Unlocking My Love

Title: Unlocking My Love
Author: JadeHeart
Fandom: Gravitation
Warnings: some bad language, slight sexual thoughts, masturbation
Author’s Note: I had intended to post this chapter before heading off to China at the start of May but I finished it just before I left – meaning that the taxi was waiting at the door to go to the airport so I had no time to post, so unfortunately it has been waiting for my return. Now that I have arrived home here it is.
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this, they belong to the creator of ‘Gravitation’.

-o0o-

Chapter 20


This tableau held for a heartbeat longer then Annette let out a shrill shriek, turned and fled back down the passageway, her angry scream of “SHUUUUUU! You….!”, then the slam of a door cut off the rest of her words.

“What?!” came an answering shout.

Yuki heard the sound of pounding feet again and this time Shuichi slid into view, fully clothed, hair tousled, breathing hard, earphones tangled around his neck.

His eyes widened as he stared at Yuki, then his face split into a broad smile.

“Yuki!” he cried out. “What are you doing here? I wasn’t expecting you till tomorrow.”

Before Yuki had a chance to respond in any way the smile fled from Shuichi’s face as he turned to look back down the corridor where Annette had fled and one hand came up to slap his forehead.

“Ah, shoot!” he exclaimed. He waved a hand at Yuki. “Come in, come in. Make your self at home.” He headed down the passage way. “I’ll be back in a sec, okay?”

Yuki slowly turned, reaching out for the door and for a moment wondered if he should just walk through it and leave but his hand hesitated, trembling, before he pushed and closed the door firmly instead.

He leant down and picked up his coat where it had fallen to the floor and hung it carefully on the hook before stepping forward towards the sitting room. He could hear the sound of muted voices from down the corridor but could discern no words.

Sitting on the couch his thoughts were still spinning. What the hell was that girl doing here?!

“I’m so sorry, Yuki!” Shuichi suddenly reappeared. “You’ve managed to catch us all by surprise.”

“Obviously,” Yuki replied, bitterness underlying his words. He was beginning to wonder if he had interrupted some sort of tryst and he wasn’t feeling very magnanimous.

Shuichi opened his mouth to say something when there came a loud knocking at the door. “Hold on,” Shu said, turning to answer it.

“Hey, buddy!” Yuki heard Hiro’s voice greeting Shuichi. “Man, that smells good! Guess you won’t be poisoning us tonight!”

“Only you, my friend. Only you,” was Shuichi’s cheerful response.

Yuki turned his head to see Hiro solicitously taking Ayaka’s coat and hanging it up next to his own. When he looked across and spotted Yuki, his eyes widened in surprise.

“When did you get back into town?” Hiro asked, stepping forward and heading straight for the other couch.

“Hello, Eiri,” Ayaka greeted him politely with a shallow bow and a smile. “Shuichi hadn’t mentioned that you would be joining us this evening.”

“It hadn’t been planned,” Shuichi called out from the kitchen where he had gone to get drinks for everyone. “Yuki had said he’d be back tomorrow so I wasn’t expecting him tonight.”

“I sent you a message,” Yuki grunted, feeling the pressure begin to build in his temples. Why did he feel as he was being blamed for something here?

“You did?” Shuichi queried, reaching for his phone on the counter.

The sound of further footsteps heralded the arrival of Annette, now dressed, hair tied back.

“Ah, good evening,” she said hesitantly in formal speech.

“Hey,” Hiro greeted her casually, whilst Ayaka’s nod and soft ‘hello’ followed as she seated herself on the floor beside the other girl.

“So do you remember the old sour puss over there?” Hiro asked, nodding towards Yuki.

Annette glanced at Yuki and her face flushed as she answered. “Yes, I remember.” She seemed to take a deep breath and lifted her head to look at him directly. “Hello, Yuki,” she said. “How have you been?”

“Fine,” he answered curtly.

“Don’t mind him,” Hiro reassured Annette. “He’s like that with everyone.”

Shuichi joined them just at that moment, placing drinks before them all, and gave Yuki an apologetic look. “I’m really sorry I missed your message. I had left the phone out here and hadn’t heard it ring.”

Annette glared at him. “You mean you knew he was coming over? Why didn’t you tell me?!” she said indignantly.

Shuichi placed his hands together before him and bowed to her. “I really didn’t see the message! Honest!” he apologized. “Forgive me!”

“Humph!” she sniffed, turning her head away and not looking at him.

“What’s the problem?” Hiro wanted to know, looking between the two of them.

Shuichi lifted one hand and self consciously scratched the back of his head. “Uhm, Yuki sort of turned up unannounced and caught Annette just getting out of the shower,” he explained.

“Oh my!’ Ayaka exclaimed, one hand coming up to cover her mouth expressing her shock, a light flush of embarrassment on her cheeks.

“It wasn’t like that!” Annette hurriedly tried to explain. “I had a towel on and it’s not like he saw anything or was trying to do anything! I just heard someone call out and thought it was Shu so came out here and he was standing there instead!” She flushed again. “It was just a shock, that’s all.’’

