The Past Life

The day after my revelation to the Master I was alone in the music room. I had been there for most of the morning, undisturbed by Kunzite, which was odd these days. In fact I had not seen any of the Tennou yet that day, and not the Master since I left his chambers. Not that I wasn't appreciative of the time alone, it was just strange.

I was playing a Nocturne that I had an affinity for at the time. It was soothing, and always left me in a good mood after I played it. This time, my thoughts were mostly of my Master. I really thought of little else at that time. His smile, his gentle touch, his kind words. Every time we were together was incredible.

I was lost in these thoughts, so my shock at suddenly being ripped off the piano bench and thrown against the nearest wall is difficult to express with words.

The impact knocked the wind out of me. I was not given any time to register who had attacked me before they had their arm against my chest, and the blade of their sword pressed to my throat. It could only be one person, I didn't need to see their face to know that it was Kunzite.

“You traitorous little piece scum.”

I remained calm. It would be better to find out what Kunzite was going on about before giving myself away. “May I ask what I've done?”

By this point both Jadeite and Nephrite had entered the music room. Neither seemed to know what to do in the current situation.

“I've suspected for months, but know I have the proof I need.”

“Proof of what, Kunzite?”

Kunzite removed his arm, but kept the sword in place. He retrieved a letter from his jacket and held it in front of my face. It was addressed to him, but I recognized the seal and handwriting immediately.

“Proof that you've been sneaking the Master off to see the Princess behind our backs.”

“What?”

I snatched the letter from his hands, careful not to move my head. I knew it had come from Venus, but I could not have guessed the contents.


To the First Shitennou of Earth, Kunzite,

While my correspondence until now has been with your second-in-command, Zoisite, I felt it necessary to address this matter to you directly.

It would seem that your Prince has been visiting our Princess in secret for the past few months. I began to suspect that something was amiss when the Princess would disappear for a few hours then reappear as though nothing was the matter. I began to keep a close eye on her and found that Prince Endymion had been sneaking into the Moon Kingdom to visit with her.

When I confronted our Princess, she confessed that she was in love with your Prince, and that he loved her as well. I don't think I need to tell you how troubling this information is.

I decided to inform you. If our positions had been reversed, I would have wanted you to do the same. And perhaps now you can keep a better eye on your Prince.

Sincerely, Venus


I had to read the letter three times before it's meaning became clear to me. The Princess. Master had been seeing the Princess for the past few months.

“I can understand your situation.”

“You do? So... there is someone you...”

The Princess.

“Zoisite! Have you seen the Master today?”

Master had been sneaking out of the palace.

“It's... complicated.”

My Master had been visiting the Princess behind my back.

“I don't want to do anything that might hurt you.”

Kunzite must have moved his sword out of the way, because I was still alive after my legs gave out and I fell to the floor. I leaned back against the wall and clutched the letter in my shaking hand. I could feel the tears starting to collect in my eyes. I couldn't cry, not now.

“Zoisite?”

My whole body stiffened at that voice. The Master must have entered the room at that moment. I looked away from him and at the floor beside me, trying desperately to calm myself down.

The Master was soon kneeling beside me, trying to get me to look at him. “Zoisite. What's wrong? What hap...” he trailed off. I knew he was looking at the letter then and after several seconds he took a deep breath. “I'm sorry...”

“What is this?” Kunzite asked, obviously wanting some kind of explanation. “I know Zoisite was helping you...”

“He didn't know, Kunzite. I acted on my own.”

“Then what else has been going on?” Kunzite now knew that he didn't have the full story, and I knew that no one was leaving this room until he got it.

“Come on, Zoi, stand up,” Master's voice urged me gently. He helped me get back on my feet, but I still could not look at him or anyone else in the room for that matter. I was surprised when Master wrapped his arms around me and held me for a moment then. “Please, forgive me,” he whispered before pulling away.

“I'm waiting.”

I looked up just enough to see that Master had his back to me now and was facing Kunzite. Nephrite and Jadeite now stood closer. Nephrite probably just as confused as Kunzite. Jadeite simply pretended to be in the same boat.

