Time and Time Again

“He’s going to put me away, Walter.”

I’d been reading when he intruded. He has always disdained doors and little courtesies like knocking. I put down my book and stood to speak with him on his level instead of craning my neck at him as he towered over me.

“Arthur. He’s preparing a cell for me. He’s going to lock me away until another generation of Hellsings needs me.”

I had known Arthur’s plan. I understood his reasoning. Alucard was dangerous, there was no arguing it - he was vicious, malicious, capricious, and untamed. But I still was not sanguine about it. It seemed unnecessarily punitive.

Alucard and I were never really friends, in my opinion, but we were good companions. Alucard does not have friends, as such. I cannot judge him harshly for that – I’m putatively human and have never had a close human friend. Alucard and I understood each other better than anyone else understood either of us.

It bothered me to have had to withhold that information from him. Arthur had ordered that I not tell Alucard of his plans when I had declined to assist him. I had expected him to punish me for insubordination, but in retrospect, he understood that Alucard and I were as close to being friends as was possible for who and what we were. He ordered my silence instead, and I kept it.

Alucard divined that from me quickly. “You knew!” he hissed and pushed me against the wall. I was inexorably reminded of the first time Alucard had held me in this position. This time though, he was angry, not enticing. This time the threat was more mortal. Why then, did it have the same physical effect as the first time? The combination of desire and fear with a dash of anger had me hard before the rational part of my brain had time to react.

His nose slid over my neck. I felt as though he was sniffing out the reason behind my perceived betrayal. Eventually he drew back until his face was inches from mine. “You knew but you were ordered not to tell me. Always so obedient, Angel.” He did not remove his body from mine, nor did he respond when I asked him to get off of me, but at least his anger seemed to recede.

Instead he leaned in to smell my neck again. It was such a sensually threatening act from a creature such as he. When I shivered, though, it wasn’t fear.

He spoke with his cool lips against the warmth of my neck, “This is the last time I’ll ask you. If you’re still alive when another Hellsing needs me, you will be an old man. The chances are good, though, that you’ll die without ever seeing me again.” I knew what was coming and hated him for making me make the choice at that moment.

I did the only thing that I could think of - something I’d wanted to do the first and each subsequent time – I grabbed his hair and pulled his face away from my neck and kissed him fiercely. For just a moment, he froze - I felt so triumphant to have surprised the great Alucard - then he growled and kissed me in return, forcing his tongue between my lips and pushing my head back hard enough to thump it against the wall.

His mouth was cold, his tongue seemed to find even the tiniest crevices in my mouth. He left behind a faint taste of old blood when he pulled away, but I was breathing too hard, too aroused to care. I hissed and pushed forward to kiss him again, but he held me pinned to the wall.

“Are you taking what I offer?”

His smug self-satisfaction made me angry. I reached between us and laid my hand on his groin; it pleased me to see his eyelids drop for a moment as I caressed him. I used my grip there to pull him back to me and caught his mouth once more while I squeezed and then rubbed him to hardness.

I was just fumbling for the catch of his trousers when his clothes faded away under my touch. I must have made some small noise. When I opened my eyes even while we continued to kiss, I could see him watching me with a smile obvious around his eyes.

We stood kissing, I don’t know for how long, he nude, and I fully dressed. I touched every part of him I could reach, exploring the inhuman hardness and coolness of his body. It was like caressing a marble statue that reacted to my fingers. He didn’t release me from his hold until I moaned in frustration and desire. I wanted him to touch me the way I was touching him.

I watched him untie my tie and set it aside, followed by my waistcoat and shirt. He took me by surprise when he drew a razor sharp fingernail over my nipple and bent to tease the blood from the cut with his tongue. Any protest I might have made died away at the sensation of his cool mouth on the heat of the cut. It was fortunate that I was no callow youth by then or our encounter would have been over before it started. As it was, it took considerable discipline not to climax immediately.

Eventually he pulled away, his mouth smudged with my blood. The cut no longer bled, but it still stung, a counterpoint to the wanting that made my throat dry and my cock throb. He kissed me again while his fingers made short work of my belt and trousers. The taste of old blood was gone, replaced by the familiar taste of my own fresh blood.

I groaned when his hand slipped inside my underwear to touch my straining erection, but it was gone too quickly and he stepped away, releasing me from where he had pinioned me to allow me to remove my trousers and shoes.

I watched him as I slipped off my remaining clothes. He almost glowed in the dim light outside the circle cast by my reading lamp. I was frightened, but not because of who he was, but because it was our first time and my first time with a man.

