. Reality was fading away, becoming nothing but a lucid dream. His hand clasped my face and he pulled me into a hard, foreceful kiss. I felt nothing. I didn\'t fight. He firmly nudged me on to the bed on my back. He lay on top of me, kissing me hungrily. I closed my eyes as I felt hands unbuttoning my shirt. I lay almost motionless while he had his way with me. I shut out his cries, his moans. Xian! he would call. Finally it was over, and he got up. We dressed in silence.



We walked to the door, and shared a light goodbye kiss. Still in a fog, I stepped out onto the balcony. I put a cigarette between my trembling lips. I pulled out a butane lighter from my pocket and lit it, taking a drag. I was starting to come down off my high. Emotions were coming back. Shame. I felt dirty. Raito could have killed me, but somehow having sex with him, betraying my friend and my lover just felt worse than death. I had to be Raito\'s puppet in order to help L catch Kira. I didn\'t know what I was going to do next. I was probably going to be torn down to nothing, but I would do anything for L.