Honour, Duty, or Love?

Title: Honour, Duty or Love?
Author: JadeHeart
Located/Archived: If anyone would like it, please ask me first
Fandom: Saiyuki

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this, they belong to the creators, nor am I making any profits

Chapter 3


Yaone shivered a little as the cool breeze caressed her shoulders. She hadn’t been able to sleep - again - so instead of spending the rest of the hours of darkness tossing and turning she had come out here, walking the silent, darkened corridors, avoiding the areas she knew would be populated with Gyokumen Koushu’s people.

As she had reached the area where she now sat, the glimmer of the full moon shining through the open stone arches of the balcony had captured her gaze. She had stood for a moment, looking up at the glittering orb that hung in the night sky before settling down on the stone ledge, sitting so her back was against the wall and her knees drawn towards her chest, hands clasped loosely about them.

Everything was quiet around her, no sound disturbing her isolation. There in the darkness, her mind once more drifted back to that night, that night she had spent with Hakkai.

She felt her pulse flutter a little as an image of his face rose in her mind. He was very attractive. She would have had to be blind to not see that. The way his dark hair fell down over his monocled eye almost as though in a deliberate effort to hide his weakness, although she wasn’t certain it was truly a weakness. She was certain he had damaged vision in that eye yet there was never any sign of it affecting his fighting abilities.

She found that she was drawn mostly to his eyes – that clear green gaze so intense it was almost frightening, yet at the same time completely fascinating. Although Yaone instinctively trusted Hakkai for some reason, she also couldn’t help but feel that for all his seeming openness and honesty he was very good at hiding his true thoughts.

She sighed softly. She hadn’t intended to help him that night, not at all. So just how had that happened? She had been scolded severely by her Lord for putting herself in danger like that.

She had gone in search of the Sanzo party in nothing more than the hope of being of some assistance to Lord Kougaiji. Her Lord had had to go away on business, running another errand for Gyokumen. He hadn’t wanted to do it but had had little choice. Yaone knew of her Lord’s reluctance and had wanted to be able to give him some good news upon his return.

So she had left the castle on her own and had finally tracked the Sanzo party down in the mountains. Her intention had simply been to observe them, to determine their plans, and then return home. She had accepted long ago that it was not a good idea to attempt to take them all on alone. Each was formidable in his own right. Together, they were more than a handful.

So this was to have been nothing more than a reconnaissance mission, just a fact-finding exercise. What harm could that be? They wouldn’t even have known she was there. Such a simple plan.

Unfortunately, her belief that it would be an uneventful assignment was destroyed on the first night after she had located them when a large band of demons attacked the party.

Word had been spreading steadily about the Sanzo party and their prowess in battle. Due to this, when any demons did summon up the courage to attack them head on, they were being certain to do so with greater numbers each time, obviously believing that sooner or later sheer mass would win eventually.

Not that it had so far.

However, although the Sanzo party continued to survive, it didn’t mean they did so unscathed. Yaone had been witness to more than one occasion when one or all had been battling for their lives. It was extremely ironic in many ways that her Lord had been responsible for their survival more than once. Sometimes she truly wondered just why they were fighting them at all.

She had stayed back and just watched as the battle unfolded on the forested mountain slope. She watched as Son Goku wielded his nyoi-bo expertly, leaping high in the air to come down amidst a group of demons, swinging his weapon from side to side and crushing those in reach.

She observed as Sha Goyjo, Dokugakuji’s brother, swirled his shakujou in a circular path of chained destruction, dismembering all demons in his vicinity.

The sharp report of a gun, wielded by the priest, Sanzo, rang out loudly over the screams of pain and the battle cries of both sides.

But most of all, who she watched was Cho Hakkai; the way he gathered his chi, manipulated it, then flung out that destructive power to shatter all resistance was breathtaking.

She could feel the power emanating from his standing form, even from where she crouched hidden in the tree tops above the battle. Such power held by one man was almost unbelievable. She had only ever seen her Lord wield such similar power and he was a Demon Prince. Cho Hakkai was nothing more than a human who had bathed in the blood of one thousand demons to be cursed to become that which he hated.

