The Calm
folder
+. to F › Cowboy Bebop
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
49
Views:
2,499
Reviews:
34
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
+. to F › Cowboy Bebop
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
49
Views:
2,499
Reviews:
34
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Cowboy Bebop, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Affirmations of Old Love
Disclaimer: Nope... not owner... we should all know that by now.
The Calm
Chapter 29: Affirmations of Old Love
Spike sighed heavily as he sat on the balcony railing. The apartment felt a little too small for him. He didn’t belong here, he never really had.
“Moping again?” Vicious’ voice broke his depressing thoughts.
“Yeah,” Spike sighed.
“Why?” he asked as he at beside the mossy haired man.
“You actually care?”
Vicious seemed to wince slightly. “I was a fool,” he confessed. “I let my jealousy rule me. I shouldn’t have.”
“You had every right, I was sleeping with someone that I knew belonged to you.” Spike sighed.
“It was never about Julia,” Vicious stated.
Spike seemed shocked and stared at the man beside him with wide eyes. “What?”
“Not about whom she belonged to. She slept around quite a bit. I didn’t give a shit about Julia,” Vicious said.
Spike seemed confused. “But then who? What the hell have we hated each other over for three years and avoided each other for another three, if not her?”
Vicious locked his icy gaze with the soft brown of Spike and smiled slightly. “You.”
Spike’s eyebrows jumped as his eyes widened in shock. “Say that again?”
“I was jealous that she was taking you away from me. From the group,” he sighed. “You belonged to me, juyst like Eve and Sith did. I didn’t want to lose any of you. Yes, Julia was my possession, but you… you were different. Something far more important.”
Spike grinned. “Did you just admit feelings? Did the icicle up your ass suddenly met?” he teased. “Praise be to Sith! She finally broke through your damned hide!”
“Shut up, Spike.”
“Aw, don’t close up now. This was getting fun!”
“Bastard.”
“Probably.”
“You still didn’t answer my question, Spike.”
“Why I was moping?” Spike asked.
“Yes.”
“I was feeling… unwanted.”
“What’d you say to Sith this time?” Vicious asked, shooting him an accusing glare.
“Nothing! I swear! It’s not Sith.”
“Then what?” he asked.
“You read through Amaya’s files, right?”
“Yeah.”
“All of them?”
“Yes. Why?”
“You convinced Mao to take me in?” Spike asked hushedly.
Vicious froze. “Yes,” he choked out.
Spike turned from the icy looking man beside him and snorted dejectedly. “Why?”
“You’re kidding right?” he asked incredulously.
“Not this time.”
“Would you have, for me?” he asked back.
Spike nodded. “Of course, but I was in love with you. Why did you? You could have been fine without me. The whole Julia incident wouldn’t have even happened.”
Vicious glanced behind himself. He could feel Sith’s eyes on his back. She seemed interested in his answer. Had she read the files as well? Had she found out their terrible, shared secret? That he and Spike has spent four years as whores for greasy, disgusting men and the occasional woman? That he’d been used as some twisted object of lust and sex? That he was so tainted? He turned back to earnest, brown eyes of his friend. He could see that this truly bothered Spike, that he needed to know the truth. Why had he taken Spike with him when Mao had just wanted him? He felt his throat constrict in fear. He couldn’t speak. Could he really say it? That he had loved him too? That deep down he still did, even after all that had happened over the past six years. He sighed mentally as he gazed into Spike’s eyes. He so wanted to, for his own and Spike’s sake. If only he could speak.
Spike turned his head from the seemingly colder man. His silence had said enough, he’d probably done it out of obligation or because he had wanted to stave off the inevitable lonliness that he would have suffered alone. Or, worse of all, he had pitied him. That was mostmost likely conclusion. “I see,” he sighed.
“You see what?” Vicious asked his voice choked.
“It’s okay, I understand, really. You don’t have to say anything.”
Vicious groaned and rolled his eyes. Of course Spike would jump to this conclusion. He swore under his breath and sighed. Why did Spike and Amaya have to bealikalike? So seemingly strong, yet so afraid and vulnerable. Stubbornly determined, but also so scarred and broken one too many times during their tragic lives. Why did they both have to think that everyone they met was going to use them? The reason Amaya lied, why Spike never thought things through fully. They were expecting to get hurt, badly.
“No, Spike, I don’t think you do understand,” Vicious sighed.
“Will you please tell me then?”
Vicious shook his head. “I can’t.”
Spike’s eyes seemed hurt before changing to their usual, sleepy, façade. “Fine,” he mumbled as he turned to leave.