“Ha!” Hiro crowed, slapping his knee. “Bet he was just as shocked seeing a naked woman in Shuichi’s apartment, am I right?”, looking over at Yuki with a wicked twinkle in his eye.

Yuki glared at him. "It wasn’t quite what I was…expecting,” he grated out, trying to keep it polite and biting back on the words that he really wanted to say.

Shuichi laughed also. “Yeah, it was probably a big shock for them both. You should have heard Annette scream! She sounded like a banshee!”

“That’s not funny!” Annette fumed, tossing a cushion forcefully into Shuichi’s face, catching him completely off guard.

“Hey!” Shuichi mock growled. “I’ll get you for that!”, and he pounced on Annette and proceed to pummel her with the cushion, although it was gently done.

Watching the two of them play-fighting, seeing the way Annette laughed and giggled at Shuichi pretending to be angry, made Yuki’s insides crawl. Worse though was seeing the smile on Shuichi’s face and the carefree manner that he was behaving which sent a stabbing pain directly through his heart. The two of them seemed so in tune with each other; anyone watching would have thought the same.

Completely unlike he and Shuichi.

“Enough you too, or we’ll never get to eat,” Hiro said, settling them both. “Which leads to the next question of when do we eat ‘cause I’m famished.”

Shuichi got up and reached a hand down to assist Annette to her feet also, then the two of them headed for the kitchen.

“Right now,” he declared, pulling a pot from the stove whilst Annette set out bowls. “You had better appreciate it,” Shuichi threatened. “I spent all day slaving over the stove to make this you know so I don’t want to hear any complaints.”

“Aw, isn’t that sweet of you,” Hiro said, smirking . “You shouldn’t have, honey.”

“Anything for you, darling,” Shuichi simpered back, blowing Hiro a kiss. A light slap to the back of his head from Annette made him turn.

“Less talk and more work,” she said, shaking a finger at him. “You’re putting some of us off our food.”

“Ah, you know I love you too,” Shuichi grinned, leaning over and giving her a peck on the cheek.

“Yes, yes, just hurry up before it goes cold.” She shooed him away impatiently and began to carry the dishes over to the others.

Yuki’s fingers itched to light up a cigarette but he could hardly do so now that the food was served and there was little pause for ceremony before everyone fell to with eating. His insides continued to churn as he watched Ayaka serve Hiro, whilst Annette dropped various things onto the plate Shuichi held out. It was such a ‘couple-y’ thing to do that it made him feel nauseous. He hardly noticed when Ayaka filled his bowl also, just absently lifting it and beginning to eat. His entire focus was on Shuichi.

As the meal progressed Yuki began to feel almost invisible. In between eating he continued to drink. He hardly had to be concerned about the quantity as he wasn’t driving, but even if he had driven his current state of mind would have made him drink like this anyway. All he could do was sit there and watch the interactions with the people before him. He barely cast a glance towards Ayaka and Hiro, not even when Hiro draped an arm casually around Ayaka’s shoulders. No, what held his attention was Shuichi and Annette. Every word, every action that passed between them Yuki scrutinized intently, and his depression increased.

Between the two of them, with interjections from Hiro and the odd quiet word from Ayaka, the conversation seemed a continuous flow that washed around and over Yuki. He barely joined in, answering the odd question tossed his way with little more than a monosyllable before taking another drink. Every time Shuichi smiled over at him his chest tightened further, for after each such moment he would then return his attention to Annette.

Yuki stood and made his way to the kitchen, tipping the beer can up one last time to drain the final dregs before dropping it in the bin. He contemplated getting another when he felt that someone was behind him and turned to see Annette standing there, holding some of the empty dishes. He moved to one side and she continued on to place them in the sink.

“How much,” she suddenly said, making him stop, back to her, “do you really like Shu?”

Yuki couldn’t turn to face her as he ground his teeth in growing irritation. What right did she have to ask him such a question?!

“Shu told me about you two,” she continued, as though she hadn’t expected him to answer. “I mean, about how you two were before.”

She came into his line of sight, placing herself in front of him, her face serious. “Do you really love Shu?” she asked bluntly. “Or is it all just a sham like we thought it was? I don’t know what Shu was like before, or what his life was like back then, but I do know what he’s like now.” She crossed her arms defiantly. “I won’t let you hurt him.”

Yuki stared down at the girl, feeling like claws were raking down the inside of his skull as her words jabbed through him. Did he love Shuichi? Of course he fucking loved him! Why else would he have done all this? Why else would he have endured these gut-wrenching emotions and been led around by the nose?! He loved the fucking idiot so much it was killing him!

But he didn’t say any of that to Annette, remaining silent.

Annette lifted her chin stubbornly and glared at him. “Fine then. Just remember you can’t just think to take what you want when ever you please,” and she turned away and returned to the others.

