Endless Eight Ball

What is the most romantic encounter two people can share during the summer? Well, it really depends on who those people are. Kyon couldn't even begin to imagine what Haruhi would consider to be romantic, she never spoke of love or romance. To her, normal men were a waste of time, and for Kyon, being normal was what he did best. Less then a few days left and he didn't know where to start. And going to Haruhi would be like asking a dragon for a back rub. Not really sure why, Kyon picked up his cell phone and called Nagato.

Before it even rang, she answered, “Yes, Kyon?”

Startled he didn't even bother with small talk, “Um, what would be romantic?”

Without pausing to breath, Nagato explained. “Something to be considered romantic would be dealing with actions or interactions dealing with or involving feelings of the heart. Or, were you asking a more specific question?”

Kyon was stumped by how direct she was, “Yeah, um... do you know what Haruhi would find romantic?”

Nagato paused for a moment, for the first time in her life she was unsure how to answer. “No, there is no possible way for one person to now what another person believes to be romantic. And, dealing with Haruhi Suzumiya, it is even more complicated. She does not conform to the normal ideals of romance. But, I might have a suggestion...”

Kyon's heart skipped a beat, “...Yes?”

Nagato continued calmly as if giving someone a recipe for pie. “Well, I can give copies of the romance novels she's been reading, and copies of the movies shes watched. Maybe they can give you some insight in to what she finds to be romantic.”

Kyon smiled at the prospect of watching a bunch of chick flick and reading lovey dovey books, but given the severity of the situation figured his sacrifice would be worth it. Reluctantly he replied, “Sure, I'll come over to get them tomorrow.”

Cutting him off, Nagato said. “I have them, if you'd like them now.”

“How? And how do you know know what she reads?” He asked desperately.

“It is my job to observe, it is my purpose.” Nagato said blankly.

Slowly walking towards her house, Kyon took the time to enjoy what little he could of the quiet summer afternoon. The trees, a lovely lush green, starting to glow brighter as fall approached. The hot summer air held the quiet hint of a cold breeze as it ruffled leaves above him. The clouds burnt bright as the sun fell silently in the sky. Everything seemed extraordinarily normal, almost too perfect to exist in a world where so much chaos was going on. As he headed down the familiar path in front of Nagato's home, Kyon could feel something powerful in the air. He wasn't sure how to describe it, but it felt like something had changed. He shook the doubt from his head and pressed the button on the guest box and waited to be buzzed in to her apartment complex. As with the phone call, he didn't have to wait long, Nagato had known his exact location. She had observed him, just like everything else. A single knock, and Nagato handed him a bag full of books and DVDs, the weight of it letting him know just how long he was going to be doing his research.

When Kyon got home and opened the bag he found a note inside along with all the books. On it Nagato had written that when he closed the door to his room, she would seal time around him, so that he had all the time he needed to study. And that when he reopened his door, time would return to normal. This wasn't the first time that she had altered time, but the concept still boggled him. He sat down next to a cold cup of iced tea and plunged his had in to the bag and started reading the first book he grabbed.

To say it was painful would be a gross understatement. Page after page he read until his finger chapped and his mind felt numb. Stories of love, sex, aliens, feudal warriors and even governments being over thrown by oppressed citizens, it all hurt his head. Every story was as strange and unique as Haruhi was. Each one brought him further and further from what he wanted to learn. But slowly a pattern began to grow, every book seemed to show that a single person, over looked by society, had the power to change the world. It was something Haruhi had told him before, that when she was young, she had gone to a base ball game. It was there, sitting in a crowed of thousands of fans, that she realized just how small she was. The fear of being nobody, the fear of being normal, paralyzed her. It was then when she chose to be different, to seek out the unnatural. It was because of that moment the S.O.S. Club, the one that tormented Kyon everyday, was formed. Even the love stories she read seemed to follow this pattern. Stories where the last two people alive after the world ends, find each other and start their own new world. Stories where a single love affair cause countries to go to war. It was all to much to believe, but that was all Kyon found in the days he spent sifting through every last bit of information that he could. Slowly he reached for the handle on his door, as he turned it, he could feel the outside world spring back to life, the bag of books mysteriously disappearing from his room.

How the hell do you make a girl feel like she mattered more than anyone else on earth? A dozen roses didn't seem like the answer. Kyon felt like the days he spent reading were all a waste of time, every guy knew that you were supposed to make a girl feel important. But what he learned about women surprised him. For guys, sex was just something you needed to have to be cool, something that felt great, and you were supposed to tell all your friends about it afterwards. But from what he read, for girls, sex was something completely different. To say that men think about sex more than girls would be a lie, it's just what aspects of sex they think about are different. From what he read, it seemed like sex meant so much more than getting laid and feeling good. Every romance novel seemed to focus on the why behind the act, not the act itself. Pages and pages were devoted to what it meant for the main character, how they felt about their lover, about the bond they felt. When it came to making love they focused more on the exchange of more than just bodily fluids, but more feeling that couldn't be expressed in words. Kyon really didn't know what any of it meant, or how it would work when it came to Haruhi, but it really made him appreciate the fairer sex. If guys had to think of what every single thing meant, they would go insane. But for Kyon, he knew it was what he had to do to break the endless cycle he, and the rest of the world, were stuck in.