Vicious moved quickly, trapping the slightly taller man between the rail and his taut body. “No, you are not going to just go storming off! Not like Amaya!” he growled. “I can’t say it because I can’t find the words, Spike. God, do you know how har this is to try to say this and not hurt anyone I love?”
“Hurt anyone? What?” Spike paused as it dawned on him and a flash of crimson hair passed by the window in the slight breeze. “Sith.”
“Yes, Sith. I love her, Spike, I want to spthe the rest of my life with her. But that does not mean I love Amaya or you any less!”
“I never said that I… What was that?”
“When Mao asked me to join the dragons, I told him that I couldn’t go without you. I couldn’t leave one of the only people I ever loved at that place. I told him that I loved you and I wouldn’t leave without you.”
Spike’s eyes shimme “Th “Thank you.”
Vicious smiled, truly smiled, and sighed. “I should have told you.”
Spike nodded. “Yeah, you should have.”
“Just because I may love you, does not mean I won’t kill you if necessary.”
“You’ve tried, you’ve failed. Can we just drop it and call it a draw?” Spike groaned.
Vicious smiled again. “You are such an annoying bastard.”
“And you’re an arrogant prick, but I don’t complain.”
“Spike, I’m warning you,” Vicious growled.
“And, in my ususal style, I’m ignoring said warning.”
“Shut up, Spike.”
“Why don’t you make m-mph!” Spike’s ‘witty’ retort was cut off as Vicious pressed his lips to his own. It was a chaste kiss, but no less intense or passionate than any other.
Vicious watched as Spike’s eyes fluttered closed as he wrapped his arms about Vicious’ shoulders and pressed harder against him. Vicious could feel a smile creep along his mind. ‘I’m so sorry I never told you, Spike,’ he apologized mentally.
Spike let out a shuddering breath as Vicious pulled back. Slowly, he opened his hazed eyes, not remembering closing them as he stared at the icy blue colored eyes beneath a veil of silvery hair that seemed to always be in Vicious’ eyes. “I… um… whoa.”
“You’re at a loss for words? I never imagined I’d see the day,” Vicious teased.
Spike glared playfully at the man before him and pouted. “Shut up, Vicious.”
Vicious snorted a laugh and began to walk towards the window. “At least you’re no longer moping.”
~*~*~*~
Levii: Hehehe! Shounen-ai is fun! And hey, I brought a little insight into the relationship that both of the boys once had and what they still feel for one another. *sigh* I\'m weird, aren\'t I? Ah, well. Tell me your thoughts! Review! Oh, no flames please!
The Calm
Chapter 29: Affirmations of Old Love
Spike sighed heavily as he sat on the balcony railing. The apartment felt a little too small for him. He didn’t belong here, he never really had.
“Moping again?” Vicious’ voice broke his depressing thoughts.
“Yeah,” Spike sighed.
“Why?” he asked as he at beside the mossy haired man.
“You actually care?”
Vicious seemed to wince slightly. “I was a fool,” he confessed. “I let my jealousy rule me. I shouldn’t have.”
“You had every right, I was sleeping with someone that I knew belonged to you.” Spike sighed.
“It was never about Julia,” Vicious stated.
Spike seemed shocked and stared at the man beside him with wide eyes. “What?”
“Not about whom she belonged to. She slept around quite a bit. I didn’t give a shit about Julia,” Vicious said.
Spike seemed confused. “But then who? What the hell have we hated each other over for three years and avoided each other for another three, if not her?”
Vicious locked his icy gaze with the soft brown of Spike and smiled slightly. “You.”
Spike’s eyebrows jumped as his eyes widened in shock. “Say that again?”
“I was jealous that she was taking you away from me. From the group,” he sighed. “You belonged to me, juyst like Eve and Sith did. I didn’t want to lose any of you. Yes, Julia was my possession, but you… you were different. Something far more important.”
Spike grinned. “Did you just admit feelings? Did the icicle up your ass suddenly met?” he teased. “Praise be to Sith! She finally broke through your damned hide!”
“Shut up, Spike.”
“Aw, don’t close up now. This was getting fun!”
“Bastard.”
“Probably.”
“You still didn’t answer my question, Spike.”
“Why I was moping?” Spike asked.
“Yes.”
“I was feeling… unwanted.”
“What’d you say to Sith this time?” Vicious asked, shooting him an accusing glare.
“Nothing! I swear! It’s not Sith.”
“Then what?” he asked.
“You read through Amaya’s files, right?”
“Yeah.”
“All of them?”
“Yes. Why?”
“You convinced Mao to take me in?” Spike asked hushedly.
Vicious froze. “Yes,” he choked out.
Spike turned from the icy looking man beside him and snorted dejectedly. “Why?”
