Unlocking My Love

Title: Unlocking My Love
Author: JadeHeart
Fandom: Gravitation
Warnings: some bad language
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this, apart from Jim Harris; they belong to the creator of ‘Gravitation’.


Chapter 22


Tohma stood in front of the stunned group, all expressing their surprise in different ways.

Sakano’s eyes had rolled back in his head as he’d fallen down in a dead faint – no surprise there. K’s eyebrows had risen high as he absently twirled his beloved Magnum around on his finger - hopefully with the safety on. Nakano scratched the back of his head, cigarette dangling forgotten from his lips. His young cousin Suguru sat frowning, a common enough expression but the pursed lips also clearly denoted worry. Meanwhile Shuichi Shindou simply sat there silently, face utterly blank, mouth hanging wide open.

Tohma kept the smile on his face and waited for them to recover their senses. The first to do so was Shuichi who let out a high pitched scream of “Whaaaaat?!!!” which made them all wince.

Tohma waved him silent and was pleased that Shuichi’s shock hadn’t made him forget who exactly held the power here as he subsided.

“I shall repeat myself for the benefit of Shindou as it would seem he has difficulty in grasping what was said,” Tohma began, keeping his voice calm. “I have arranged for Bad Luck to be the opening act at the forthcoming Nittle Grasper reunion concert to be held in New York in two months. You will all be ready to leave in one week’s time.”

Tohma turned around to leave when Shuichi’s voice halted him.

“Hold on a gods-damn minute!”

Tohma looked over his shoulder to see Shuichi glaring at him, teeth almost gnashing. “What are you talking about?” he declared. “This is just impossible! There’s no way you can set up something like that so fast!”

“It has already been discussed with both Noriko and Ryuichi and arrangements are in place,” Tohma stated firmly as though that was the end of it.

“The kid’s right, you know,” K now put in, absently prodding the still comatose Sakano on the floor with the toe of his shoe. “Getting a concert of that size together this quickly is just about impossible.”

Tohma smiled, a smile that looked more than a little threatening. “This is a charity event and also being used to promote Ryuichi’s new film which has a strong focus on the issue of abuse. That makes it an extremely topical matter at this time and the relevant welfare organizations have been more than supportive in ensuring this will go ahead as requested. The Governor has also seen it as a positive action and is providing his full support.”

“I…see,” K eyed Tohma with intense scrutiny. Then he smiled brightly and turned to the still silent members of Bad Luck. “Okay then, kids!” he exclaimed. “Guess it’s time for you to start getting your act together and brushing up on those songs!”

“I won’t!” Shuichi’s voice rang out. Deathly silence settled over the room as all eyes turned towards him. He sat in the chair, hands clenched in fists before him, eyes flashing. He was breathing heavily, almost panting in his rage. “I’m not doing it!”

Tohma met his angry eyes, meeting them and holding them. Shuichi didn’t try to look away although his shoulders stiffened visibly. Few people could comfortably meet Tohma Seguchi’s gaze when he turned such intensity upon them.

“You,” Tohma said succinctly, each word falling loudly into the silence although he never raised his voice once, “will do as you are instructed.” He paused, letting the full force of his personality show through his eyes as he gaze bore into Shuichi’s. “Do I make myself clear?”

Shuichi tried to hold firm, still showing his outrage although he audibly swallowed nervously. His mouth opened as though to speak again but no sound emerged and then slowly it closed.

Tohma held his eyes for a heartbeat longer then turned and continued out the door. “I would suggest,” he said as he left the room, “that you begin to plan the schedule you would like to present for my approval. I expect it on my desk in three days.”

No sound followed him as he exited. However as he entered the lift at the end of the corridor he heard the sound of running feet from behind. Turning he wondered if he would see Shindou pelting down the corridor, frothing at the mouth, spewing forth a diatribe of refusals. Instead he saw Sakano sprinting the remaining distance, sliding into the elevator just as the doors swished shut, barely missing catching the tail of his jacket.

Tohma tilted his head to one side, quietly watching as Sakano leant over, hands on knees, breathing heavily after his exertion. “You are very fast,” he commented with a touch of admiration. It wasn’t false praise; Tohma knew exactly how long that corridor was.

“I have learnt to be in your employ,” Sakano gasped out. He straightened up, automatically tugging his jacket down to smooth the crumpled look away and straightening his tie.

“Ahem,” he said, pushing his glasses up his nose in his habitual gesture.

“Yes?” Tohma queried, watching the numbers ascend. “You have something on your mind?”

“This concert,” Sakano began in an even voice, “is…rather unexpected.”

“Hmm,” was Tohma’s only response.

Silence settled between them before Sakano spoke again. “It is unusual for Shindou to be so against the opportunity to perform.” The man shifted his shoulders within his jacket. “It would appear that he has a reason to not wish to go to New York.”

