Internal Revenue Service
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Wei� Kreuz › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
10
Views:
1,726
Reviews:
3
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Wei� Kreuz › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
10
Views:
1,726
Reviews:
3
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Weiß Kreuz, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Internal Revenue Service-3
No You *Cannot* Put Chunky Peanut Butter *There*
Jailhouse Rock
2 nights later…
“So if we divide the total annual annuity and carry the seven…then that should get us…absolutely nowhere! This is stupid! What made us think we could do this again?” Yohji turned to look at Schu over the unfinished taxes. “You know our finances were so much easier when we were assassins, much less reported income. Schu? Just why are you looking at me like that? This is serious!”
Schu was looking at him from over the desk with a leer the king would envy. “But Pookums, all this talk of accounts payable and gross adjusted income is fucking hot. Can we screw yet?”
“That would be lovely, Nookie-Bear, but if we don’t get our taxes done we’re going to end up in jail. Those men at the IRS are cold-hearted sons of bitches who wouldn’t care if those uniforms would clash greatly with your hair. Just give me a minute to think, all right?”
“Mein Gott! Think then. We already know orange and red clash horribly. Just look at Aya and that sweater. Did you know that thing just keeps turning up no matter how many times I try to burn it?” Schuldig turned quiet for a brief moment before he turned back to Yohji. “Are you done yet? It is absolutely imperative that I have sex now.”
“Imperative? Schu are you channeling Crawford again? Stop that immediately! I told you never to go wandering around in that sick bastard’s head! Who knows what might be there?” Yohji stared at Schu with a frightened expression on his face.
“No, I’m not. That one time was enough…eww…that man has a serious obsession with the color red. Must be all of the blood on his hands.” Schu shuddered. “And what, you think I can’t have a good vocabulary? I’ll have you know that I know more languages than you’ll ever learn. Just for that you’re the uke this time, bitch.” Schu launched over the desk at Yohji, intent on some serious action, only to land on Yohji’s quickly and recently vacated chair.
“Oh no you don’t! I was uke last time, and I’m still sore!” Yohji found that he had to put all of his ex-assassin quickness to use in order to evade Schu’s suddenly tentacle-like appendages.
“Wimp. That had to have been at least thirty minutes ago, besides of the two of us I would have to say that you are definitely the more frail and delicate one, making *you* the uke of this relationship.”
“Oh yeah? Well your hair is longer,” Yohji shot back.
“I’m taller. Height always determines seme-hood,” Schu retaliated as he began to rifle through the desk drawers for something to use as lube.
“You’re only taller because you’ve started wearing women’s heels. Another reason I should be seme…try the second one down on the right, I thought I saw something there.”
“Well...if you want to compare appearances to determine seme-hood…you should know… that my eyes are greener. Aha!” Schu triumphantly held up a tube of cherry lube.
“Not in the manga!...Hey, Schu, that’s not our lube. Ours is banana-mango…” Yohji eyed the strange tube warily.
“Eww…it’s open too!” Schu dropped it like a hot potato. Imagine such squeamishness from a man who had had sex in more public toilets than anyone would care to guess at.
“Wait. If it’s not ours, then whose is it?” Yohji asked. “I thought *we* were the only couple here.”
“Must be Omi and Nagi’s. I tease them about being lovers all the time, but I never thought it was true. We should probably sit them down and give them the talk about safe gay sex,” Schu said.
“Schu, act responsible later, fuck me now,” Yohji whined too far gone to care any more about who’s what went where.
“I knew my infamous charm would win you over.” Schu leered at Yohji as he began to unscrew the cap on the tube of lube.
“Oh…wait…you’re not going to use that are you? That’s someone else’s lube!”
“Yuck. You’re right. Well what are we going to do then? I guess there’s always the peanut butter.” Schu looked ecstatic at the thought of getting his favorite treat twice in one week.
Yohji just glared. “Hell no. Omi and Nagi went shopping yesterday and you know they always get extra chunky and we used all of the smooth last time. Besides the mess is terrible. Can’t we just do something simple? Like 69?”
Schu pretended to ponder. “Deal.”
They both proceeded gleefully to the desk scattering the tax documents everywhere. “But wait, what are we going to do about the taxes?”
“Well since the boys are intent on ruining our fun with their used lube and chunky peanut butter, let’s make them do it,” Yohji said.
And that was the last thing that anyone said for a long time. Because really, no one should talk with their mouth full.
