The Killer in You

Version A was proofread by Mikitoru. Many thanks!


Chapter 58: Discovery


He wasn’t sure how he knew it, but he did. Some vague feeling when he entered his room made him stop in mid-step and look around. Someone was here, she was here, it had to be it. Another feeling, or maybe it was a subconscious deduction, too quick to even realize it, made him sit at his desk and reach into the pocket of his jacket hanging over the chair. Bingo! Under his fingers he felt a piece of paper that certainly wasn’t there before. He took the folded sheet out. He knew this texture, it was undoubtedly a piece of the Death Note. He felt a shiver of anxiety. Considering today’s events it wouldn’t be too good if she simply… Slowly, feeling his heart’s accelerating beat, he opened the paper. He read it slowly, then nearly burst out laughing. He sat on the bed and read again, chuckling under his breath.

‘Ryuzaki: L   L a 2u l i e t, 2uatari: Q u i l l s h   2u a m m y’

What an irony. The Death Note didn’t affect people whose names were misspelled. Which meant a misspelled name wasn’t considered a name. Rem could always say to whomever supervised obeying the rules in the shinigami world, that by revealing the misspelled names she didn’t really do anything forbidden… and the fact that he could easily read the real ones from it was a whole other story. She probably didn’t have any other piece of paper at hand, so she used the error in two ways – not to kill Ryuzaki and Watari herself and to be able to use it as an excuse. Clever, Rem, really clever. He didn’t even need this key-change in the name Watari to guess the right spelling. Plus, she was giving him a tool – a piece of the Death Note. That was exactly what he needed.

He couldn’t stop chuckling. He read the name again, correcting it in his mind. L Lawliet. L – amazing, it was actually Ryuzaki’s real first name. What a strange name for a person. Somehow… demeaning. Still, it could only be the true one. L Lawliet, L Lawliet – he repeated it almost frenzily. Nice to meet you, L, I am Kira.

I could write it down even now, even at this moment. But no, now he could do it right, he could do it the way to prove his innocence. His and Misa’s, that is. And he wasn’t in a hurry, he had time, two weeks. He could wait.

And in the meantime he could have some fun. He smiled at the thought, immediately making a decision. He already knew where he was going to spend the night.

* * *
He was glad to find Ryuzaki in his room when at ten o’clock he knocked at his door. The black haired youth poked his head through the crack.

“Light…”

Light smiled inwardly, hearing that the ‘-kun’ was still out. Since the moment he regained his memory a week ago, they didn’t sleep together anymore. The cuffs had been taken off. Light was given his own room and didn’t visit Ryuzaki in the night. Nor did Ryuzaki visit him. He knew that L hadn’t ceased to suspect him, that his suspicion was now even stronger. Seeing each other in such a situation simply didn’t seem right.

But now it no longer mattered. Or perhaps it was a goodbye?

“You asked me before why I wasn’t spending time with Misa,” he offered. “Well, here is your answer. I tried to feel for her, I felt that I should reciprocate her love, that that would be right. More right than with you. After all, you are male. Lately, I even thought that I had managed to fall in love with her, but the truth is, when I meet her, I keep thinking of you. I can’t get you out of my mind, Ryuzaki. I just can’t stop feeling.”

He felt a little disturbing twinge while saying that, that it wasn’t all a lie, that actually most of it was true. Well, probably it was, but it didn’t change a thing.

Ryuzaki stared at him with his huge, unblinking eyes, saying nothing.

“Sorry for telling you about my love for Misa so harshly,” Light added. “For everyone else there’s nothing between you and me. I had to pretend…”

“Yes, I know that.”

“In spite of your suspicion about me… will you let me in, Ryuzaki?”

There was hesitation in L’s eyes. And doubt. But then his chest moved in a deep sigh.

“In spite of my suspicion about you, Light, I could be your friend.”

He pushed the door open and stepped aside. Light came in and closed it. For a moment they stood, facing each other. Light couldn’t stop a wave of heat that ran through his body when he looked at the detective. Dammit, he wanted him. He wanted him so much.