“What possible reason could there be?” Tohma asked in a slightly amused voice.

Sakano’s gaze narrowed as he looked at his superior. “I understand that New York is where Yuki Eiri has traveled to.”

“You know, I do believe you are correct,” Tohma answered noncommittally. He heard Sakano sigh.

“I will do all that is in my power to ensure that Shindou is ready to leave as requested,” Sakano stated.

Tohma smiled at him. “I knew I could count on you.”

They exited the elevator and Sakano fell into step behind Tohma in his usual place as they continued on till reaching Tohma’s office.

“You have been very successful in completing the preparations for this event so speedily,” Sakano commented, immediately turning to the coffee machine in the corner to begin brewing Tohma’s special bled.

Tohma sat, eyes scanning over the papers set out on the top of the wide desk. There was still much to be done. “Ryuichi has assisted tremendously in enlisting the support of the film’s personnel for the endeavour.”

“The fact that it is election time for the Governor of that State of course had no impact upon its successful acceptance.”

Tohma looked up, surprised. Sakano was watching him with a steady gaze and he felt his lips curve in a smile then he began to laugh softly. “Ah, Sakano,” he said, still smiling as he leant his chin in the palm of one hand, elbow resting on the chair’s arm, gazing at his subordinate with pleasure. “You are constantly surprising me.”

“Thank you, sir,” Sakano replied with a low bow.

Tohma continued to chuckle as he now turned his attention to the papers on the desk, shuffling them around until he found the one that he was seeking. He held it out to Sakano.

“Since you have already discerned that aspect perhaps you would be so good as to continue to monitor the situation and ensure that it runs smoothly?” he said.

Sakano stepped forward, placing Tohma’s coffee on the desk before taking the paper from his hand.

“We wouldn’t want the Governor to come up with some excuse why things could not proceed at the last minute now, would we?”

“I shall be certain to ensure that does not happen,” Sakano promised with another bow.

“Thank you,” Tohma said, knowing he could trust Sakano to deal with the matter. He turned back to the rest of the papers resting there. There were still many other pressing matters for him to deal with before the week was out.


-oOo-


“And that is it so far,” Mizuki finished with, closing the file before her. “So what do you think?”

Yuki looked grumpy. “Why couldn’t they have got their shit together earlier? I’ve had nothing to do till now and I hate pissing my time away for nothing,” he growled.

Mizuki shot him an exasperated look. “Who was it who insisted that we had to come here right this minute and not wait in Japan whilst the arrangements were being made, hmm?”

Yuki refused to answer or meet her eyes. He had had no choice. If he hadn’t gone immediately he might have lost his nerve and never come. It would have been too easy to have made excuses to remain in Japan with Shuichi. However, although that would have been the easiest way, it wouldn’t have accomplished anything. He had to show Shuichi that he could change too.

He tapped the cigarette hard, the ash falling downwards into the tray he held. “That’s still a hell of a lot to do all of a sudden,” he finally said, lips still pressed together in a thin line of displeasure.

Mizuki hid her smile knowing it would just put her charge in a worse mood. That was about as near to an admission of guilt as she was likely to get from Yuki.

“Not really,” she said soothingly. “If we are to make this successful we really do need to make a splash right from the start. This,” and her fingers tapped the file, “gets you exposure via the media through both radio and TV guest slots. That gives time for the book signing locations to be advertised and set up. A week of this ensures that we can move smoothly into the rest.”

“I hate travel,” Yuki stated, lighting another cigarette.

Mizuki just cocked her head to one side. “You knew you would have to do some. You did agree to this,” she chided gently.

He puffed on his cigarette for a time, scowling. He knew he was being difficult and it wasn’t that he wasn’t aware of all that would go with this plan. Yet it still grated on his nerves to be doing something that was so against the grain. He felt like he was a caterpillar encased in a cocoon, struggling to slough of its confining shell but not completely sure that what would emerge would actually be a butterfly. It unnerved him.

“So,” Mizuki said into the silence. “Have you called Shuichi yet?”

Yuki’s heart thumped fast for a moment as his eyes skittered off to the side, refusing to meet hers. “No,” he said, almost chewing on the cigarette between his lips. His hands clenched into fists. Shuichi, his mind sang. How he wanted to speak to him!

Now it was Mizuki’s turn to frown slightly “You said you were going to when we arrived,” she reminded him. “That was three days ago. Don’t you think you should do so?”

He shot her a quick glare then looked away again quickly. “I’ll do it later,” he mumbled. Why did he suddenly feel like he was being scolded? He felt like he was a child again being chastised by his mother.

“When?” Mizuki pressed, not letting up. “He’s bound to be wondering where you are.”