She had no intention of helping them. Yes, a part of her initially had almost caused her to go forward but she had been able to restrain herself. This wasn’t her fight, she was only to watch. Of course, if the party truly looked like it could suffer defeat she would step in. Only to save the scared scroll for her Lord.

So she had watched, observing everything, taking note of the ebb and flow of the battle, and unable to completely mask the admiration she felt for the skill she was seeing from the members of the Sanzo party.

However, then the demon horde actually began to think more as a group instead a myriad of individuals and consolidated themselves. Quickly they broke into four packs to swarm over each individual of the Sanzo party, separating them completely.

She saw them all go down, sheer numbers besting them. As Hakkai disappeared from view, one outstretched hand reaching toward the heavens being the last thing she saw, and her heart had seemed to stop in her breast. She couldn’t hold back any longer and with a high pitched cry, had launched herself from her hiding place, spear in hand.

She had been forced to break up the scrum holding Goku first simply because it was the closest; that is, being directly below where she had been hiding. It had seemed like bad manners if she had just bypassed his predicament.

A few well laid strikes from her staff had loosened their hold and he had erupted from beneath the bodies, a broad smile plastered over his face as he saw her, calling out a cheerful “Thanks!”, before landing on the backs of those holding Sanzo and proceeded to methodically destroy them.

Yaone quickly battled her way to where Hakkai had last been. Still seeing no sign of him or even movement beneath the writhing mass of slashing claws and gnashing teeth made her heart beat frantically.

She knew why. It was fear. She knew what fear was – it was when Lirin had been abducted, it had been when Lord Kougaiji had been badly wounded. Yes, she knew what fear was. That fear made her fight even more fiercely.

Soon she was rewarded when a burst of blinding light seared through the bodies and continued onwards to strike the huddled mass beyond, almost disintegrating it entirely and releasing a bloodied Gojyo who swiftly began to dish out his own kind of retribution. A disheveled Hakkai then stood, brushing aside the dust of the disintegrated demons from his clothes, even whilst he calmly punched a leaping one in the throat.

Yaone had no time to think of anyone else’s wellbeing them as the demons now included her as a potential target. They wouldn’t know who she was and she wasn’t too certain they would really care. Lord Kougaiji’s name might be known and generally feared but he wasn’t here so that may not carry much weight. She didn’t have any intention of trying to find out, only to discover that she had made a fatal mistake. So she ensured that any who made the error of thinking that she may be an easy mark were swiftly disabused of that notion.

This band of demons was far better armed and more organized than many and the fight was fierce and brutal for all concerned. She tried to move away from the Sanzo party and thus disassociate herself from them, thinking that perhaps the demons would pursue their quarrel with the Sanzo group who were far more important to them than one lone demon who had appeared in their midst. After all, she was not here to fight their battles; that was not her place. She wished now only to leave and return home.

Unfortunately the demons followed her also, not content to let her be. No matter how much distance she tried to take they continued to pursue. It was then that she noticed that Hakkai had also been pushed in her direction, the two of them now completely separated from the other three, the closely growing trees cutting off their view of the rest of the battle.

The rain and fog continued to shroud the area, lowering the visibility further and making the footing treacherous. Three demons pressed in on her, two swinging swords, the third with a metal banded staff. She fought them hard, wincing as one sword managed to slip under her guard and slice her arm as she dispatched one assailant, before turning to prevent the staff from crushing her skull. As she leapt back a few feet to avoid the second sword swing aimed for her midsection, she heard the rattle of rocks falling and knew that they must be near a precipice. How deep it fell she didn’t know and she had no time to check. All she could hope for was that she could avoid the fall.

“Hold on!” A voice called from the side of her and then she saw Hakkai almost skid to a stop in the mud by her side. He cast her a brief smile before returning to the task at hand, namely slaying the foe who had been chasing him and who were now slowly beginning to diminish at last in numbers.

She returned that smile, unable to prevent it, feeling strangely glad that he was by her side. His presence seemed to bolster her spirit and she returned to the battle on hand.

They fought then, side by side, protecting each other, spelling each other. She couldn’t help but notice that it was the same feeling she had when she fought with Lord Kougaiji, or Dokugakuji, or even little Lirin. For some reason it felt like she was fighting with someone whom she…loved.