He grabbed him in his arms, maybe even too violently, and locked their lips together. It was only a short moment before L recovered from the initial shock and returned the kiss fervently, wrapping his arms around Light’s neck and tightening them almost painfully.

L’s name, his real name, replayed in Light’s mind again and again.

* * *
“Ryuzaki,” Watari spoke over the comm. “I’ve just received confirmation from the prison. Execution with the Death Note has run successfully. The convict who was chosen for this test died exactly 40 seconds after his name was written in the notebook.”

“Well,” Soichiro Yagami commented over L’s shoulder. “Looks like the power of the Death Note is real. This isn’t very surprising after all.”

“Yes.” The detective nodded somewhat stiffly, gaze fixed on the monitor.

In the tension that suddenly fell over the room no one seemed eager to comment on that any further, so the subject was closed.

* * *
‘Sends an e-mail to Light with all the data he has of the convict who has been chosen to write in the Death Note.

Destroys all the evidence that such an e-mail has been sent. Doesn’t say a word about it to anyone.

Dies…’ Light stopped writing and stared at the paper, then raised his gaze on an early-evening sky. The building of the headquarters loomed dark and high over the other skyscrapers. He sat on a bench in a nearby park. Somehow he hadn’t felt like writing conditions of L’s death in that building, so he had used a pretext of going shopping and gone out.

So. What date should he choose? He could make Ryuzaki die after the 13-day rule demonstration, but with everyone knowing that Kira could postpone the date of the victim’s death, there was no point in doing that. He could not overcome limitations imposed by the Death Note so if people were to think that L was killed by Kira, they would, this way or another. Moreover, having L under the effect of the Death Note for so long was risky. Something uncontrollable could happen – Light wasn’t sure how L would act in such circumstances, he could say or show something, someone could notice. No, he should make Ryuzaki die just after sending those e-mails.

‘…half an hour later,’ he finished writing.

He smiled. Now it was child’s play. Having received the convict’s name he would kill him or her in due time, confirming everyone of his innocence. If the true scenario occurred to someone by some means, he would say that there was no way for him to kill Ryuzaki since he didn’t know his name. Of course he didn’t know it, the only creature among them that did, could not reveal it. And with L dead, everyone would promptly accept it.

He was not going to put Kira’s signature on L’s death, either. The more natural it looked like, the greater chance that the others would think it was a mere accident. That of course meant he would have to leave Watari alive, but he hadn’t considered killing the old man in the first place. Although he was quite sharp, without his charge-employer he seemed harmless. In any case, no one would listen to him. Light twirled the pen between his fingers, considering possible ways of L’s demise. It took him just a moment before the right idea presented itself in his head. He chuckled under his breath. Who said Kira couldn’t have a sense of humor? He wrote the cause of death over the conditions: ‘Suffocation. Chokes on a candy.’

Now, the only thing that was left to add was the name and the exact time. He looked at the blank space at the top of the sheet and put his pen there. His hand stayed still for a moment… and then for another. An image of Ryuzaki in his arms suddenly surfaced in his mind.

What are you doing? What have you been doing for all those months? How can it be right? It’s outright evil! A thought like a sting in his heart. He silenced it immediately. What the hell was that? Some sudden flood of his old weak self? The self that had felt sick after killing the first people? The self that had replaced him for the time being when he’d forfeited the note? Why did it come out all of a sudden? Because of Ryuzaki?

He shook his head, recovering completely, and looked at the white paper again. Maybe he could wait after all. He didn’t have to do it this evening. Not yet. He could do it tomorrow. Or the day after. There still was time. No need to hurry.

He took a deep breath. All right, he’d allow Ryuzaki to live for two or three more days. Just that much and no more. However, with all those details already written, he had to be careful. He tore the sheet into a few smaller pieces and opened the compartment in his watch. He stuffed inside as much paper as he could, putting the note about Ryuzaki on top, and pushed the plate in place.

