Choices

AN: Wow the chapters hit my age, I feel old.......

Special note at the end you NEED TO READ.

Suggested Listening: Speed of Flow by THE RODEO CARBURETTOR; Face the Truth by Unsun

Chapter Twenty: Misunderstanding

The next morning Matt had woken early, after having gone to sleep early the night before. games could only hold his attention for so long, especially without his full concentration on them.

The sun hadn't quite risen yet, and neither had Mello. Matt knew that the blonde was generally an early riser, as he'd always been in the infirmary with him around that time, after another sleepless night on Matt's account.

Matt stretched slightly as he shifted under the covers and yawned, though he was no longer tired. In fact, he felt rather refreshed, more energized, that he had previously. He supposed that sleeping on a good bed would do that...

He wasn't sure exactly what time normal breakfast was, as he'd only eaten in the infirmary thus far, but he figured he probably had time to get some exercise done. Or in his case, go outside to smoke.

Mello had let him smoke in the room last night but Matt didn't want to push his luck with that any further. And the smell would no doubt wake the blonde. He really didn't want to deal with a cranky Mello.

He quickly dressed himself, careful not to topple over and as quietly as he could, left the room. He knew the way to the front door, as they had gone the opposite way to get to their room, and no real trouble in getting to it. If the frequent stops he was forced to make, in order to ease the ache in his legs, didn't count as trouble.

With a self satisfied sigh he sat down on the cool stone steps and lit the first cigarette of the day. Though it had taken him a while, he'd at least been able to go that far by himself. He had no doubt however, that he would pay for it later.

Halfway through his second cigarette the door opened and Matt tilted his head back and peered up at Mello who looked at him with a raised eyebrow. “Have fun in getting here?” the blonde asked though he made no move to sit.

Matt shrugged. “Not particularly.” but he wouldn't complain either, he'd gotten to smoke after all.

“Well finish up, breakfast is soon. You must have been out here for a while.” Mello kept his foot in the door and leaned against the brick wall, close enough to Matt but still far enough away from the smoke.

Matt sighed and stubbed out the cigarette, he hated when Mello made him feel rushed.

He swayed slightly as he stood but was fine the moment he grabbed onto the railing. He glared silently at his legs, as if it might fix the problem. He really needed to look on the internet.....

Matt was secretly glad to be able to sit down at breakfast as his legs felt like noodles, and worse, they felt strained. He had been warned not to overdue it, as he needed to gradually rebuild the strength in his legs, but what was done was done.

Who knew, maybe it would help him in the long run...

'Near' sat with them again, which left the atmosphere at the table rather somber, in Matt's opinion at least. As Mello kept his eyes trained, narrowed, on the albino and if looks could kill, Near would certainly have been nothing more than a pile of dust.

Matt merely shook his head and tried to ignore the both of them. It just wasn’t worth it to get involved.

A second before breakfast actually ended he pushed his plate away and stood up, along with a few others, though he didn't know why he knew to stand. Mello had a small smile, so he figured it wasn't a bad thing. Perhaps it was just something that was too far ingrained in his memory to truly forget.

Or he had just been lucky.

He felt Mello's eyes on him the entire way back to the room, and he knew it was because he had yet to ask for help, or stop to rest, despite the burn his legs felt. Not that Mello knew about the last part...

The second he was in the room he flopped onto his bed and groaned.

“I suppose that means you exhausted yourself?” Mello said, and from the way his voice had sounded, he'd shaken his head. “Nope, not exhausted.” he flashed a cheeky smile to the blonde who rolled his eyes.

He watched lazily as Mello went to his desk and gathered a few books, textbooks, and glanced at the time.

“You're going to class? Don't I get to go now that I’m out of that hellhole?” Matt sat up and Mello shook his head.

“No, you need to stay and rest like you were told to, especially after your long walk this morning.”

Matt laid down on his side, arm over the edge, with a grimace. “I suppose if they want to kill me with boredom they'll get their wish.”

Mello looked at the PSP that lay forgotten on his desk, though Matt hadn't really forgotten about it. “You have games to play so I don’t see the problem.”

“I doubt all I did was play games all day, even I would get bored of that.”

“That’s for sure...” Mello muttered a little too sarcastically but Matt had caught it. His eyes narrowed and he closed of his expressions. So much for Mello having forgiven him if he still said crap like that.