Yuki stood there a moment longer, darkness swirling around him, filling his vision. Had the little bitch had just warned him off? He was sure she had. She had just challenged him for Shuichi! He hadn’t thought she was the type to do that but what else could she have meant? Hell, it was just the sort of thing that Tohma would have done!

His jaw began to ache painfully from clenching it so tightly and he could feel his chest rising and falling rapidly as he tried to control his racing breath. That’s it! He wasn’t staying here a moment longer watching everyone play ‘Happy Families’, deliberately rubbing his nose in it.

He turned and headed for the door.

“I’m going,” he said curtly, not even bothering to stop and say his good-byes any more politely.

“Sure,” Hiro called out. “See you ‘round.”

“Good-bye, Eiri,” was Ayaka’s quiet response.

“Hey, Yuki!” and he could hear Shuichi run closer as he lifted his coat from the hook and slipped it on. “Are you going already?”

He turned to see Shuichi looking up at him with a small frown. He bit back on the sharp retort he was tempted to make, instead just nodding sharply. “Yes,” he said, turning and reaching for the door handle.

“Well, will you be coming round tomorrow night like we’d arranged?” Shuichi reaching out as though to touch him and Yuki quickly stepped out of range.

“I’ll be busy,” he replied, lying.

“Oh,” It was only his imagination that Shuichi sounded a little crestfallen. “Well, I’ll call you so we can sort something else out, okay?”

“Fine. See you,” and Yuki stepped through the door and set off briskly down the corridor, not looking back.

-oOo-

Shuichi lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, still unable to sleep.

This evening had been turned out to be full of surprises.

He hadn’t expected Yuki tonight, knowing that he was originally not returning until tomorrow so it had been an added bonus that he had come over. When he had first seen Yuki standing there in the hall, his heartbeat had begun to race so fast he thought it was trying to run up his throat and choke him with pleasure!

Shuichi ran a hand through his hair, brushing the stands back from his eyes as he continued to look upwards.

He was very glad now that Yuki had come though since he said they couldn’t have their dinner date tomorrow night as originally planned.

Whilst Yuki had been away he had tentatively suggested dinner, not really knowing if he was being pushy or how Yuki would react. He had even told Yuki that he would do the cooking as it was a special occasion. He’d practically held his breath until Yuki’s monosyllable text of acceptance had come back.

Immediately he’d begun making plans and preparations, agonising over every single thing. It had taken him two days of intense thought and pouring over recipe books to determine what he might cook, as well as further research on the internet, and badgering his mother and Maiko over the phone for suggestions also. They had both expressed surprise and disbelief at first but then had been more than happy to give him some hints which he was extremely grateful for. His culinary skills may have improved a little from his time living in North America but he was still far from being as skilled as Yuki was.

That was what he was worrying about the most. He wanted to impress Yuki, but choosing to do so through cooking was probably the most difficult thing for him to have chosen. However he wanted to show Yuki that he could do it, and show him that he didn’t mind making the effort for him. He still worried though because he wanted to make certain that it all went perfectly for his night with Yuki and there were so many things that could go wrong, so he had been working like a whirlwind on a permanent adrenalin high very since that moment.

That was why he had arranged tonight’s dinner party. It was to have actually been a trial run for his dinner date with Yuki and he had bullied Hiro into agreeing to be his guinea pig as a taste-tester. Ayaka had willingly come as moral support for her boyfriend, willing to risk it also.

He had begun preparing the meal first thing that morning, not knowing how long it would take him. The last thing he wanted to have happen would be for Yuki to arrive for dinner and leaving him waiting for hours because he had mistimed things. He had laid out all the recipes carefully, ensuring they were all firmly anchored down so no sudden gust of wind could disturb then. Next all the ingredients were gathered from the refrigerator and cupboards, painstakingly checked off against the corresponding list and neatly grouped together with its corresponding recipe.

Then, washing his hands and taking a deep breath, he reached for the first pile and began. Annette had offered to help but he had refused, shooing her out of the kitchen although allowing her to sit and watch as he continued. He wanted to know that he could do this all on his own, so he could do this just for Yuki. However, he was willing to accept the few suggestions Annette offered to him as he continued, sometimes pausing to write an additional note on one of the recipes as a reminder to himself when he repeated this tomorrow night.

He practically sweated whilst he did this; not because it was hot, but because he felt so nervous. He had to laugh at himself reacting like this. He could face a stadium of thousands but trying to cook one meal was making him shake!

He was very glad of Annette’s company during this time as she kept up a comfortable light chatter whilst he cooked, occasionally getting up and changing the music playing in the background. He had soon realised that she was doing it deliberately. She wasn’t exceptionally musical herself but she did enjoy music, and she tried to match the music as best she could to what Shuichi was doing. So when he was busy doing a lot of dicing she chose a song with a rapid back beat and he soon found himself matching his strokes to the beat. When he was slowly stirring a simmering pot, carefully watching it so it wouldn’t boil over, she chose a slow mellow tune.