“He’d be too damn busy with his music to wonder about me for a few days. It’s not going to kill him.”

Mizuki opened her mouth to say more but then with a roll of her eyes just closed it without speaking. She knew only too well that there wouldn’t be any point in continuing this strain of conversation, not when Yuki was sitting there with that stubborn look and pout on his face.

With a small shake of her head she stood and collected her file. She could only hope her son didn’t grow up anything like Yuki Eiri. Admittedly it would be nice if he was as good-looking and intelligent, but the rest? She shuddered; that would really be just too much for her to handle. She was getting enough grey hairs as it was!

“Well, don’t put it off for too long,” was all she added. “You don’t want him to worry unnecessarily and I’m sure he would be excited for you.”

She turned and headed for her rooms. “You should try and have an early night, you know. From tomorrow things are going to be rather busy and there’s not going to be a great deal of time to relax.” She paused, turning at the door with a smile. “Good night, Yuki.”

“Humph,” was the expected response she received.

Yuki remained seated on the couch, smoking. The bottle of beer before him was leaving a ring of condensation on the coffee table but he didn’t care. It wasn’t his coffee table. The fact that there was a set of coasters placed neatly and in full view in the middle of said table, obviously for just such a purpose, he ignored.

The last few days had been difficult for him. He’d been frustrated by the delay but he knew he couldn’t blame anyone else but himself. He was the one who had insisted on coming over here before plans had been set in motion so it was only to be expected that there would then be a time of waiting whilst arrangements were made.

In fact Mizuki had done wonders as it was. Upon arrival she had immediately contacted all the interested parties here in the States who had been pressing for him to come here. That was one thing that Mizuki was excellent at. She always kept copious notes on every discussion she had that related to Yuki’s work so she had a full and comprehensive list of contacts whom she immediately got in touch with, much to their delight. He couldn’t understand why they were so pleased. He personally would have been pissed off if the situation had been reversed. His sudden arrival was putting them all under a great deal of pressure and giving them a lot more work to do yet they still seemed happy. He mentally shrugged. Oh well, that was their problem.

What had surprised him just as much was how much Mizuki seemed to be enjoying it all as well. She had truly risen to the challenge despite having to be dealing in a foreign country, and he had a far greater appreciation of her now than he ever had. He had even noticed that her spoken English had become far smoother. As she had been on the phone almost nonstop since their arrival, the constant practice was improving her language skills no end.

He watched the curl of smoke drifting away from the cigarette held between his fingers. It wasn’t only the people here in the States that Mizuki had been busy with. She had been on the phone back to Japan from almost the moment they touched down, liaising with his publishing company to ensure there were no further bruised toes or egos that would have to be dealt with due to his sudden decision. He didn’t know what she had told them but she had indicated after the first day that all was well so he didn’t have to worry about that. He had felt some of the tension release in his shoulders after hearing that.

Yuki raised the cigarette to his lips, drawing in deeply, holding the smoke in his lungs for a moment before letting it seep from between his lips. He thought back on what Mizuki had discussed with him this evening. After three days of inactivity - at least for him - he now had a full schedule to attend to ranging from radio broadcasts, TV appearances, and magazine article interviews. Not to mention various photo-shoots and the recently developed schedule of book signings in different locations. Now it was beginning to feel that it was really going to happen whereas till now it had still seemed so intangible.

Even despite his dislike for travel he had known that he would have to. Simply remaining in New York wouldn’t achieve anything, it would hardly give him the exposure that he was seeking. No; to prove himself he had to go further afield and Mizuki knew that. So with this in mind his schedule currently took him to a number of different locations such as New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Massachusetts, and even a trip to Washington DC. If Shuichi could be so head strong as to want to take on the world then Yuki would show him that he could do the same!

He reached up and rubbed his eyes tiredly. He wasn’t tired because he’d been busy; in fact he had had nothing to do except sit on his arse each day for he had no desire to go out and do the touristy thing like sight-seeing. New York held no interest for him in that way.

No, he was tired from having to think in this way. Trying to promote himself like this, to push himself beyond his usual boundaries felt strange. Such a thing had never been a concern for him before. Previously he had written his novels, reaped the rewards that went with the fame and fortune, and just carried on with his life as he saw fit. He’d never cared about making anything more of himself as it all just seemed to happen for him so he hadn’t seen any point in exerting himself when there was no need to do so.

Professionally he had known that he was ‘limited’ in a sense in only being truly well-known in his own country of Japan but so what? That had been enough for him. He had the recognition, could get any woman he wanted, had all the money he needed and generally could do just as he pleased. He hadn’t seen any need to change that. If the rest of the world had never heard of Yuki Eiri what did he care? It hadn’t meant anything to him. But now…now was different. Now he had something to prove - and to someone who was very special to him.

