After hours

Chapter 26: Special Guest

A/N: Just to let everyone know my Co-author/editor DJ Lucky Duck Fuck wrote this chapter


"Hello. My name is DJ Mary. You killed my father. Prepare to die," Mary said, starting the show. "Today's show is very special--we're not only on the air, but we're also being televised this episode! They haven't told me exactly what all the fuss is yet, but maybe it has something to do with my first guest, Brock!

"...Wait, WHAT!?" DJ Mary shouted as she realized what she had just read. In walked Brock, with Ash and Ash's Pikachu following.

"Thank you, thank you," Brock said, waving and bowing at the cameras for the audience watching, thinking wrongly that they were glad to see him. "So glad to be here! Really, a dream come true!"

"I-I'm sorry, there seems to have been a MISTAKE," Mary said, looking around to see if someone was playing a joke on her. "This show is for girls only, no guys whatsoever. Even Gym Trainers and up-and-coming potential Champions are no exception, guys."

Brock settled down into the guest chair. "Sorry, Mary, but the producers and CEOs and all those important people have overruled you on this one. You see, the secret theme for today's episode that everyone's been waiting for is...to reveal a list of the most desired ladies and hottest couples in all the regions!

"Yes," Brock continued, "In the proud tradition of cheap grocery-mart teen magazines and their top lists of actors and so on, we've taken polls and done the surveys, and now we're ready to tell you, the public, who you think are the sexiest girls in all the Pokemon world!"

"I still don't get that," Ash said. "Why would we need to tell them what they think? Wouldn't they already know?"

"Pika," Pikachu agreed.

"And with me today are my good friends Ash and Pikachu, to help with visual aids," Brock said, introducing them with a wave of his hand. Pikachu bowed to the camera, while Ash sighed heavily and gave an awkward wave.

"That's all great," DJ Mary interrupted, "But we can do all that in an episode WITHOUT guys!"

"But my dear Mary!" Brock exclaimed, leaning over and grabbing her hand in an overblown show of romance. "Just anyone won't do for this! Who knows and loves all women individually of all regions?"

"Brock," Ash sighed.

"Who can keep track of the every nuance and detail of the personal lives of hundreds of prominent region ladies, even to the point of telling each Joy and Jenny apart?"

"Pika," Pikachu sighed, pointing at Brock.

"And who knows the most about pining for women he'll never have, much like most of the listeners at home, because he's hit on and been rejected by roughly 20% of the entire female populace for every region without ever knowing romantic success?"

"DEFINITELY Brock," Ash said, at the same time that Pikachu pointed at Brock and said, "CHU-KA Pika."

"Just let him do it, so he gets it out of his system and we can leave that much sooner," Ash added.

DJ Mary sighed, removed her hand from Brock's, made it into a fist, slammed it down on that same hand of Brock's, and as Brock whimpered, gave in. "Fine. Just this once!"

"Ouch! Er, thanks, DJ Mary. Well then, let's get on with it! Pikachu is holding cards with several topics of conversation. My assistant Ash will now grab one at random and read it off to me to begin our show!" Brock explained.

Pikachu held up the cards. Ash chose one, while grumbling something that sounded like, "You ain't no Vegas magician and I ain't no assistant..." He then read the card to Brock. "This one says...Cutest Couples."

"CUTEST COUPLES!" Brock shouted, jumping into the air and pumping his fist. Pikachu and Ash both leaped a foot back. "Gaah!" "Piii!"

"There are lots of gorgeous girls getting together these days, but we asked YOU, the viewers and listeners (well, the ones who happened to come to my gym last Friday), which of the famous couples we all know from the news and this show are just the sweetest, the ones that make you say "Awwww?" According to our exhaustive research, these three! Take it away, Ash!"

Ash sighed. "What am I even doing here...Number Three: Johanna and Zoey."

"Johanna and Zoey!" Brock exclaimed, lifting a leg to rest on his chair. "Who can forget the story from some months back on this very show, which lit a fire to warm ladies' hearts and maybe a little lower too, of the battle between Johanna and her daughter Dawn for the affections of dear little Zoey? Sure, it was one of the sexiest things all you ladies out there will hear for a while, but sweet, too, the story of a brave and buxom lady battling against the charms and energy of youth to win her love's favor! Apologies to Dawn, but we all smiled a little when your mom got her girl."