He found that he began to relax a little due to this and actually begin to enjoy the cooking, not stressing so much. He had caught Annette grinning at him as he had pull himself up short when he realised he had just been waving the spoon he’d been holding like a baton and subsequently splattered the kitchen bench and floor with the liquid clinging to it.

When the meal was finally almost complete, he had breathed a huge sigh of relief and grinned as Annette had applauded him. He gave a flourishing bow in reply and laughed out loud, throwing his arms up in a bone-snapping stretch and closed his eyes briefly for a moment. Now all that was left was to see how it actually tasted.

He had therefore been a little sorry in one way that Yuki had arrived back early because he had wanted to be certain the meal was edible before presenting it to him. Unfortunately that’s not the way it worked out and so Yuki had been subjected to the food, completely untried. However it appeared to have been a success. Yuki had eaten it with no complaint, Ayaka had complimented him which meant a great deal as she was also an exceptional cook, and no-one had made a sudden dash for the bathroom to throw up. All in all, those were good signs.

Shuichi rolled over onto his side, pulling the quilt around him a little tighter. As much as this evening had been great – good food, good company – he still wished that Yuki hadn’t been there. If Yuki had returned tomorrow as planned, they could have had a quiet dinner, just for the two of them. They could have talked, he would have heart Yuki praise him for his cooking. They could have had a few drinks; perhaps....

His thoughts trailed off as he felt his body grow hot. He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about the kiss he had shared with Yuki before he had left and had been half-hoping that there would be the opportunity to do so again. And even, perhaps, a little more?

He groaned as he pulled the pillow over his head. Damn it, he had been looking forward to that almost as much as anything else! He squirmed at the stiffness building in his groin. Shit, he didn’t want to have to do this again.

Giving into need he slipped a hand beneath the covers. Eyes closed as his hand wrapped around his erection. The image of Yuki’s face easily came to him; the remembered feel of his lips, his hot breath caressing his face. It only took moments before he stiffened, swallowing his cry and feeling the pulsing stickiness on his hand.

Shuichi sighed as he breathed deeply for a moment after then withdrew his hand. He fumbled around for his tissues and wiped himself down, grimacing a little. He didn’t want to go the bathroom and risk disturbing Annette in the next room. For some reason he felt embarrassed to have her see him in this state. Strange really when they had lived together before and had even been intimate so it wasn’t like she wasn’t quite aware of his bodily functions. However now it was different, and this was not something to be sharing so openly with her any longer.

Since breaking up with her they had still needed to be in touch. Initially it was so he could finalise such things as what to do with his things over there, his jobs, and various other everyday tasks, including closing of bank accounts and the like. Annette had helped him do as much as possible and so they had spoken on the phone any number of times at the beginning. Once that had all been settled, they had continued to remain in touch, although it was usually only through the odd email or text message now, phone calls having dwindled. He guessed at one time they would lose touch completely, probably when she got another boyfriend but he hadn’t wanted that yet. She was still a very important person to him and he owed her a great deal.

So when he had heard from her that her family were coming to Japan to visit relatives he’d been delighted. He was excited that he would now have the opportunity to share some of Japan with her and show her his home and everything he was doing. It wasn’t the same trying to describe it through an email. It was also his way of repaying her for the time she had supported him in Canada.

And, if he was completely honest, it also gave him a chance to show off a little to her. Her discovery about his position as lead singer in Bad Luck had been sudden, and then he had left almost immediately after to return to Japan. He wanted to show her now that it really was the case and just how good Bad Luck was. He could admit that he was a little vain like that, but he felt proud of the band and their success and couldn’t see anything wrong in showing people that. So he really did want Annette to see him at his best. She had always been his biggest supporter about his music when they lived together, and he wanted to show her that now he had returned home he was doing well and he was as good as she had thought he was.

Since her arrival a week ago he hadn’t changed his mind about any of that. It had been nice to have her here as he hadn’t had many visitors up till now so it was kind of fun to have a second person around the place. When he had to be busy there had also been plenty of people who had offered to show her around. Hiro and Suguru had both helped out, and she had met Ayaka on the second day after her arrival and the two girls seemed to get along. Even K and Sakano had assisted, although Annette had whispered to him in a shaking voice that she would rather not be with K on her own as she found him a little….scary. Shuichi couldn’t blame her in that. He thought K was scary too – even after this many years!

What he had also really enjoyed was having her there to talk to. He still felt comfortable in her presence, and had poured out his confused thoughts about Yuki and their slowly developing, he hoped, relationship. It had been almost a relief to be able to speak about it with someone who was completely outside the situation and who hadn’t known what it was like between them before. Annette had listened quietly, letting him spill everything out in a rush, only ducking occasionally to miss a wildly waved arm when he became too emotional, not trying to interrupt him until he had it all out of his system and had calmed down. Until the next time. Yes, he had really appreciated that quiet support from her and he always felt much calmly after having spoken with her and clearer in his mind. It was actually from being able to do this during the past week whilst Yuki was away that had helped him truly put his thoughts in order and come closer to understanding his own muddled feelings where Yuki was concerned.

