This Black Lamb

This Black Lamb

AU Deathnote

L x Raito

Disclaimer: I do not own Deathnote or any of its characters. If I did Near and Mello would have been L’s illicit love children, since both of their eyes are fucking creepy. If it’s not the gene pool, I don’t want to know what it is.

A/N: I know, I know. I’m putting an author note at the beginning AND the end of this chapter. Feel free to slap me if you can figure out who I am and find me. Believe me, if some complete stranger comes up and smacks me out of the blue one day after I wrote this, I’ll know why.

I’m writing this because I’ve been told my story is a bit hard to follow. Yes, I know that. That is on purpose. It is my personal preference and opinion that readers should have to think about a story if the author really wants to involve them in it, letting them work things out and draw some of their own conclusions. However, I don’t want people to get lost and give up on my story all together, so I’ll explain a few things. It might give away a few subtle storylines I wanted people to come to notice on their own, but if they want to try, they can stop reading the author note here and go straight to the story.

The first thing I am going to explain is Raito’s different ages in different sections. The parts in italics (in fan fiction.com’s case) are “flashbacks“, so to speak. Since I can’t figure out how to make italics on the adultfanfiction website, the people reading this there will simply have to figure it out for themselves. Now, the explanation.

You’ll notice in the first “flashback” that Raito’s father is talking to the teacher, and is being told about Raito’s social condition, as much as Raito hates the word. This ties into the rest of the flashbacks, as they are a progression of events leading up to the way Raito is in the present parts, or the type in plain print. The word sociopath is mentioned within the section (as well as the similar antisocial), and if you know anything about these conditions, you will understand Raito’s seemingly odd behavior.

Sociopaths are people who do not connect very well with others, to put it in simple terms, since I don’t want to have to explain even more psychological vocabulary. (Yes, I am in a college level psych class).

They have little to no empathy for fellow human beings, and let their own personal feelings and ideas take precedence in any situation. But at the same time, they are very much in tune with social behavior and effects, mainly how to manipulate it. They are able to analyze and control what goes on around them in a social situation, and do not have the same emotional qualms such as sympathy and guilt to stop them from doing what they have to in order to get what they want, and they don’t really care about consequences or how their actions may effect others. Because of their unique abilities, they are also some of the most intelligent minds in existence.

In other words, they are very dangerous people who know what they are doing and have nothing holding them back from doing it. It should come as no surprise to anyone that sociopaths are also some of the most successful people in the world, especially in big business.

In the actual Deathnote books, we see Raito begin as a nearly perfect teen, with a strong sense of right and wrong and a determination to make the world a better place. As time goes on though, we see his good side’s gradual decay and his growing corruption. He begins with the intention to make the world a better place, quickly moving on to a power struggle with L, continuing his “quest” out of a desire to win more than anything else. By the end, he has gone even further, letting go of all morals and limitations to his behavior, only wishing to kill whoever stands in his way and begin to rule his new world.

By the end, Raito is nearly the definition of an extreme sociopath. But even if he hadn’t found the Death Note, there was always the potential for him to develop such a psychological disorder, and I believe the seeds of it were what prompted him to begin using the Death Note in the first place.

What I am doing is almost a reversal of his steady psychological decay. Certain events, such as his early avoidance of other children, the trauma of his kidnapping, his frustration of misunderstanding concepts and people around him, and being misunderstood in return, as well as the stress from continued and unsuccessful therapy lead to a fast progression of psychological disorder. By the time he is sixteen, which is his intended age in the current time, when he finds the Death Note, he is to, and perhaps past the state of antisocial and sociopathic behavior he displays in the last book, including his death scene.

This is a bit of a spoiler, but in the actual series, I believe the presence of the Death Note was a turning point in Raito’s psychological health, a rather obvious conclusion. I intend it to be the same in this story, only in reverse. Raito has essentially already sunk to the low point of his mental stability when he finds the Deathnote, and therefore, the only real way to go is up.

Which brings me to why he didn’t use the Death Note in the first place. Part of it is because of simple apathy. When you add his mental problems to his overall boredom with his life, I see the result being a state of lethargy and disinterest in everything, even the supernatural. In short terms, Raito is jaded to life. He simply does not have the drive behind him to really do anything. (And, now that I’m really writing my thoughts down, I might want to take back the idea that he’s at his absolute “low” mental point. It could be inferred that if his life had continued in the same pattern, Raito would have become suicidal at some point, just to escape the monotony if nothing else.)

The other part of it is that he does not have the same sense of justice. He does not experience much in the way of emotion thanks to his state of mind, except perhaps those with negative connotations, and does not have any feelings or opinion on what is good or bad. Lacking what most call a conscience, he differentiates between good and evil only from what he has been taught or told, not from any internal feeling on the matter. And even then, he doesn’t care, so long as he gets his way (almost sounds like L, who I believe displays some antisocial tendencies as well, though not nearly as severe as Raito at the end).

Therefore, he does not have a sense of justice motivating him to try to do anything productive with the power that so luckily descended upon him.

So, because I love the little bastard and I want him to be at least a half way decent person in the end, I have reversed the progression. Rather than the discovery of the Death Note and introduction with Ryuk (coming up!) be the beginning of his end, I am making it the beginning of his healing process. I won’t give any more away as to how exactly this is accomplished (since I’ve got the basic idea in my head, but am still tinkering with the details), so you’ll just have to keep reading, now won’t you?