Yaone touched the back of her hand lightly where Hakkai had kissed it. Even now she could recall the feel of Hakkai’s lips brushing against her skin, the warmth of his breath. She felt her cheeks warm a little and knew she was blushing. Thank goodness it was dark and she was alone!

She still couldn’t truly fathom why she responded in this way. Yes, Hakkai was an attractive man. There was no denying that, but it’s not as though she hadn’t been around attractive people before; both human and youkai. Of course, she had been around some pretty repulsive specimens of both also, like Hyakugan-Maoh, the Centipede Demon King, from whom Kougaiji had save her, and even some of those repulsive creatures had come clothed in an attractive package.

So attractiveness was all subjective as far as she was concerned. She knew only too well that a pretty face didn’t mean much. It certainly did not give a true account of the soul within.

She breathed in deeply, filling her lungs with the cold night air, the faint aroma of peony flowers filling her senses. That reminded her that she needed to work on some further potions.

She missed her time in her apothecary. When she had become a vassal of Lord Kougaiji, he had set her up in her very own place, even with a stillroom and a small portion of the grounds in the palace set aside for her to grow a selection of herbs, grasses and flowers and anything else she might desire. It was all hers, and only hers.

She used to spend a great deal of time there once. It was in an area long neglected by Gyokumen’s staff. That woman had no interest in any living thing unless it was able to provide her some advantage in her lust for ultimate power. Kougaiji had ensured that Yaone had never been troubled by being there. She was certain that by now few people even remembered that small corner courtyard, let alone that it was her abode.

However, since Kougaiji’s mission to free his mother had escalated she had abandoned her free time there to assist him. She didn’t begrudge doing so. She would willingly give up everything for him, and without hesitation. It was just that at times like this she missed those simpler days. Often when she had been there, working quietly, feeling the warm soil through her fingers, the warmth of the sun on her back, she had been thankful for the solitude. It was a time to think and take joy in the simpler things in life. Most of her potions at that time hadn’t been any more deadly than a gentle sleeping mist.

Unlike now.

Now she was able to create all manner of potions and items that destroyed, maimed and killed. She fully understood the necessity, but a portion of her mind still wept for her lost innocence and peace.

“So this is where you got to,”

The voice from the darkness startled her, making her head swing round quickly, her long braids undone so her loose hair flared around her face at the sudden movement.

From the shadows a large form detached itself, and for a moment her heart raced with fear, as her hand reached for a weapon’s belt that wasn’t there. Then she recognized Dokugakuji’s features as he stepped into a patch of moonlight and she sighed with relief.

He smiled gently at her. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you.”

He was clad in his normal white trousers, bare footed as she was, his shirt hanging loose from his shoulders, undone down the front, showing his muscular chest from throat to navel. She felt herself blush a little at such expanse of masculine flesh and she glanced quickly away so he wouldn’t notice her staring.

He came to lean against the stone arch opposite her, looking up at the full moon above.

“Sure is pretty tonight,” he commented.

“It certainly is,” she agreed, returning to her own contemplation of the night sky.

“Couldn’t sleep, huh?” Dokugakuji said.

She shrugged slightly.

He looked across at her. “You’ve not been sleeping for a while now.” It wasn’t a question, more of a statement.

She looked up at him quickly, his taller stance leaving him to tower over her seated form but she didn’t feel threatened or intimidated by it. She never felt that way around Dokugakuji. Still she was surprised by his comment, and a little flustered that he had noticed. She had thought that her artfully applied make-up and skill in developing creams had hidden the telltale signs. Obviously not well enough it seemed.

“I,” She didn’t quite know what to say. “I’m fine.” she finally finished lamely.

“Hardly,” Dokugakuji said calmly. “You’ve been out of sorts for some time. Ever since you got hurt last.” He paused as though weighing up whether to continue his thoughts or not. “Kou said you were with that guy, Hakkai. Did something happen with him?” His countenance darkened for a moment, brows drawing down in a frown. “He didn’t do anything to you, did he?”