He rose from the bench, took the shopping bag, and strolled towards headquarters. Passing the trash can, he threw the rest of the sheet away.

Am I postponing killing him because I like him? He sighed. That wasn’t impossible. He had to admit that he did enjoy spending time with Ryuzaki. Talking with him. Making love to him. They’d been lovers for almost three months and it was good. With no one else before had he felt so good. With no one else had he understood so well.

Killing you will be a pain, L. I admit that I don’t want to do it. If only you weren’t after me we could have so much fun. Well, my killing was never selfish. It’s not about having fun, it’s about creating a better world. And with that, I can’t let you live. But I will truly miss you. I will.

* * *
Three days later

This night he did it again. He tried to kill his enemy, but instead he stuffed the deadly piece of paper back into his watch and went to the enemy’s room to make love to him. And L welcomed him like every night before.

Their lovemaking was as hot as ever, but afterwards there was mostly silence between them. Ryuzaki didn’t touch the subject of him being Kira anymore – there was no point in talking about it, really; and Light was paralyzed with the thought that one of these nights will be their last. Chit-chatting in such a situation somehow didn’t seem appealing.

But even in spite of that, they were unable to just part. They lay in the grim darkness of the room, immersed in their own gloomy thoughts, but even then their bodies clung together tightly. Light looked at the thin white arm draped around his chest and wanted to slide his finger along it to feel its smoothness. He saw the black unruly mop rested on his shoulder and felt the strands tickling his chin and lips. His hand lay on L’s pale side and in spite of its skinniness, the sensation of those rough curves under his palm made his head spin.

He feared the morning, because the morning was followed by noon and evening, and in the evening he would be back in his room and free to write his enemy’s name again.

* * *
Four days later

A pair of black-rimmed eyes watched her curiously, while the owner of these eyes stuffed a forkful of cake into his mouth. He took his time to chew, then swallowed.

“So,” he said, “shinigami know the name of a person just by looking at their face.”

“Yes.”

“So you know the names of all of us here.”

She hesitated for a split second. “Yes.”

“Could you kill us?”

“That’s what shinigami do. Of course I could.”

The detective was silent for a few moments, taking another bite and chewing thoughtfully, while his head tilted and his eyes wandered from Rem to the ceiling and back.

“Do shinigami also need to see a human’s face to kill him or her?”

She didn’t like the direction this questioning was taking. He clearly aimed to know how shinigami killed. And with that he could find out about… But to this she couldn’t reply ‘I don’t know’.

“Yes, they do.”

“So, it seems that shinigami’s way of killing resembles the one of a human with a notebook. If there are plenty of such notebooks in the shinigami realm, that means you use them to kill. Isn’t that so? Isn’t it the shinigami’s way of killing?”

Just as she feared. Straight to the point. She glanced at Light, hoping to find some answer on his face. Why hadn’t he killed Ryuzaki yet? That was certainly not good. The detective was driving her into a corner and she couldn’t evade it.

What’s stopping you, Light Yagami? What are you waiting for?

Light wasn’t looking at her. And he wasn’t smiling. A few times before she’d seen a smile on his face when he thought no one was looking. Now this smile was gone. Now it seemed it was replaced by… frustration? Something on his face was tensed. A frown hardly ever left it. He avoided her gaze. What was wrong?

“Rem, I asked you a question.” L’s voice brought her back from her musings. “Do shinigami need a notebook to kill?”

“…Yes, they do.”

“Then you have to have such a notebook with you.”

This evoked a reaction in Light, who looked at Ryuzaki sharply. Others also glanced in their direction. Someone gasped, all murmurs and clicking on the keyboards stopped in one moment, and the whole room’s attention was instantly focused on her. Light opened his mouth as if to say something, but eventually remained silent. Rem clenched her fist angrily.

“Yes, I do have it.” She heard anger in her voice as well.

Someone murmured something. Then someone else spoke. “Then you should give it to us.”

“I cannot do it. I am confined to this notebook as it is to me. I cannot give it to anyone.”