Ash read the next one. "Number Two: Claire and Jasmine."

"Claire and Jasmine!" Brock shouted in excitement, climbing up to crouch on top of his chair. "Not much is known about them, because they keep to themselves, but the news has leaked out that Claire is Jasmine's willing sex slave, and that Jasmine's a firm, but loving mistress. The idea of the meek, sweet little girl caring for the big, tough former gym leader down on her luck has touched your hearts...and why not? It's an adorable idea for an adorable couple!"

Ash read the last one on the card. "Number One: Cheryl and her Gardevoir."

"Cheryl and Gardevoir!" Brock shouted, sprawling himself across the table from his chair to shove his face right up against Mary's. "What a news-making story it was this year in the papers! Trainer Cheryl's life was saved by a Gardevoir in the forest, and the two immediately bonded...in more ways than one! It's unconventional, it's out of the ordinary, it's downright weird...but anyone who's heard or read Cheryl's passionate speeches about the love they share, or seen them walk side by side holding hands so obviously in love, knows that they can only be the number one cutest couple!"

DJ Mary tested how deeply into Brock's face her fist could sink when applied with enough force. Brock sat back down. "Er, next one, guys," he said, rubbing his hurt cheek.

Ash rolled a die and got Four. Pikachu picked the fourth card and handed it to Ash, who read it off. "Next one is...Most Eligible Bachelorette."

"MOST ELIGIBLE BACHELORETTE!" Brock yelled and leaped onto his chair. He stood up tall as it wobbled. "The hottest lady in all the regions to have no one in her life, the one girl we all can't believe doesn't have women breaking down her door to court! Who is most tragically single, Ash?"

Pikachu began a drum roll, while Ash wondered where Brock had found drums small enough for Pikachu to play. Ash looked down and read, "Candice."

"Candice!" Brock said, so fervent that he and the chair were swaying back and forth. "Although part of last week's story on this show, Candice is the fiery Ice-type trainer whose cute looks, hot young body, and insatiable sexual endurance are almost as appealing as her willful, energetic, go-get'em personality! So who's the perpetrator of the crime that she doesn't have a sweetheart, or at least a bed-buddy? Smart money's on how hard it is just to get to her town.

"Seriously, do you gals out there even know how long and painful a trek it is? It's like they pinpointed the exact center of Nowhere and started a town there. Most trainers can't even be bothered to make the journey to her to get the gym badge. So it looks like she's probably going to stay our eligible bachelorette for a while...so sad. Next!"

Ash spun a wheel with numbers on it, and got Ten. He took the tenth card from Pikachu. "This one says...what? What's this mean? "We Wanna Know?""

"WE WANNA KNOW!" Brock hollered, and started jumping up and down on his chair. It rattled as he explained, "These are the two most pressing questions on the mind of the modern female resident of the regions, say our polls, which were conducted during a few business hours at a local Pokemon Center on Thursday before the poll-taker was thrown out for unrelated reasons. According to the women polled who the poll-taker was listening to while not actively harassing Nurse Joy, these are the burning questions on everyone's mind!"

Ash read the first one. "Number Two: What's up with Sabrina and Erika?"

"Sabrina and Erika!" Brock yelled as he jumped. The chair finally toppled over, and he fell onto the floor, hitting his head against the table on the way down. He lay there for a minute, stunned. Ash and Pikachu bent over him, concerned. Mary also bent over him and was concerned, but her concern was that he might not have died.

Brock suddenly leaped to his feet, scaring all three and making them fall back onto their butts. "Everyone in every region knows about these two...the greatest Psychic type gym leader and most powerful psychic human in the world, whose power is said to rival or surpass that of legendary god Pokemon, who lives with the infamous Grass type gym leader. They were one of the very first famous lesbian couples in any region, but we know less about them now than ever! They never talk about their private lives, their only guests are gym challengers who never see anything but the arena room, and Sabrina's omniscience is more than a match for even the most determined paparazzi! All we have to go on are rumors and urban legends. What is the nature of their master-slave relationship? What do they enjoy? Who are the two women carrying wooden swords always seen with Sabrina and Erika on the rare occasions that they go out in public? Inquiring minds want to know!"

