Walking Wounded

I rewrote this chapter a few months ago, and I'm still not crazy about it. I's not one of the best chapters, but it's a kind of needs-to-be-there chapter, and after editing it I couldn't change it enough for it not to suck. Sorry

CHAPTER 2

Only an hour after Choutarou's parents had left and the two teens were still a couch apart. Choutarou curled up at one end, and Shishido sprawled at the other. He had figured that the moment his boyfriend's parents left, they would quit the act.

Not a chance.

Choutaoru was too afraid his parents would return for something and catch them being more than friendly. Shishido's advances had been avoided by a quiet, 'stay on that side in case my parents come back for something ...they're notorious for forgetting things and walking in randomly, I don't want them to catch us.'

Shishido had snorted in frustration and stayed at his end of the couch, he had bit his tongue to quell his nasty retort of, "and what would they walk in on? It's not like you'll let me do anything anyways!"

His eyes had wandered away from the movie constantly, more interested in watching the lights flicker over Choutarou's skin, catching in his hair. The changing lights illuminated the ends of his long eyelashes and brightened his warm eyes. His plain t-shirt had caught the lights as well, throwing shadows teasingly around his chest - hinting at the muscles concealed underneath. He had been tempted to ignore the others wishes and crawl across the couch into his lap, to lick along the shadows of his neck and caress the shadows of his jeans. But he wouldn't, he knew it would start another fight. Even when the couple in the movie had stripped each other down and started to fuck savagely over an office desk, causing his temperature to spike and his own jeans to tighten, he stayed at his end. Choutaoru had noticed his fidgetting throughout the movie, but when Shishido had attempted to hide his erection he rolled his eyes dramatically.

"Is sex the only thing you think about?"

Shishido snapped his attention from the television to his partner with a confused, "Enh?"

"You're hard, just from a fake sex scene. And I can see you staring at me ..." Chotuarou answered, his voice tight with annoyance.

"What the fuck's with the attitude Choutarou?" Shishido snapped, "of course I'm fucking hard, I haven't gotten ANYTHING from you in almost a MONTH ..." Frustration had blocked all hesitation and second-though, causing him to angrily blurt out the first thing that came to mind.

Choutarou frowned, "don't take that tone with me Ryou ..."

Shishido was losing his patience, the fight was starting again, and he hadn't even done anything. The simplest thing like a glance or a stray hand would send Choutarou into a fit as of late, frustrating the teen. He had pulled from Shishido even more, saying that he thought his parents were getting suspicious and wanted to quell any thoughts. This meant they saw less and less of each other.

"Well Jesus Christ Choutarou! I can't even hold your fucking HAND without you panicing and making sure your parents don't see! Am I disgusting to you or something that you won't even let me TOUCH you, and fuck, I don't even mean sexually for once!" Shishido slammed his hand down on the arm rest of the couch, pulling one leg up under himself to be able to turn towards Choutarou.

"For once is right!"

"Now what the fuck was THAT supposed to mean!?" Shishido reeled back, glaring heatedly.

"You've been pressuring me more and more lately about sex!" Ootori returned the glare ten-fold.

"Well maybe if you paid some attention to me and didn't treat me exactly like one of your other friends I wouldn't have to remind you I'm your god-damned BOYFRIEND!" Shishido threw his hands into the air. It was true that he had been pressuring Choutarou a little more than usual, but he was starting to feel he was being cast aside, put back into the title of "best friend".

"Attention? To you or your dick Ryou?" The responce was given quick, with a roll of angry brown eyes.

"That's too far Choutarou!" Shishido bolted up from the couch, knocking the popcorn off his lap and onto the floor. The impact was muffled by the thick carpet, but wouldn't have been heard over the blood boiling in Shishido's ears anyway. Never before had he gotten so angry at his usually timid partner, the uncharacteristic responses Choutarou had been throwing at him had pushed him completely over the edge. His vision had turned red, eyes narrowed in anger. His chest heaved in an attempt to calm down, fists clenching. Fights that filled him with that much rage usually ended up with bloodied knuckles and a black eye. As pissed off as he was at Choutarou, he would never DREAM of hitting him.