He stubbed out the cigarette and walked to the window. Gazing out at the night sky he tipped the beer bottle up and drained the last drops. Being in New York again troubled him. It was another reason he had decided to come so suddenly. Here was probably the last place that he wanted to be, in fact to ever see again. Even after all this time, no matter how far his shrink said he had come to accepting his past and moving beyond it, he still would sometimes wake up in a cold sweat. Just thinking about it now made his palms sweaty.

He rubbed his hands, one at a time, against his leg, wiping the moisture away. That had been the problem. If he had spent too much time thinking about it he would never voluntarily have returned to this place. He would have only been too happy if some momentous catastrophe wiped this blighted blot of a city from the face of the Earth. That’s how much he detested even knowing of its continued existence. Unfortunately it was still here so he had had no choice but to come. Now he just had to survive being here.

Yuki rested a hand flat against the glass, the coolness chilling his palm. How he hated it here. The last time he’d had Tohma, that familiar steady presence supporting him. With all that had been going on back then he’s had no time to think about his own neurosis which was probably a good thing. Now though he had nothing to distract him, no-one to keep him balanced and soothe his past fears. Without that those dark worms crawling deep inside his psyche were squirming their way to the surface.

His hand clenched into a fist and for one brief insane moment he wanted to punch the glass before him, to see it shatter, his flesh lacerated and blood spray out. Blood; yeah, he remembered how that had pooled around the still bodies cooling quickly. His heart began to beat rapidly, blood pounding in his temples as his breathing sped up. He heard himself panting, beads of sweat gathering on his brow. It felt like his body was going to burst into flames.

He leant forward so his forehead rested on the glass, focusing and trying to calm his racing heart, forcing himself to relax, to not give into the past psychosis that had ruled his life for so many years. Slowly he began to breathe normally, slowing, tension releasing from his taut muscles. He took one last slow deep breath, holding it and then slowly releasing it.

Straightening up, he ran a hand through his hair, pushing it back from his damp brow. Shit, how many times was he going to have to deal with this, he wondered. He remembered vividly running here to New York once and Shuichi following. It had been such a stupid thing – for both of them. Back then he had always been trying to find ways to run away from his past. His whole life as a famous novelist had been nothing more than a coping mechanism. It wasn’t until he’d met Shuichi that he had been faced with the prospect of having to decide if he was going to stop running and actually do something about it all. Even after coming to that decision he hadn’t had the will power to do it, trapped within his mind in an ever circling spiral of despair. It was Shuichi who had pulled him from that maelstrom, reaching out his hand and grasping Yuki so tightly he couldn’t escape. Without that Yuki would never have broken free. Shuichi had become his rock, the light he reached for as he slowly and painfully climbed the precarious ladder from the darkness that had clouded his soul.

Being here on his own now was making him feel like he was falling back into those depths. He took another deep breath. He had to fight against that. He had to show Shuichi that he could do this. So no matter how much he wished Shuichi were here he couldn’t use him as a crutch any longer. This was his battle to fight.

He turned away and pondered having another cigarette. No, he didn’t really want one. What he did want was to call Shuichi. Mizuki had scolded him for not calling yet but it wasn’t that he didn’t want to; he did. He wanted to hear Shuichi’s voice and talk to him but every time he began to dial he’d freeze up. He didn’t really have anything to tell him yet and until these promotional activities began he didn’t even know if he would be successful. He would feel like a real fool if he called and told Shuichi all about this only for it to turn to shit and he was left with egg on his face. He would never be able to face Shuichi under those circumstances again. Just thinking about it now made his face flush with humiliation. Failure was not something he was used to and he had no desire to advertise it before the fact. No, despite almost desperately wanting to speak to Shuichi, it would be better to hold off. Just for a little while longer.

He crossed the room and set the empty beer bottle on the table then made his way to his room. He ignored the bed, directing his feet to the wardrobe first instead. He withdrew and unlocked his valise, pulling out the brown leather bound journal before heading for the soft inviting bed.

Laying down on top of the covers he opened the book against his propped knees. His eyes scanned the pages filled with writing, sometimes neat, often scrawled as though a spider had fallen in an ink pot and wandered across the page. Some pages were wrinkled as though they had been clenched in a hand ready to be torn out, a few even had small tears either at the binding or edges. Flicking through on some the writing appeared smeared as though moisture had been dripped on the paper and then wiped away. Page after page turned, flashing past his gaze. He couldn’t stop himself from pausing sometimes, his eyes steadying and re-reading entire passages, his face heating occasionally with either embarrassment or desire at the words upon the pages.

