Just the Once

The Barman's name is...


(or the chapter where stuff almost happens on a pool table)

The barman gave the scarred, leery man and the kid with the gold headwear a speculative look. The younger of the two huffed worriedly and turned towards the door, as though waiting for someone to come through it. The older simply leered even more than had been.
“So, you boys are bouncers then?” he asked doubtfully.
“Yes we are and I can tell from your sign outside that you’re in need of some.” Replied the smarmy, red-haired man.
A man in a brown coat came sailing through the bar’s front window.
“You could say that,” said the barman, idly polishing a glass in the manner of all barmen everywhere.
The brown-haired youth walked over to the man who’d just flown in.
“So, what’s the payscale?”
Two more men came climbing in through the broken window. The first man had a chair in his hands ready for smashing.
“We pay you by the hour, it’s...”
The brunet grabbed the chair and tore it from the brown-coated man’s grasp. He put it down and was heard to mutter chairs are for sitting in. Then he picked the man up and threw him back out the window.
“That’s fair. I’m Gojyo by the way, the guy throwing people out of your bar is Goku.”
Goku approached the two newcomers, windows are not for walking through.
“I’m the barman.” Said the barman.
Goku threw them out the window too and then climbed after them.
The barman and Gojyo watched with vague interest until he returned through the front door, a small group of bruised men following him.
“What do we walk through?” asked the young man.
“Doors.” Droned the fully grown, adult males.
“That’s right.” Said the kid, stonily, “Drink your beer now.”
He walked back to the bar, face taut and grumpy. Gojyo patted his shoulder absent-mindedly.
“He’s a little stressed today,” said Gojyo, “Makes him remember all the etiquette lessons we couldn’t teach him.”

“How long have we got?”
“He’s two days away and closing.”
“We better have a solid story by the time he gets here.”

Hakkai wasn’t exactly sure of how to deal with all his many problems. It wasn’t so much the usual issues that weren’t quite dealt with, he was used to them. It was having them on top of the apparent elopement of his best friend and the boy he thought of as a little brother (or at least a student). He’d always felt that if Gojyo decided to finally explore his sexuality, he’d ask Sanzo...
Or he’d ask Hakkai himself.
A larger part than he cared to admit was a little put off by the fact that Gojyo hadn’t even bothered to try asking him. He’d gone to Goku, charming, simple little Goku who was capable of punching people’s arms off. As adamant as Sanzo was that Gojyo had taken liberties with his monkey, Hakkai just couldn’t believe it. Gojyo quite simply didn’t have that in him. Persistence, yes but he backed off far more quickly than most when he wasn’t wanted. Hakkai imagined that if Goku didn’t want to have sex he’d just start breaking things until Gojyo stopped trying to have it.
Hakkai had always known that he was the most insightful of all of them, not that that was difficult. He was still quietly amazed that he had missed this. He hadn’t known that isolating himself and Sanzo when they were both bad company could result in Gojyo and Goku deciding to... Deciding to... Why on earth would they? Gojyo was supposed to be straight and any person with eyes to see could see that Goku was dedicated to Sanzo and always would be.
Was it some kind of emotional blackmail? If Mum and Dad are too busy to give me attention I’ll make them regret it? Wasn’t he entitled to some time for himself, after all he spent all day looking after everyone, driving them places, getting them food, alcohol and cigarettes.
It reminded him of the awkward days when he and Gojyo hadn’t known each-other well and got on each-other’s nerves. To think that after all this time he’d missed something so big going on in Gojyo’s mind. To think that Goku hadn’t come to talk to him, instead of falling into bed with Gojyo. If Gojyo had even bothered to get him to the bed in the first place, if what Sanzo had said was true.
He stopped himself. That really wasn’t fair of him to say. He was beginning to sound like the monk.
He’d had never realised quite how much Sanzo relied on Goku. Goku was stable in a way, so if Sanzo knew he was ok then he could handle other kinds of change.
Sanzo was getting more irate by the second, so Hakkai guessed that Goku wasn’t ok.
Sanzo was never happy when Goku wasn’t ok.

Well, thought the barman, they hadn’t done too bad on their first night. All the windows were still intact and only one spleen had been ruptured. He also had more intact glasses to clean than usual.
Gojyo, the tall one and Goku, the short one, sat down in front of the beer taps. Goku placed his elbow on the bartop and grimaced, his sleeve coming away soaked in something that might have been alcohol once. Gojyo laughed at him, then hailed the barman over.
“Hey, do you have a real name other than barman?” he asked.
“No,” replied Barman, honestly, “My mother tried to call me Tallulah but it didn’t stick.”
Gojyo snorted out a laugh. Goku sighed.
“Barman, could you get us some whiskey?” said Gojyo, “I think the kid needs it.”
Goku glared at him.
“Trust me Goku, it’ll be good practice.”


It turned out that Goku got drunk very quickly but could still manage to drink two bottles of Walker in under an hour. It was an interesting thing, watching someone give themselves alcohol poisoning. Gojyo took longer but he still got there.
Then he got to the point where he forgot Barman was there as well and bent Goku over a pool table. Barman was just glad he’d put the top back on it because it was hell getting cum stains out of felt. He sort of wondered how long it was going to take them to realise that he was still in the room.
“Goku, Goku, where’s the lu-beh,” muttered Gojo.
“I’m tired, ask the barman,” slurred Goku, “I’m tired, so why don’t you fuck the barman.”
“I don’t really like guys, this is just keeping it in the... in the... family or whatever.”
Barman, liberal that he was, thought that was passing creepy.
“Carry me to bed, m’tired and pissed.” Whined Goku. And annoyingly so.
“Can’t wait to be away from Sanzo,” Groaned Gojyo, picking up the younger man like he was a bride going over a threshold, “Then I can introduce you to some gay bars, go out and fuck women, lovely, loverly women and not do this fucked up shit no more even if y’are sexy.”
“I am sexy, aren’t I?” Said Goku.
Barman wasn’t much on emotion but he was a little happier to see them go than to hear them talk like that no more.


When Goku woke up the next morning he realised that all the clichés were true. He really did feel like something had crawled in his mouth, pissed itself and then died. His eyes really were going to crawl out his skull and his brain was sure to follow. He really should have drunk some damn water.
He rolled over, slowly, carefully and glared at Gojyo. After a while he realised that Gojyo was asleep, so he kicked him the groin.
Gojyo screeched like a bat out of hell.
Goku grabbed him by the tip of his pony tail, “I fuggin hate you for this, asshole.”
Gojyo kneed him between the legs in retribution. He stopped crying after a little while.
“Goddamnit, I can’t believe you tried to fuck me on a pool table in front of the barman.” He squealed, memory rising out of the fog.
“Did I get to stick it in?” Gojyo mumbled, curled in the foetal position.
Goku kicked him again.