For All the Wrong Reasons

For All the Wrong Reasons

by Lemon & Chai

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Rating: N17. Bondage, S&M, D/s, and well everything else. Yuki-muse is horny.

Summary: A YukiFuji, SanaTezu fic, with eventual fivesome with Atobe. Inspired by kitti-chan and lolistar.

Warning: gero gero gero D: There's too much dialogue in this chapter. -sigh- I hate it too, this chapter was sort of forced, but please bare with me. -sweatdrop-

Review replies:

Hanako: Oh, thank you so much for reviewing, as long as you leave a name I am so happy! :D Lol I'm the same way, I just like uke!Fuji ... but alas, the drabble was a birthday present, and hey, it sparked this beautiful lump of angst so... XD; good (uke!Fuji) things come (even) from seme x seme .... (eh..heheh)

Ella_bella: Sana-dada is... well... D: -gasp- Nooooo Sana-dada! Sana-dada muse better cooperate... or else poor Yuki-mama will be sad. -sniffles- .... (as if I have no control over it ^^; ...sometimes, I don't think that I do) I will definitely read the fics once I get a chance. -eyes sparkle-

Baby_Angel: I always love your reviews. Wah, something sweet eh... well... I think there's sweet coming... mmm maybe... in the next chapter at least....

Perfect_Lover: I hope he does, too. Gambare Sanada... XD Thank you for your heartwarming review! Ooo OT6, that's a crazy project...yosh, if I ever finish this fic, I will try....some...how..... XD;

Iaame: I'm so happy I made the pairing grow on you. XD Though TezuFuji is also still my otp, hee.

i_banquet: Wah thank you XD uh-oh, you're totally calling me out on Atobe -sweatdrop- he has more of a future story than a backstory.... err... it exists, how it's going to work into the plot? Err... is to be revealed...some...day...

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The moment Sanada stepped from the room, Yukimura felt his heart shattering into pieces. They cut sharply into his chest, making it difficult to breathe, spots of black appearing before his eyes. He could still feel pressure on his hand, but it wasn't the same.

It was Tezuka's hand, but Tezuka was like a stranger to him. A few weeks ago, Tezuka and Atobe had been no more than the rival team's captains. Fuji was the only one he could find sadistic relief through, and Sanada was the only one who could comfort him.

He'd been alone for years.

He had reasoned, a long time ago, that he had only himself to blame. He'd kept the secret inside himself, let his body become more rigid and his habits more twisted, like a decaying piece of wood he watched the ants pick at from his window but never bothered to go rescue or throw away. It was no wonder, he realized, that Sanada had chosen the latter with him. He was a soiled, rotting thing, whether or not his vice captain knew why, and Sanada deserved better than him.

Yet he hadn't been able to let his beloved adjunct go.

He should have quite tennis a long time ago. He'd spent too long, leading his team despite his own losses, playing even when his body was no longer in top form. Worst was constantly watching Sanada play... being on the same team as Sanada... leading the team together with Sanada... they never had any proper distance.

Even so, his vice had been able to move on. But he had swept in and messed all of that up. Now Sanada could not have Tezuka, who would now go back to Fuji, but neither would Sanada want the dirty shriveled being that was him.

Yukimura found himself being carefully led onto the bed, as though he were made of glass, but it was silly to treat him that way since he'd broken a long time ago.

He was tired of grabbing for the pieces of himself, of cutting his hands on the jagged, crystalline shards. He was tired.

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They motioned to each other for a bit, deciding with their eyes and hands what to do. Sauntering down the hallway, Fuji had a sudden appreciation for being with the two people who could read him best - Atobe with his insight, and Tezuka, who somehow always knew what he was thinking and vise versa. Those two had stayed with Yukimura, while the tensai was now following after Sanada.

He knew by instinct or whatever strange prodigy sense Eiji claimed he had where the vice captain had disappeared to. A loud bang was confirmation, and the brunette slipped into the calm, plain room that he and Sanada had had sex in before. The raven haired youth was pulling his hand out of the dry wall, which he had succeeded in punching a hole through.

And then he screamed.

It was a loud, growl like scream, like that of an attacking samurai, or a lion's roar, it was a yell of frustration and pain and anger and helplessness, and seemed almost out of place coming from such a large, powerful looking frame.

When the sound finally echoed out, harsh breathes took its place as Sanada's fists pounded against the room's wood cabinet, thankfully not breaking it. Fuji cringed, wondering what the suspiciously simple looking thing cost.

"I'll kill him." Face red and trembling with anger, the kendo trained warrior growled, "I'll found out who the fuck he is, and then I'll kill him."