And as for some events in different POV’s not being in chronological order, such as Raito finding the Death Note before we found out how exactly Ryuk dropped it in the last chapter, well… I just think it makes the story more interesting to read. You find out something that happened, but you essentially have to turn back the clock to see the progression of events leading up to the incident. It is also a strategy I took from the series itself, such as when Raito lost his memories, we all go WTF?!, then later go back and see all the complicated stages of his plan that led up to the current status quo. It also happens in the last few books with Raito pitting his plot against Near’s, and we don’t see all the levels of it until right in the middle of the Warehouse scene. Same concept. Sorry if you don’t like it, but -shrug- I like writing it.

Please try to tough it out, I’m trying to make it worth it for you.

Also, with the different “shades” Raito is constantly mentioning, observing, or hinting toward. These are included to show his own feelings of isolation from the rest of humanity. Others are constantly shifting through emotions and being effected by their environment and others in it, which is represented by the different shades that come and go across them. These “shades of grey” are the way Raito is perceiving emotion, since he only experiences a very distant relative of emotions himself. This is also the reason he sees himself as pure white. Blank, unaffected. He does not feel or respond in the same ways as others do, thinking more with his mind than with his heart, if you don’t mind the bad representation. He does not let what others think, perceive, or do affect his opinions, ideas, or state of being. It’s rather sad, because while he sees this as an indication of his own perfection, its actually showing how he is missing certain components that make him human.

The concept of color is also important, like when he finally mentioned seeing the color red, where he had (or I had) been doing his best to avoid mentioning it before that point. It was because color upset his concept of the world around him, as it was something he couldn’t understand. Seeing himself as pure white led to his conclusion that he was the ideal, and since everyone around him was made up of shifting, darker shades they were imperfect and, therefore, inferior. Color does not fit into this equation though, which is part of the reason it is ignored at first.

However, when confronted with a situation that actually forced him to not only feel emotion (fear, when it was a possibility that he would die), but also be confronted with something outside his experience and understanding (death), his sudden fascination with color was born. In a way, it could be said that after the incident, he associates color with the unknown, and therefore, the interesting. Which may be another reason he takes no real interest in the Death Note, as it is entirely composed of black and white, symbolizing the monotony, frustration, and inability he has to understand others every day.

Oh, and another reason he doesn’t use the Death Note; he’s a stubborn little prick that doesn’t like being

told or, in this case, tempted into doing something he doesn’t want to do.

And he’s lazy. OO’


That’s all that I’m going to say for now, since I’ve already done way more explaining than I really should, and given some story points away in the process. However, I understand that the style I’m using is a bit hard to follow, so if people have anymore questions they’d like to ask as far as it is concerned, I’d be happy to answer them.

JUST TO WARN YOU, THE NEXT FEW COMMENTS ARE TO SPECIFIC PEOPLE, AND CONTAIN SOME SPOILERS THAT PEOPLE MIGHT NOT WANT TO HEAR.

Okay, to those who made guesses - only Neverending Odyssey got one right, though I’m not gonna say which one. And another one of their guesses was close, but not quite. And SonokoTao, one of your guesses will get one, but won’t be picking one of the ones Ryuk dropped up. A series of events will lead up to their possessing the Deathnote. And that’s all I’m gonna say cause I don’t want to give any more away!

And there will be another author’s note at the end, but it will be much shorter, thank GOD. My fingers hurt from typing this so fast. TT x TT

Now, for the actual story. -sweat drop-

Oh! And before I forget…

“Normal” = Present Human POV
“Italics” = Character Flashbacks
“Bold” = Present Shinigami POV

Just so you all know. Meep.

……… //Holy shit that took up three pages… OO………//

*****

Chapter 2 - Expectations

It had been five days since Ryuk had accidentally dropped his bloody Death Note, no pun intended, and hell if he had managed to track it down yet. You wouldn’t think it would be hard to track down one notebook that could kill, but noooooo….

He was suddenly reminded that he had done nothing for the last century but sit around and brood for the most part. And when one was flying all over a freaking planet in search of something no bigger than a square foot, it could get pretty exhausting. Ryuk actually considered going on a diet he was so out of shape, but then he remembered that he didn’t even eat in the first place.

Not that the aroma of the apple pie he had caught flying past a diner a while back hadn’t smelled absolutely sinful….

But he was only allowed to take things from the human world that were given to him, part of the whole Shinigami gig. Except life, but he sort of considered that more of a right than a privilege, in any case. Once again going back to that whole God of Death thing-

But he was getting sidetracked. He needed to find that notebook fast, or he would spend the rest of his life flying around this waste of space junk, tortured with delicious apple smells and using up all the years of life he had saved up. Getting bitten in the ass by one’s own prank really was a bitch.

He finally landed on a nice looking telephone pole, crouching his abnormal limbs into a more compact position. Rubbing his chin thoughtfully, he tried to recall all the places he had checked so far. He had been to India, and almost gotten run over by an elephant… Ryuk wasn’t sure why, but animals were able to see Shinigami without touching a Death Note beforehand. At the same time, they were never really disturbed by their presence, perhaps instinctively knowing the Gods of Death were no threat to them. Death Notes didn’t work on animals, for whatever reason, and Ryuk couldn’t be bothered to put any real effort into figuring out why.

Though, sometimes he had the thought that it had to do with how similar humans were to Shinigami. Both were sentient, obviously, a trait neither shared with any other member of the animal kingdom to be sure. But at the same time….