Mello must have noticed the change as he cringed slightly. “Matt-”

“You better get going, you're almost late.” Matt turned his gaze form the blonde and though Mello hesitated for a few moments, obviously having hoped that Matt would turn his attention back to him, he left without another word.

Matt rolled to the side and lay flat on his back, eyes turned to the ceiling.

What great to the day he thought dryly.

He laid there for a while, doing nothing more than tracing invisible patterns on the quilt as he stared at the ceiling which was devoid of any cracks. He closed his eyes and sighed. He had nothing more to do than think, at least for the moment.

So he thought on what he knew, which seemed to be everything so long as it didn’t have to do with his own life. Computers. He could build them, hack them, create systems for them, protect them. You name it he could do it. Then there were the languages he knew. English, French, Japanese, Russian, Czech, Mandarin, and Polish.

He knew how to fight, though he doubted he could do even half of that now with the state his body was in. Not until he got back to better physical condition at any rate. He knew how to pick locks, set up cameras, and other 'spy' tactics. Espionage was child’s play to him... as well as a bunch more useless things.

But all of that meant nothing seeing as he couldn't remember how he knew those things.

And then there was that damn feeling he had... more than like and less than obsession. Love, though he disliked using that term. He couldn't even remember who it was directed at. He rolled over with a sigh only to flail slightly as he almost toppled over the edge.

One 'genius' a week doing something like that was enough.

He rubbed at his eyes irritably. He wanted another cigarette, but he also had a strange craving for coffee. Matt had a feeling that the cravings were just one more thing he needed to get used to, something his body knew he liked, but something his mind couldn't remember.

But he really didn't feel like having to walk anywhere at the moment. His eyes roamed the room and eventually settled on Mello's laptop. Matt had yet to get another one, as he supposed the last one went with the fire.

He moved over to the blonde's desk and seated himself as he flipped the laptop cover up and switched it out of hibernation. He pulled up the internet and began to search for leg strengthening exercises.

He frowned and it only increased with the more sites he looked at. It was mostly the same things the doctor had told him, along with the aquatic therapy. Well, Matt figured, if he hadn't fallen on his ass just yet, he would stick with walking.

And unless he was forced, he would stay away from the pool. He didn't know why, but the more he thought of going into the water, the more apprehension he was filled with. He had to wonder, did he have a bad experience with water?

Were there some things in his memory that were better left forgotten? But he supposed he wouldn't actually know unless he remembered. A catch 22.

He was bored, so he decided to reconfigure the laptops firewalls, as they seemed weak to him. He was in his element, he had all the required tools and information, and he easily lost tract of the time until, at a quick glance, it neared lunch.

He wrinkled his nose a little, he really didn't want to see Mello at the moment. The little jab from that morning still bothered him, intentional or not.

Well, he sort of knew where the kitchens were, as it wouldn't be far from the dinning hall, so he could always eat there. He was sure most, if not all the staff was clued in to at least part of what had happened, so he could always pull the injury card if the tried to force him to eat in the dining hall.

Yeah, he would go that far.

Now, to get to the kitchens... after lunch, which he decided included a coffee, he would definitely want a smoke. He would probably sleep well later on too, as he would be exhausted.

But it was better than only a one hour session in the water every other day, and basic exercises the others. Matt would make his own routine, something that he didn't deem pointless.

Maybe he would add in some easy martial arts moves when his body was a bit stronger. It would definitely help so long as he didn’t try anything insane. No flying kicks for him anytime soon.

He reached a pair of doors, that were a little ways away from the dining hall entrance, that he remembered never having gone through before. There weren't many sounds from inside so either he had the right room and everyone was setting things up in the dining hall, or he would walk into the broom closet or something.

He was greeted with the sight of L, who was seated at the island counter, who was in the process of eating a rather large cake. Not a piece, but an entire cake. Matt glanced at the tiny looking fork the detective held between two fingers and shook his head.

He wasn't about to say anything, especially with his nicotine and gaming addictions.

He would start the coffee first. If he could find the coffee.

He reasoned it would probably be with the other ingredients and mixes rather than in one of the cabinets like a small house would have.

“You might try the doors to your left.” L commented, voice muffled a bit by the fork in his mouth. Matt looked to his left and saw two wide doors. He hadn't thought the pantry would be big, but judging from the doors...

