Hell and Healing

SPOILERS: All manga, all anime, L's true name, Another Note, Law and Right, Truth and Justice, Motive and Mayhem.

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Hell and Healing

Chapter 2: Abandon

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Near was there when they got back to the orphanage, but Mello didn't even glance at him. He was still angry, but this was hardly the time or place for things like that.

Wammy was his priority. So he spent his days doing what he could to make it easier on him, on the orphans. Two days later, Wammy asked to have a word with him, alone, so Mello quietly slipped into the room as L and Light retreated for a meal.

He went to the side of the bed, chocolate bar hanging from his lips as he absently grabbed Wammy's hand. "You wanted to see me?"

"I would like you to get Matt on the phone, so I can say goodbye," Wammy replied, marking the page in the book he'd been reading when he had the energy, and set it aside.

Mello couldn't keep the pain from showing on his features, but he dug out his phone, made a call to the prison. He spent a few minutes posturing at the warden before the call was transferred. When he heard Matt's voice, he shoved the phone at Wammy.

He took the phone, held it up to his ear. "Matt," he smiled a little as he heard the surprise. "Yes, yes. Well, it seems you've heard correctly. I've been diagnosed with Leukemia and it won't be long now, so I wanted to make sure I'd said everything I wanted to."

There was a long silence while Matt was speaking, then a soft hum of agreement from Wammy. "Of course I'm disappointed, but it's certainly not the end of things. After all, look at how well Light has been doing. We all stumble and fall, I have faith that you will learn your lesson."

Mello shoved his hands into his pockets, his shoulders hunched as he unwillingly overheard one side of the conversation.

"Yes, he's here. I don't think so. That, you'll have to handle on your own. You've made a grave mistake, Mail, and only you can repair the damage done," the tone Wammy used was soft and warm, despite the scolding. "Of course not. Dear boy, no matter your mistakes, I will always love you so push those foolish thoughts from your mind. Behave yourself, learn your lesson, have pride in yourself and above all allow morals to dictate your actions rather than laws. Thank you. Goodbye, Mail."

When Mello heard the click of buttons on the phone, he turned around to take it back, slip it into his pocket.

"You have a message you haven't listened to," Wammy smiled.

"I ain't ready to listen to it yet," Mello countered.

"When you're ready, then," he agreed, picking his book up once more and returning to reading.

The sound of Matt's voice was echoing in Mello's head as he sat there in silence, slowly devouring his chocolate bar. He left to get his own meal when L and Light returned.

The night Wammy died, Mello went to the yard of the orphanage, standing at the gates with a chocolate bar hanging from his mouth like always. He didn't bother looking over his shoulder when he heard feet on the gravel behind him. Only one person would be looking for him at a time like that.

The hand that settled on his shoulder was neither welcome nor unwelcome. He bit off a piece of the bar as he pulled it away from his mouth with one hand. "He said goodbye to Matt."

"I assumed that he would," Near replied, tugging on his hair with a soft frown. "You're taking a long time to get over him."

"It took a long time to develop the trust we had," Mello shrugged. "I'm leaving after the funeral."

"I know."

"I'm not leaving contact information."

"I know that, too."

"Leave me alone, Near."

"No."

He didn't quite have the energy to get angry over it. "Why aren't you crying?"

"I am."

Mello turned to look at Near, surprised to see that the tears really were there, sliding down his cheeks in silence. He let his gaze return to the long road that led to the orphanage. He pulled a handkerchief from his pocket, held it out. It was monogrammed with his own M.

Near took it, wiped at the tears, stuffed it into his pocket and instead gave Mello one of his own. "When I see you again, give this back."

"Fine," he took the handkerchief, even though he knew there'd be a homing beacon on it. He'd decide what to do about that later.

He sighed when Near pulled his hand away, turned and walked back to the orphanage. It was a few hours before Mello followed him in. He was silent until the funeral and left immediately after, taking just a single duffle bag and a motorcycle.

Christmas morning, Mello walked the snowy streets of Paris, looking at the phone in his hand. Finally, he listened to the voice mail that had been left for him so long ago. Over a year, now, he realized when the voicemail recited the date. Matt had been arrested one year and two days before Wammy's funeral.

As the voice, muddled with static, reached his ears, Mello felt the tears rising in his eyes, burning them. Felt the painful tingle in his nose as he took a deep breath of the crisp air. He walked, listening to the words over and over.

At some point, he came across a bridge, stopped at the highest point and looked at the icy river below. For a brief second, he wondered what it would be like if he threw himself into it. His scar tingled, reminding him how he'd gotten it, reminding him it had been cold, nearly Christmas back then, too.

He threw the phone as hard and as far as he could, letting out a yell as it bounced over ice, splashed into the water in the path left by one of the many boats that roamed the river.

He fell to his knees, then and there, let himself sob it out.

We both felt like number one, so it was worth it.

What a stupid, cruel thing to say. Hours later, with his fingers and toes numb with cold, with frostbite threatening to take hold of his nose, Mello finally rose, trudged back to his hotel through the bright holiday cheer.

Some Christmas present that had been.

Three months later, Near had lost track of him completely.

The world could be a dark place if you knew where to work. It was easy to slip through the cracks, to turn up missing, to take on new identities and start a new life. Especially when you've been trained in keeping your identity a secret, in guarding your name with the ferocity of a hungry, rabid wolf.

This was why Near didn't worry when Mello slipped completely under the radar. He kept an ear to the ground, kept his contacts flagged, but by and large simply let Mello be. After all, there was no reason to get worked up over a simple information broker.

There was plenty of trouble Mello could get into, of course, but none that he wouldn't be able to handle himself. Months stretched on into years and still Near heard nothing more than the distant ripples of Mello's existence. It was enough to keep him satisfied that Mello was alive and safe.

Three years had passed when Near finally picked Mello up again and even then, it was by sheer accident. There was a strange case that had taken Near's interest. A criminal was preying upon the mob, trying to make it look as if Kira were back and targeting Yakuza. No one saw the killer, had any idea who it could have been and no amount of safety precautions had done the various Yakuza groups a damn bit of good.

For a few weeks, Near had thought it might be Mello until he had cameras installed in one of the Yakuza bases and found out just how Mello played into it. It was like a punch to the gut, watching the events unfold.

He knew that it was a cover, it had to be. Mello, even in his worst fits of anger and grief, would never sink to such a lowly existence. Near was relieved when he saw Mello quickly and quietly gathering a few bits of information after his client had fallen unconscious.

Prostitution just didn't suit Mello, Near decided, but he couldn't help shaking his head when Mello swiped the money that had been left out for him. He was still an information broker, it seemed, but his methods had deteriorated to the level of disgusting.

With a sigh of resignation, Near ordered the police to move in. Mello would hate him for it, but perhaps he would learn his lesson.

Better yet... Near grinned as a plan began forming in his mind. He began making a few arrangements for Mello and if all went well, perhaps it would have the same effect as his Tiger experiment with Light.

He was still getting tiger themed toys from Light at Christmas time.

There was some hope that he could use it as a bartering chip to get L to let him do as he pleased. This was, after all, going directly against a promise L had made to Mello before Matt had been arrested. One that L had shared with him with the intent that Near would help him in upholding it.

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A/N: I know this seems like I could have just kept it all tacked onto Motive and Mayhem, but this story is meant to have a stronger focus on Near and Mello, as opposed to Matt and Mello. Which is not to say that I'm going to stick Mello and Near together as a couple -- I honestly haven't decided if I will or not. I'm simply enjoying the way they bounce off of each other, but fear not! Matt is still going to make a strong appearance in this story, as well. =3