Ryuk wondered if it didn’t have more to do with the capacity for sin. After all, truth be told, the Death Note was an object of murder, full of malicious intent no matter the initial intentions. But animals were incapable of sin, only knowing survival, and doing only what was necessary to attain it.

Maybe the Death Note held no power over the truly innocent?

Bah. Now he sounded like a religious nut of a human, like the ones that used to sacrifice animals for their sins. Though he seemed to recall a religion that had gone so far as to sacrifice a human for the pardon of all. Of course, the human had also been labeled the son of God, since there was no way such a being could be human.

Because he was perfect. And there was nothing farther from the grasp of humanity than perfection.

But all this theological what-not was making his head hurt. The Death Notes existed, as did their rules, for whatever reason. It wasn’t his place to question it. He liked to think of it more as population control than anything else. It was only fair that, if the humans were going to be the predators of every other being on the planet, they should also be prey to something as well.

Wasn’t like they were gonna go extinct anytime soon.

Argh… off track again. Focus, Ryuk, focus! Now, okay… India, elephant, got it. Been to France, sat on top of the Eifel Tower, reveled in the novelty for all of two seconds, check. Flown past somewhere else in Europe (he got the names mixed up a lot), nearly cried when he spotted an apple orchard, right in the middle of harvest…

Oh, that one got one big fat fucker of a check.

Whatever, Ryuk thought, giving up. He wasn’t going to remember everywhere he had been, but he knew that he hadn’t been here yet. How? All the people were smaller and had dark eyes, that’s how. Now what was this place called again? China? No, that wasn’t an island…


Japan! That was it. Alrighty, now where to start his search in Japan? He didn’t exactly like the idea of flying into every one of the tiny apartments, especially not when there were a couple MILLION of them, all in one city.

Oh, the joys of big populations crammed into limited spaces.

Ryuk was about to take off when he got a familiar itch in the back of his head. Smiling (though he always was, it’s not like anyone could tell), he did a 180, immediately taking flight and heading towards the source of the feeling. Looked like he wasn’t going to have to look anymore after all.

There was nothing quite like the feeling of a Death Note just itching to be used. Though that puzzled him a bit. If it had been found, why hadn’t it been used yet? All Shinigami knew that Death Notes, for whatever reasons, were nearly impossible to ignore, almost sentient in their own way. Like they had their own mind and agenda, something that drew a being into writing in them.

In other words, it was almost as if they wanted to be used.

And, like any other sentient thing, they had a tendency to get downright bitchy when they were ignored. Ryuk could only imagine what kind of person could have resisted using one for this long.

They were pretty persistent, and if that whatever-it-was in the Death Note was bothering him, it must be pretty desperate.

After all, it didn’t belong to Ryuk anymore. So even when he found it, there wasn’t really anything he could do with it. It was a rather extreme streak of rotten luck, Ryuk decided. But Shinigami were said to be bad omens, after all.

Ryuk wondered if he should be amused at the fact that he might be his own bad luck charm.

*****

“Ni-san, come see!”

Raito looked up from his book, irritated at the interruption, though none of it showed on his face. Carefully pushing himself up, he memorized his page number before closing the book with a decisive snap. Strolling over to Sayu, he followed her pointing hand to see a small, trembling form in the grass.

“Oh.” He stated, completely disinterested. “Neat.”

“What is it?”

“It’s a baby bird, Sayu.”

“But… where are all its feathers?”

“Birds don’t grow real feathers until they’re a bit older Sayu, it’s part of their natural maturation.”

“Their what?”

“…Nevermind. They’ll grow into them.”

“Oh.”

Oh. That was it? So nice to know just how much his intelligence was lost on this little dimwit of a -

sister. She’s your sister, Raito. Try not to judge her too harshly.

Sometimes she made that REALLY difficult though, as she was now. He watched as she leaned back, squinting her eyes as she peered between the branches of the tree overhead.

“Look, there’s a nest! She must have fallen out of it!”

Brilliant deduction, Sherlock. Though Raito had to wonder how she had come to the conclusion that the bird was a she. There really weren’t any tell-tale signs at this stage of development, as far as he could remember. She was probably just saying it cause she wanted it to be a she. Figured.

“Ni-san…” Sayu trailed off, furrowing her brows in puzzlement. “How do you suppose she fell out of the nest?”

Raito looked down at the small form in the grass closely, noticing small indents on its frail, barely developed frame. “I suspect that this is the runt of the bunch, Sayu. Its brothers and sisters probably pushed it out of the nest, since it was too weak to stop them. Even if we put it back, they would probably just push it out all over again, and it probably wouldn‘t survive the fall a second time.”

“B-but… that’s awful!”

Welcome to mother nature, ain’t she a bitch? Raito sighed, biting his tongue. He could go into great detail over survival of the fittest and natural instinct and how it all resulted in the logical death of the weakest so the strong could survive, but he had a feeling it would be lost on his little sister. She’d probably end up crying, go to their parents all weepy eyed, and give him a hard time for the rest of the night.

So, ever the kind and dutiful big brother (intent on avoiding a night of living hell the likes of which only a pre-adolescent girl could create), Raito pasted a small smile on his face.

“You know what, Sayu… I bet it was all just an accident. He probably just fell out on his own. Why don’t

you go ahead and go back inside before mom wonders where you are, and I’ll get the baby bird back up to it’s nest, okay?”