“Rem.” It was Light. Finally. She really hoped for some resolution now. “Can a shinigami give a human a name of another human? Could you reveal our names to anyone?”

“That’s against shinigami’s rules.”

Ryuzaki’s eyes shifted smoothly to the youth. “Good question, Light-kun. I wonder how it occurred to you that shinigami could not reveal a human’s name.”

“Well, we all heard there are many rules shinigami have. Most of them seem to concern shinigami remaining neutral towards what happens among humans.” It was a good answer. Luckily Light was still using his brain. “I thought this could be another restriction.”

“Yes, you are correct.” Ryuzaki looked back at Rem. He regarded her, head again tilted, one toe scratching against another for a few seconds. “Then can a shinigami kill a human on request of another human?”

“That’s against the rules as well. Shinigami generally don’t help humans. They only hang with them if they are connected to the notebook a human picked up.”

There was an overall sigh of relief that ran through the room, and the team turned their attention away, coming back to their tasks.

But L didn’t give up. “However,” he said, putting a thumb to his lip. “Every rule can be contrived. Like… shinigami can kill any human they want, right? So they can always say that regardless of the request, they wanted to kill this human anyway.”

With growing frustration, Rem resolved for her evading phrase once again. “I don’t know. I never thought about it this way.”

* * *
Light slid to the floor next to his bed, resting his back against it. He looked helplessly at the creased piece of paper. ‘Sends an e-mail… Destroys all the evidence… Dies…’ The sheet was worn-out from being taken out of the watch every evening, unfolded, crumpled in hands then folded again. And there was still no name on it. Every night… he’d been unable to write it. And it was really high time. He really had to do it tonight… and again found himself powerless. He put the pen in place yet another time. And yet another time his hand didn’t move. When he struggled to move it, images emerged in his head instead. Images of Ryuzaki dying, sliding down from his chair, thumping against the floor, shaken with death tremors… lifeless. And those visions filled him with dread, made him sick, very sick. He couldn’t make it happen. He couldn’t imagine himself without Ryuzaki. And that was the scariest thing. What was it? Had he fallen in love? With a guy? It was ridiculous! It couldn’t be.

You idiot, he told himself, you will soon be separated from him anyway. If you don’t kill him now, you’ll meet your fate in prison in no time. If you don’t kill him, you’ll be the one dead.

And another voice: And so what? What’s the point in all that? What do I care if he can’t be in my perfect world with me? It was completely irrational. It was egoistic, driven by his personal needs and emotions and thus, it was against everything Kira believed in and fought for. And yet, this voice was louder.

You’ll ruin everything you achieved so far. You’ll ruin all Kira’s work.

And the other, unbearable voice returned: Maybe that’s even better.

He had never loved anyone. He had no idea that feelings towards another person could be so strong. So strong that they made you weak, that they positively disabled you. Hell, he could imagine killing his own family. It was unpleasant, but it wasn’t revolting. But L… L was his only equal. Without him nothing made sense.

He gave out a frustrated growl. His hand fell to the floor, the pen rolled out of it onto the carpet. His head dropped to his knees and he wept.

I can’t do it, dammit. I won’t do it! So simple, how ironic. That’s over.

* * *
Next day, November 15, 2004

Rem really wished shinigami had some telephatic connection with their human owners. L’s questions dug deeper and deeper and she knew she wouldn’t be able to evade the truth much longer. Any minute she expected a slip. She could of course avoid the answer, she could say ‘I don’t know’, she could even lie, only that with L it didn’t work. He drew conclusions from the lack of answer, he drew conclusions from a lie. She felt that he already knew everything and the only thing he needed was to confirm his theories and prove them in front of the others. Which might happen any minute now.

He stopped questioning her for now. He ate a cake, talking to Watari over the comm. Light was sitting in front of his computer, looking somewhat slumped. The others gathered at the table, debating something concerning the case, but nothing too reasonable came out of that. At this moment no one was paying any special attention to her.

