Why I Said Yes

Disclaimer: Don\'t own nothing in the Hellsing universe. I only wish I did! The only thing I own is my lyrics called What Lies Inside. There\'ll be language, OOCness (as always), and a little, very small, citrus or lemony part in here somewhere...just a small warning. This will start out in Seras\' POV alternating with Alucard\'s POV and so forth...Enjoy!



NOTE: I\'m aware that there\'s plenty of OOCness in here, so please don\'t bother sending a review just to comment on that....it would be appreciated. By the way, I\'ve never read a Hellsing fic where all the characters were kept strictly in character.



Why I Said Yes



Chapter 3: What Lies Inside



Angrily, I kicked a stone across the street, watching it bounce and click along the pavement on its path towards the grass. Who was I kidding? How could he say those things to me and then say he\'d met his perfect mate, who just so happened to be in England! I was infuriated to say the least.



My brief happy moment snatched from my hands like it always was. Disgruntled at life\'s unfairness, I wondered if I\'d ever earn any happiness. I wasn\'t a bad person, or vampire. I didn\'t kill, unless I had no alternative, didn\'t steal...so what\'s the problem with me? Didn\'t I deserve a slice of happiness and peace like everyone else?



During my mental tirade I noticed there were several males following me. Pushing out with my senses I discovered the lustful, violent thoughts that hung around them as a cloud, a stench overwhelming me as I probed.



My first thoughts were to call my master, but I thought, to hell with him! I\'ll do it and on my own. I don\'t need him! I was a capable vampire and they\'d learn the whole of it!



Stopping in the alley, I faced them. Six of them stood there prepared to attack. They didn\'t realize what, or who, they were up against, but I don\'t believe they would\'ve cared one way or another. As I stared them all down, a notion hit me. They didn\'t seem right. They didn\'t seem like normal humans. None of them smelled right, and that\'s when I noticed the absence of six hearts beating. Damn! Could I handle them all now? Maybe, maybe not. I sure as hell was gonna go down fighting!



The leader stayed back as the ballsiest, or stupidest, one of the bunch approached me. Reaching out he pulled his hands through my short hair, letting the strands run softly over his fingers.



“What have we here, a lost little girl?” His comrades chuckled at what they thought was a clever witticism. They chorused several different phrases, simultaneously egging him on.



Iron in my red gaze, I asked, “Is that supposed to be funny? If so, you were sadly lacking! I\'ve heard funnier things from a corpse."



“We have us a comedienne boys. What should we do with her?”



A chill flowed in my voice as I retorted, “How about you fuck off?”



The general consensus was for them to rape then proceed to beat the hell out of me, only I surprised them as I stood there calmly laughing. All of them stood there stupefied, minus the leader. I think he knew. He seemed to know that there was more to me than meets the eye, and that\'s why he hung back. He wanted to see what I was capable of and I wasn\'t about to disappoint.



Several of them came closer, molesting my person; their hands groped everywhere.



I felt it coming. The change was overtaking me, and I didn\'t, couldn\'t care. Pure strength and fury flowed in my veins as I reached for the closest freak within my grasp.



Kicking, slashing, and biting, I fought my way amongst the six cowards. Ripping arms and legs off, I howled in evil laughter as their blood spurted like violent fountains offering up the chance for a literal blood bath. Another approached me and I instantly thrust my fist threw his ribcage; withdrawing his heart, which no longer beat, I applied more and more pressure until the organ burst into a bloody pulp.



Before I knew it, a claw swung at me, slashing me across the cheeks leaving behind a five fingered trail. Highly infuriated, I swung around in a low, crouching kick and knocked his legs out from underneath him. Triumphant, I reached down grabbing the lower half of his mandible, and with a sickening crunch I ripped it from his face. Summoning more power, I punched hard through bones and muscle repeating the same heart-removing procedure as the last. And I felt such horrible power course through me as I destroyed him as well, his blood coating my pale skin with the rest.



The only one who didn\'t dare touch me, the only one smart enough to wait and witness my terrible capabilities was their leader. He still stood back watching me through adoring eyes. He eyed me as some sort of bloody trophy. And bloody I was.