"It's always sex with you!" Ryou's attitude had set Choutarou off as well, his normal timid and respectful act cast aside. The mask he always wore was broken, allowing out the demon he kept trapped inside, "I'm starting to think you don't care about me aside from a fucking piece of ass!"

Shishido drew back in shock, he had never heard Choutarou swear. In any of their previous fights Choutarou had always been the calm one, the first one to be reduced to tears instead of a fit of rage. Shishido felt off set, this wasn't a normal fight - both of their inner demons were let loose, butting heads and ripping talons. Everything they had been holding back from the beginning had finally snapped, and like water from a broken dam, it all came out. All of Shishido’s instincts told him to plant his fist, with a low growl he tightened his hands until his knuckles turned white. He wouldn't hit Choutarou, this had to be resolved with their words, as venomous as they were. He had seen men hit their girlfriends, and swore to himself he would never be reduced to an abusive partner who took out their frustrations on the defenseless body of their lover.

"How do you think -I- feel? You're not even treating me like a boyfriend-" before Shishido could continue he was cut off by Ootori abruptly standing up, his dark figure easily towering over him.

"It's always about you! Your needs! Your wants! You're a selfish BRAT Ryou! Have you ever stopped to think about what -I- want? Have you ever stopped to think about what I go through day-to-day while you're not here? Unlike you, I don't HAVE accepting parents! I have parents who condem gays! Who would rather DIE than have a gay child! I live under a strongly traditional roof Ryou! I'm terrified of my parents! You have no place to be throwing accusations at me until you’ve been in my shoes!"

Shishido's fight left him, leaving him winded and dizzy. Choutarou was terrified of his parents? How? Why hadn't he told him before?

But Choutarou didn't stop, couldn’t stop, all of his thoughts never before spoken aloud came crashing out. "My entire life I've been taught that being gay is wrong, I've been raised with extremely traditional values where the male marries a woman to honour the family by carrying on the name. It's how they live, it's how we live! My father is honourable, and there is no way I could go against him, dishonour our family name! That's something you don't understand!" Choutaoru was slowly losing wind, his shoulders slumping and voice quieting. "God ...it's not that I don't care about you, I want nothing more than to let everyone know that we're dating. I -WANT- to touch you, for crying out loud, I -WANT- to have sex with you ...but I can't ...if my father found out ..." Choutarou collapsed back onto the couch, burying his face in his hands.

Deafening silence filled the dark room, the credits from the forgotten movie reflecting onto the wall behind them. Choutarou's silver hair occasionally catching the light, making it shimmer. The tears rolling down Shishido's cheeks catching the light as well.

"Choutarou ...why, why didn't you say anything before?" He couldn't understand, why hadn't his boyfriend confided this in him? Wasn't that what he was there for?

"Don't bother Shishido ..."

Shishido stepped back as if slapped, eyes widened in shock. Choutarou's voice came out bitter, running on defeated anger.

"Just leave ..."

Shock rooted him to the spot. The voice coming out of the body of his boyfriend wasn't his! The voice sounded tired - the voice of someone who carried burdens beyond his years, worn out and angry. His normally cheerful voice was darkened, husky from his screaming.

"Choutarou? What?"

"Just leave Shishido, I can't deal with you right now ..." His head stayed bowed, fingers tangled in his hair.

"Why haven't you told me all this before?" Shishido pursued, the demon in his stomach turning over and getting ready for another fight.

"Would you have cared?"

Shishido hissed, Choutarou wouldn't even lift his head to look at him when he talked, "at least look at me when you talk to me Ootori!"

His brown eyes, darkened with anger, slowly rolled upwards. He glared at Shishido through his fingers before curling them under his chin, "if you're going to be so fucking demanding Shishido, at least answer god-damned questions when they're asked of you," his own demon twisting and turning in his gut.