Her gaze went back to Light. That damned bastard. Why wasn’t he doing anything? What did he think he was doing? And what should she do? At this moment Rem hated Light more than ever.

Should she kill L? Since Light for some reason hadn’t done it, it seemed the first rational thing to do, however… Another idea kept nudging her and the more she thought about it, the more it seemed tempting.

What if…

Considering that L probably already knew everything… did it really matter if she told him? It would stop the questioning for sure. And if she demanded that nobody else hear their conversation it would be of no harm. Would it? And maybe it would force Light to finally act.

It seemed such a desperate and stupid decision at first that it gave her the creeps. To tell L that Misa was the Second Kira… But then, there were other things concerning the Death Note he couldn’t have possibly guessed. Things that perhaps needed to be said. Things that might help Misa after all. She wanted him to hear them.

She opened her mouth hesitantly. It was still an effort to say that.

“I would like to talk to Ryuzaki.” she offered. There was a loud gasp that escaped a few throats at the same moment. All gazes instantly locked on her again. She met Light’s eyes, wondering what she’d find there, but his face was unreadable. “In private,” she added. “With no cameras and sound recorders. Only me and him.”

“But it would be worthless as a testimony then!” Matsuda screamed.

“That’s exactly what the shinigami means, Matsuda-san,” Ryuzaki returned. “It is supposed to be of no value as a testimony, isn’t that so, shinigami? But that’s already an important hint for us. It means that she is hiding something.” He smiled at her and at that moment she realized her mistake. Again. He drew conclusion from something most people wouldn’t even notice. Still, they could use it in no way.

“Like I said, no cameras, no other recorders,” she repeated, ignoring his remark. “Only in such conditions will I speak.”

Light went positively white on his face. He bit his bloodless lip while his hand clenched on the armrest of his chair.

“And even if it is of no value, it might help me choose the right course of action,” Ryuzaki added, getting up. “All right, Rem, I accept your condition. We will move to the other room, it isn’t under surveillance. If you wish, you can check it for yourself, but I give you my word.” He motioned at her and headed for the door floppily. “Shall we?”

She moved after him. At the last moment her eye caught a sight of Light, sinking into the cushions of the sofa and hiding his head in his hands as if in despair. In spite of herself she felt a twinge of vicious satisfaction. Yes, Light Yagami, what will you do now?

* * *
Ryuzaki sat on the sofa and reached for a cup of tea Watari had prepared with lighting speed. He looked at the grayish creature in front of him.

“You do realize that once we come out of here, I will pass them everything you intend to tell me.”

“Yes. But I won’t repeat any of these and they already think that you are biased. Without a witness or a record and with your attitude, your words won’t be taken into account.”

He nodded, fully aware that she was right. Otherwise she would probably never decide to speak. His toe scratched against another nervously. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to hear what he thought he would. He could feel his heartbeat accelerating, his breath getting shallow. Excitement or fear?

“So, shinigami,” he started, his voice surprisingly calm. “What did you want to tell me?”

“Light Yagami is Kira. Misa Amane is the Second Kira. That is true, as well as the fact that Higuchi was also Kira for a while and that Kira’s power is transferable. All your theories about it are right. Now Light and Misa are back in their roles. However it is Light Yagami who should be considered the mastermind of all this. Misa is just his pawn, just as Higuchi was.”

L sighed heavily. He lowered his eyes, meeting his own murky gaze reflected in the tea. Its surface was slightly wrinkled – his hand was shaking. Triumph or despair?

“And that is not all,” the shinigami continued. “I gave Light Yagami your name and a piece of the Death Note. He might kill you any minute.”

He stirred abruptly, the cup falling from his shaky hand. The hot liquid spilled on the cushions of the sofa and on his pants. He barely registered the pain.

“When?”

“A few days ago.”

“Why do I still live?”

“I don’t know. By all means, he should have already killed you. I admit I hoped for it.”

“Why?”