He opened the doors and his eyes widened. Damn that was a lot of food. Granted most of it had to be made, but still. He could practically see L's amused expression. OK, so he had 'found' the pantry, where in the hell would the coffee be?

“Hm.. perhaps the second shelf at the far end?” L said again and Matt found his lips twitched into a small smile. He spotted the assortment of coffees almost immediately afterwards and walked inside the large pantry to choose.

Matt found that he didn't mind the detectives help as he still allowed Matt to do things while he gave him the information, rather than just doing it for him. He wondered if the detective knew that had started to bother him when people did it; he probably had.

Or maybe it was just a common sense thing, that anyone would get irritated with too much help.

Whatever the reason, he wouldn't question it. Matt chose some exotic, and probably expensive, coffee and set it to brew before he raided the refrigerator for something to eat. He found some left over breakfast pastries and decided they would go good with the coffee.

They weren’t as filling as a normal lunch might have been, but it would hold him over until dinner.

Granted, he could have made himself a salad, or a sandwich but he hadn't wanted to put forth the effort when something was already made and ready to eat. Less fuss more energy. He looked back over to L and noticed with amusement that the detective had eaten over half the cake in that small amount of time.

That would have either given Matt a massive sugar rush or a heart attach had he done that.

“Hey L, I have a question, if you don't mind me asking.” Matt said, while he searched through the cabinets for a cup. The coffee was ready, but he didn't have a cup.

“You may ask it but I may not give you an answer. The cups are in the next one.” L said, his voice laced with amusement, and... curiosity?

“What is going on with Kira, I know I don't really have anything to do with it anymore, especially with my current status, but are we safe here?” it had been a while since he’d really thought of Kira, or as L had told him, Light Yagami. And Matt supposed it might have had to do with Mello having mentioned his previous forms of 'entertainment' that morning.

But it had occurred to him, that despite L having told him everything that had happened, he'd never said one word about the current status.

“In truth, I am only 85% certain we are safe here.” L told him as his wide owl like eyes stared off into the distance.

“But even should Kira find us, we have much more security than before, as I now know there is a large threat to Wammys, and my safely. Rest assured, I will catch him.”

Matt nodded. But couldn't help but feel less than assured at the only 85% L had given him. That left a large gap of uncertainly. But Matt knew he couldn’t afford to dwell too much on it. At least not yet. He had... other things on his mind.

“That is the only case I am currently taking on, so if you wish to speak to me, I will be in my room.” L had his thumb pressed to his mouth, and empty cake plate in his hand as he shuffled over to the sink before he left.

Matt supposed that he might have once known where the detective’s room was... but all he got when he thought on it was dust. Just that word, and nothing else. He would have to ask Mello, or Wammy if he saw him, where L was.

Though if he felt up to it he could probably explore.

As Mello had said, the doctor told him to relax, well his version of 'relax' was to keep his mind occupied. And if that meant he had to wander around the entire damn orphanage to find L, then so be it.

And maybe, it was sort of a challenge...

But Matt didn't mind. However, he wondered if he perhaps, had unconsciously let off a vibe of needing to talk. He had a lot of things on his mind, one more pressing than the others, and he had wanted to speak to L about it...

Matt poured his coffee and took the small plate of pastries over to L's vacated seat and sat down. He sipped at the coffee, still too hot to really drink. He instead, picked up one of the pastries and winced as he bit into it; it was filled with chocolate cream.

He would have preferred the lemon filled or even one of the other fruit ones.

He sighed but ate it anyway, despite it being a little too sweet for him. He took a long drink of the coffee afterwards to rid his mouth of the chocolate. It just tasted odd. He didn't mind actual chocolate, but the cream had an aftertaste.

He pinched part of the flakey pastry off the next one and found it too to be chocolate, he set it aside for Mello, as he knew the blonde would eat it. The next one had a yellow goo in the middle, different from the cream, and decided it was probably lemon.

He ate that, and one more, before he downed the rest of the coffee and deposited his dish into the sink; he had to search the draws for something to place the last pastry into.

With that accomplished he left the kitchens and slowly made his way outside. The warm air caressed his face and it still threw him off as it had the first time; he still expected to face harsh biting wind and snowfall despite the fact that it was spring.