The next day Haruhi called the club out to go bug catching, as if nothing had happened between them. And to Haruhi, nothing had happened, she didn't think men were worth wasting thoughts over. The day was normal, a contest to see who could catch the most cicadas, and of course, Haruhi won. Everything played out like normal friends doing a normal summer activity. There was even a few brief moments when Kyon relaxed and started to enjoy the fun. But every time his eyes caught a glimpse of Haruhi, he could feel the overwhelming task set before him, bearing down with the weight of the world. As the club members finished packing up their bug catching equipment, Kyon pulled Haruhi aside, knowing he had to act.

Without any cation left to throw to the wind, Kyon threw away his last shred of shame and said, “Hey listen, are you doing anything later?”

Haruhi turned up her nose, but at least gave him an ear, “Why? More of your summer encounters?”

Kyon felt the ping of metal in his heart as her question hit the nail on the head. But, he knew better than to give her the upper hand, “No, and you were the one who started talking about summer encounters and seeing ghosts.”

“But I did see it, didn't you?” Haruhi's voice was loud enough to catch Nagato's attention.

Thinking quickly, Kyon blurted out, “No, but I hear there's a local cafe that's haunted. And I thought you'd like to investigate it.”

Haruhi smiled mischievously, “Haunted cafe? It doesn't seem like you're asking me out on a date at all...”

Blushing redder than the setting sun, Kyon nonchalantly replied, “Not at all... I just thought you'd like to see another ghost...”

Haruhi nodded, causing the universe to spit out the Mountain Dew it had just drank.

Haruhi wasn't know well for her dating record, her longest relationship lasted a week, the shortest being about five minutes. Going to dinner and a movie would have sent her up boredom creek, and she'd end up using her date's heart as a paddle. No, Kyon knew that he'd have to live up to Haruhi's expectations if he was going to get anywhere with her. Getting coffee at a run down shack wasn't much of a start, but it was all he could come up with.

As the lone employee showed them to their booth, Haruhi noticed that her side had been torn badly and what she hoped was a dark coffee stain. As Kyon sat down, she pushed him down the bench and sat down next to him. Not wanting to question his good fortune, Kyon kept his mouth shut. They ordered their drinks and while they waited they started talking about the cafe, and whither or not it was haunted.

“It's just old, any weird sounds are probably just the building creaking.” Kyon said, using logic to back his argument.

Skeptics always toped Haruhi's pet peeves list. “Oh come on did you see the waitress, you've got to know something's up with her. And where's the owner, I heard he disappeared without saying a word, a few years back.”

Kyon laughed, “Oh, just because she looks a little weird you think she's up to something? And didn't you see the picture in the front? In remembered of? The owner died a few years ago, he didn't die.”

Haruhi, getting excited, “Maybe he was murdered, like another coffee shop didn't like the competition. Or the government kidnapped him for a secret mission to get close to a drug lord that liked coffee.”

Knowing that Haruhi might actually believed those things, Kyon shook his head. “You know that guy was like ninety years old right? Who'd want to kill him?” Seeing the waitress with their drinks, Kyon quickly added, “Shhh... quite, she'll hear us.”

Since the waitress started wiping down the empty tables near them they had to end their conversation. While sipping her drink, Haruhi watched the waitress going about her business. Noticing something strange, Haruhi started to nudge Kyon, but he didn't pick up on her signals. Breathlessly trying to get his attention she started to tap his leg and nudge him with her hips. Now to Haruhi, this seemed like a normal way to tell someone something. She thought her message was clear. But, Kyon, being a guy, missed the point completely. He slid his body closer to her, and for some unknown reason, she didn't protest. Even though Haruhi was, and always would be Haruhi, she was also a teenage girl. And, at that moment in time, something closer to this world seemed to catch her attention. Something closer to Kyon. Her hand seemed to tap higher up his leg. Kyon felt the panic building up in him as he realized where her had was drifting.

“We can't do this here.” His worried voice squeaked out.

Without thinking, Haruhi replied, “Well, where can we do this?”

Both of them were surprised by her question. Haruhi had never kidded around in her life. Kyon had never her her tell a single lie, or even bend the truth even a little. She just said whatever she was thinking and didn't give a damn about what others thought about it. Even when she said the most outrageous things, she was always serious. Kyon swallowed the lump growing in his throat down with his coffee. Knowing Haruhi would always get what she wanted, said, “Fine, go ahead.”

Driven by curiosity more than lust, Haruhi slipped her hand up by his crotch. Gasping through his teeth, Kyon cursed the sky, cursed who ever thought this would have been a good idea, he even cursed who ever built that damn cafe, wish who ever it was, would just drop dead. But, as her fingers dipped behind the waistband of his boxers, he found himself thanking them.

Making sure the waitress was well out of sight, Kyon unbuttoned his pants, exposing his growing boxers. Haruhi didn't seem to worry if any one was around as she grasped the warm flesh in her hand, her cold fingers causing Kyon to jump in his seat. Kyon looked around franticly, hoping nobody had seen him, but there was no one there to see him. Slowly he grew harder as she moved her hand around causing more pain than pleasure.