We came together again in the middle of my room. So much memory I have lost to time, but I will never forget the feel of his cool hardness pressed against me, his hands on my body, his mouth against mine. I was lost.

Eventually he pushed me back to my narrow bachelor’s bed, pushing me down until I sat at the edge. His mouth teased away from my lips and down my neck. I could feel him stop over my pulse point, his tongue laved over the flutter there before sliding down my throat and down to my chest. Only one time in my life have I had sex mixed with mortal fear and it was then. Only Alucard could make fear for my life and soul so arousing.

His hand wrapped around my cock as his mouth found the cut on my chest again. I don’t know how I kept from coming right then and there. The juxtapositions were heady and it all felt so good, even the sting of the cut, even the ache deep in my body as I strained to keep from orgasming too soon. I wanted to have everything from him.

Despite that, I was still shocked when his fingers slid down past my tightened scrotum to tease at my anus. I went rigid and he laughed and pushed me back on the bed with a teasing comment about frightened virgins. I forced myself to relax against his invasive touch and it became just another part of the pleasure very quickly.

My eyes, which had closed long before, flew open when he disappeared without warning. I sat up on the bed, staring around the room, but there were no unnatural shadows, no glaring red eyes. I was certain for a moment that he’d decided that he’d have more fun leaving me shaking and wanting.

I - the Angel of Death - jumped like a frightened schoolgirl when he chuckled behind me. I turned around and he was sitting on the bed as though he’d never been gone, if it weren’t for the two bottles and single wine glass he held. One, he set aside; the other he opened and poured into the glass. After I moistened my dry mouth with the wine, he set it aside and pushed me back down on the bed.

We resumed where we had left off and my desire quickly reached the almost frantic level it had been at before he’d left. I felt him shift and pick up the other bottle he’d set aside. I watched him as he knelt over me and poured the golden liquid into his hand before rubbing it onto my cock and down between the crease of my ass, slowly lubricating and massaging the tight ring of muscle. I felt another frisson of fear that melted into desire as his finger slowly slid inside of me, working and loosening. I hissed when he withdrew his finger only to join it with a second, slowly preparing me to take him inside me.

I was ready by the time he picked me up and flipped me on my stomach. My cock ached where it was pressed against the bed and I wanted him in me. I was grateful to him as he poured more of the oil into his hand, first massaging it onto his erection and then applying more to my opening.

Despite his consideration, the first moments as he pressed into me were tense. He waited until I relaxed and pushed in until I tensed again. We continued until he was fully sheathed inside me and then began to slowly move together. It was unlike any sexual experience I had ever had. I could feel his coolness and gasped and went rigid when it pushed against a spot that seemed to be made of nothing but pleasure.

We found a rhythm and went with it. More than twenty years of wanting were washed away as he thrust inside me and I moaned shamelessly at the sensations. The room was filled with the sound of my panting and moaning, the slap of flesh against flesh and Alucard’s occasional low growls.

His thrusts came faster, my moans were louder and he growled bestially in my ear. I looked over my shoulder at him and I saw it - his eyes were glowing, his teeth had elongated and he was prepared to take the last thing he could take from me when I stopped him. Even as we rocked, locked together, I had enough will to tell him no.

\"No, Angel? Even now, knowing you will go to your death never seeing me again, you say no?\" he growled in my ear and punctuated his question with a hard, almost painful thrust.

I wanted to say yes, but I couldn\'t. I had seen the undead enough to not want to be one. I would go to my end and accept what came after. I couldn\'t say as much while he thrust inside me, but he heard my response nonetheless.

His eyes flared with anger at my denial and my fear pushed me to the point of no return. I closed my eyes as the ecstasy washed over me, not knowing if any moment would be my last as a human and the fear added a spice to the pleasure that I had never felt before and never since.

But he honored my wish, even then. He pushed himself harder into me and roared a mixed gratification and anger as he spent inside me. No doubt the household servants had stories to tell each other the next day of the sounds from the butler’s quarters.

He rolled off of me and I pulled him close and said meaningless things – thanking him, apologizing, words of comfort and care that made neither of us feel less cold.

Finally he withdrew and stood. His clothes reformed and he looked down at me. If it had been anyone but Alucard, it would have been tender. His parting words to me as he faded away were, “I will remember you and this during the years I am locked away, Angel. Try to stay alive until I am released.”

I stayed alive. Neither of us was the same when we saw each other once more. Our first time was the last time.