The big smile told him he had successfully navigated the mine field, with nary an explosion or casualty.

“Really? Thank you so much, ni-san! I’m sure the birdie thanks you too!” Sayu ran inside, pigtails bouncing. Raito’s eyes watched her, making sure she went inside before he turned his attention back to the little bird.

It looked so small down there, vulnerable to anything. So tiny. So helpless. So weak.

“Just so you know, this is nothing personal.”

With a flash of pity so brief it almost wasn’t even there, Raito lifted his foot, stomping down on the small body and killing it, only hearing a few small crack as its bones were crushed.

Removing his foot, he looked down at the tiny corpse. He’d just tell Sayu that it must have fallen out again and been crushed from the impact with the ground. Raito turned and made his way to the door, leaving the incident behind him with a few short words.

“That’s just the way life is.”

*****

Raito wondered if keeping the damn Death Note was really worth it. If it weren’t for his loathing the idea of someone else possessing such a thing, he would have chucked it out the window ages ago. Or, better yet, dropped it into the ocean, waving cheerfully as it sunk into the dark depths and crushing pressure of a thousand leagues under the sea.

Such fantasies were all that was keeping him going at this point.

He felt the annoying buzzing in the back of his head, one that made him inexplicably angry, aggressive, and downright homicidal all at once. And he was pretty sure that it wasn’t his natural reaction to discomfort causing it.

That damn notebook wanted him to kill someone, and was holding nothing back in trying to annoy him into doing so. Too bad it didn’t know Raito very well.

His competitive nature was just going to town with the situation, and he was beginning to see how pride could be construed as one of the seven deadly sins. Once the challenge had been set and accepted, Raito would rather die than back down. The more that thing tried to tempt him, the more determined he was not to give into it.

Which left him in a damn miserable mess, since the note seemed to be nearly as stubborn as him. Oh yes, his pride was going to get him into trouble one day, he was sure of it.

But Raito had never lost anything in his life. And it would be a cold day in hell before he allowed himself to be beaten by a notebook of all things, never mind that it belonged to a God of Death.

Speaking of which, when was the damn thing going to show up anyway? The notebook had plainly said that that was who it belonged to, and it was pretty obvious the Shinigami didn’t just let their method of murder fall from the sky every day. So the obvious conclusion was that it had been an accident, and that the Shinigami was looking for the notebook at that very moment.

And Raito wanted to be ready for it, whatever it was. After all, he figured, if he managed to catch the damn thing, it would be a much more interesting pet than a fish. Glancing back at the rug trap, complete with tripwires and a net fastened to the ceiling, just ready to be sprung, he doubted the conventional ways would work. But it was worth a shot. Who knew? Maybe Shinigami could be caught just like humans, maybe not. How would he know?

But the damn thing had better come soon. He was running out of excuses to keep Sayu and his mother out of his room. Wouldn’t want either of them to get caught in his probably useless traps, if only because he didn’t want to come up with answers to the questions that would follow such an event….

His train of thought was broken by more poking and prodding by the seemingly ‘innocent’ little notebook sitting on his desk. Raito felt a vein pulse in his forehead as he glared at the thing. Well, that was interesting. Though, he supposed, you learned something new everyday.

Brains really could be poked.

He closed his eyes for a few seconds, trying to calm himself down. He had never been pushed like this, he would admit. There was just something about the methodical and unorthodox attempts on the notebook’s part to break him down that just… managed to wire him in the worst sort of way. A way nobody had ever been able to accomplish before now. But no matter, he needed to remain in control, as always. Letting an enemy rile you into anger, and afterward, stupid and rash mistakes, was a defeat in its own merit.

Once more composed, Raito calmly got up, moving over to his bookshelf. Picking out the biggest book, which happened to be a dictionary, he moved over to his desk, glancing down at the note as if bored. Holding the dictionary up a few feet above the surface of his desk, Raito dropped it, watching as it fell straight onto the Death Note with a decisive thud.

…

Raito smirked. He could have sworn he felt the notebook’s exclamation and protest. While at first he had been alarmed by the strangely intelligent (and, somehow, telepathic) notebook, that was five days ago. All it took was five days for such a novel experience to get old.

Maybe his family was right. Maybe there was something wrong with him, if it was so easy for him to accept the existence of a thinking, speaking (in a manner) notebook that could kill by writing names down.

Raito considered that for a moment. …Nah. There was nothing wrong with him. He was just far too adaptable for his own good sometimes.

Moving back over to his bed, Raito was startled by the flash of black outside his window, and was further distracted when the waves of displeasure spilling from the direction of his desk quieted. It was strangely unaffected in the room for a few minutes (as it had not been for the past few days), until finally Raito felt the note nearly quivering in excitement.

Ah. He was willing to bet just about anything that the Death God was here.

Rather than going and peering out his window, face pressed to the glass like some gaping idiot, Raito turned to the side, looking out of the corner of his eye. Walking parallel to the wall, he finally stopped when the Shinigami came into view. It seemed the creature was…

…sitting on a light pole?

Well, Raito thought, blinking, that was a new one. He would file that away in the very short list of things that had managed to surprise and amuse him all at once. But he quickly shook himself back into concentrating. Walking over to his desk where the Death Note lay silently, squished, he sat down in his chair, swiveling until he was facing the center of the room.

Now, what did one do when they met a Shinigami? Were they supposed to bow, or cry, or beg for their life? None of those options were very likely in his case. He supposed he should just sit back and allow the God of Death to make the first move, just so he had some vague idea of where they stood. Who knew, maybe the creature would be amusing. But still, it was a God he was meeting after all.