This was a very precious item to him, this journal. He’d begun it when Shuichi had gone missing, had almost burnt it when he’d got his memories back but found he couldn’t bear to part with it. Writing in it every night had been a catharsis of sorts during the worst of those times; a means of purging his mind of all the turbulent thoughts and emotions tearing him apart. It hadn’t taken long before it had become like a part of his soul.

Every entry was entirely about Shuichi in some way; what Yuki thought of him, what he remembered of their past times together, what he wanted of the future for them. It was filled with his sense of loss and frustrations, his terrors and fears, his concerns and worries. It was filled - every single page - with his overwhelming love, desire and need for that one person, Shuichi Shindou.

Now, every night Yuki found himself sitting down before going to bed and filling in this journal. Somehow he never seemed to run out of things to say, day after day. Even if he tried to miss a day he found he was unable to sleep, tossing and turning until he rose to at least put something down in words so he could seek his rest. It may have become nothing more than an unhealthy emotional crutch during that traumatic time that was now a bad habit but he didn’t care. He felt better for it which is all that mattered. And he still half hoped that one day he might be able to actually tell Shuichi in person even a small portion of what was written on these pages.

The pen remained poised above the blank page. Perhaps after this he would finally be able to say what he really wanted to.


-oOo-


“Will you just stop it?” Annette said with exasperation.

“Stop what?” Shuichi grumbled, kicking at the side of the coffee table as he had been doing for the past twenty minutes. The constant pounding had been irritating Annette all that time until she could stand it no longer. Especially as she knew it was nothing more than one of the symptoms of a far greater cause.

“Stop acting like a child!” she shouted, finally snapping.

Shuichi looked at her, eyes glaring over the top of the cushion that she had thrown at him. “I’m not!” he snapped, tossing it violently to one side and coming to his feet to face her.

“You are! You’ve been moping around for days!”

She matched his glare, meeting those large amethyst eyes with her own angry gaze. She felt herself begin to get lost in those eyes, eyes that had first captivated her so long ago. There was a time that just a look from Shu would make her go weak at the knees. Usually his eyes were filled with laughter; now they flashed fire and she inwardly cringed at knowing that anger was directed at her. She stiffened her resolve against that look. She wasn’t the one at fault here and it was about time someone kicked him out of this rut.

She took a deep breath to try and steady herself, not intending to back down in her decision but inside she trembled. How she wanted to just throw herself into his arms and make all this go away. When they had been together they had hardly ever had a disagreement. Being at odds now with him left her feeling a little ill. She really didn’t want to continue this. She would much rather just apologise and make up with him for then surely everything would be okay.

She steeled her heart against that thought, physically clenching her hands into fists at her side, the slight pain of her nails digging into her palms steadying her. Taking another mental breath she kept her gaze locked with his.

“You’ve been doing nothing but wallow in your own self-pity for the past week,” she said evenly. “Hiro and Suguru have been doing everything and you’ve just continued to make your own selfish demands. You haven’t even cared that you’re messing with their futures as well.”

She took a deep breath, forcing herself to continue. “On top of that, Mr Sakano has been practically in tears trying to encourage and support you, and Mr Winchester hasn’t once tried to shoot you.” She had become quickly used to K’s strange way of controlling his unruly band so she too realized how momentous this was.

“All you’ve been thinking about is how you feel and what you want and not caring about anyone else! You’ve been unbearable!”

“Then in your great wisdom what am I supposed to be doing, huh?” Shuichi practically sneered.

Annette felt her chest tighten again hearing that unaccustomed tone in his voice directed at her. “Instead of being an ass about it all, why don’t you just go and see him?”

Shuichi froze in place. “Who?”

“Who do you think?” Annette snapped back. “Yuki of course!”

“This has nothing to do with him!” Shuichi shot back. “That bastard up and left of his own accord. He’s out of my life and good riddance!”

“Then why are you being difficult about going to the States for the concert? Just because you know he’s in New York!” she threw back at him.

“That’s got nothing to do with it!”

“Then what has it go to do with?!” she shouted, almost wanting to stamp her feet in frustration at his pigheadedness. “What other reason do you have for not wanting to go there?!”

She watched as Shuichi opened his mouth but he could voice no further argument so she continued. “There is none and you know it!” she stated firmly. “You are giving up the chance of playing live in the States, in New York no less with media coverage, all because you don’t have the guts to face one single person.”

She pointed a finger at him, her hand almost shaking. “The Shu Chan that I knew had more courage than that. He loved music and wanted nothing more than to have the whole world hear it. And the Shuichi Shindou that came after would never let anything or anyone hold him back from having his music heard.” She took a step towards him. “You once said that nothing was more important than your music. Was that all just a lie?”

“Of course not!”

“Then prove it! Go to New York and stop acting like an idiot! This is your big chance to bring Bad Luck the world-wide recognition that you have always wanted!”

