Heartless and Loving It

Heartless and Loving It

Flora Winter

I do not own xxxHolic and I’m not making any money here either.

Summary: A young man seeks revenge against those who caused his boyfriend to commit suicide. Yuko grants his wish…for a price. This story will contain boy love, very strong language, explicit violence, and the joy that comes with taking vengeance on those who have it coming.

WARNING! This story will contain religious blasphemy, very strong usage of language, and certain ideas that might not sit well with some people. I am not a religious person and this story will take you to places where you might not even want to peek out the carriage window. So, if you are a religious fanatic who feels that your immortal soul is at risk by reading this, go find something else to read. I’m not really sure as of yet, but this story will show the poisonous hatred religion places in people’s hearts. Also, all flames will be used to fuel the raging furnace of my blasphemous truths. So, sit back, remove the blinds from your eyes, and feel free to scream through this ride through Hell in which I have created for you, my gracious readers. Please keep your hands and legs inside the carriage at all times.

Chapter Two

Oh tell me why
Do we build castles in the sky
Oh tell me why
All the castles way up high
Please tell me why
Do we build castles in the sky
Oh tell my why
All the castles way up high

--Ian Van Dahl

Green blades of grass began to frost over with glittering white crystals with each step that he took. Roses the color of deepest ruby red began to fade, wither, and die as he past by them without a care for their lost beauty. There was nothing in this hateful and uncaring world that could soothe his rage and his ever increasing bloodlust now. They all had to pay. Every last one of them had to fucking pay. Everything has a price, and the price for causing him never-ending pain was death. He knew that death was heavy and it weighed upon the soul, but he no longer gave a shit. Hell, he was DEATH, and his razor sharp fangs were dripping to tear into someone’s tender throat, splashing even more blood about. What fun way could he kill a Bible-thumping murderer next? Oh, he had never used a chainsaw before. They had always used to scare him. He never liked the sounds they made. But, it could be fun now, and if he was to fuck it up, someone else would be feeling his mistake. He could see himself running with one in his hands, screaming like a crazy person as he shredded into someone like a tree.

"Tina!" He called out in a crazy, blood-filled voice. "Bring mommy the ax!"

That was when his foot suddenly snagged on something hard, and he fell flat on his face with a muffled grunt. He lifted his head up, looked back, seeing that he had fallen over a small tombstone. He blinked several times, finding that he had been blindly wondering through the town cemetery. This sudden revelation caused his eyes to widen in stricken horror. He didn’t want to fucking be here. He hated this place. He didn’t fucking want to be here! He had to get away. He couldn't be here.

He scrambled to his feet and took off running with the mist dancing all around him like pale white phantoms. He had hid in the shadows of the trees when Ashley had been lowered into the cold vaults of the earth. His parents would not even allow him in the church for the service. In all honesty, it wasn’t even a service. They had said their son was burning in Hell right now for the sin of being a faggot. Well, who was burning now, you stupid whores? He hoped Satan had given them a big pie, lit their asses on fire, and pushed them into the pit where demons would forever drown them in the blood of the son they were supposed to love and cherish above all else. That would be a Hell fitting for them. He only wished he was there so he could carve pictures into their screaming flesh, laughing as he strangled them with their own spinal cords.

“Ashley,” he whispered like dead leafs blowing in an autumn breeze that was months away as he stumbled and fell to the ground again. He just lied there, amongst the silent dead, wanting the world to know his pain. Frost covered the ground where he was. He ever so slowly lifted his blood splattered face, seeing that he had fallen just a few feet from his lover’s fresh grave. Had it really been only a month? It still felt like it was this morning.

He began to crawl towards his soul mate’s grave, tears blinding him with each move that he made. The frost seemed to follow him like a faithful puppy as he slithered across the grass with distorted and awkward movements that were unnatural for a human body to perform. It wasn’t fair. None of this was fucking fair! Why him? Why did it have to be him? Why did it have to be Ashley? Why did he have to die like that? What was the point? Why couldn't they have been happy?

His talons dug into the ground, tearing at it, as he collapsed before the marble white tombstone. He just lied there in the dirt, crying above where his lover slept all alone in the ground.