He had been out for months, but his mind hadn't caught up to that. It was as though the accident had happened mere days ago and he woke to a different climate. He disliked it.

He leaned heavily against the railings, afraid that if he sat down he wouldn't be able to get up again. The exact same way that someone who had been walking for miles and miles knew that they could keep going so long as they didn’t stop to rest.

Well, maybe not the exact same, but similar enough.

He finished up the cigarette quickly and stuffed the pack back into his pocket as he turned inside. It was only the first day by himself and he was bored. He couldn't go to the kitchens everyday...

The hallways were silent which had Matt wonder just how long he had taken, unless lunch was only just about to be finished, though he doubted that. The room was empty, though Matt hadn't really expected Mello to be there. He placed the pastry on the blonde’s desk by the laptop so that it wouldn't be missed.

He flopped down onto his bed the moment that was done.

He yawned and sighed. He hated the fact that the simple act of walking had tired him out so much. He rolled onto his stomach and closed his eyes. A small nap couldn't hurt, and he had been told to rest…

He didn't remember having drifted off, but the fact that the next time he opened his eyes the clock read three fifteen PM rather than sometime after One meant he had. The fact that Mello still wasn't in the room meant classes were probably still on, and Matt lamented over the fact that he had no clue when they got out.

He looked over at Mello's laptop and scoffed. He didn't want to go on it at the moment, and he didn't want to play the games Mello had gotten him. No... Matt decided to search for L. L had all but said that should he find him they could talk.

And Matt had a question he wanted to ask... something he didn't exactly want to ask Mello unless he had to.

He sat up and stretched languidly before he got up. He was out the door before he really had woken up and headed away from the kitchens but didn't bother with the second floor, despite the fact that it would have been hell to climb them. Matt rationalized that L wouldn't be on the second floor, as it would have been too much of a risk having to go down the stairs for everything.

And he doubted that everyone in Wammys had seen him, and he probably wanted to keep it that way, for a while at the least.

Matt also figured that L would be in a place that was quieter, for concentrations sake as well as anonymity, so that meant he was further away from the common room and kitchens, and probably long passed the library, which he and Mello went passed all the time.

He took things slowly despite his eagerness to explore. Mello had only taken him to the more common places, the ones Matt would usually use, so he didn't even really know much of the layout for Wammys.

And he suspected that with how much bigger it supposedly was that the original, Mello didn't either.

He reached the end of the hallway and despite the fact that he normally would have gone right, he chose to go left instead. He continued on down the long hallway until he reached that ones end and looked down both ways, but one of them seemed... familiar.

He found himself halfway down it before he had realized what he was doing. He knew that place, and the small table with the vase in the hallway. He went further on and stopped in front of a seemingly random door before he knocked on it. “Come in Matt.” L's voice called out to him.

Matt's hand froze mid-knock and he swallowed. Just what in the hell had happened? How in the hell had he known where to go?

His hand shook as he turned the knob and let the door swing inward. L sat on an armchair, in his familiar and awkward way, and ate what looked like animal crackers. “You seem to be doing rather well, Matt.” the detective said as he bit the head off of what appeared to be a panda.

Matt assumed he meant his memory. Which really wasn't doing any better. But he knew he didn't need to explain anything to him.

Matt didn't wait to be asked to have a seat and instead dropped himself down onto the small couch opposite L's computer desk. If the doctor knew how much exercise he'd done he would probably strap him to his bed and force him to rest.

Matt frowned. What a horrid thought.

L continued to bit the heads off of the animal crackers, and made no move to start a conversation, nor did he even bother to look at Matt. Rather, he continued to stare at a small packet of printouts that he held loosely in the air between his thumb and index fingers.

What would he ask? He doubted that one such as L knew anything specific about what he was feeling, but surely he would know if Matt had been with someone at Wammys... right?

“This may be a rather strange question to ask. But did I have a girlfriend at Wammys... the previous one?” he added in the last part, though it still sounded odd to him. Though calling them Wammys 1 and Wammys 2 would have been ridiculous.

L glanced at him, an odd gleam in his eyes.

“Why would you ask me that?” L asked and cocked his head to the side. The detective rather reminded him of an owl.

Matt hesitated in answering. He knew he could trust L... but at the same time...

“I can remember having strong feelings... I’m in love with someone, but I don't know who. That's why I asked.” Matt had a feeling his face was flushed, but figured it didn't really matter as he doubted the detective would point it out.