"Would I have cared? Have you lost your mind? Of course I would have cared! You're more than a piece of ass, if I only wanted a casual fuck I would have picked someone up from the bar," his voice never rose above a harsh whisper, the static from the television never dulling the rage in his voice.

Choutarou laughed bitterly, "you sure haven't treated me like that, it's always sex sex sex!"

"Back to this again, huh?" Shishido crossed his arms, a bitter smirk across his lips to match the bitter laughter from his partner.

"Maybe if you had stopped thinking with your cock, Ryou, I would have been able to TELL you how I felt ..." Choutarou's voice was tired, his shoulders slumped and elbows resting on his knees.

Shishido frowned, so now it was his fault? "Always my fault isn't it? You were calling me selfish earlier, so for a second here I'll stop thinking about myself ...how long have we been dating? How long were we friends before that? In all that time not ONCE have you confided in me, I thought that's what friends were for. You keep everything to yourself, do you like shouldering everything on your own? Do you like punishing yourself? Or are you looking for pity? Poor Choutarou stuck with a bull-headed asshole of a friend he can't trust ...is that it?"

"Pity?" Ootori's eyes narrowed.

"Why haven't you ever confided in me when you've had every opportunity? Don't trust me?" Shishido continued, his voice never rising, even though the rage he was feeling was burning in his stomach, making him almost ill.

"Of course I trust you ..." He wasn't sure where his smaller partner was going with his new rant, "what are you getting at?"

"Bullshit you trust me! You ran to me when you were having problems with your girlfriends, but never once did you talk to me ...I get it now," the long gone bitter smile returned.

"Get what?"

"Was I a security blanket? Something to run to when you were scared?"

It was Choutarou's turn to laugh, "you're being stupid Ryou ..."

"Of course, stupid me ...stupid people can't be trusted, just used to make you feel better and then to be tossed aside ..."

Choutarou's head snapped up, his eyes narrowed in confusion, "now what the fuck are you talking about? I'm using you?"

Shishido's mind had gone cloudy in his anger, "seems that way, you come to me when you need comfort and then toss me aside. Is that why you're pushing me away? You have no use for me anymore? Since you can't confide anything deeper than how you can't get it up for a chick you have no use for me?"

Utter astonishment and confusion were written across Choutarou's face; eyes widened and mouth agape, "you've lost it ...you've completely lost it, where the hell are you getting all this from? You've gone fucking insane!"

"Then why won't you talk to me!?" Shishido snapped, his voice rising for the first time.

Choutarou rolled his eyes and threw himself back against the couch, arms over the backrest. "You're a piece of work Shishido, you know that? Here you are, throwing accusations at ME, all because I won't fuck you ...you got some balls."

Shishido growled angrily, white teeth flashing against lips reddened by heated blood, "go to hell Ootori."

"Nice," the person sitting across from Shishido was no longer his timid boyfriend. He was a man transformed by anger and frustration. What sat across from him was the person the timid Ootori Choutarou kept hidden behind a mask of polite words and simple gestures.

"I finally get to see the real you," bitterness, "couldn't even show me that? You had to act in front of me as well? Stringing me along like you string along everyone else, secretly laughing at us when we buy your good-boy act?" Hatred, "you can't even value me above everyone else? That's why you don't confide in me, I'm just one of the herd to you, just another of the stupid people you fool day by day."

No response, only cold eyes quietly measuring.

"Have me all figure out don't you?" No gentleness left in his voice, a stranger now to the one who knew him best.

"I had Ootori Choutarou figured out, I don't know who the fuck you are ..." hatred, betrayal, fear ...tears.

"I had thought you of all people would have been able to see me for me, seems like you were too in love with the mask," Completely calm, expressionless face never marred. Mask fully in place now, protecting the broken interior.

Tears continued to fall down Shishido's cheeks, running into the seem of his lip and curling under his chin to dampen the collar of his shirt.

"I fucking hate you Ootori."