He scrubbed a hand over his eyes, feeling them begin to droop closed as sleep stole upon him. He yawned widely and snuggled a little deeper into the soft quilt. He would call Yuki tomorrow and see how soon they could reschedule their date because he really, really wanted to see Yuki as soon as possible.

-o0o-

“I wish I was more like you,” Annette said enviously, watching Ayaka gracefully glide across the floor in her kimono.

Ayaka had invited her at last night’s dinner to come to Kyoto and stay with her for a couple of days and Annette had jumped at the opportunity to do so. She had arrived early this morning and Ayaka had immediately assisted her into a traditional kimono, carefully smoothing the folds of material as each layer was carefully draped around Annette’s form. Annette had stood silent through these preparations, amazed at how complex, and yet simple, it was and the touch of the cool silk on her skin was delightful. When it was complete she had stared at her reflection, hardly able to believe that it was truly herself she was seeing and amazed at how different she looked just from this apparel.

Now the two girls were in the small tearoom, set at the back of the main house. The burbling sound of running water drifted inside, as did the steady knock of the bamboo fountain.

Ayaka looked surprised as she knelt opposite the other girl. “Why?” she asked, smoothing the silk over her knees.

“Because you’re so elegant,” Annette replied, “Everything you do is just so….perfect.”

“Hardly that,” Ayaka said demurely.

“But it is,” Annette insisted, leaning forward then remembering herself and returning to her upright position. Her back was beginning to ache from holding this unaccustomed pose and her legs had gone numb some time ago.

“I mean, I couldn’t be like this,” Annette continued. “I have no elegance at all. I slump and slouch and love putting my feet up on the couch. If I tried to make a flower arrangement I would just end up sticking it all together because I would run out of patience.”

Ayaka had already demonstrated her skill in ikebana, the Japanese art of flower arrangement. Annette had just stared as she had taken nothing more than a few dead, twisted twigs, four flowers of various sizes and produced a startling aesthetic vision of austere purity.

She sighed. “I really wish I could be more like you.”

“But you have so much freedom,” Ayaka said, looking directly at Annette. “You have no hesitation in speaking your mind and saying what you think and feel so there can be no mistaking what you want.” She cast her eyes down. “I’m always worrying I will offend someone, or say the wrong thing and shame myself. I really wish I had your confidence to actually stand up for myself more.”

“But you do; at least when it matters.” Annette said, reaching down and picking up the bowl of tea. They had now dispensed with the full formalities of the tea ceremony and were just enjoying a simple drink. “After all you defied your family to get engaged to Hiro.”

Ayaka blushed and turned her head a little to one side as though trying to hide her burning cheeks. “Well perhaps, but if Eiri hadn’t pushed me to do so I probably wouldn’t have even gone out with him.” she said softly.

“Didn’t you like him then?” Annette let her cup pause halfway to her mouth.

Ayaka blushed harder, reaching up a hand to hide her face from view. “Yes. Very much.” she admitted very quietly. “But I was still officially engaged to Eiri. It was very wrong of me to have begun to have feelings to someone else.”

“But you can’t stop who you love,” Annette said. “And besides didn’t you say Yuki was already with Shuichi? If he wasn’t really abiding by this arranged engagement thing, why should you?”

Ayaka looked down at her hands. “My family was very traditional and so I was brought up in that way. I wouldn’t have dreamed of going against them.”

“But when you met Hiro you did,” Annette said, sipping the tea. “So since you did like him then surely you would have done something eventually.”

Ayaka shook her head. “Most likely not,” she said, gaining a little decorum once more. “I was so used to obeying my family’s wishes that I never even thought about trying to be attached to Hiro in that way. I still had feelings for Eiri although I admit they were more of a young girl’s dreams of meeting her ‘Prince Charming’.”

Annette successfully muffled her burst of surprised laughter. Thinking of Yuki as a ‘Prince Charming’ was just….wrong. He may have a pretty face but there was nothing ‘charming’ about his disposition that she had seen!

“And now?” Annette asked instead.

Ayaka blushed again but didn’t hide her face this time. “Now? I can’t imagine my life without Hiro by my side but I still don’t know if I would ever have had the courage to act entirely on my own.”

“I think you would have.” Annette said firmly. “You two love each other too much for you not to be together. You make a great couple.” Annette sighed. “He seems such a nice guy. You’re so lucky.” She tried not to sound jealous.

“You think so?” Ayaka questioned, seeking reassurance.

Annette nodded firmly. “Absolutely.”

Ayaka withdrew a kerchief from the fold of her kimono and twisted it nervously in her hands. “I worry so sometimes that I’m not really suited to be the wife,” and she blushed again, “of a famous star like him.”

“Don’t be silly,” Annette said firmly. “It’s not like there’s some sort of job description that you have to match to marry him.”

“But he lives in such a different world to what I do.”