“I…” Shu paused and ran a hand through his hair, frustration clearly evident in the gesture. “It doesn’t have to happen now.”

It was a lame excuse, as lame as they came and Annette wasn’t having any of it. “It is now or never,” she stated. “You won’t get another chance like this.” She decided to try a different tack. “Are you afraid that you won’t be able to do it? Do you not think your music is good enough? Or are you just trying to find excuses for why you failed by blaming Yuki for it?”

“Of course not!” Shuichi defended himself.

“Then go.” She stated simply. “And while you’re there talk to Yuki. It’s about time you did.”

“I don’t see why I need to go that far,” Shu grumped, throwing himself back onto the couch and slumping there.

Annette looked at the disgruntled expression on Shu’s face, partially amused despite herself. It was strange in a way. In the time that she and Shu had been together she hadn’t seen half of these expressions he had shown during her stay with him here. Their relationship had been so easy-going that she had thought it was almost perfect. But perhaps it was that she had barely touched the surface of who Shuichi Shindou really was. It was after all a kind of indicator of the level of trust in a relationship when each partner was not afraid to show their displeasure or hurt or frustration to the other, knowing that their partner would still care for them, still love them no matter what they were feeling. Shu had never shown her these moods; yet it would appear that Yuki more than received his share.

She swallowed a sad sigh, turning her head to one side so Shu wouldn’t see the brightness building in her eyes, not believing she was about to say what she was.

“Shu, it’s obvious that you need to see him even if you aren’t willing to admit it.” She schooled her expression into one of calm and looked back at him. “You owe it to him and yourself to see him. He’s done a lot for you, you know that. You can’t just cast that aside.”

“He’s the one that left me,” Shu muttered, foot going back to kicking at the table.

Annette lightly kicked his ankle, making him cease his abuse of the furniture. “So you need to find out why,” she said.

Shu didn’t say anything although his lips were set in a stubborn line. Annette felt her own tremble at this sight. She felt a flood of feelings wash over her, memories of times past, a time she had shared with Shu. Looking at him now, understanding and finally accepting what was happening made her heart ache. She pushed aside the last lingering hope of Shu returning to her, flinging it away forever.

“You need him, Shu,” she choked out. “You really do. And you need to make a decision about what you really want.”

Shuichi turned his head aside refusing to look at her, his anger fading from his face. “I’m doing fine on my own,” he muttered.

“Really? When just knowing he’s not here is upsetting your judgment and affecting your work? That’s not fine. If you want to move forward you need to sort out what path you intend to walk and with whom. You can’t sit at the crossroads any longer waiting for something to happen all on its own. It’s time you took control and made it happen yourself.”

Silence settled between them, then Shu spoke. “So what should I do?” he asked, sincerity in his voice.

Annette shrugged. “That’s your decision,” she answered. “First thing is to see him. The rest is then up to you.”

She turned and headed for her bedroom. “Oh, and by the way I’ll be going with you.” She looked back with a grin seeing the surprise on his face. “I’ve got to get ready for next semester so there’s plenty to do. Holiday’s are over for me!”

“You really have to go?” Shu asked unthinkingly.

Annette clamped down on the surge in her heart at his words, knowing that he didn’t mean them in the way that she hoped. She dredged up a smile to hide her hurt.

“’Course I do,” she said. “You’re not the only one who has things to do. So I’ll be leaving you in New York. Knock ‘em dead, okay?”

She gazed upon Shu’s seated form, trying to imprint this last sight of him in her mind before turning away. She closed the door tightly behind her then fell onto the bed, burying her face in the pillow so it could soak up the regretful tears. This time she knew would be the last she saw of Shuichi Shindou.

It was time for her to move on also.


-oOo-


“So what’s this for?” Hiro said looking at the small box, brightly wrapped with a blue bow no less perched on the top.

“Just take it,” Shuichi mumbled, looking embarrassed.

“Is it going to explode?” Suguru asked seriously, staring at a similar box with a green bow attached, hands carefully folded in his lap and far away from the object of his scrutiny.

Shuichi frowned at him fiercely. “Don’t be stupid,” he growled. “As if I would do something like that!”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Hiro said with a smile reaching for the box and tugging at the bow.

“That’s true,” Suguru agreed, mirroring the action. “You’re not smart enough to rig that up. Now if it were K….”

“That,” Shuichi snarled, glaring at his keyboardist. “is not a compliment by any stretch of the imagination.”

“It wasn’t supposed to be,” Suguru said, looking up at him. “I’m merely stating a fact.”

Shuichi just continued to glare at him.

“Wow, Shu,” Hiro exclaimed, looking inside the box. “This is just great!” He looked at his friend. “Come on, you’ve got to tell me what this is for.”