"Sanada..." Fuji bit his tongue before he added 'san'. He didn't know why he suddenly felt so distant. He could guess very easily how the raven haired seme was feeling, but he couldn't empathize.

He didn't blame Sanada, but he couldn't ask the spartan to not blame himself. He couldn't offer understanding he didn't have. He couldn't offer comfort that wouldn't be accepted. He found, then, a little bit of empathy, for they were both helpless.

With the muscles that rippled underneath his shirt and trunked in this thighs, Sanada seemed like the type that could not be brought down by anything. Yet he failed to protect what mattered to him most.

Then he failed to see his own failure, and crushed that being even further.

The air around them cooled, and with it Sanada's anger, but Fuji sensed despair creep in in its place.

"Why didn't he tell me." Cold charcoal eyes stared at the newly made hole, as if it would draw them in and make mince meat out of them. As if this was what Sanada deserved.

Sighing, Fuji knew it wouldn't help for him to say otherwise. But he knew what it was like to feel guilty.

"It was his way of forgiving you."

Fuji reached out with his voice, hoping to snap the agonized youth out of it. This was the one thing he'd read between the lines of Seiichi's story. The effeminate captain had long accepted that there was only one perpetrator, and that was the one who raped him. Seiichi didn't want anyone else to be hurt by what had happened, so he'd buried his pain deep inside himself, carrying it alone. It was something both Fuji and Sanada had realized, had understood even before they heard the true story. It was no one else's fault.

But to accept that in heart as well as mind...

"Why didn't I know anyway." An echo of dark thoughts rustled behind the vice captain's words. Why didn't I figure it out. Why didn't I try to figure it out. Why did I give up on him. Why did I leave him. How could I do... why couldn't I protect him... even after....

Tentatively, the tensai took Sanada's taught hand into his own, bringing the torn knuckles to his lips, and kissed away the blood. "There's no way you could have known if he didn't tell you," he said quietly, willing the bruises to disappear.

The large hand jerked away, creating a distance between them. Bitter lines creased the raven haired man's forehead as he spat, "But you knew."

Stepping away, Fuji sighed, "I know many things I shouldn't, and it's gotten me into a lot of trouble in the past." Biting his lower lip, Fuji hesitantly sat on the bed, motioning to the spot next to him.

Sanada stared dumbly at him for a moment, before huffing and taking a seat on the comforter. Then he practically collapsed, throwing his face in is hands, elbows on his parted knees. Fuji said nothing but waited.

He waited, waited in the most plain room in the Atobe manor, waited while sitting on a white sheeted bed, waited while a light breeze crept through the open bedroom window and lifted his hair, waited while the man next to him pulled himself together and remembered that the one who needed help right now was not him, but the tormented, yet still fighting bluenette in another room down the hall.

Yukimura hadn't given up yet, not after all these years of fighting by himself, so Fuji wouldn't either.

"What can I do?"

Fuji smiled a little as the deep voice echoed in his ear. "You can hold him," he whispered. "Gently. Just... don't touch his back."

Nodding, the vice captain kept his face hidden, but his broken voice and shaking hands gave him away. Closing his eyes, Fuji leaned against him... and listened.

"After... after what Atobe did... what I did at the training camp... I was too ashamed to touch him. I avoided him... I convinced myself that I was just worried about him. Worried about hurting him after his surgery. I started to really believe it, and then it was the truth. I forgot about... Atobe. Once Yukimura was better, once he was off the drugs, so I assumed he was better... I thought it would be okay. I thought everything would go back to normal... he acted...he said he was okay so...."

The vice captain struggled to speak, forcing himself to remember. "While...while he was being... hurt, I was...." Gleams of regret shimmered wetly near the edges of his hands. "I'm the worst kind of man....."

"No..." Fuji interrupted quietly, his voice eerily distant. "You aren't the worst." He felt strangely serene, sitting calmly with this man who'd just learned something neither of them truly knew how to deal with. Speaking softly, he tried to work out the situation in his mind. "What you did with Atobe was terrible, especially with such timing, but it had nothing to do with what happened to Seiichi. You weren't the one who hurt him, and you couldn't have protected him. You and everyone else had no way of knowing... and he didn't tell you, so your response was natural."

Sighing, he added, "Sanada, I ... I have no right to really say this. I think... if I were in your shoes, I would feel the same way. I would blame myself and...but...there's one thing I know for certain.

"You're not making it up to him by abandoning him again."