Standing there, chest heaving, eyes blazing, I gazed at him through heated, crimson eyes; yelling, “What are you waiting for? Don\'t you want a piece, too?” Throwing my hands up in the air, I taunted him, picked at him, “Here I am! Aren\'t you gonna come and get me? Are you scared to try?”



His dark eyes skewered my soul as he calmly replied, “We\'ll meet again, Seras Victoria.” Then he vanished.



What the hell? He was...gone. And the bastard knew my name! How? Man, the problems just kept growing with no hint of anything being resolved. I could swear that tonight of all night\'s...life must hate me!



A small voice inside me prompted, \'Go home, Seras. You\'ve done enough, caused enough damage. Sir Integra and Alucard will be pissed, to say the least.\'



Agreeing with that inner voice, I stood straight up, walking slowly back to Hellsing Manor. I only prayed no one saw me. There\'d be no doubt the police would be called as my short, thin body was covered head to toe in thick, coppery blood. The smell constantly assailed my senses, leaving me wanting more. What was wrong with me? I usually care nothing for blood, especially in the manner in which I had shed it, but it called to me, my throat parched, regardless of the blood bath I\'d indulged, head pounding, I longed for it. I longed for more. Needed more.



Each step was pure hell, a torture. Now I really longed for my master. I needed his help, only my mind was too damned stubborn to reach for it! Muscles growing weaker from my earlier, physically violent expenditure, my pace slowed, my mind wandered, vision dimming. What was happening to me? My limbs became heavier, everything in my sight fainter than a moment before. Darkness approached. This shouldn\'t be happening. Not after I\'d ingested what blood I could, what blood that didn\'t cover me or the ground around me.



Alucard stood while talking to his master. Integra smoked her favorite cigars while indulging in a nightcap of whiskey. The longer they talked the harder Seras\' emotions hit him. First came the anger, then a small amount of fear, a stronger anger akin to fury, and then...her blood lust. It swamped him, just as the feeling overwhelmed his fledgling.



“...so Alucard what do you think?” She watched him, wondering what his answer would be.



Turning apologetic eyes to her, “I\'m sorry my master, but my attention was elsewhere.”



“Ah!” She flashed him a knowing look. “It wouldn\'t happen to be on a certain short haired blond who has a penchant for getting into trouble, would it?”



He smirked in answer to her question. “She\'s battling through so many emotions, it\'s taking me a moment to sort through them, that\'s all. What the hell?” His eyes widened then narrowed in unchecked anger. “What do they think they\'re doing?! She\'s mine!” His voice shook with rage.



“Looks like someone\'s being challenged to a right of ownership, huh?” Integra\'s blue eyes glinted, twinkling in merriment. She was never one to turn down an opportunity to goad her servant. It was the least he deserved for all the headaches he gave her.



Power surged through the vampire. Shocked, he realized it was Seras\' power and she didn\'t require his help. Sadistic glee surrounded him as he felt Seras tear them limb from limb while enjoying the pain, and death, she inflicted.



Soon after, he felt her power wane, her body growing wearier by the minute. His anger kicked in again at her stupidity. How could she waste all the blood that had been thrown her way? Once again, she\'d placed herself at risk for any other creature to take. And they would if they knew she belonged to the great and powerful Alucard. They\'d do it because they could.



“Alucard, if she needs you...then go. Don\'t let anything happen to her. And that\'s an order. We do need her, after all.” She took a hit off her small cigar enjoying the taste. One of the few things that pleased her nowadays.



“Master, I\'ll return shortly.” Alucard instantly vanished. No shadows, no portal, nothing. She\'d rarely seen that feat, of course he\'d never been in quite the hurry he was now.



Blowing rings of smoke, she stared at the brightly, glowing stars in the black sky, the heiress contemplated her existence with another shot of whiskey. “Bottoms up.”