“Hmm... I have no knowledge of you being with anyone, however I will admit that I regretfully paid little attention to my successors lives before this incident. It is something I will make an attempt at changing in the future.”

Matt felt only slightly disappointed, as he hadn't really expected L to know, as it would have been far too easy.

“You should ask Mello, if you have not done so already, as you were roommates at the time, and to my knowledge and spent a fair amount of time with each other.” L stated, though his tone had changed slightly when he'd said the last part, though Matt couldn't figure out why.

“Alright, thanks L.” he pushed himself off the couch and managed to only wobble ever so slightly as he stood.

“Matt, catch.”

Matt had only just enough time to catch a small plastic bag filled with red wrapped candies. He looked at L questioningly but the detective only shrugged. Ok....

“Also, I understand that you are eager to get back to your previous form, but try not to overdo it?”

Matt smiled a bit at that and supposed that it was more than obvious he'd been a bit over active that day. “I'll try.” he wouldn't promise anything as he didn't want to have to break it, besides, L had only asked him to ‘try’.

He made sure that he closed the door gently on his way out, though he doubted it would have disturbed the detective had he slammed it.

He stuffed the candies into his pocket, the one opposite his cigarettes, which were probably crushed from his earlier nap. He knew that he would remember the way to L's now that he'd been to the room, though he supposed he'd already 'remembered' the way.

He passed the common room and found it to be filled with loud, rowdy children so Matt knew that Mello was likely to be in their room once he got there. And he was.

He was seated at his desk with the laptop on and searching for something, or perhaps doing a project. He closed the door softly but Mello had heard him anyway and stopped typing.

“Thanks.” he gave Matt a small smile and gestured to the empty wrappings that had covered the chocolate pastry.

Mat nodded and shrugged a shoulder. “It was left over from my lunch. I didn't really like the other chocolate one, so when I found the other I figured I bring it back.” Matt grabbed his PSP off the nightstand and lay down on his bed, feet on either side of his pillow and head at the foot of the bed.

He shifted to get comfortable and his pocket crinkled making Mello arch an eyebrow.

Matt rolled his eyes and dug the small bag from his pocket, pulled free two of the candies and tossed one to the blonde who caught it and stared at it. “What is it?” he asked, though he had already begun to unwrap it.

“I have no idea.” Matt said as he popped his own into his mouth.

“OK, then where the hell did you get it?” Mello held the round, red, candy in his hand while he looked expectantly at Matt for an answer.

“From L.” Mello pouted slightly at that and Matt felt his stomach flop.

“When did you see him?” Mello questioned as he licked the candy experimentally, as though to see if it tasted well enough to eat, and having deemed it so, placed it into his mouth.

“At lunch... and when I found his room.” Matt hoped the blonde wouldn't get made at him, as he knew Mello really liked L. “You've been busy today.” was all Mello said, so Matt figured everything was fine.

“Yup, and I didn't amuse myself with anything illegal.” Matt couldn't resist and watched in slight satisfaction as Mello winced.

“Sorry about that...” Mello murmured quietly. Matt was surprised a little, he didn't think Mello was the type to readily apologize, but he wouldn't take it for granted.

“It's fine..” he figured it was more of Mello trying to get rid of his frustrations in any way possible, and if Mello was miserable then everyone else had to be as well. Misery loves company and all that.

It had looked as though Mello might say something but a slightly odd expression crossed his face. “This if filled with chocolate...”

Matt bit into his own candy and found it to be true. Huh. Cinnamon and chocolate. What an odd pair.

And yet, the flavors matched well.

Go figure.

-End Misunderstanding-

AN: *falls over* my hands are killing me. Damn snowstorm making the weather crap. And anyone catch the reference to MelloMatt at the end? *yes I am that lame*

SN: K, so I got the job. What this means for you guys. Well, I will be working nights now, from 11pm-7am. And here’s the problem. I usually write/edit at night. So things will be very slow going for a while as I’m going to have to get used to staying up all night (rather than till my usual 3am) and sleeping all day. So updates may only be once every week or if I need more time to adjust, biweekly. This will go for my future fics as well.

The only good thing is that I have to do my training first, which has to be during the day, so I MIGHT be able to get this posted before I go to nights. No promises.

Sorry!