---

His eyes shot open with a start, and Yukimura stiffened as he felt strong rays of sunlight beaming down on him. He was lying on his back, and he felt someone squeeze his hand. Gasping, he turned his head to find Sanada staring back at him, the vice captain also laid out on the bed, on top of the sheets and fully dressed in his regulars uniform.

Sanada's lips twitched into a partial smile. "Are you alright? You slept for a long time."

The bluenette stared at him in disbelief. It was still the midddle of the day. Yukimura Seiichi did not sleep. He did not nap, he did not sleep in, even though he often stayed up late. He claimed it was part of his responsibility as a leader, but actually he was an insomniac. It was something that developed around the time Sanada broke up with him.

"... Is that so...." The captain exhaled deeply, wondering what time it was but decided not to look. He closed his eyes, recalling what had happened before his loosing consciousness, the things he said, what he'd finally admitted... "I ... Sanada.... I...I wish I'd..." He choked on his words, no longer knowing what to say, or why Sanada was still here with him.

'It's in the past," Sanada said simply. He didn't really believe it of course, but for now he would pretend to. For Seiichi's sake.

"Sanada...mm... Gen..ichiro," Fuji hesitantly corrected. "...When you first heard that Yukimura and I were dating, what did you think?"

Surprised by the question, Sanada let his hands rest on his knees and gave the honey haired tensai a puffy eyed glance. He thought for a moment, feeling a small amount of relief from the subject shift. "I was worried. I knew how Yukimura, how ... how out of control he'd gotten... I was sure that he'd hurt you, the same way he'd tried to hurt me. I didn't know...the reason... at the time, I just wanted to help someone who I knew Tezuka still cared about. I just-"

"Really?" Fuji interrupted, "You really weren't jealous?"

Gaping, the vice captain stared at him with a stunned expression.

"You were, weren't you?" A tiny, amused smile formed on the tensai's lips. "Even if you didn't realize it. You don't... I don't believe you can stop loving someone like Yukimura Seiichi so easily. And no, I'm not talking about his violent side." Chuckling, the brunette smiled to himself. "I never believed that was the real him, not once. You and I both know what he's really like, when he's caring, and gentle, and loving. He reminds me of my mother when she's being sweet..."

Sanada mumbled something, which earned him a questioning look from the brunette, but he shook his head, "It's nothing." To himself he thought of how Yukimura reminded him as well of his mother, which was part of why he'd become attracted to the blue haired beauty in the first place. "Seii- .. Yukimura is strong, but in a different way from me. All I wanted to do was protect him."

"But you can't always be with him, it's impossible." Pausing, the tensai tapped his chin while reflecting on his sentiments. "But if there's five of us, then at least one of us always can be..." He placed his hand on the larger teen's knee, comfortingly. "And right now, what he needs is not protection, but healing."

"I want to apologize."

"Gen..."

"Seichi. It may take me a life time, but please, give me a chance to make it up to you."

He brought Yukimura's hand to his lips, his breath ghosting along those elegant fingers as if to say, These are my feelings. This is my heart. Please, accept it...

"Yes." Of course, the bluenette whispered in his mind, his eyes and his heart glowing with a warmth he hadn't felt in a long, long time.

He sat up, his ass reminding him he was still a little sore, causing him to wince. Sanada, as if misreading the small sign, bent over and brushed his lips against his captain's cheek. Feeling a powdery blush cross his skin, Yukimura let out a sigh of serenity, slowly breathing in and out the warm midday air. He didn't remember it being so bright this time of year.

"Mm... where are the others?" He hummed, hoping to mask the embarrasingly youthful reaction to tiny kiss.

"They went out for lunch, or something along those lines..." Sanada sighed, thinking of poor Tezuka, who had more or less been dragged way. He pittied his boyfriend, but he had needed the alone time with Yukimura, so... "Oh, and-" Suddenly he looked a little annoyed, like there was something he didn't want to think about. "Atobe insists we go on a group date next Saturday."

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A/N: OMG OMG how did I fall behind so far?! ... Hm... well.... now that I think about it... I wrote a bunch of other fanfiction in the meantime. ..... -sweatdrop-

This fic is, believe it or not, nearing it's end! Hmm.... I hope I didn't say that before. I have a feeling I'll regret it if I say it now and it turns into another year's worth of chapters. -sweatdrop-

You guys really encouraged me with your reviews. I've gotten way too caught up in other fanfics, but the love you guys showed for this story encouraged me to come back to it and keep writing no matter what.

So please, keep sending me your messages. They mean so much to me. Thank you so much. Kore kara mou yoroshiku onaishimasu!