“WHY?” He screamed, clawing at the rock, making a deep gash across its smooth surface. Pain tore at his empty chest cavity and filled him with a sudden burst of anger. “HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME?” He punched the tombstone again, cracking it up the middle. “WHY DID YOU DO IT?” He cried, punching it again, screaming at the top of his lungs as he did so. “YOU LEFT ME BEFORE I COULD TELL YOU MY AUNT WAS GIVING US A PLACE TO LIVE OUT OUR HAPPY EVER AFTER!”

He had always wanted a faiytale happy ever after. He had always wanted a handsome prince to swoop in, lift him off his feet, and carry him off to a brilliant golden castle in the sky. He had had his fairytale...and it had turned into something grim. Now his bright and happy story was a sad, tragic, and frighteninly disturbed tale of terror. Hell, he was the tale of all terrors now. None of those wicked Disney looking sluts could stand up to him now.

Tears streamed from his cerulean jewels like molten crystalline fire. He was angry. He was so angry. It made no sense. It made no fucking sense!

“I HATE YOU!” He cried, punching the rock again, clawing at it with all his might. He choked on his sobs, pressing his face against its cold surface. “PLEASE COME BACK!” He screamed, tasting his bitter tears on his tongue. “I LOVE YOU!”

He felt sudden warmth kiss his blood soaked flesh. He looked up through tear-filled eyes, seeing that the sky was slowly turning pink. A bright white light filled his eyes and he felt himself slowly beginning to fade like the stars above his head. What was happening? Why did he feel so sleepy? He had people to kill! He had ovaries to rip out and rub into people's faces.

Golden rays touched his snowy white flesh and he felt himself falling through blinding spirals of radiant light. He screamed his lover’s name.

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“Watanuki,” Yuko said, turning her lovely face away from the blood soaked deity that had fallen ever so gently into the bed before her. “I need you to bring me some warm water and some rags, please.”

Watanuki just blinked in shock, and his jaw was still on the floor. “Is…is that what I think it is?”

“Yes, Watanuki,” she said, rolling her crimson eyes. “It’s a boy.”

“NOT THAT!” He yelled, making a fist, suddenly covering his mouth, whispering. “You know what I mean…”

“Just do it,” she said, turning back to her newest resident, looking him over with such critical eyes. He had really made a mess of himself. That was for sure. But, at least he looked like he had had fun while doing it. She made a small gesture with her hand and sweet smelling incense flooded the room…like a flood. “Is the price worth the wish, child?” She asked, opening the silver box before her. She gazed sadly at the beating heart within. “We shall see.”

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Watanuki just glared at the unconscious teen on the bed. He was pissed. Why the hell did he have to clean this guy up for? That wicked old witch was such a slave-driver. He winced when he felt a mental slap get him right between the eyes.

“Will you stop looking at me like that?” He hissed, turning his dazed eyes on the other man in the room.

“What?” Doumeki asked, looking up from his graphic novel. He was sitting in the chair off to the side. “I wasn’t looking at you.”

“Yes you were,” Watanuki insisted, wiping the last trace of blood from what he soon took the time to notice was a very beautiful face. “I could feel your eyes burning through that dirty comic.”

Doumeki pursed his kissable lips. “Dirty?”

“Yes!” Watanuki snarled. Why did his lips have to be so damn kissable? He hated feeling tempted. “Dirty!”

“You mean…this?” Doumeki asked, turning the novel around, showing Watanuki a demon getting ready to insert his Morningstar into a certain young lamb who wakes up just in time to hunt Easter eggs.

Watanuki’s face turned crimson and a violent explosion of ruby red glitter exploded from the back of his skull. Well, no, not really. But, wouldn’t it be funny if it did?

“How can you read that trash?” He snapped, putting his hands over his eyes.

“It’s very entertaining,” Doumeki smirked, going back to reading. “I might try this later.”

“Try what later?” Watanuki asked, getting up. “You’re not trying anything you read in that later.”

“Well,” Doumeki said, turning the page. “I guess you’re just going to have to read this to find out what it is I might not be doing later then, huh?”

Watanuki balled his fists up at his side. He was going to hit him. He was going to hit him hard. It would serve him right. He was always teasing him like this. And the sad part was…he was actually starting to like it. But, he would never tell him that. Oh, no! NEVER!