Perhaps he should have dressed up for the occasion.

*****

Ryuk squatted on the light pole, looking down at the small house in front of him. According to his DNR (Death Note Radar), his note was located somewhere inside there, though he wasn’t sure where exactly. Well, wasn’t like he couldn’t look.

After a few countries, what was one small home?

Jumping down till he was standing on the sidewalk, Ryuk pulled in his wings and walked up to the door, laughing at himself as he did it. How very human of him, to walk up the front sidewalk. He supposed it would be even funnier if he walked in the front door. Stopping in front of it (despite the fact that he could walk right through it) Ryuk gave a few more hyuks as he held one finger up, promptly ringing the doorbell.

Standing there, his shoulders bobbing up and down with his chuckles, Ryuk watched as the door opened, a middle aged woman standing just inside it. She looked so confused as she stuck her head out, turning it back and forth to try and spot the mysterious guest. All the time unaware that she currently had her skull sticking through his stomach.

Odd sight, Ryuk thought, looking down. He shrugged though, not very interested now that his prank was over. Taking a few steps forward, walking through the woman, he glanced around the front room. Very clean and tidy, with nary a Death Note or hiding spot for said note in sight.

But somehow he had known that that would be the case. It wasn’t likely that the owner would keep it in a family room anyway, for fear of discovery. No, they would keep it in their bedroom, where they could keep an eye on it at all times. Ryuk was willing to bet that humans in possession of a Death Note were nearly, if not more, obsessive about the things than their original Shinigami owners. The Shinigami’s were obsessed because the Death Notes were their way of life. Without them, they could not live.

Though, if a human used the Death Note, the same thing could be said. If they let it out of their sight, if someone found it and they were caught, well… game over, folks. They’d be lucky if they got to go to prison, more likely they’d be executed. So it really was a matter of life or death in both cases.

Tramping up the stairs, and really wishing there was room for his wings, Ryuk found himself staring down a hallway. Sighing as though very put upon, Ryuk walked to the first door, and hesitated.

Before sticking his head straight through it, taking a quick peek around the bedroom he found on the other side, and concluding that this couldn’t possibly be the owner’s bedroom. It was just too, too… pink.

Retrieving his head, he did much the same thing with the next two rooms, and came to the same fast conclusion. Wondering if he had been wrong, he finally made his way to the door at the end of the hallway.

Just stepping within a few feet of this doorway made all his hair stand on end, erasing all doubts that he had come to the wrong place. He could practically feel the Death Note buzzing on the other side of the door, though, for some reason, it almost felt indignant. Bah, he must be imagining things. He just hoped the human didn’t scream when they saw him; that would just be annoying.

Without further ado, Ryuk walked through the door, taking a few steps into the center of the room.

He had the brief impression of a tidy bedroom, almost obsessive compulsive in its perfect placement of everything. He took a look at what must have been the owner of his note, who looked like a teenage boy. He just managed to get a glimpse of his Death Note, which for some reason… was smashed beneath one hell of a big dictionary?

He was just about to tell the human, whoever he was, to be more careful with that, he’d need it back someday after all- before he stumbled over a clear tripwire, the rug pulling up - with him still standing on it - and a net falling down over that.

Ow.

Ryuk wondered why this sort of thing always happened to him.

*****

Raito would acknowledge, but never admit, that upon first seeing the Shinigami to whom his notebook belonged, he felt the beginnings of fear. With a face locked into an eternal mocking grimace, and a long, gangly frame too tall to be a person, the creature truly was monstrous. What chance did Raito, a mere mortal, stand against such a being?

Such thoughts stopped abruptly as the Shinigami fell straight into his trap, ending up tied and netted in Raito’s old rug, tied shut and dangling from the ceiling.

Raito deadpanned.

Well, that was unimpressive. Looks like Shinigami were just as fallible as humans, if a bit more morbid in appearance. Raito silently reprimanded himself for ever being afraid. Even if it was a ‘God of Death’, it had been stupid enough to lose its notebook in the human world, and was therefore stupid enough for Raito to handle. He never should have doubted his abilities.

But now, Raito thought as he stood up, perhaps some introductions are in order. A few short steps took him to the caught Shinigami, and Raito poked the side of the bag, getting a little impatient.

“Stop messing around, Shinigami, I don’t have all day. I know you can get out, if you walked through a wall, a bag and net couldn’t hold you.”

There was silence for a moment before the Shinigami fell through the bottom of the bag, and landed on the floor with a loud thump.

“Raito, sweetheart, what was that? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine!” Raito yelled down to his mother, glaring down at the monster on his floor. What was that, anyway? Were Gods of Death really supposed to be this stupid?

Looking the God over, Raito was startled when he noticed something. Something he had never seen in anyone but himself.

There was no gray shifting over the Shinigami’s form, no change in the colors and shades that made up the being before him. He stayed, just as Raito did, solid and unchanging.

But unlike Raito, who was the brightest, clearest white… this creature was the same dark, defiant black that made up the cover of the notebook Raito had found.

That was… interesting.

That was very interesting.

*****

Raito hadn’t really known his mother’s father, his grandfather, very well - if at all. They had met a total of four times, two of those when he was too young to remember. Once, he had only seen his grandfather for about five minutes before they had to be on their way, not even enough time for more than a bit of small talk. He had spoken to the man once though….