Brock felt tenderly at his lump as he continued. "Still, their lives is an old secret that we've wondered at for a long time. So what's the new question on everyone's lips?"

Ash looked down at the card. "Let's see...Candice versus...DELIA?"

"Yes, Candice versus Delia!" Brock announced. He began climbing onto the table. "Delia Ketchum's wife Misty has several stories on record of Delia's absolutely insatiable sexual needs."

Ash had his hands on his ears and was chanting, "I don't hear this, I don't hear this, gross gross gross, I don't hear this, I don't hear this, gross gross gross!" over and over.

"Delia seems to have a gift, and at her age, the very height of a woman's sexual needs and skill, she's using it well!" Brock continued, not paying any attention to Ash. "Try as she might, Misty hasn't been able tire Delia out since they were married, even when she invites others to bed to help her! But DJ Mary's Sexy Stories's last show's story with Candice made it clear that Candice has got a superhuman endurance of her own...with that and her indomitable will and determination, could she outlast the legendary Delia, voted hottest milf by five out of five people I just made up? We don't know...but we want to find out!"

Brock turned to Ash, who was still covering his ears and chanting. "Hey Ash, next category. Ash. Ash!"

Pikachu hit Ash with a slight shock. That got him out of it. Pikachu presented two cards, and Ash flipped a coin to decide which he took. He then read it. "Groundbreakers."

"GROUNDBREAKERS!" Brock shouted, standing up on the table. DJ Mary pushed her seat away from the table as he continued. "What have been the three most important moments in lady-loving-lady history recently? I've got the answers here, courtesy of the survey-taker's fellow inmates at Officer Jenny's jail after being forcibly removed from the Pokemon Center."

Ash read it off. "Number Three: Misty and...gah! My mom again?"

"Nothing adult this time, Ash. You can listen," Brock reassured him. "Misty and Delia are still famous for being the very first wedding of the Pokemon regions between two women. Originally vocal activists for gay marriage in the regions, they made sure they were the first in line at the first town hall to open its doors to same-sex couples, and they've been happily together ever since. There are some who see them as a symbol of marital equality."

Ash decided to keep going before Brock could get any more detailed about it. "Number Two: DJ Mary."

"Me?" DJ Mary asked in surprise.

"Of course!" Brock said loudly, swaying back and forth again in excitement on the table. "You pioneered this show! This past year has been revolutionary for women across the region thanks to you--you've given them a show where they can not only listen to the love and sex of women like them and women they look up to, but can go on the show themselves to tell their own stories! This show is a celebration of female sexuality, and it's all thanks to you! A big hand for DJ Mary, everyone!"

The studio was quiet, with only the applause of Ash and Pikachu, who weren't trying very hard with it anyway. But that was okay for Brock, because he was imagining, correctly this time, all the cheers and clapping of millions of viewers and listeners.

"Th-Thanks," Mary said, taken back. Maybe Brock wasn't such a bad guy after all. Then the table broke from his movement and weight, and as he grabbed onto a hanging lamp while the table's parts fell into a heap, she went back to thinking he was an idiot.

"Number One: Cheryl and her Gardevoir," Ash read.

"Cheryl and her Gardevoir!" Brock crowed, hanging on for dear life while Mary looked threateningly up at him. "We all knew some Pokemon had genders, and we all knew some Pokemon were humanoid. And anyone who says they don't think a Gardevoir is beautiful is just outright lying! But Cheryl is the one who was courageous and true enough to herself to take the step forward and openly romance one. A lot of people denounced her, but more stood by her and applauded her for accepting love when it came to her. Gardevoir are always very close to their trainers, and now that one person has publicly accepted where that closeness can possibly lead, there are sure to be many other trainers who will follow. Who knows what the future holds? More Gardevoir and humans falling in love...maybe even some of the other humanoid Pokemon will enter a relationship with their trainers, too! I know that Blaziken females are even more similar to humans sexually than Gardevoir...maybe we'll see something come up there! It'll be harder with a Pokemon that can't communicate telepathically...but thanks to Cheryl and Gardevoir, love could overcome that barrier now."