“Hmm,” Doumeki said, looking over the book with a cocked brow. It made Watanuki turn around. It looked like his charge was slowly coming to.

“Hi,” Watanuki said with a small smile. “How’re you feeling?”

That was when he noticed how stunningly blue the young man’s eyes were. Well, the guy couldn’t be any older than him. That was for damn sure.

“What?” The young man asked. “How the fuck did I get back here?”

Watanuki made a face and Doumeki snorted. He didn’t like such hard language.

“Well,” Watanuki tried to tell him, but the young man suddenly pitched forward, holding a trembling hand over his chest. He looked like he was in a great deal of pain. “What’s wrong with you?”

Doumeki dropped his book, got to his feet, and pulled him back when the guy fell to the floor with a tortured scream.

“YUKO!” Watanuki yelled.

“He’s feeling each life he took last night,” she said from the misty shadows. Sweet smelling incense was slithering like a serpent around her body. She was dressed in flowing silk garments that reminded him of a butterfly. “I take it he was quite creative, too.”

The screams soon turned into echoing laughter that chilled Watanuki’s blood. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t tear his horror filled eyes away from the body that writhed on the floor in agony.

“Is this the price I pay?” The young man spat between clenched teeth as he rolled over onto his side, clawing at the flooring as another scream tore its away out of his mouth. “This is nothing compared to what Ashley had to go through!”

Watanuki heard Doumeki grunt. He never would have heard him had he not been paying attention to everything around him. He was digging his fingers into his tanned flesh, cutting him. He quickly stopped himself and just clung to him.

“I’LL HAVE TO DO BETTER!” He screamed as his body began to spasm violently as if he were on fire. His screams were terrible to hear. “I’LL HAVE TO MAKE THE OTHERS SUFFER LONGER AND HARDER FOR THEIR CRIMES!”

Watanuki pressed his face against Doumeki’s chest. “Make it stop.” He wanted it to stop. He didn’t like seeing anyone in so much agony. It wasn’t right. He felt Doumeki wrap his arms around him. It made him feel so warm, but it did nothing to block that terrible screaming.

“This is the price you pay, Jacinth Meadows,” Yuko said, gliding forward with her hair flapping like black wings all around her. “For each life you take as a God of Vengeance, your heart will make you suffer when the sun rises each morning for the rest of your eternity.”

“THEN THIS IS CHEAP!” Jacinth spat, throwing his head back with a shriek, and suddenly fell still.

Watanuki slowly turned his face back towards him and watched in disturbing awe. He watched how that flesh suddenly became white as bone, and how his hair became glistening strands of black spider’s silk that seemed to slither around his beautiful face like a nest of serpents.

“Welcome to your new home, Jacinth,” Yuko smiled. “I think I’ll let you do the dishes today.”

Cerulean eyes snapped open with a flash of silver fire from the black depths of the pupils. He sat up with the swiftness of a crocodile closing its jaws around a gazelle’s neck. That really freaked Watanuki out. No human could move that way. Wait! What did she just say? A God of Vengeance? This guy was a God?

“I don’t have time to play house,” Jacinth said, rising to his feet with graceful ease. His movements were not humanly possible. “I have to go kill people.”

Yuko just stepped to the side and let him pass. Watanuki just looked at her in shock, and pulled away from Doumeki’s grasp. “You’re just going to let him go?”

She shrugged. “I don’t have to do anything…not really.”

He cocked a brow. What the hell did that mean? He grabbed Doumeki by the hand without thinking, and pulled the bigger teen along after him.

“Hey!” He yelled, racing after the beautiful guy. “Where are you going?”

Jacinth didn’t answer him, but kept on walking. Now Watanuki was pissed. It was okay for Doumeki to ignore him, but not some guy he had just cleaned up.

He ran out the door with Doumeki, just in time to see Jacinth walk under the shop archway and get thrown backwards onto his ass by some invisible force. It looked as though he had run face first into a brick wall.

Doumeki snorted and Watanuki just gawked in shock. What the hell?

“You can’t leave the shop grounds while your heart still beats within your chest,” Yuko said from behind them. Watanuki turned to look. Where the hell had she found the time to change clothes again? Wow, that outfit was gorgeous.

“Then take it out!” Jacinth yelled, jumping to his feet with a dancer’s grace.