My eyes, heavy with weariness, closed slowly, my legs collapsed, and I surrendered willingly to the darkness that sought to embrace me. Why had I not called out to him? My stubbornness had fought and won. I knew he\'d be angry. I could even picture sparks shooting from his fiery eyes. Basically...I\'d be in a hell of a lot of trouble when he finds me. A lot of trouble. Wasn\'t looking forward to it either.



I felt myself being caught by a strong pair of arms, with a voice to match. The pissed off tones weren\'t lost on my fading consciousness, “What were you thinking, Seras? Why did you not reach for me, foolish girl?”



Hours later, I awoke. Candles glowing, three people watching me with questions in their eyes. Wait a minute! Three people- here. In the room with me...three people who would demand answers, or at least two of them would. The third would only want to ensure I was alright. That\'s all Walter ever wanted. To make sure I was safe. He was like the father I barely remembered, and he treated me like the daughter he\'d had back in his younger years.



My head still pounding, I sat up and groaned. “What happened?”



A flash of annoyance streaked across Integra\'s calm face. “That\'s what we\'d like to know, Seras.” Crossing her legs, still dressed in her suited attire, she flashed me an icy look to rival the snow that falls in winter. “What happened out there, and why didn\'t you call to your master to help you?”



Stunned, I wasn\'t really sure what to say. They probably wouldn\'t believe a word. Besides, in their eyes, I felt guilty of a crime that didn\'t exist. Neither of them had ever told me about vampire etiquette so I was at a loss regarding the right things to say and do. “I\'m not exactly sure.”



“What do you mean you\'re not exactly sure”, Alucard hissed at me, displeased with my answer. “I saw everything, Seras. Felt what you felt, saw what you saw. Every single thing.”



Was I a prisoner? I wondered if I was on trial for something the way Alucard and Sir Integra were carrying on. Maybe if I gave them what they want...maybe they\'ll leave me be.



“Fine”, I shouted. “Six freaks followed me tonight. Five of them attacked and are dead. The sixth one never came near me, and I have no clue to his whereabouts so don\'t even ask!” Feeling my body return to life, pulses of anger and hurt filled my un-dead heart and head.



Integra\'s cold eyes speared me, doubting the sincerity of my answer. “He never attacked you? I find that highly unlikely. What did you do with the sixth, Seras.” Her already cold voice dropped several more notches, “I\'ll not ask again.”



“The sixth one is alive and well. He saw what I did to the others and he hauled ass, leaving me behind.”



Alucard dove into the conversation, or questioning, at this point. “And just what did you do to the others, Seras? Should I let my master see?” A horribly, evil grin flowed across his handsome face, “Or do you wish to tell her of the violence you reaped this night?”



Bastard, I thought. How dare you! Deciding to play his game, I smirked back at him. “I killed them all. They touched me, tried to hurt me; tried to own me. I tore them limb from limb, bathed in their blood, which flowed like water from a fountain, and I enjoyed it! Dark power filled me, allowing me to dispatch them. In fact, if any attempt it again, I\'ll tap into it, draw on it, and I\'ll kill them too.”



Winking at Sir Integra, I asked coyly, “How\'s that for a confession? Are you gonna lock me up? Beat me? Whatever it is...get on with it! I\'ve got things to do!”



Integra rose quickly to her feet; ready to give me a dressing down, but Alucard put out his hand, stopping her. “Master, if you don\'t mind I\'ll handle this. There\'s more to this than we\'re hearing, or seeing.”



Sighing, she glared at me then turned to him, “Very well. But I want this taken care of now! Report to me when thing\'s are well in hand and dealt with.” She left with Walter in tow.



The door shut firmly leaving me behind with a very furious, albeit confused, Alucard. Suddenly, I felt the urge to flee in the midst of a dangerous predator, and that\'s exactly how my master appeared to me this very moment. A darkly dangerous, seductive predator. One who could rip me to shreds with one swipe.



Taking hold of my arm firmly, he snarled, “What the hell\'s your problem? Out with it, Seras, before I lose what patience I have left!”