Ash bent over a Ouija board as Pikachu spread the cards around it. Ash let the board guide him to the next one. "Top Five."

"TOP FIVE!" Brock shouted from above Mary. "That moment you've all been waiting for...in the humble opinions of every woman in these regions, who are the hottest babes out there? Let's hear'em, Ash!"

"Number Five: Tie Between Misty, May, and Dawn...weird coincidence," Ash said.

"Not so weird when you look at these lovely little ladies, Ash! Thanks to their travels with you, these three made their way all over the regions, and all that traveling got the attention of ladies everywhere they went! We all know one of these tender, energetic, pretty lasses has to be on this list, but picking one over the others isn't just hard--it's downright suicide, considering how fiercely competitive their fans are with each other!"

"You know, that's kind of creepy...you traveled along with all of them for a while..." Ash said.

"Pika," Pikachu agreed.

"Yes, but since I've hit on a Jynx in the past, at least I know it won't be my lowest moment. Anyway, read the next one!" Brock commanded.

"Number Four: Lucy," Ash read.

"Pit Viper Lucy, yowza! Tough, beautiful, skilled, and sexy as anything, Lucy's dark, sharp appeal charms us like a hypnotizing Seviper! If anyone's sexy enough to deserve Cynthia's love as Lucy's said to have, it's her! Just, uh...keep her away from me. She goes crazy over the squinty eye thing, and it's unnerving," Brock said. The lamp was starting to give.

"Number Three: Sabrina," Ash announced.

"A smoking hot body, curves you could kill for, a gorgeous face...Sabrina's always been a hit with everyone. And you know what they say, mystery and intrigue just make a person more desirable...we don't know much about her, and that only makes her that much sexier!"

"Number Two...oh, come on! You're doing this on purpose!" Ash said. He sighed and covered his ears.

"Delia!" Brock announced. "What can you say? The very image of simple, home-grown beauty, Delia's the hometown girl and the milf next door that we all dream of...and that crazy sex drive doesn't hurt!" The lamp was making very scary sounds now. DJ Mary was cracking her knuckles as she stood in the ruins of her table.

Deciding Brock was done talking, Ash read the last name. "Number One: Cynthia."

"Well come on, folks, no surprise there! Cynthia is the ultimate in class and beauty, gorgeous beyond belief. Venus herself would be jealous of Cynthia's looks and form--and she knows how to dress up by dressing down. She may cover herself up, but her outfit's so stylish and her face so pretty, it just drives the ladies wilder! Add to that a wonderful personality, the undisputed title of Champion over all regions at this time, a divine gift for words, and an appreciation for the female form that combines passion with art, and you have THE hottest lady in all the regions!"

"Are you done now?" DJ Mary asked.

Brock considered, looking at the lamp he was gripping. "Hm...nope, I think this thing will hold for one more card. Take it away, Ash!"

Ash carefully consulted a magic eight ball, a deck of Tarot cards, and the fortune from a cookie before making his last choice. "Up and Coming."

"UP AND COMING!" Brock shouted as the lamp's wiring above him began to come undone and the lamp started to slowly sink down from the weight. "Who have the ladies of the regions got their eyes on? Who's got the potential to rise up in the ranks of sexy ladies and surprise us in the future?"

Ash read, "Greta."

"Greta!" Brock yelled as he descended closer and closer to where DJ Mary waited. He wondered where she had gotten that golf club from. "Cynthia's comments did more than paint an incredible picture of a young but incredibly strong beauty...she also implied certain things when she told her story, too! And that combined with the fact that it's said that Cynthia's visited Greta several times since then...could Cynthia be training the young lady as her sexy successor, to be the next inter-regional heart-throb that all the women throw themselves in front of, the next sensation in the girl-loving-girl world? We'll just have to wait and see!"

Finally, the lamp had lowered far enough. Brock was almost at eye-level with DJ Mary now. Mary smiled and raised her golf club, ready to have fun with a human pinata. Brock swallowed and said, "That's all the time we have for today! Hope you all enjoyed this special episode! Now Ash, Pikachu, help me!"

Ash and Pikachu looked at each other, shrugged, and left through the door. Mary grinned. "Tune in next time for DJ Mary's Sexy Stories, everyone! We'll be back to our normal guest routine then."

WHACK!