“For the past six months Zoisite and I... we...” Master was having difficultly finding just the right way of expressing himself. “Zoisite has been sharing my bed.”

Silence followed. I could feel Kunzite's eyes burning into me, though I stared out the window. It was snowing, rare for this area. I watched as the white flakes fell slowly past the glass while only half listening to the conversation that followed.

“What?” Kunzite asked slowly after several moments of silence.

“You heard what I said,” was Master's reply.

The snow was letting up. Most of what had fallen would melt right away, and the rest would be gone by evening. Even though it meant colder temperatures and more difficult times, one could still find some beauty in the snow.

“You...”

Judging by the tone of Kunzite's voice, that would have been addressed to me, but I didn't respond. Instead I choose to watch the last few flakes fall. Already a melody was playing in my head, inspired by this snowfall. I would write it down later.

A few heavy footsteps sounded, coming towards me, but they stopped suddenly. “He is not the one to blame, Kunzite,” Master's voice said. “You know how Zoisite is, he would do anything I asked.”

I turned my head slightly at this remark. That was not the reason why...

“I don't understand...” Nephrite finally spoke up. I had forgotten that he was even in the room.

“There's not much to understand, Nephrite,” Kunzite replied coldly. “They were fucking each other stupid at night.”

“Kunzite!”

“Have I misinterpreted something here, Master?”

It was better if that was all Kunzite thought it was. Sex with no emotional baggage. “No, Kunzite, you haven't,” I heard myself speak. Or rather, it was my voice, but it didn't feel like it was really me. “That's all it was.”

“Then, I would highly recommend that the two of you learn to keep your trousers buttoned from now on,” Kunzite said, although it was closer to a growl. “Do I make myself clear?”

“Very.”

To say that Kunzite was upset would be a vast understatement. Thankfully he decided to take his anger out on something else and he stormed out of the room, leaving a rather shocked Nephrite and uncomfortable Jadeite.

After waiting for a few seconds and seeing that neither of them had moved, Master spoke. “Would you two mind if we spoke in private for a moment?”

The two looked at each other for a minute, as if trying to figure out if it was okay to leave us alone together. The Master guessed this as well. “You can wait right outside if you want, we won't be long.”

This seemed to satisfy them and they soon exited the room, closing the door behind them. Master turned around slowly to face me and I promptly looked away. He spoke regardless.

“That's... not how I thought of this...”

“It's better if Kunzite thinks of it that way, Master.”

He reached for me then, placing his hand on my cheek and causing me to look up at him. It was genuine concern in his expression. He did care for me, but that wasn't the same emotion that I felt for him.

“Zoi, I...” Master trailed off, either forgetting what he wanted to say, or choosing not to. Instead he kissed me softly. His way of saying that he still wanted to be with me.

I knew then that I couldn't go on with this relationship. The ache I felt when he kissed me, knowing that he actually loved another was too much to bear. I brought my hands to his chest and pushed him away from me lightly, breaking our last kiss. I couldn't hold back my tears any more and they flowed freely down my face. “I can't do this, Master. Not if you don't...”

“It's not as though I don't care for you, Zoi. I do, you're very important and dear to me.”

Someone told me once that there is only one true love for everyone. Kusaka-san's words echoed in my mind. I now believed them to be true, only that the one person I truly loved loved another. “I'm sorry, Master.”

“Zoi, dont...” he reached for my face to wipe away a tear. This contact only made me want to spill more and I quickly brushed his hand aside and step away from him.

I reached my piano and kept my back to him as I covered my eyes with my own hand. “Please, Master.”

He didn't say anything as he left the room. I know that he looked over his shoulder at me once, but that was it. It was over.

I finally broke down. I sat down on the bench and stared at the music on the stand through tear blurred vision, my sobs echoing in the mostly empty room. I desperately wanted him to hold me and tell me that he loved me, that I was the only person he could ever love, and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. Not once had I ever experienced pain like I did that day, nor did I ever again.