I laughed. So help me God....I laughed in his face, full of anger, his eyes burning with a fury to match my own. Laughing in his face, not a very smart thing to do, but I couldn\'t care less. “What? Are you jealous? That I managed to protect myself and didn\'t need you? Is that it? I know you loved it when I tore them to pieces. I felt your pleasure at their deaths. And I know it crossed your mind to cause them pain, then death, for touching me.”



“Yes, I wanted to kill them for touching you! And yes, I felt jealousy and rage. What else am I supposed to feel, Seras? What else do you want from me that I haven\'t already given?”



His words, an arrow to my heart, broke the barrier causing blood red tears to build, then fall. How could he do that to me with so little effort? He always could, and he knew it.



Even though he was still angry at her, he mentally commended her efforts for the night. It was no wonder she was exhausted. When in berserker mode it easily wore out the most inexperienced, but with time, she\'d master it instead of the other way around.



“What is it you want from me, Seras? I ask not as your master, but your friend.” His tone had softened somewhat in the hopes the effect would reach her.



“Friend, huh? That\'s what I thought”, I whispered. Pain skewered my heart on the wings of his words. “I don\'t want a friend, but obviously that\'s all you\'re capable of giving so I\'ll just have to swallow it and accept it. Now if you\'ll excuse me I\'d like to be alone for a while.” My fury, my anger left as quickly as it had come; leaving me empty of the stronger emotions I wanted to use to keep my pain at bay. Now it seemed I no longer had that either.



Standing on my unsteady feet, I thought about the place I wanted to be, and I smiled sadly as my master noticed my accomplishment.



Appearing on the mansion, standing against the cold, metal railing I stared forlornly at the moon. Once my friend, its light shone brightly accentuating the sadness that I couldn\'t escape.



A song that I used to listen to came to mind. It\'s words fit my moment; so I spoke them from the bottom of my bleeding heart.



A statement, a dare.



Questions in your eyes.



Remnants of a faded pondering,



Do you love me?



Your silence worries me.



Leads me to believe,



Maybe I was wrong.



Am I delusional?



Was it all a dream?



I don\'t know anymore.



We\'ve become too complex,



Longing for a simple situation.



Complacent in the unspoken,



See where it\'s gotten us?



I\'d thought there was something between me and Alucard, but unfortunately I was wrong, mistaken. Where had we gone wrong? When had the signs been misinterpreted? I sighed and continued speaking.



Talk to me.



Tell me what lies inside.



Speak up.



Don\'t force me to steal the golden prize.



Trust is earned and given,



Not stolen in the dead of night.



Where was the trust now? I\'d trusted him with my heart and look where it landed me...in a really screwed up situation, that\'s what! The moment before he told me about his mate I was sure there was something there, something living and real flowing between us. But his confession tore the whole thing to hell including my heart which he\'d crushed in his hands. Why the misunderstanding\'s? There\'d been so many mixed signals I was uncertain how to proceed. Oh, how I hated to be uncertain! It made me feel weak and stupid.



Stranded in bed with misunderstandings,



I feel it\'s best for me to leave.



Only you beg me to stay.



Not with words, but your eyes.



Their clear depths say you need me,



Though your lips speak not a word.



Your heart\'s desire,



Expressed openly through your soul\'s windows.



How I long to look through them with you, at you,



To learn your intentions, your feelings.



What are we to each other?



A passing phase? Fleeting moment?





That\'s exactly what I wanted to know! What existed between us. Mere friendship, hints of a relationship waiting to bloom...I wanted to know, no, I needed to know. I deserved to know!



Talk to me.



Tell me what lies inside.



Speak up.



Don\'t force me to steal the golden prize.



Trust is earned and given,



Not stolen in the dead of night.



Quench my parching thirst.



Become my oasis,



As in the desert we walk.



Braving the elements,



Discovering who we really are.



And in the shroud of the stars,



Forgetting who we were.



Whispering the last of my words to the wind which tore them away before being heard, I waited on pins and needles. I knew he was nearby. You couldn\'t miss his blaring presence unless he wished it. Waiting with baited breath and painful suspense, I wished he\'d hurry up and get everything over with. I was ready. The wait was making me crazy. Every one of my limbs dreaded his nearness. Betraying me, they cried out for his touch and I waited.