Or, more accurately, been spoken at.

His grandfather had come to visit them, only able to stay for a few hours. It was when Sayu was still little enough to be lifted easily, which their grandfather had done, spinning her around a few times, ignoring his mother’s anxious expression in favor of ecstatic giggles. Watching the scene from the side of the room, still pretty young himself, Raito had felt a brief stirring in his chest. Even though he knew it was childish and pointless and stupid and wouldn’t do him any good…

…he had really hoped his grandfather would come over, pick him up, and spin him around too.

He had watched, almost excited, as the man set Sayu down, tentatively stepping forward, waiting to be drawn into the arms and lifted into the air.

He had seen his grandfather spot him, smile, and walk over.

Raito held his breath in anticipation.

He had let it out when his grandfather had kneeled in front of him, taking his hands in a strong grip, looking him seriously in the eyes.

“And you would be Raito, neh? Yes, you’re just as your mother said, aren’t you, my boy? A son to make any parent proud…” There was a grin on his face now. “I’ve heard a lot about you Raito, and I’m here to tell you to keep pushing ahead. You’ve already accomplished so much in your life-” The man’s chest puffed out a bit, the look in his eyes one of familial pride. “- but that doesn’t mean you can slow down or stop trying. Your family gives a lot for your sake, Raito, and someday you’ll have a family of your own, just like your father. You’ve got plenty of people counting on you, and as a man, it’s your job to take care of them, you understand me?”

“Yes, grandfather.”

“That’s a boy.” He stood up, ruffling Raito’s hair. “Make us all proud son!”

His grandfather walked over to talk to his mother, and Raito let his arms hang at his sides as he stared after the man, unmoving.

He refused to acknowledge the stinging in his eyes. Turning away, he ran up to his room, shutting the door and burrowing under the covers of his bed. He didn’t let any tears escape, clenching his eyes so hard he felt they might break.

He squashed any left over hope and hurt brutally, coldly, curling up on himself.

He didn’t go down to wish his grandfather good-bye that night. And the man never came to visit him again.

And now Raito was at his funeral.

And this time, he didn’t have any tears to fight back.

*****

A week after locating his Death Note, getting captured in a most humiliating manner by a human of all things, and meeting the guy he would have to follow around till he died…

Ryuk was feeling pretty damn good. Though that may or may not have had more to do with the apple he was currently devouring than anything else.

Though, as far as humans went, Raito wasn’t so bad. He certainly wasn’t scared of Ryuk, which was interesting in and of itself, but he was smarter than any human, and maybe even any Shinigami Ryuk had ever met.

But he was colder too. Colder than Ryuk, he thought sometimes, with the way he could look at what was going on around him and just not care.

It was fascinating. But at the same time, he didn’t know why the human did some of the things he did. He could see plain as day that he was dissatisfied with his life, and the endless routine he was continually shoved into. He couldn’t help but think that it was a tremendous waste of talent, someone like Raito being stuck in a place like this.

Stupid people. Endless routines. Pointless accomplishments. It was all so dull.

And it wasn’t much fun for Ryuk either, since he hadn’t been able to convince Raito to use the Death Note. Though, he wasn’t sure the consequences of using it would be worth it to a human.

He suddenly wondered how Gukku and Deridovely were doing, down here in the human world. They were both probably wishing death upon him now for dropping their Death Notes down here, he thought with a grin. And, even though their human’s couldn’t possibly be as interesting as Raito, he hoped that they didn’t have to follow around someone too boring…

Bah, he couldn’t believe he was wasting his time worrying about those two idiots.

But still, ANYTHING to escape the monotony of this.

“It’s just homework, Ryuk. Everyone has to do it, and I assure you, I’m not the only one who doesn’t like it.”

“But you already know all the stuff they’re teaching you, Raito, so what’s the point?”

“My grades are the point, Ryuk. My parents expect me to keep them up and maintain my standing as number one in Japan.”

“And why should what they want matter to you?”

Ryuk watched as Raito’s pen paused on the paper, his eyes going blank and thoughtful.

“I’ve asked that a lot of times myself.”

Even after such a statement, he began to write again. And once again, despite the fact that Ryuk really was kind of fond of Raito and knew he was probably the most interesting human he was going to find down here…

…he was bored to tears. Because Raito was stuck in a life that bored him to tears. Which was really unfair to them both. Boredom was almost worse than death or hell in a way, because you always knew exactly what was coming, and you never had any way to stop it.

It just continued on, with no hope for respite.

Ryuk took it back. If boredom wasn’t the definition of hell, he didn’t know what was.

And he wasn’t going to waste his one chance to escape that hell like this, and, despite the fact that he was a Shinigami, and was NOT going to get tangled up in caring about any pathetic little human...

…he wasn’t going to let Raito waste his life in a continuous state of boredom either. There would be enough time for that after death. He wasn’t going to acknowledge the sort of kinship he felt with the boy, almost a kindred spirit, an active and curious mind rotting in the dump of monotony…

Yes, a definite waste of talent. And Ryuk was just going to have to fix that if he wanted to have any fun at all.

But he knew enough about Raito to know that coming out and saying all this would do him no good.

Even while agreeing with the Shinigami, Raito had the unique ability to completely disregard anything he said. A total contradiction, and one the boy managed to make look effortless. No, if Ryuk wanted to wake Raito up and get him to actually do something, anything, he was going to have to hit Raito’s one weak spot.