Did he do anything? Oh, what if Hakkai had done something? Yaone felt her face flush completely, cheeks almost burning, and she was certain it was even visible in the bright moonlight. “No!” she said quickly and a little breathlessly. “Nothing happened! We just talked.” She hurried to assure him and those dark brows rose again.

“Must have been one hell of a talk to make you lose sleep over it,” Dokugakuji said, turning his head to gaze into the night once more.

Yaone was surprised to detect what seemed to be a touch of bitterness in his tone. What did he mean? What was Dokugakuji concerned about?

“How….could you tell?” she asked in a small voice, looking down at her clasped hands.

“What? That you’ve not been sleeping?”

She nodded.

“Oh, I check in on you most nights. Just to make certain you’re okay.”

She looked up at him in compete surprise. This was the first she had known of this!

He gazed down at her, his features softening as he smiled. “When Kou first saved you he was worried that there would be trouble. So he asked me to keep an eye on you and make certain you were doing okay.”

“You did?” She felt a little alarmed that she hadn’t been aware of his vigilance at any time.

“Don’t worry!” he said, laughter lacing his voice. “I was very discreet. It wasn’t like I was spying on you all the time or anything. I’m not a pervert like my little bother!”

He chuckled at that thought and she couldn’t help smiling in return as she thought of Sha Gojyo. She was sure he wasn’t a pervert. How could he be when he was the brother of Dokugakuji, a most honourable and noble man?

“But still,” she said. “That was a long time ago.”

He shrugged. “Guess it just became a habit.”

“When .. do you check?” she wanted to know. Oh, how she hoped she’d never been taking a shower – or doing something even more embarrassing! She raised a hand to her face, trying to hide her flaming cheeks. What if he had seen something like that?!

“Oh, once or twice a night. I sort of just wake up at different times and just go and check how you’re doing.” He grinned at her. “Sometimes I think I just do it in my sleep so I’m not sure how quick I’d be able to react if something was actually wrong!”

“I’m sure you could,” Yaone assured him quickly, returning his smile. “I have complete faith in your abilities.”

“Why, thank you, ma’am!” he said, crossing an arm over his chest, hand over his heart and giving a shallow mocking bow.

She laughed.

Dokugakuji listened to that peal of tinkling laughter with great delight, glad he could make her produce that sound. Yaone didn’t laugh nearly enough. In fact she didn’t even smile that much, which he thought was a great shame as she had a beautiful smile in his opinion. She was far too serious all the time.

From the time Kougaiji had taken this timid girl under his wing Dokugakuji had been keeping an eye on her. At first he had been sure it was just because he missed having his younger brother around. He was so used to having someone to protect and look out for that he had been at a loss without that. So when Kou had asked him as a favour to keep an eye on her and ensure that she was not harassed by anyone or anything, he had been happy to do so.

He had spent many days quietly watching her go about her chores, watching as she worked in her garden, finding the way she would wipe the sweat from her brow leaving a dirty smudge across her pale skin from her soil covered hands very endearing. In those early days he had made certain that any who had seemed to take a more than casual interest in Lord Kougaiji’s newest servant was swiftly discouraged from taking things any further, and dissuaded, sometimes forcibly, in pursuing that interest.

Before he had realized it, he was no longer doing this just as a favour for his Lord, or because it was his duty, or as a way to replace his younger brother. This young woman had suddenly become very, very important to him.

So when she had been snatched by some minions of the Centipede Demon King right from under his nose he had wanted to die. He had been shattered that he had not only failed in his duties so miserably, but he had been unable to prevent such a thing happening to such a beautiful and fragile beauty as Yaone.

He could recall what he’d been feeling like when he had prostrated himself before his Lord, revealing his failings and begging Kougaiji to destroy him, to immolate him on the spot for not being able to even carry out such a simple task as protecting one small girl.

He recalled the hot tears of anger and shame that had wet his cheeks, the cold of the floor nothing compared to the dishonour he had brought upon his Lord. For in allowing those minions to take a servant of Lord Kougaiji showed all of demon kind that his lord was weak, for the strength of those a Prince chose to surround himself with was a reflection of his own. And Dokugakuji had just shown the entire kingdom how weak he was. He had brought shame on Lord Kougaiji himself with his dereliction of duty.