“Well,” Shuichi ran a hand through his hair, eyes flicking off to the side as his face brightened. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry for acting like such a jerk lately.”

“You hardly need to apologise for that,” Suguru put in, removing the lid of his gift carefully. “That’s pretty normal.”

“You can give it back right now!” Shuichi snapped, reaching out as though to take it.

Suguru’s eyes widened as he looked at what lay inside the box and he swiftly snatched it out of Shuichi’s reach. “No!” he said with feeling. He held the box carefully in both hands, almost cradling it against his chest.

Hiro looked at his younger friend, one eyebrow lifted. “What is it?” he asked curiously. It wasn’t often that they saw Suguru acting so emotional.

Suguru looked for one moment like he wasn’t going to say anything but then slowly he held the box out for Hiro’s perusal.

“Ah,” was all Hiro said.

Nestled in the protective tissue paper was an earring; perfectly circular, no doubt real gold, and hanging from it was a large glittering emerald. It would suit Suguru perfectly, Hiro thought. Few people even noticed that Suguru now had his ear pierced. Fewer still knew of the true meaning behind that gesture which was so unlike the normally straight-laced keyboardist. That was what made this present so perfect. It was an earring given by Shuichi, one of the people who did know why Suguru had suddenly got his ear pierced and who appreciated why he had done so. That acknowledgement would have meant more to Suguru than a million other presents.

Hiro glanced back at his own gift. His was no different. Inside was a guitar pick, swirling ornate etchings covering the shining surface. Nothing out of the ordinary one would think except this was made of silver titanium; very durable, extremely expensive and something he had wanted for a long time. It really was just the perfect girft.

He raised his eyes to meet Shuichi’s and smiled. “Thanks, Shu,” he said. “But you didn’t have to, you know.”

Shuichi’s hands clenched into fists on his knees for a moment before relaxing as he sighed. “Yes, I did,” he said. “I’ve been a complete jerk this whole time and I’ve left the two of you to do everything when I should have been helping.”

“So does that mean you’re over your tantrum and are coming?” Suguru asked.

Shuichi threw him a sour look which he didn’t notice as he was still looking down at the box in his hands admiring his present. Shuichi sighed again. There was no point getting mad. That was just Suguru all over.

“Yeah, I’m over it,” he finally replied, smiling ruefully. “I know you’ve basically finished but if there’s anything you need me to do just tell me.”

“Nah, I think we’re good to go,” Hiro said calmly, lighting a cigarette. “And it wasn’t like we had a hell of a lot to do really. Most of it’s handled by Sakano and K.”

From the corner of his eye Shuichi saw Suguru’s head come up as he opened his mouth as though to say something but then he closed it without saying a word. Shuichi appreciated what they were both trying to do, pretending that they hadn’t been working their guts out to have everything organized to Tohma Seguchi’s exacting standards. They really were the best friends he could possibly have.

“So what made you change your mind?” Hiro asked, twirling his new pick in his fingers, admiring the way the light was captured by it. Pretty.

“Uhm, Annette sort of kicked my arse about it,” Shuichi admitted.

“Really?” Hiro was surprised. He wouldn’t have thought Annette would have butted in, not about this at least. He’d gathered from Ayaka that Annette still had feelings for Shuichi so he would have thought she would have been happy to see him so adamant about not going.

“Yeah,” Shuichi continued. “She pretty much told me that I was being a fool to pass up this chance. And that I was being the biggest jerk out to everyone.”

“I always said she was a smart girl,” Suguru stated, meeting Shuichi’s eyes. “You know, she’s far too good for you.”

“Hey!” Shuichi exclaimed. “That’s hardly fair! We dated you know!”

“I know,” Suguru responded calmly. “I just never knew what she saw in you. I’m sure it was bound to end sooner or later even if you didn’t get your memories back. She’s got far too much sense to put up with you forever.”

“That’s a bit harsh, don’t you think?” Hiro put in quietly, wondering if this would generate into a proper fight. Suguru seemed to be deliberately baiting Shuichi.

Suguru looked across to him and then back to Shuichi. “I’m not trying to say this to be hurtful,” he stated.

He lifted the earring out and held it up between his finger and thumb, the emerald catching the light as he continued to watch Shuichi. “All I’m saying is that no matter what, eventually you would have come back to this life in some way. There’s no way you could have stayed away forever, so you would have come back to us somehow. I think Annette realizes that too. She’s a strong girl and not the sort to just hang around or go along with someone else’s dream at the cost of her own so you would have drifted apart sooner or later.”

Shuichi watched as Suguru reached up and took out his regular earring, slipping the new one into place. He then met Shuichi’s eyes again with that steady gaze that was so similar to Tohma’s.

“You,” Suguru said firmly. “Belong to us, and Bad Luck. There is no where else you can be.”