“So? That just means that the two of you have lots of different things to do together. You know,” and Annette shuffled closer to her new friend. “the only times I’ve seen Hiro fully relax is around you.” Ayaka looked back with wide eyes. “I mean it. Remember I met him in Canada without you and again here and it’s only with you that he gets this,” She waved her hand a little, searching for a word to describe what she wanted to express, “sense of peace.” She nodded. “Yes, that’s it. Peace. It’s like he can just completely forget about everything and be just himself with no worries, and he’s only like that with you.”

“But what about when he’s with Shuichi?” Ayaka said. “They’ve been friends for so long and Hiro loves being with him.”

Annette eyed her for a moment. “Are you jealous of Shu?” she asked bluntly.

Ayaka flushed and dropped her head fully, bringing both hands up to bury her face into them. “I know it’s horrible of me!” she cried pitifully. “And I know how wrong it is for me to feel like that, but when he’s with Shuichi I just feel that it’s a part of him I won’t ever be able to share and I’m always worrying that one day he will chose Shuichi over me and I will lose him!”

“Well, I guess that is true in a way,” Annette said slowly. “But Hiro has chosen to be with you so Shuichi isn’t the only person important to him. We all can have different people in our lives who we care about and don’t want to lose. And we can love them all, just in different ways.”

Annette reached out and gently drew Ayaka’s hands away from her face. “No matter what relationship Hiro has with Shuichi or anyone else, he shares another part with you, and that’s the part that he wants to spend the rest of his life with.”

She reached out and wiped away the single tear that was clinging to Ayaka’s lashes. “There’s no doubt at all how much Hiro loves you. It’s there in his face every time he looks at you, it shines in his eyes, reflects in his smile. When Hiro’s with Shu he’s really happy, they’re best friends after all, but when he’s with you he looks like he feels completely safe and secure and can relax fully, and just be… him.”

Annette grinned a little self-consciously. “I’m not sure any of that made sense.”

Ayaka reached out and grasped Annette’s hand tightly, smiling a little shakily. “It did. Truly, it did. Thank you.”

She reached up now and wiped her face, erasing all signs of her earlier distress, taking a long deep breath and exhaling slowly before smiling again at Annette.

“I feel very silly now even thinking of such things about Shuichi. And I apologise for burdening you with such talk.”

“Don’t be sorry, and it’s not silly at all,” Annette waved the apology aside, then sighed, her own features saddening. “It’s sort of like me.”

“You?” Ayaka asked, head tilting to one side, a small frown appearing.

“It’s a bit like how I feel about Yuki,” Annette admitted in a small voice. “Although the difference is that I know for certain that I’ve lost.” She turned her head away. “Doesn’t make it any easier though,” she murmured.

“Why do you feel jealous of Eiri?” Ayaka queried.

“Because he took Shu away!” Annette exclaimed, holding a hand up to cover her face. “We were happy before and then he turned up and Shu left!”

Ayaka could see the other girl’s shoulders shaking.

“I hadn’t intended coming here,” Annette admitted, her voice still slightly muffled by her hand.

There was a long pause and then she dropped her hand back into her lap, a resigned expression on her face. “When Shu called to break up I wasn’t really surprised,” she said, her voice even. “Hurt, sure, but not surprised. Even if I hadn’t realized it was about Yuki I just felt that when he left for Japan that he wouldn’t be coming back. It had seemed as though every new part of his past life slowly drew him further and further away from me, and I couldn’t do anything. It was so hard to just watch it happen and not know how to stop it!”

Annette reached up to tuck a strand of hair behind her hair and Ayaka could see her hand was trembling as she continued to speak, “Still, even though we were officially over, we sort of kept in touch. There were a lot of things that needed to be arranged and sorted out with him leaving so suddenly. I had to pack up his gear and help him sort things out with his jobs and stuff so it kept me pretty busy for a while and we had to speak fairly regularly about it all. Although it was nice to still be able to hear his voice, at the same time it hurt so much.”

“Did you stay in the apartment you shared?” Ayaka asked softly.

“Yes,” Annette nodded. “I didn’t really want to but it was so conveniently located and it would have been really hard to find somewhere else. I was going to move back to my parents but I would have had to move to another university and I didn’t want to do that. Luckily a friend wanted to share so she moved in not too long after which has been really good.”

Annette gave Ayaka a crooked smile. “I felt pretty lonely living there on my own,” she admitted. “It’s not until someone leaves that you realise just how much space they actually take up in your life. When Shu left the place seemed so….empty.”

“So why did you come to Japan?” Ayaka wanted to know. “Surely it would be even more painful for you.”

“I knew that,” Annette said, “but I couldn’t stop myself. I mean, I wasn’t going to come. All I did was mention in passing in an email to Shu that my parents were coming over to do the family thing. I was going to do a part-time job in my break from university and thought it would be a little dull having to spend all my time only with relatives. It wasn’t like it was a real holiday or anything. So I hadn’t even said that I was coming, just my parents.

