Anything But Love

Pain. Beautiful, blossoming pain. Aya could see it clearly on Yohji's face. He saw it first as the shock of the impact caused his eyes to flash open, bulging white laced with green. He watched it spread down to his mouth, hitched in his throat, then heaved in his chest. He saw it's path as the nerves fired from his brain all the way down to the hole that was now being brutally torn open by Aya's own cock.

There wasn't very much blood, but it was enough to make moving a little easier, and the way Yohji's body was twitching and screaming only served to press him on. Aya's movements were slow and deliberate. He pressed himself in deeply, making sure to use his body to the fullest. He knew how to make a man feel violated, after all. It was part of his profession, either way. But typically, he was the one left feeling dirty and defiled. No matter how many times he did it, it always ended the same way.

This time was different. Yohji's arms finally came up and, weakly, tried to push Aya away. Aya grapsed each one, pinning them to his sides. He pushed himself in harder. "Enjoying yourself, Kudou?"

"Why? Aya..." Yohji's head flopped from side to side, as if trying to clear his mind. He moaned deep in his throat as Aya's hand wrapped itself around his cock again, stroking expertly. "Nnngh. Ahhhh. No. No. No!" He tried to buck his hips, tried to do anything to uproot him, but Aya was unrelenting.

Aya slowed his thrusts a bit, grinding himself up as he slid inside the man beneath him. He sneered at the moans that fell from Yohji's lips at the change. His cock rubbed against the small spot inside him, and Yohji's hips thrust to meet with his. "See, Yohji? Who's the whore now?" His rolled his hips, still stroking his stiff cock."

"No. No. Aya. Please, stop." Yohji's voice was desperate, pleading. "Aya." His voice hitched, and it wasn't until then that Aya noticed the lines of tears running like two parallel rivers down Yohji's cheeks. He stopped ubruptly. For some reason, Yohji crying seemed so strange to him. "Why?" he pleaded again.

Why, Aya thought, his cock twitching inside Yohji, but he still made no motion to move. The other assassin's eyes opened, hesitant. Aya's eyes were unfocused, his mind whirring. Why...He should know why, right?

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"A....Aya?" Yohji ventured. Aya's gaze came back to Yohji's, a look of almost shock crashing through him.

"Y...you don't know...why?" Aya whispered. "You...You..."

"Of course I don't know why the fuck you're doing this, Aya! What did I do!? Or do you just generally hate me enough to want to....want to..." He shuddered, his still vulnerable situation so strange. He was being /raped/ for fuck's sake. The situation was just so bizarre. Panic that had been brewing in his chest started to rise, peeling out of him in fits of laughter. "What the fuck! Aya! Why the fuck are you...?" His laughter started to break down into sobbing, his lungs barely holding any air. He wanted to hit him, kick him, do anything to get Aya off of him, but at the same time he could do nothing because behind it all, Aya was his friend. No matter how fucked up he was, Aya was his friend and the last thing he could ever do was push him away.

So despite the fact that everything seemed wrong, Yohji reached out his arms and pulled Aya's chest to his. He held on to him, sobs still racking his body and slowly, hesitantly, Aya's arms wrapped around him, too. Aya's breath on his ear whispered, hushing him. "It's ok..." Aya let out a sigh. "Yohji...Have you ever been to that club two streets from here?"

"What? The strip club? No..." Yohji's breathing started to slow. "Why?"

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Aya's entire body froze. He tried to swallow, but his mouth had become dry so suddenly. How could he have never been there? He knew Yohji well enough to tell when he was lying. And based on the reaction he'd had when Aya had...Aya had...

/I raped him./ Aya's stomach churned. /I...still am./ Yohji wasn't lying. It hadn't been him. Couldn't have been. Aya's shoulders started shaking. God, he was sick. Going to be sick. Sick and deranged. His whole body was shaking, just like Yohji's had been. "I...I...I'm sorry...!" Was he the one crying now? How weak, letting his guilt get to him like that. A sinner to afraid to sin.

"Aya. Maybe we should...talk about this. Ok?" Yohji started to push him up, and Aya pulled himself out of him. His cock was already starting to wilt. Just went to further humiliate him, like a wounded dog retreating from a fight. He drew back, giving Yohji space. He turned away and stood to redress himself. He heard Yohji moving behind him and waited. A light hand on his shoulder turned him around.

"Ok. Now. You're going to explain this all to me Aya. I think I deserve that much." Yohji kept his hand on his shoulder. "And I don't want you trying to hide anything, ok? I want to know everything."

Aya nodded, his head heavy. "Ok."

A/N: Hey there everybody! Long time no update! Sorry about that. I kind of forgot all about this fic. Now that I've finally graduated college, I'll have a bit more time to actually write for myself :D! Hopefully I'll have more updates soon! As always, reviews are most appreciated! This story is so far unbeta-ed and in the first run of editing, so please bear with me.