Shuichi felt tears pricking in his eyes at Suguru’s words. His friend may often have a strange way of showing how much he cared but there was no way Shuichi could doubt the depth of his feelings.

“Can’t say much more than that, can we?” Hiro’s soft voice added, drawing Shuichi’s gaze to him. He smiled at Shuichi. “Didn’t we say we were going to take on the world some day?”

Shuichi threw back his head with a laugh, feeling his heart filling with a fierce happiness. He looked at both his friends with a broad smile. “You bet!”


-oOo-


“Why are you taking Tats?” Mika wanted to know as she watched her husband pack the last of the items neatly laid out on the bed.

He smiled up at her as he zipped the bag closed. “I felt it might be good for him to have a change.”

She scrutinised him closely, one brow rising. “I admit he has seemed out of sorts for a while now.” She snorted indelicately. “He’s been acting more of a brat than Eiri usually does!”

Tohma’s smile broadened as he chuckled. “I’m sure Tatsuha would deny that,” he said, walking towards where she stood at the door.

“Probably,” she agreed. “But it’s still true.” She met her husband’s eyes as he stopped before her. “So what’s really up?”

He paused for a heartbeat as though intending to not answer when the glint in Mika’s steel grey eyes warned him not to try and avoid her query. “I think,” he said carefully, “that Tatsuha is experiencing an…emotional crisis.”

“Crisis?” Mika looked surprised. “Over what?”

“Ryuichi may be at the centre of it.”

“What’s that idiot done now?!” Mika bristled, rising to the defence of her younger sibling.

Tohma soothed her immediately. “Nothing,” he assured her. “Ryuichi has kept his word and never encouraged things.”

Mika calmed. She was fully aware of her youngest brother’s infatuation with the charismatic Ryuichi Sakuma which had started from a very young age. She had expected him to grow out of it but that hadn’t happened. So the only thing she could do was to warn Ryuichi off. Tohma’s friend had accepted her demand easily and she had never had any cause for concern since.

“So if Ryu hasn’t done anything why do you think he’s got something to do with Tats’ behaviour?”

“It’s precisely because Ryuichi hasn’t done anything that things have come to this point,” Tohma explained. “Tatsuha has pursued and worshipped Ryuichi from afar all these years during which he frequently came to meet him at various times through Ryuichi’s association with myself and Noriko. However this extended stay of Ryu’s in America has been the longest Tatsuha has gone without seeing him. That absence appears to have upset him.”

“So is it really a good idea then to take him with you?” Mika asked. “Wouldn’t that just make him worse?”

“I think it is high time that Tatsuha determined truly what his feelings for Ryuichi are,” Tohma replied. “Hero worship is one thing, but if that is all it is Tatsuha needs to let it go and move on.”

“And if it’s not?” Mika queried.

Tohma smiled warmly at her. “Then he needs to make some other decisions in his life. Can you accept that?”

Mika was silent for a moment, one long varnished fingernail tapping at her pursed lips, a small frown on her brow as she thought it through. “What’s Ryuichi think of all this?” she finally asked.

Tohma shrugged. “You know how Ryuichi is,” he said. “I don’t intend to pry into his affairs. This is something that the two of them must determine for themselves.”

Mika frowned further but didn’t say anything immediately instead she pushed away from the wall and headed for the front door, Tohma following with his bag.

She turned as she opened the door. “Well, look after him,” she said. “And try to keep him out of trouble. You know what he’s like.”

“I will,” Tohma promised.

“And tell Ryuichi,” she continued as he stepped over the threshold. He turned to face her, seeing the firm set of her mouth. “That if he does anything to hurt Tatsuha he’ll have me to deal with.”

Tohma smiled as he leant in to place a warm kiss on her cheek. “I’ll do so,” he said.

He dropped his hand to rest it on the slight swelling of her abdomen, feeling that rush of pleasure in knowing that he would soon be a father again. “You take care also,” he told her.

“Of course,” she said, placing her hand over his and holding it there for a moment longer before releasing him. “Don’t be away too long this time,” she said as he stepped back. “Hurry up and get those two idiots together.”

“Which two would that be?” Tohma asked with a smile. “Tatsuha and Ryuichi; or Eiri and Shindou?”

“Any of them; all of them,” She waved her hand in a gesture of uncaring. “Whatever.”

“Whatever? So Eiri and Ryuichi would do as well?” he teased.

The disgusted look she gave him made him laugh.

“You’ll miss your plane,” was all she said.

“I’ll call when I get there,” he replied as he walked away. He heard the door shut firmly behind.

As he settled into the back of the taxi he pulled out his phone and sent a quick text off to Ryuichi. The message was short and simple, “I’m on my way”, then he leant back comfortably. Soon, soon they would be in New York.

Then the fun would begin.