Disaster

Welcome back! This chapter is a bit short. No sex, still. Sorry you hound-dogs are are just waiting for all those warnings I gave in my tagline to come true. Again, the only PSOH I own are the English GNs, the Japanese GNs (which, by the way for those who don't know, PSOH has started up again. There are two more volumes of PSOH out in Japan then there are here in the states.), the DVD, and the soundtrack. And a few doujij. Yea! Anyway, my point is that the characters aren't mine so don't sue me. You won't get much anyway.

Chapter Three: Distracting

D sighed and looked up at the ceiling. He wasn’t tired. He was consumed. The more he thought about Leon (he could no longer cease from doing so) the more he had to wonder what his own intentions are. Why didn’t he just put Leon under a spell or so and do what he wanted to do. For some reason, he knew, it wouldn’t satisfy. No, he wanted Leon to consent to him, to want him, to return the affection. It was silly.

More then silly, it was impossible. Leon was noticeably, if D allowed himself to think about it, detaching himself. First, he enrolled Chris in daycare, saying it wasn’t appropriate to be expecting D to watch him all the time. Then his visits became shorter, then every other day. Now, they were sporadic, and it almost infuriated him. Did Leon think he could remove D from his life this easily? D rolled onto his side.

What could he do about it, though? Maybe next time Leon came over…

Next time. He could not count on an infinite number of next times. D sat up in bed with the thought. Eventually, the way things were looking now, Leon would stop coming all together. What would D say next time? What could be said to change the path they were both on? Maybe nothing. It would likely be easier to just continue down the way Leon was designing and adopt some other person into his life. D’s hands ran over each other. The easy solution is never the best.

Next time Leon came over, maybe he’d serve that tea again, hoping it would get Leon more in the mood. He would steer the conversation, find out exactly what Leon thought of him…

Again, he was depending on aids and for Leon to have a sudden revelation. It had no honor, it wasn’t likely, and who knew when the next time Leon would stop by in a good mood would be. To many factors, and it always put D is a passive position.

You could go there.

The thought startled D. It appeared in his head like someone had dropped it there. He could go to Leon’s apartment. He knew where the detective lived; he just hadn’t been there in awhile. He stopped going. Leon came here. Why should he be forced into that smut-hole?

It was aggressive. Maybe that’s what he needed. It wasn’t like things were going smoothly with Leon in the lead. Leon was backing off, leaving D aside. No, couldn’t have that. Tomorrow, after Leon got home…

Or right now

Or right now? He was already in bed. He was in his night clothes. It was late. Well, it was later. It was a little after nine. It was unlikely Leon had gone to sleep already. D touched his cheek thinking. He couldn’t come over unexpected in a “come hither” outfit and expect things to go well. He needed an excuse. His eyes darted around the room. Nothing. He could stop by the restaurant next door, say a client had delivered dinner, and there was simply too much for just himself. It was a terrible excuse. Maybe it would do? Knowing Leon’s cooking skills, maybe Leon would be too happy eating something other than macaroni and cheese he wouldn’t question it.

He stood up and got dressed. Nothing too fancy. Look normal. Look like you have no hidden motive. He went through four different outfits trying to find one that looked the most spontaneous. Even in his distracted state the irony wasn’t lost. The dinner excuse was terrible. He should try to come up with something more convincing. D settled on a black outfit that had yellow trim and sleeves. Leon hadn’t seen him in it in awhile.

This vacillating insecurity was new to him. What to say? What to wear? He could not recall the last time he felt so uncomfortable and anxious. Now dressed, D double-checked the animals, knowing he was stalling. The possibility of rejection was so real it was almost a visible entity in the room. His calm façade had dropped earlier tonight when his last customers of the day had left.

Maybe that was another reason D was fascinated by Leon. Leon was the only person who had seen D without his guard. D had cried in front of Leon, gotten angry, said too much, gone to far, teased, mocked, loathed… despite it all Leon never threw any of it back at D. Leon knew D more than anyone else.

Leon, Leon, Leon… D remembered an evening long ago when Leon and himself were walking back to the pet shop as he made his way out the front door. “One of these days I may not let you leave.”

Apparently he had been denying himself for a long time now.

TBC

So, no sex will appear in chapter four. I know that. I am kinda torn. What to do? Should I end this on chapter five after the smut-fest? I was toying with the idea of making this a real story and letting this run for awhile. What do you think? Reviews are awesome. Thank you Schwarzwald for your kind words! If anyone reading this has unkind words they want to tell me but they are being nice and holding back, don’t. I’ll never get better if I don’t know what I am doing horribly wrong. I know this story is probably a bit slow and drawn out. I just like stuff like that.