“Because I care for Misa. I don’t think she deserves what awaits her once she is convicted. I am talking to you now because I hope you will consider what I have to say and save her.”

Ryuzaki closed his eyes. “Or that Light will finally feel cornered enough to kill me, isn’t that so?”

“Yes, it is.”

He took another breath, trying to calm his racing heart, but it didn’t work. If that was so, then any moment now could be his last. He should leap up and rush to the other room, demanding to have Light Yagami locked up again, hoping that it wasn’t too late. Because it could be too late, couldn’t it? It wasn’t impossible that he was already on a straight way to his end, Light could control him and…

“Rem, are people who are controlled by the Death Note aware that something is wrong? Do they feel that they are being controlled? Do they remember their actions?”

“They remember but try to rationalize it in some way. Or they forget if the situation requires them so. But if you are trying to guess if you are being controlled, I can tell you that you aren’t. Apart from your name, I can see your lifespan, and it hasn’t changed. But I want you to know I will not give you another chance to talk to me. If you decide to leave now, you won’t hear anything of what I have to say.”

“Is there anything I don’t know yet?”

“Yes, there are a few things like that.”

Clever, this shinigami was, putting him in a wedge like that. Which was his first duty as a detective? To risk his life to this extent in order to find out as much as possible or to preserve his life to give himself a better chance to finish this case with other means? He clenched his hand on his calf to make it finally stop shaking.

Yet, since he was still alive…

“Those things you have to say, Rem, they are to help Misa, right?”

“Yes, that is right.”

“Can they help Light as well, or will they only incriminate him further?”

Rem’s only visible eye examined him for a short moment.

“They can help him as well,” she said.

He sighed, feeling his head spin. “All right, shinigami, I am listening to you.”

She nodded and regarded him with a strange look for another minute.

“It is claimed that finding a Death Note is a great misfortune for a human. It is so, because of that notebook they lose their true self. There were several cases in the past of people owning a Death Note and as far as I know only one of them, after initially testing it, decided it was wrong and never wrote in it again.”

“I see.”

He gnawed at his thumb, considering it. Actually, he wasn’t surprised. He had been thinking about it himself, seeing how Light and Misa both changed all of a sudden back then, when they lost their memories. But Rem’s words were quite a revelation. Only one person in the history of the Death Note owners resisted killing, all the others used the notebook… Quite right, none of the three people he knew that owned it were able to resist it. That in itself was puzzling. As much as someone like Higuchi wouldn’t surprise him as a potential murderer, Misa completely didn’t fit the picture. He remembered the sweet girl she was when she lost her memories. Sure, somewhat obsessive, trying to pose as dark (which didn’t work the slightest bit), but all in all she was just a young, cheerful, carefree, and completely harmless girl. Would someone like that kill a single person if something hadn’t affected them? It also cast a bit more scientific light on the fact of losing the memories. If detaching from the notebook was a psychological shock, it could indeed result in memory loss.

“So, what you are saying is: please, pardon Misa, it was not her doing, it was the notebook, right?”

“Yes. You could say that.”

“But you can’t say that a Death Note owner doesn’t have control over their own mind, can you? After all, one person did resist it.”

“No. They are not insane. They do control their actions. They can resist killing, but the impact of the Death Note is a fact, and you can clearly see that the norm is different for a Death Note owner.”

“Yes, the norm is becoming a murderer,” he murmured thoughtfully.

He was calmer now. He brushed the wet cushions with his sleeve and bent down to the carpet to pick up the cup. He filled it again, while another question formed in his mind.

“Those past owners of the notebook… do you know whom and how much they killed? Were they killing like Light?”

She shook her head. “No, I’ve never heard of anyone killing like Light Yagami. Mostly they just killed out of personal interests – their enemies, people who stood in their way, people whose death could bring them profits or simply people they didn’t like.”

“Did they kill repeatedly?”

“Yes, all of them. Usually a few times during the whole period of owning a notebook, when need arose. In fact Misa and Higuchi also killed egoistically. Misa wanted to impress Kira and gain his love, and Higuchi acted as Kira only because it was Light’s condition for him to be able to use the notebook for his own purposes.”