He remembered waiting for the harsh words, the anger, the scorn, or just the searing pain then oblivion. Instead there had been silence that had hung heavily, disturbed only by the few gulping sobs that he’d been unable to completely swallow as he wept at his incompetence and the disgrace he had brought down on his beloved lord.

Then Kougaiji had spoken, his words soft. “So what are you gong to do abut it?” was the question.

Dokugakuji had looked up then, still lying prostrate, bringing his head up and meeting his lord’s eyes directly.

Kougaiji had simply met that gaze steadily and he could read no accusations, no dislike, no scorn. All he saw was a question, a sense of waiting for his answer, faith that Dokugakuji would answer him in the only way that he could.

That faith caused him to rise to hands and knees, never breaking his gaze from his lord’s. Gone was the miserable self-pity, gone was the despair. Now there was only resolution. Yes, he had failed in his duty. Therefore, it was up to him to redeem himself. He would not fail a second time.

He bowed his head then, finally looking down. “My lord, I will return. With all that is yours.” he vowed.

“I’ll be waiting.” Kougaiji had replied, and then simply turned and walked away.

Dokugakuji had kept his promise. He had staged a secret raid on the Centipede Demon King’s stronghold. He hadn’t gone for some flashy full frontal attack. That would have been a sure way to get killed and his job wasn’t to do that. His task was to get Yaone out and back safely to Kougaiji, and the only way he could do that was to remain alive.

So he skillfully penetrated the perimeter, avoiding the guards and other castle inhabitants where possible. It hadn’t been a completely bloodless raid. He’d had to kill three different demons along the way when it had been unavoidable, hiding their remains and continuing. He had been so relieved when he had finally found where Yaone was being held, after squeezing the location out of a servant he had grabbed before leaving them trussed and unconscious in a cupboard.

When he had opened the door and seen she was present, the sense of relief he’d felt at seeing her alive had nearly brought him to his knees. Then the anger as he took in the shackles, bruises and torn clothing had nearly made him blind with rage.

When her eyes had met his, hers had widened as though in disbelief and then pure joy at his presence. “Dokugakuji!” she’d cried out, pulling against the chains that bound her although she obviously knew that there was no way she could break free of them.

That had shocked him from the frozen state he’d been in and he sprang to her side, seeking to still her frantic movements and prevent her doing harm to herself. Up close he could see the raw marks around her wrists, the smears of blood clear evidence that she had tried her best to free herself from their clutches

“Oh, Dokugakuji!” she had sobbed, pressing her face into his chest as he leant over her to pull at the chains. He could feel her trembling against his body and he ached to hold her, to comfort her.

“Hold still,” he’d whispered and drew back to swing his sword down, severing the chain just above the wrist. He repeated the same for the other side and then again for her ankles.

The chain connected to the collar about her neck he was able to unclip and then remove the pin from the collar itself. As it had fallen away he had seen the dark crimson band circling her throat, stark against her creamy skin, and now he could see that it had also hidden darker marks that were obviously bruises. The thought of anyone touching this pristine creature before him in that manner was bringing out an almost berserker-like rage.

She obviously deduced where he was looking and one hand flew to her neck, trying to cover the marks. She turned her head away, refusing to look at him, her face flaming with a look of shame on it.

“Come on,” he said a little gruffly, angry with himself for making her so self-conscious of her abuse before him. What did she have to feel shamed about? It wasn’t her fault.

“Can you walk?” he asked, reaching down and taking one hand to help her to her feet.

“Yes,” she answered, then wobbled dangerously as she stood, her other hand clutching at the edge of the bed as her legs buckled. “I’m okay,” she gasped, straightening up. “They’re just a little stiff from lack of use. I’ll be fine. Let’s go.”

He paused for a moment, uncertain if they should go immediately or allow some time for her limbs to become accustomed to movement again after being chained up for so long. However, the longer they delayed, the greater the chances of being discovered. So far no alarm had been given, or so it appeared, and he really didn’t want it to reach that point.

“Okay then,” he said, turning and heading for the door.