Stay tuned: In the next chapter the English Devil makes his appearance, Aya\'s arrangements are misinterpreted even more, and Schu becomes incredibly distracted. I wonder why? Next Chapter: The English Devil
Crying in the Chapel
Jailhouse Rock
2 nights later…
“So if we divide the total annual annuity and carry the seven…then that should get us…absolutely nowhere! This is stupid! What made us think we could do this again?” Yohji turned to look at Schu over the unfinished taxes. “You know our finances were so much easier when we were assassins, much less reported income. Schu? Just why are you looking at me like that? This is serious!”
Schu was looking at him from over the desk with a leer the king would envy. “But Pookums, all this talk of accounts payable and gross adjusted income is fucking hot. Can we screw yet?”
“That would be lovely, Nookie-Bear, but if we don’t get our taxes done we’re going to end up in jail. Those men at the IRS are cold-hearted sons of bitches who wouldn’t care if those uniforms would clash greatly with your hair. Just give me a minute to think, all right?”
“Mein Gott! Think then. We already know orange and red clash horribly. Just look at Aya and that sweater. Did you know that thing just keeps turning up no matter how many times I try to burn it?” Schuldig turned quiet for a brief moment before he turned back to Yohji. “Are you done yet? It is absolutely imperative that I have sex now.”
“Imperative? Schu are you channeling Crawford again? Stop that immediately! I told you never to go wandering around in that sick bastard’s head! Who knows what might be there?” Yohji stared at Schu with a frightened expression on his face.
“No, I’m not. That one time was enough…eww…that man has a serious obsession with the color red. Must be all of the blood on his hands.” Schu shuddered. “And what, you think I can’t have a good vocabulary? I’ll have you know that I know more languages than you’ll ever learn. Just for that you’re the uke this time, bitch.” Schu launched over the desk at Yohji, intent on some serious action, only to land on Yohji’s quickly and recently vacated chair.
“Oh no you don’t! I was uke last time, and I’m still sore!” Yohji found that he had to put all of his ex-assassin quickness to use in order to evade Schu’s suddenly tentacle-like appendages.
“Wimp. That had to have been at least thirty minutes ago, besides of the two of us I would have to say that you are definitely the more frail and delicate one, making *you* the uke of this relationship.”
“Oh yeah? Well your hair is longer,” Yohji shot back.
“I’m taller. Height always determines seme-hood,” Schu retaliated as he began to rifle through the desk drawers for something to use as lube.
“You’re only taller because you’ve started wearing women’s heels. Another reason I should be seme…try the second one down on the right, I thought I saw something there.”
“Well...if you want to compare appearances to determine seme-hood…you should know… that my eyes are greener. Aha!” Schu triumphantly held up a tube of cherry lube.
“Not in the manga!...Hey, Schu, that’s not our lube. Ours is banana-mango…” Yohji eyed the strange tube warily.
“Eww…it’s open too!” Schu dropped it like a hot potato. Imagine such squeamishness from a man who had had sex in more public toilets than anyone would care to guess at.
“Wait. If it’s not ours, then whose is it?” Yohji asked. “I thought *we* were the only couple here.”
“Must be Omi and Nagi’s. I tease them about being lovers all the time, but I never thought it was true. We should probably sit them down and give them the talk about safe gay sex,” Schu said.
“Schu, act responsible later, fuck me now,” Yohji whined too far gone to care any more about who’s what went where.
“I knew my infamous charm would win you over.” Schu leered at Yohji as he began to unscrew the cap on the tube of lube.
“Oh…wait…you’re not going to use that are you? That’s someone else’s lube!”
“Yuck. You’re right. Well what are we going to do then? I guess there’s always the peanut butter.” Schu looked ecstatic at the thought of getting his favorite treat twice in one week.
Yohji just glared. “Hell no. Omi and Nagi went shopping yesterday and you know they always get extra chunky and we used all of the smooth last time. Besides the mess is terrible. Can’t we just do something simple? Like 69?”
Schu pretended to ponder. “Deal.”
They both proceeded gleefully to the desk scattering the tax documents everywhere. “But wait, what are we going to do about the taxes?”
“Well since the boys are intent on ruining our fun with their used lube and chunky peanut butter, let’s make them do it,” Yohji said.
And that was the last thing that anyone said for a long time. Because really, no one should talk with their mouth full.
Stay tuned: In the next chapter the English Devil makes his appearance, Aya\'s arrangements are misinterpreted even more, and Schu becomes incredibly distracted. I wonder why? Next Chapter: The English Devil
Crying in the Chapel