His pride.

Lying back on the bed, mourning the fact that Raito refused to bring him any more apples, Ryuk let out a stream of long, depressed moans. Keeping it up for about a quarter of an hour, he allowed himself a bit of satisfaction when Raito finally sighed and set his pen down, turning to face the Shinigami.

“Is there something you wanted, Ryuk?”

“Another apple would be nice…” Spotting the beginnings of dismissal in Raito’s eyes, Ryuk quickly abandoned his plea. “But that’s not my problem. Why do you put up with this, Raito? How do you put up with this sort of life?”

He saw something that most would interpret as sadness on Raito’s face, though Ryuk knew better. It was disappointment. He didn’t know how, or when, but he couldn’t help but think, in that moment, that that was all life had really ever been to Raito.

One disappointment after the other.

Well, it didn’t have to be that way any longer. Not if he had anything to say about it.

“It’s really… just the way things are, Ryuk. Everything is boring. Life is boring. And there is no doubt in my mind that it always will be.”

“If you find all of life so boring, Raito…”

Ryuk spoke softly as he let the hammer fall.

“…You must be a very boring person.”

He watched Raito stiffen, his eyes looking up at the Shinigami’s, shocked. After a few minutes, they were still the same wide, open amber, looking at nothing in particular, probably not even seeing the Shinigami before them.

But Ryuk could practically see the wheels turning behind them, spinning at a furious pace, trying to take all the different implications of Ryuk’s statement in.

At that moment, Ryuk knew it was the beginning of… well, something. It just had to be.

He just wasn’t sure what that something was yet.

*****

Namikawa tapped his fingers against the top of the table, his eyes shifting about the boardroom in an idle manner. It was their monthly meeting of the top executives in Yotsuba, with all of them gathered to discuss everything from their stock to their competition in the market. Everyone seemed especially attentive today. It was understandable, since their stock had made a substantial and unwarranted rise in the past few weeks.

Due to a series of unfortunate events in strangely helpful places.

Yes, the Death Note was just as useful as Namikawa had suspected, allowing him to kill effortlessly without leaving any evidence as to the perpetrator, or even to the fact that it was a murder in the first place.

Just as the instructions had read, he thought, glancing back at the Shinigami standing behind him. Gukku, if he remembered correctly. He had to contain a small smirk it as he saw the creature observing the fish in the aquarium to one side of the room. He had noticed all week that the smallest things could amuse the Shinigami, though it wasn’t surprising with what it had told about the Shinigami realm...


…he had also found out in the last few weeks that the Shinigami was a chronic gambler. And he sucked at it too.

Even though it was a big, scary, and more importantly, deadly monster, Namikawa couldn’t help but be endeared to it. Only a little though. Enough not to mind it hanging around him all the time. And even if he hadn’t liked the creature, it’s presence was a small price to pay for the use of its Death Note.

Which reminded him. He turned his attention back to the meeting, or more accurately, the people included in it.

Namikawa wasn’t stupid, by any stretch of the imagination. He already knew that, even if they couldn’t figure out how, someone would notice that there seemed to be a lot of corporate deaths lately. And right now, all of said deaths were directly benefiting the company Yotsuba, raising its stock through the ceiling, as it were. Even if it took a while, the pieces would be put together if he let the situation stand. An investigation on Yotsuba, mainly its executives, would lead directly to an investigation on him, and though the Death Note would not be an easy method of murder to find or to prove…

He wasn’t willing to take that chance. Which led him to his current situation. If he wanted Yotsuba to come out of this looking clean, they had to look like a victim as well. He knew what he had to do.

But still, it was hard to look at the faces of one’s colleagues and make the decision to kill one of them.

And he was really having trouble choosing. But it had to be done.

Letting his instincts lead him, his eyes scanned over all the business men, finally coming to stop on one attentive face.

Higuchi.

Yes, he would do.

Namikawa wouldn’t mind being rid of this one. A snake of a man, Higuchi was all ambition and no brains, with his love of money the only substantial thing about him. Besides, his death was just what Namikawa was looking for. An executive, his death would be very public, and the Yotsuba stocks would, without a doubt, drop substantially. However, he was expendable, as someone would replace him, possibly someone more qualified for his position in the first place. With the addition, Yotsuba’s stocks would recover quickly, with a good chance of surpassing their current level, high as it was. But even with it’s gains, Yotsuba would have had a death. It would be a victim of the same mysterious deaths, just like all the other companies.

And being a victim ultimately meant that you were innocent.

With the conclusion of the meeting, and upon his arrival at home, the first thing Namikawa did was feed the Shinigami. Though it didn’t need to eat, it seemed to be fond of some human foods. In this case, salty pork ramen.

Being a Shinigami didn’t necessarily mean you had taste, Namikawa decided.

And right before bed that night, Namikawa went to his desk, opening one drawer and removing the fake bottom. Picking up the Death Note inside, he flipped open to where he had left off, picking up his favorite pen. In an easy, flowing script, he wrote;

Kyosuke Higuchi, 11:45 Falls down stairs and breaks his neck. Dies instantly.

Putting down his pen and returning the Death Note to its hiding spot, Namikawa bid Gukku good-night, reminding him not to break anything, before climbing into bed and falling asleep.

The next day, he made his mouth fall open and his eyes widen in shock upon hearing of Higuchi’s untimely death. A terrible accident, the man had said.

A terrible accident indeed.