Being the type of vampire gentleman he could be he didn\'t keep me waiting long. “Seras..”he breathed my name.



The very sound of my name on his tongue drove my ears insane. I was insane with longing. It hurt like hell wanting someone who could never be yours, and knowing they\'d never be yours. But all the same...it never stopped me from wanting him.



A strong hand lifted my chin to face him. Black strands blowing in the wind\'s playful fingers. “Did you mean what you said? Just now, I mean.”



“All of it”, I sighed. Tired of this game, I\'d already decided that if he turned me away I\'d face the sunrise. I\'d leave this world forever. Either that or I\'d leave Hellsing forever. He was the only reason I\'d stayed in the first place. So to loose him would be to loose my reason for living. Not all true, I pondered. He was my main reason for living, which I could adjust with time. I know, I had romantic tragedy written all over me, but it was nothing but the truth.



“Seras, what made you think I never wanted you? That there\'s someone else?” Seductive tones beckoned to me, pressing me closer just to hear my name, feel his arms wrap around me again.



Looking around it was ironic we were back where our confessions began. Crazy, huh? “Well, you said something about your perfect mate being here in England. Not once did you give a name so I assumed you\'d summoned someone to come to you, be your queen; therefore pushing me from the picture.”



My chest restricted, my head pounding again; my un-dead heart writhing in agony, I just couldn\'t take anymore. “Please tell me there\'s no one else. That\'s all I need to hear. That\'s all I need to know.”



My eyes pleaded with his to say the things I asked of him. I slowly felt my defenses crumbling under his massive presence. “Please...”



“Seras, I did speak of my perfect mate. Only you never stuck around to hear the rest.” Smiling, he smirked at my chagrined expression. Pulling me closer to his firm, muscular chest, “There\'s never been anyone but you. You\'re my perfect mate, Seras. I tried to tell you, many times, but you were always convinced there was someone else, and there never was.”



Closing my eyes, liquid relief escaped, falling down my face. A pair of soft, gentle lips tenderly kissed them away.



Alucard\'s experienced lips descended on mine showing me the love he\'d been longing to show, to express. Since these confessions from him were few and far between I decided to take it and accept it as he meant. Alucard usually refused to discuss such things, paltry emotions, such as love. He was a cold, hard, and sometimes, heartless creature. You just hoped that his wrath was never aimed at you. Even more so....you prayed you were never the butt of his creative and numerous pranks. They usually involved people running like hell away from Hellsing, never to return.



But now...here he was admitting his feelings. They may be somewhat shuttered, but at least he stated the most important. The one thing that would keep me here. Close to him.



Why had I been so pig headed? If only I\'d stayed the other night all this could\'ve been avoided. Not that I\'d willingly admit to any of the above with being pig headed and more.



His talented hands caressed me in multiple places at once, and I felt his shadowed tendrils touch me in the most intimate of places, lighting my inner fire. I wanted him. It was never any more clearer to me than right now.



My hands reached up to touch his masculine chest. I allowed them to languidly slide down the taut, pale muscles, stopping near his pride and joy. He growled. I giggled. Payback\'s such a bitch!



I still haven\'t figured out that to tempt a demon was to tempt fate...I seriously doubt I\'d ever learn that lesson.



“Show me the world, Alucard. Show me your world”, I urged as I pushed his red coat from his broad shoulders. “I want to see the man underneath the mask, the vampire that lies inside.”



“And so you shall”, he agreed. “You\'ll be the first to completely know, to see what lies beneath; to know everything.”



Gently laying me on the roof, he proceeded to show me just how talented his hands and mouth really were, and as the moon\'s our witness; we made love until the first ray\'s of light lit up the horizon signaling night\'s end.



Retreating to his coffin, we curled up snugly in each other\'s arms with dreams for the future dancing through our heads. The future. Our future. Such a nice ring. A beautiful beginning to a beautiful day.