He could sense her directly behind him although she made no sound. She seemed like no more than a wisp of air following in his shadow. They quickly made their way through the castle and grounds, returning by the same route he had entered, coming across no-one and soon they were out of the Centipede Demon King’s clutches.

Dokugakuji felt a great sense of accomplishment in knowing that he’d tweaked the nose of that obnoxious demon and soon everyone would know about it. It never took long for gossip to get around. This would give plenty of people a good laugh and no-one would be laughing at his Lord. Now to get back to Kougaiji.

He set a grueling pace and Yaone matched him, silently at his back the entire time. They hadn’t spoken up to this point; silence had been essential. Now he heard a soft gasp of pain and heard the distinct sound of something falling. Turning he saw Yaone sprawled on the ground.

“I’m…I’m sorry,” she gasped, raising herself to her hands. “I’m all right.”

He knelt by her side to assist her and saw the swelling of her ankles, feeling a flood of remorse. He should have been paying more attention. Of course she probably wasn’t all right. He’d accepted her statement back in the castle but he should have realized that it had been nothing more than bravado. He was quite well aware that Yaone wasn’t one to make a fuss about things. She simply accepted and endured. He should have been more observant. He had been able to clearly see some of the physical abuse she sported externally. He had no idea of any inner hurt that might have been inflicted. The thought of anyone despoiling her in that way, of forcing her, made his stomach heave violently.

He gathered her into his arms, holding her tightly against his chest, smothering her surprised cry.

“We’re nearly home,” he said, ignoring her muffled protest. He looked down at her with a gentle smile. “Don’t worry. I’ll take care of you.”

She had gazed up at him then, surprise in her eyes at first and then they had softened into trust. “Thank you,” she had whispered and leant her head wearily against his chest, eyes closing.

He felt her entire body go limp, exhaustion and relief finally taking their toll. He had held her close as he had sped them home to their lord.

Yaone had seemed to recover from that ordeal quickly, her exterior wounds gone in a matter of days, although he suspected she had used creams to camouflage the bruises. She didn’t speak to him about what had happened to her, so even to this day he didn’t know for certain what had occurred. Perhaps it was better that he didn’t because it was torture enough just wondering. If he was ever faced with the full truth he didn’t know how he would react. He would much rather focus on the joy of just having her back and that first day after when he saw her once more out in her treasured garden he had almost wept with happiness.

However she did suffer from nightmares immediately after that time, something she hadn’t told anyone from what he could tell. He would never have known either except he was already in the habit of checking up on her at various times and once had come upon her sleeping under a tree in her garden during a warm afternoon.

He had been happy to just stand and silently watch, but instead of her usual calm repose he saw her features twist through a myriad of emotions, too fast for him to determine exactly what, but there was no mistaking the tears that leaked from the corners of her closed eyes and streaked her cheeks with moisture. Nor could he ignore the small cries that fell from her lips during her sleep, cries that were tinged with fear and pain. He’d been horrified when he had witnessed this, and realized just what it connected to but before he could go to her side and wake her, she let out a high scream and jerked awake.

He was hidden from her view, but from his position he could see her eyes were wide and staring, fear still etched across her face as she looked quickly from side to side, as though reassuring herself that she was truly safe. He saw the flash of relief on her face following, the way her shoulders slumped a little as she relaxed. His heart ached as she raised a hand and scrubbed all traces of her tears away then stood and returned calmly to her tasks.

It was after that, that he had begun his nightly checks, to relieve both his own worries and Kougaiji’s. If she appeared to be having a difficult night he would sit by her bed and gently over one of her hands with his, so lightly as to not wake her. He had been glad that this small contact had seemed to help her as her restlessness always lessened when he did so. He had kept this routine up ever since that time.

She may have eventually told Kougaiji about what she had endured during her captivity because the Centipede Demon King mysteriously died not long after, although as far as he knew Kougaiji’s presence could be accounted for. Not that that really meant anything.

Or perhaps the Centipede Demon King actually had suicided as one rumour indicated. He’d been the laughing stock of the entire kingdom after Yaone’s escape. Perhaps that defeat to his pride had been too much.

Whatever the reason, he was gone and Yaone was safe. And no-one ever again messed with her or any of them.

Until now.