*****

For the past few days, though he went on with life as if nothing had happened, Raito had been unable to get Ryuk’s uncharacteristically solemn words out of his head.

“You must be a very boring person.”

Raito knew that couldn’t be the case. It just couldn’t! It wasn’t his fault that life was so boring! He wasn’t to blame for that, or for anything else! What did the stupid Shinigami know anyway? He was wrong, the problem couldn’t be with Raito, because Raito was-

He froze in his tracks, allowing the sentence to cycle around in his head.

Because Raito was perfect.

…

And maybe that was it. Maybe, in the end, that was all there was to it.

Maybe, for all people strove for perfection, in the end…

Perfection was drop dead boring.

…

Yes.

That was it.

That was it.

“Raito, what are you doing?”

Raito ignored Ryuk, tilting his head back to look up at the sky. The clear, blue sky. It really was blue, wasn’t it? And so endless, stretching over the expanses and farther than the eye could see…

For the first time, Raito could see why people made such a big deal about it. It was such an endless, pretty blue. And that’s all there was to it.

And that was okay.

He knew he should be walking home from school right now, at this very second he should have been turning onto the corner of his street. Then he should have walked in the door, been welcomed home by his mom, and walked up to his room. Where he should have spent the rest of the night doing his homework and studying.

And it was all okay.

Turning around, he started walking back towards the school, still ignoring Ryuk’s incredulous questioning. He stopped at a corner, waiting until the scheduled bus pulled up, and bought a ticket. He was silent for the entire ride, until they made it downtown. Stepping off, he took a moment to get his bearings.

“What are you doing, Raito?”

He finally answered.

“We’re running away, Ryuk.”

And for the first time in his life, everything was okay.

He was going to be okay.

*****

Light remembered the day that he had been kidnapped quite clearly, as though it had happened yesterday. He had only been seven, but even then, he had possessed a photographic memory. He remembered every detail of the incident, from Sayu to the crash to the kidnapping to the room to the gun to the blood.

He remembered all of it. Which was probably why the police had insisted upon his testimony in the trial against the remaining criminals. Excluding the one that had been killed, of course. And his father had allowed it, being an officer himself and understanding how much Raito might help the prosecution. Being a sweet, innocent little child and all.

He had tried, photographic memory and all, to forget the fact that his father had refused to let Sayu take the stand as well.

He hadn’t hesitated to tell everything he knew and had seen during the incident, letting his testimony flow out as easily as he might say his multiplication tables.

But still, even with overwhelming evidence against them, someone had paid off the jury in the end, and the men had gone free. Without so much as a slap on the wrists.

Afterwards, as they had watched their kidnappers leave the courthouse, climb into their attorney’s cars and drive away free men, Raito’s father had come up behind him, placing a heavy hand on Raito’s shoulder.

“It’s okay son,” He had said, his voice thick. “It’s okay.”

No it’s not, Raito thought.

It’s not okay.

It never is.

And it never will be.

*****

L bit lightly on his thumb, staring intently at the wall in front of him. His eyes, wide for the most part, would squint every once in a while, as if in deep thought.

His laptop was open on the table beside him, with numerous e-mails and alerts popping onto the screen. L ignored them though, too caught up in whatever he was thinking of at the moment to spare them any of his precious attention.

He shifted slightly, drawing his knees even closer to his chest, as he leaned forward, his eyebrows furrowing.

Watari bustled around the room, picking up a discarded book here, throwing away an empty wrapper there, refilling all the bowls of candy he came across for his charge. He didn’t pause in his work until he noticed L leaning back, removing his thumb from his mouth. It seemed as though the detective had reached whatever conclusion he had been working toward.

“Watari.”

Watari gave the man his full attention.

L paused for a moment before pointing to the wall in front of him, or rather, the painting hanging on the wall in front of him.

“That painting is crooked. Please move it a half centimeter to the left.”

Watari nodded, walking over to the painting and doing as L had requested. L looked at the painting once more, seemingly fascinated by the barren wasteland it depicted, before nodding in satisfaction. Finally, he stood up, stretching his legs and walking over towards the laptop.

Only to walk past it, sitting down in the chair on the other side of the room, beginning to stare intently at a painting of a bowl of apples. Watari held back a small sigh, going back to his endless work.

Ah L, he thought fondly.

Whatever would he do with him?

*****
A/N: Yup, it’s that time again. When I write about whatever happens to be on my mind at the end of typing up this chapter, and call it an author’s note.

And what I’m thinking about right now happens to be the fact that my keyboard is really sticky from when I spilled applesauce on it last night. Wasn’t my fault, just for the record. I have a really fat cat, and she’s a snuggler.

And she has a fetish for my laptop. Slightly disturbing, that.

But, anyway. Pretty long chapter this time, so I’m happy. I tend to hit my head against something when I think I’ve posted two short a chapter, which would explain my headache when I posted the prologue. But yeah. And I didn’t take too terribly long to type it up either…

…I’m pretty sure some of you are reading this and thinking that I have no life.

Well, bite me. I hate you.

…

Because you’re right…

SUPER SPARKLY THANKS TO NILAHXAPIEL FOR BETA-ING FOR ME! I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’D DO WITHOUT YOU!!!!

And that’s about it. Just tell me if you have any more questions about anything, and I’ll be sure to explain. Oh, and as always… I LOVE REVIEWS LIKE MY OWN CHILDREN, but I don’t demand them.

So yeah, till next time.