“Not so tight, and watch your nails,” Kyon whispered.

Squeezing harder, Haruhi replied out loud, “Don't tell me how to do this.”

Even though it seemed like she didn't care, Kyon could feel the difference in her strokes. Her grip loosened, and he could feel her velvety hand sliding up and down his shaft. Careful not to breath to loud, Kyon put his arm around her neck, letting her arm move more freely and making it look a little less obvious what was going on. For what felt like the world most wonderful hour, Kyon sat there and enjoyed the works of one person he had never imagined himself with. And then the waitress returned to check on them.

“Oh, look at you two, all cozied up like that. Would you two like desert?” The waitress asked, her vision blocked by the table.

Kyon desperately tried to get Haruhi to stop, but she, almost literally, had him by the balls. Taking a breath, and careful not to moan, Kyon said, “No thanks, I think we're done here,” Adding emphasis on the word done.

Haruhi laughed a little, stroking harder as she said, “Actually, I'd like something creamy.”

The waitress, having no idea what was going on under the table, suggested, “Well, we do have lemon Meringue cream pie that's kind of creamy.”

Haruhi giggled mischievously, “Yes, a creampie sounds good...” Kyon could believe his ears.

The waitress nodded and went to get their order. As soon as the kitchen door closed, Kyon relaxed. Which, along with Haruhi's hand still pumping and what she had just said, caused Kyon to loose control. Twitching hard in her hand, he came, hot fluid landing on her hand and on his pants. Haruhi brought her hand up to her nose and sniffed it, wrinkling her nose up in disgust. But, still driven by curiosity, she licked at the sticky mess on her hand. Kyon couldn't believe his eyes, it had been the single hottest thing he had ever seen, and his member quickly shot up again, harder than before.

The waitress came back with the desert and Kyon quickly buttoned up his pants. After thanking the waitress, Kyon quickly turned to Haruhi and whispered, “I can't leave here like this, my pants are a mess.”

Haruhi kissed him softly. She winked and said, “Here I've got an idea.” And dumped what was left of her scalding coffee on his crotch.

“Waitress, could you bring us a towel, we've seemed to have made a mess.” Haruhi called out as Kyon whimpered in pain.

After limping Haruhi back to her home and kissing her good night, Kyon quickly ran home to do something with all the pain he had. After a shower and a cold towel, Kyon finally was able to relax. Looking over at his clock he noticed that it was much later than he thought it was. Much much later, almost midnight. And it dawned on him, tonight was the night. Checking the calender to make sure, it was the thirty first, it was the last day before time reset.

He cursed himself for not thinking of this sooner. Panicking, Kyon grabbed his cell phone and called the first person he could think of, Nagato. Again, it didn't even ring.

“Yes, Kyon?” Nagato answered.

Pressed for time, Kyon blurted out. “Um, in case tonight didn't work, in case we have to do this again, can you promise to do something for me?”

Nagato nodded, not thinking that Kyon couldn't see her though the phone, and said, “Yes.”

“Just promise you'll call me as soon as time resets. Please. Please call me and tell me what is going on, tell me about the time loop. That way we can think of a way to fix this.” His heart was pounding in his ears.
Nagato again, simply nodded and said, “Yes.”

“Oh, and tell me that Haruhi like to do it in public. Hopefully I'll know what I mean.”


To be continued (unless Kyon's plan worked, which we all know it didn't)

Bonus section - If you've read those 4koma nyoron things, here's a little something that I've been working on.

Smoked Semen 1
Churuya - Hay Kyon-kun, does semen taste like smoked cheese?
Kyon - Why don't you find out... **cums in her mouth**
Churuya - No, not really...
Kyon - That's too bad.
Churuya - Nyoro~n

Smoked Semen 2
Churuya - Hey Nagotcchi, does semen taste like smoked cheese?
Nagato - Well cheese is comprised of a protein similar to the one found in semen.
Churuya - So does it?
Nagato - Not at all.
Churuya - Nyoro~n


Authors notes

I've got's lots of things planned for this, since every chapter can be something new. I've got plans for Haruhi/Kyon/Mikuru Kyonko/Haruhi and even a Mikuru/Kyon to make Haruhi jealous. If any of those sounds good, let me know and I can focus on that one. Also if you have something you'd like to see, this story is wide open and if I can, I'll be happy to work it in.

I have used a lot of info from the books and anime, so I want to site everything here as a quote, so I don't have to worry about plagiarism. If it sounds like it's from the book, it probably is.

And as always, thanks to

megadeth425
Rommel
Raelax Darkmoon
Narshe Delvar
anonymous
Juy Juka
SuperMutant
Imasuky Lomae
EBlair
sw-01
ninesenshi
Anonelbe

It's people like you guys that make writing worth while, so if you keep leaving reviews I'll keep writing the stories (I hope) you like. Also if you liked it rate it. I know it's shallow, but it's like a drug for me when I see those numbers.

Anyways, thanks for reading
and remember, have any pets you find spayed or neutered.
Even if you don't know the owner.