L looked at Rem curiously. “Light’s condition? How come?”

“As I said, although Kira’s power was shared between the three of them, it is Light who is the true mastermind of this.”

For the next several minutes he listened about the details of the devious plan Light hatched to mislead the investigators. It was scary how far-sighed this plan was and how exactly the reality followed. Yes, it couldn’t be denied – if there was one true Kira, it was Light. Ryuzaki felt a strange sting at this realization, almost a physical pain right under his ribs. Suspecting it, even to the point of certainty, was something different from actually hearing it.

“Light Yagami is exceptional in the way he is killing,” Rem continued. “On one hand his intentions are good. He is the only one who is not being egoistic in it. I saw what Higuchi did, I heard much of the others, and I can assure you, some people are really disgusting. Light believes that he serves a higher goal, that he is creating a better world. On the other hand, no one before him had become a mass murderer.”

“Yes.” Ryuzaki murmured, his gaze fixed numbly on the cushions between his thumb toes. “A mass murderer.” There was no other way to call it and no way to avoid admitting it. Light Yagami, the man he’d come to… love? was a mass murderer. He sighed hard and allowed himself one more moment of mourning, before blinking to shake off the stupor. There were still questions he needed to ask and at the moment time was his greatest enemy. He looked up at Rem.

“So there is one other Death Note in the human world, and it’s in Misa’s possession, right?”

The shinigami nodded.

“Is it the only notebook except for the one we have in here?”

“I do not know anything about more notebooks that are at the moment owned by a human. I am pretty sure that there aren’t any.”

He frowned, staring at his reflection in the tea again. Would this information be enough for the team to search Misa’s flat? If not, he still had Watari. But… what if Misa was using the sheets while the rest of the notebook was still hidden? The girl was tough, she might not want to reveal the hiding place. He had to retrieve this other Death Note, that was his priority, even over catching her. And in that case…

“Rem, tell me where exactly Light hid that notebook. The place has to be characteristic so that it was possible to go back there.”

“Why? It’s not there anymore.”

“Just tell me, please.”

The shinigami’s bony shoulders moved up and down, but then she described him the spot and its bearings. And just as she finished speaking, she suddenly wobbled. A tremor ran though her body, shaking her skeletal limbs, and the projections on her shoulders started… falling apart. He stared at it incredulously. It suddenly looked as if she were made of sand that was too dry to hold the shape.

“Rem? Shinigami, what’s happening?”

The answer was even more surprising, uttered with something that looked like a smile.

“It looks like I saved her aft–” Her jaw fell off its hinges, her nose broke off, then her head and the rest of her body followed, crumbling and breaking away, until all that was left of her was the mound of dust.

He stood up and took a hesitant step towards it.

“Oh–” he managed. “What…?” He couldn’t even find words. Articulating seemed silly. What had just happened? What did those last words mean? Could it be Light? Did it mean that he would now follow? But nothing was happening. And could a human kill a shinigami? Hardly possible. If it was so, Light would have most likely killed Rem earlier… But maybe… No, he didn’t understand. Guessing without premises was pointless.

He blinked when he noticed a little black object sticking out of Rem’s leftovers. It looked like… he came up closer. A notebook. A Death Note. Yes, didn’t she say that shinigami were carrying those things? Funny that it wasn’t destroyed with her. He bent down to it on impulse, but then stopped. If he picked it up, would he become its owner? He didn’t want to become an owner of such a thing. And even if he gave up his ownership he would lose his memories… wouldn’t he? He couldn’t allow himself to lose anything he heard here. Someone else would have to take it.

He scratched his head, wondering what to do. There were still many questions he wanted to ask the shinigami, like confirming his suspicions about the other false rules in the notebook. Even if only because of that, Rem’s… death was very unfortunate.

Slowly, hesitantly, he moved to the door, turning a few times to glance back. There was no other way than to simply tell the others.