Next thing Shu’s talking about me being here and doing stuff and showing me around places. He just assumed that I was coming with them, and that they wouldn’t mind if I stayed with him for a while. I tried to refuse and tell him I wasn’t but…I couldn’t seem to do it.” She looked at Ayaka. “I… wanted to see him again.”

She took a deep breath. “Of course when I got here he told me all about Yuki. I was pretty surprised. I mean, I know we’d read all the articles and seen those pictures but even Shu back then thought it was all just a gimmick. I had no idea that they were all real.”

Ayaka saw how bright Annette’s eyes began to be, obviously from unshed tears. “It was so hard to listen to Shu talking about Yuki all the time! You say you’re jealous of Shu. I’m not just jealous, I hated Yuki!” She dropped her head and her hands clenched into fists on her knees. “So what does that make me?!”

“Human,” Ayaka said calmly, reaching across and lightly touching the back of Annette’s hand. “It’s not wrong to want to hold onto your love for Shu. Do you still hate Yuki?”

Annette sighed softly, straightening up a little. “No, no, I don’t. I can’t say whether I like him, but the way Shu’s eyes light up when he talks about him and the way he acts around him, I can’t help but want him to be happy like that always.”

“Then there’s nothing wrong with you. You want only what is best for Shu,” Warmth infused Ayaka’s soft voice. “You’re still allowed to feel hurt and sorrowful for losing something that was dear to you.” She met Annette’s gaze. “I’m sure you will find someone else in the future who will be the one for you, despite how you might feel now.”

“You think so?” Annette said with a low chuckle, rubbing at her eyes.

“Of course,” Ayaka assured her. “Look at Hiro and I.”

Annette laughed properly at that and took a deep breath, collecting herself. “Yeah. Stranger things have happened, huh?”

“You never know,” Ayaka returned the smile. “Are you all right now?”

“Yeah,” Annette met her smile. “I’ll be fine. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” Ayaka replied with a bow.

“However I’ve got something really serious to ask you.” Annette said suddenly.

“Anything,” Ayaka declared stoutly. “Anything at all.”

“Well,” and now Annette looked quite embarrassed, her cheeks flaming. “Could you help me up? I can’t move my legs and I’ve got to pee real bad.”

-o0o-

Yuki stared at the flashing cursor, the light from the laptop screen illuminating his face in the darkened room. The last ash fell from the cigarette resting on the edge of the ashtray, having burnt down to the filter without being touched. He rested his chin on the back of his clasped hands as he stared at the blank screen before him. Annette’s words echoed in his mind, retuning again and again to haunt him as they had done all day.

He had woken late that morning, head pounding and feeling like it was filled with cotton wool. He’d been in a foul mood by the time he had arrived home last night and had drowned his sorrows in the bottom of a bottle, before falling into his bed half dressed.

Now, since midday he’d been sitting in his study, supposedly to work, and succeeded in nothing. Was she right?, he wondered for the umpteenth time. Could he not have Shuichi?

He clenched his jaw in anger. Still he wasn’t prepared to give him up again either. But perhaps he wasn’t going about it the right way. Perhaps he had to show Shuichi that things would be different this time.

He’d seen how relaxed and comfortable Shuichi had been with Annette. Perhaps he needed to show him that he could be like that with Yuki also. Maybe that was it. Maybe Shuichi couldn’t see any difference in him from how it had been before.

Since retuning to Japan Shuichi’s career had grown in leaps and bound. His face, and the rest of Bad Luck, adorned posters that were plastered around Tokyo, and elsewhere, some standing two stories high. They were the talk of the town, on the top of the charts and even the English version of Twisting Vines, their last single, had reached the top ten in the USA on its release.

Bad Luck had grown up and now wore a far edgier, mature appearance. Leather, bare skin, fake tattoos, and piercings gave them an air of danger that fans, both old and new, liked very well. Their music also now had a darker, grittier touch to it that hadn’t been there before, although they still mixed a smattering of the lighter pop music that they had begun with. In all, Shuichi’s life had changed quite dramatically and grown in a very short time.

So what had Yuki been doing in this time? Nothing. He had remained the same; doing the same thing, stubbornly refusing to take any chances or consider new possibilities or change of any sort. He was doing nothing, except sit here and stagnate.

He continued to stare ahead at nothing, turning his gaze internally.

Perhaps that was the problem. Everyone else, including Shuichi, had moved on and he still remained where he had been, unchanging. If Shuichi had surpassed him already, and he had noticed that Yuki hadn’t, perhaps he didn’t think that Yuki wanted to change anything. That might be the reason then. Might Shuichi be thinking that if Yuki can’t be bothered making any sort of changes or growth in his life in regards to anything else, then how could he believe that Yuki would act any differently in their relationship? For a relationship to survive it has to be able to change and grow, otherwise it just withers and dies. If Yuki couldn’t show that he was able to change and grow, perhaps Shuichi didn’t think he could.

Something seemed to finally click into place in Yuki’s mind, bringing it finally to a halt and stopping the perpetual circular thoughts that had plagued him all day. Making a decision at last he picked up his cell phone and hit the desired speed dial.