“Um, no,” she said. “These are my terms.”

“That I didn’t agree to!” He thundered, and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky.

“You agreed to whatever my price was,” she said, smiling that infamous smirk that meant she was up to something. It always made Watanuki shiver.

Jacinth grounded his teeth. “You wicked old witch!”

Yuko frowned. Oh, it was scary. It was the kind of scary you didn’t want to mess with. This guy needed to do something and he needed to do it fast in order to get that frown off her face. “Old?” She asked in that scary voice that made puppies run out into on-coming traffic just to escape from the sound.

Watanuki took a quick step behind Doumeki. A sudden wind rushed past the two of them and he turned to see that Jacinth was flat on his back. He looked like he had been smacked across the head. But, Yuko was still standing on the porch. Could she move that fast…and in those heels? Well, when it came to Yuko, he was sure every deity created in the heavens trembled at her mere blinking.

“Now,” she said, turning on a razor sharp heel. “I want sake.” She clapped her hands. “Hop to it, Watanuki.”

He blinked and looked to see that Jacinth was sitting up, rubbing his head, and cursing under his breath.

“Just you wait until the sun goes down, witch,” he snarled, stumbling to his feet. “I’ll show you…”

Watanuki shook his head. This kid had lots to learn. When it came to Yuko…you just do what you’re told. If she has the power to make, then she also has the power to break.

“Show me what?” Yuko asked, standing in the door, causing Watanuki to jump back with a shriek.

Jacinth looked away.

“Listen,” Yuko said, speaking with a funny accent, pointing at him. She was moving her lips kind of funny, too. “I made you. And I can break you just as easily.”

A loud gong suddenly went off, causing Watanuki to nearly jump out of his pants again.

“Mistress,” Maru and Moro chimed at the same time from behind her. “Your bath has been prepared.”

“Bathy with the bath-bath,” Mokona chirped right along, bouncing out and over to kiss Watanuki on the face.

“Christ,” Jacinth hissed.

“He’s losing weight as we speak,” Yuko said, following after the twins. “He has to fit back into that manger somehow.”

Watanuki’s left eye twitched. Who?

“Come on,” Doumeki said, taking him by the wrist. “I want sushi.”

“HEY!” Watanuki yelled, fighting with him even though he enjoyed being dragged. “What about him?”

“What about him?” Doumeki asked. “It’s not like he can go anywhere.”

The jock had a point.

“What would you like to eat, Jacinth?” He asked, turning around, causing Doumeki to halt.

“Oh, something simple,” Jacinth said. The guy looked like he was about to spit acidic venom straight into his eyes. Thank the gods he was wearing glasses.. “I would like all the hearts of my enemies to be deep-fried and smothered in chocolate. Do you think you could whip that up for me by sundown, Wa-tah-new-ki?”

Doumeki snorted.

“Um, no,” Watanuki said. “But I could fix you some chicken hearts if you like.”

“That’s what they all were,” Jacinth nodded and Watanuki could see the madness in those sad blue depths. “They were all a bunch of fucking chickens…and like chickens...I'm going to snap their twiggy little necks. I'm going to squeeze until their eyes pop from their sockets.”

The boy was looking at his hands like he had never seen them before in his life. Watanuki could still see the blood on them. They were painted with it. That crimson goo had dripped from his fingers, thick and dark.

Doumeki squeezed Watanuki’s hand in that exact moment. “Let’s leave him alone.”

“But…”

He squeezed his hand again. There was a look in the jock's eyes that told him that he really shouldn't argue. He really hated that look. It was the look that he knew he wouldn't win agaisnt should he start an argument.

“Okay…”

“We’ll be inside, out of this hot sun,” Doumeki said, leading Watanuki in. “And I’m going to lick the bowl.”

“What bowl?” Watanuki asked with a suspicious glare.

“The bowl, of course,” Doumeki smiled. “You’re making another chocolate cake, after all.”

Watanuki sniffed. It had been Yuko’s and Doumeki’s fault that the first one had been burned to a crisp. There was no way he could have saved it.

He looked back at the door which closed behind him. “Huh?” He suddenly asked, looking around. “Where did Mokona go?”

TBC…

Please review and tell me what you think.

Flora.