His hands tightened into fists in anger. The antics of Gyokumen Koushu and her pet scientist Ukoku were driving him to distraction. He was constantly worried about what they were doing to Kougaiji, they had already caused him so much trouble and grief. By holding his mother hostage, they could force him to do almost anything, no matter how much against his own instincts that might be, and at times it seemed to be tearing him apart. And all Dokugakuji could do was be there at his side.

Just as Yaone was.

He saw her stretch, bare arms reaching upwards, head leaning back and eyes closed. He smiled at the unguarded expression on her face. It wasn’t often that you truly saw Yaone’s real feelings, she was so apt at keeping them hidden, and she was a very strong willed individual.

He felt his face flush a little as he remembered the way she had wrapped those arms around him, pressing up against his back to calm him when he had given into anger after Kougaiji had suffered such horrific wounds from his fight with the transformed Goku. He had honestly thought that he was going to lose him then, which was the only reason he let him be taken by Ukoku. A big mistake certainly but what else could he have done? Without Yaone there he hadn’t believed his lord had any chance at all. That was not a mistake he was going to be making again.

But that feeling of helplessness, the fear of not knowing if that person that meant so much to him would die or not, that had been overwhelming. He had punched the stone wall hard enough to break bones, blood smeared across the fascia, portions of torn skin caught on the sharp rock. But the sound of Yaone’s voice demanding that he stop had brought him back to his senses, made him focus on what was important, reminding him that there were others suffering as well, others that still needed his help and protection. She reminded him of what he had to concentrate on. Not what his mistake was, but how to make it right. Exactly as Kougaiji had done so long ago.

He had stood there for a moment, breathing in deeply, closing his eyes to just let himself feel the warmth of her body so close to his, the slight jasmine scent that was distinctly hers. He had wanted to just remain like that, the two of them in that moment, together. But there had been things to do.

She had tended to his wound, holding his damaged hand and turning it this way and that, touching it gently to ascertain what she would need to do. She scolded him softly for being so careless, all the while she carefully cleaned, set and bound it. He couldn’t help but smile at her mothering ways.

Just as he was smiling now, although just at this moment she looked anything but like a mother, clad only in a thin shift, bare arms and long hair unbound, the only time he had ever seen it this way usually was when she was sleeping. He longed to reach out and touch the silken strands but he held himself back. That would be far too forward.

“I think I will try and go to sleep now,” she said, breaking the silence that had grown between them.

“Want me to walk you back?” he asked, smiling down at her.

She returned the smile as she nimble dropped from her perch. “I think I can manage to find my own way.” she answered.

“Look, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, you know, about checking up on you,” he said, running a hand through his spiky hair. “I’ll try not to do it anymore.”

She stood looking up at him, her hands clasped behind her back, head tilted slightly to one side. “That’s all right,” she murmured. She shuffled her feet a little. “I don’t really mind.”

Dokugakuji was surprised. Had she just given him permission to continue to, well in a way it was spying, but she didn’t mind him seeing her whilst she slept? He wasn’t quite sure what to make of that.

She smiled up at him shyly and reached out to take his hand, holding it lightly, her two smaller ones barely able to cover his one broad one.

“You’ve always looked after me, Dokugakuji,” she said softly. “That makes me very happy. Thank you.”

She released him and swiftly ran down the passage, taking only a few steps before the shadows swallowed her up leaving him standing there almost frozen in place.

He let the breath he had been holding till then out in a loud whoosh. Well, that had been a surprise. He had known that she wouldn’t have been really angry with him for his nocturnal visits, that wasn’t in her nature, but he had expected her to ask him to cease his actions. What he hadn’t been expecting was for her to tell him that he could continue if he wanted to!

He tried to not read too much into it. She could just be being nice to him, making him feel wanted and needed as a protector. He suddenly realized something. She still hadn’t said anything about why she had been so restless since that night she had been with that Cho Hakkai.

He gave a sharp bark of laughter. She had done it again to him. She had managed to completely change the subject and make him forget exactly what it was he had been trying to find out!

He turned to make his own way back to his cold bed. He should try and get some sleep also. As he walked, yawning widely, all he could think about was what had gone on between Yaone and Hakkai?