As it was ringing he strode out to the hall, grabbing his jacket from the back of the couch. The call was answered as he slipped one arm in.

“Hello?”

“Call those idiots in New York and tell them I’m coming,” he said, slipping on his shoes and grabbing his keys.

“Yuki?” Mizuki’s confused voice said, “You mean now?”

“Yes now!” he snapped. “Get things organized and we leave tonight.”

“We? Who?”

“You’re coming with me.”

“Yuki,” Mizuki’s patient voice began to explain, “You know I can’t possibly come with you. I have a family to look after.”

“Bring the brat with you,” Yuki said, walking out his door and making his way downstairs.

Mizuki’s husband had walked out on her the year before, leaving her to raise their child on her own. Her divorce had finally gone through but she received little assistance from her ex-husband. Unfortunately, with her parents living far in the north, she had little other support to call on during this time and yet still managed to juggle her busy work schedule and raise her now two year old son. Yuki secretly admired her for the incredible strength and drive she showed, especially as she was older than him. Not that he would actually ever tell her that. Still he was fully aware that what he was asking was a great deal.

“That’s really not practicable.” Mizuki stated, still sounding like she was trying to reason with a madman. Perhaps he was just a little mad at the moment with what he was about to do.

“Of course it is,” he said succinctly, unlocking the car and sliding in. “Bundle it up with its shit-holders and bring it. You can look after it the same there as here. I want to be on a plane tonight.”

“Yuki…”

“Do it.” He paused, then added, “Please.”

There was silence for a moment and then he heard Mizuki’s quiet resigned laugh.

“Since you asked so nicely how can I refuse?” she finally said. “Very well, leave it to me,” and she rang off.

Yuki started the car and headed off. He would do whatever it took to show Shuichi that he could change also, that he too had gone through some changes in the past year, and that they could make their new relationship work.

Yuki drove through the drizzling rain rapidly, reaching NG Productions swiftly and took the elevator directly to Tohma’s office. The secretary looked up to stop the unannounced intrusion but, upon seeing who it was, did nothing more. Long years of experience had taught her that one person it wasn’t worth trying to stop was Eiri Yuki.

Yuki barged into Tohma’s office without knocking, not caring as usual if Tohma was busy or not. Tohma was seated behind his customary desk with Sakano standing by his side, a sheaf of papers in his hands.

Tohma looked up from the papers he held, a frown on his face that immediately left when he saw it was Yuki, whilst the perpetually nervous Sakano started a little in surprise at the sudden interruption.

“Eiri. What can I do for you?” Tohma asked with a smile.

“I want to use your apartment,” Yuki replied curtly.

Tohma tilted his head to one side, staring at his brother-in-law. “Which one?” It wasn’t a strange question to ask. He had several dotted around the world in many major cities for business purposes now as NG Productions continued to expand.

“New York,” was the startling answer he received.

Tohma’s eyebrows rose, the only indication of his extreme surprise. “For how long would you like it?” was all he asked though.

“However long it takes,” was Yuki’s non-committal answer.

“I see,” was Tohma’s response.

He wasn’t sure what was going on but knew that he wasn’t likely to get anything more out of Yuki at this time, not from the way his jaw was stubbornly set.

“Very well,” Tohma said calmly. “I’ll ensure it is arranged. When will you be arriving?”

“Tonight.”

Again Tohma found it difficult to mask his feelings. This was turning out to be a very unusual day. “Then I’ll arrange for the agent to have a key waiting for you and the premises readied. Do you require anything else?”

“No,” Yuki replied, turning and striding from the room without a backwards glance or a word of thanks.

“Well well,” Tohma said quietly, staring at the open door, a look of concentration on his face. “I wonder what that was all about?”

He looked up at his faithful Sakano standing silently at his side. “How’s Shindou?” he asked

Sakano pushed his glasses up his nose before answering, “He seems in good spirits,” he answered.

“Hmm,” Tohma mused. “So it doesn’t appear that they have had a falling out.”

He leant back in his chair and rocked slightly. “Eiri’s manner also didn’t seem to indicate they had argued. He didn’t appear depressed or particularly angry. He looked more….determined. Almost like when…”

Tohma let the thought trail off, then swung around to face Sakano abruptly. “Contact my agent in New York and finalise the arrangements for my apartment to be used by Eiri for an indeterminate time.”

Sakano scribbled a few notes as Tohma spoke. “Make certain there is suitable food and beverages available, but not too much alcohol please. I don’t wish to encourage him in that habit.”

“Yes sir,” Sakano replied. “Is that all?”

“Yes, I think so.”

Sakano began to move to the door then paused. “Should I organise for a driver to pick him up at the airport?”

Tohma thought for a moment and then shook his head. “No, I’ll arrange that. Thank you.”

“Very good, sir,” and Sakano left.

Tohma turned his chair and looked out the window, seeing the rain running down the glass. Just what was Eiri up to now?