“You’re kidding right?” he asked incredulously.
“Not this time.”
“Would you have, for me?” he asked back.
Spike nodded. “Of course, but I was in love with you. Why did you? You could have been fine without me. The whole Julia incident wouldn’t have even happened.”
Vicious glanced behind himself. He could feel Sith’s eyes on his back. She seemed interested in his answer. Had she read the files as well? Had she found out their terrible, shared secret? That he and Spike has spent four years as whores for greasy, disgusting men and the occasional woman? That he’d been used as some twisted object of lust and sex? That he was so tainted? He turned back to earnest, brown eyes of his friend. He could see that this truly bothered Spike, that he needed to know the truth. Why had he taken Spike with him when Mao had just wanted him? He felt his throat constrict in fear. He couldn’t speak. Could he really say it? That he had loved him too? That deep down he still did, even after all that had happened over the past six years. He sighed mentally as he gazed into Spike’s eyes. He so wanted to, for his own and Spike’s sake. If only he could speak.
Spike turned his head from the seemingly colder man. His silence had said enough, he’d probably done it out of obligation or because he had wanted to stave off the inevitable lonliness that he would have suffered alone. Or, worse of all, he had pitied him. That was mostmost likely conclusion. “I see,” he sighed.
“You see what?” Vicious asked his voice choked.
“It’s okay, I understand, really. You don’t have to say anything.”
Vicious groaned and rolled his eyes. Of course Spike would jump to this conclusion. He swore under his breath and sighed. Why did Spike and Amaya have to bealikalike? So seemingly strong, yet so afraid and vulnerable. Stubbornly determined, but also so scarred and broken one too many times during their tragic lives. Why did they both have to think that everyone they met was going to use them? The reason Amaya lied, why Spike never thought things through fully. They were expecting to get hurt, badly.
“No, Spike, I don’t think you do understand,” Vicious sighed.
“Will you please tell me then?”
Vicious shook his head. “I can’t.”
Spike’s eyes seemed hurt before changing to their usual, sleepy, façade. “Fine,” he mumbled as he turned to leave.
Vicious moved quickly, trapping the slightly taller man between the rail and his taut body. “No, you are not going to just go storming off! Not like Amaya!” he growled. “I can’t say it because I can’t find the words, Spike. God, do you know how har this is to try to say this and not hurt anyone I love?”
“Hurt anyone? What?” Spike paused as it dawned on him and a flash of crimson hair passed by the window in the slight breeze. “Sith.”
“Yes, Sith. I love her, Spike, I want to spthe the rest of my life with her. But that does not mean I love Amaya or you any less!”
“I never said that I… What was that?”
“When Mao asked me to join the dragons, I told him that I couldn’t go without you. I couldn’t leave one of the only people I ever loved at that place. I told him that I loved you and I wouldn’t leave without you.”
Spike’s eyes shimme “Th “Thank you.”
Vicious smiled, truly smiled, and sighed. “I should have told you.”
Spike nodded. “Yeah, you should have.”
“Just because I may love you, does not mean I won’t kill you if necessary.”
“You’ve tried, you’ve failed. Can we just drop it and call it a draw?” Spike groaned.
Vicious smiled again. “You are such an annoying bastard.”
“And you’re an arrogant prick, but I don’t complain.”
“Spike, I’m warning you,” Vicious growled.
“And, in my ususal style, I’m ignoring said warning.”
“Shut up, Spike.”
“Why don’t you make m-mph!” Spike’s ‘witty’ retort was cut off as Vicious pressed his lips to his own. It was a chaste kiss, but no less intense or passionate than any other.
Vicious watched as Spike’s eyes fluttered closed as he wrapped his arms about Vicious’ shoulders and pressed harder against him. Vicious could feel a smile creep along his mind. ‘I’m so sorry I never told you, Spike,’ he apologized mentally.
Spike let out a shuddering breath as Vicious pulled back. Slowly, he opened his hazed eyes, not remembering closing them as he stared at the icy blue colored eyes beneath a veil of silvery hair that seemed to always be in Vicious’ eyes. “I… um… whoa.”
“You’re at a loss for words? I never imagined I’d see the day,” Vicious teased.
Spike glared playfully at the man before him and pouted. “Shut up, Vicious.”
Vicious snorted a laugh and began to walk towards the window. “At least you’re no longer moping.”
~*~*~*~
Levii: Hehehe! Shounen-ai is fun! And hey, I brought a little insight into the relationship that both of the boys once had and what they still feel for one another. *sigh* I\'m weird, aren\'t I? Ah, well. Tell me your thoughts! Review! Oh, no flames please!