The Fine Line

I’m getting better! I managed to not throw up my dinner, yay! I’m still not as healthy as I could be though :(

I love reviews! But please… don’t kill me for this chapter… I know, I know… it wasn’t exactly my first plan either… but I could not—resist—the urge. XD

Disclaimer of… d’hilarity: I don’t own D.Gray-man. If I did… Well… there would be more awkward craziness.

WARNING: Hmm… not much of one. Mild shounen-ai, and some not-real gore… and hard to see plot movement.
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Dreams and Missions

Sable was halfway through the book of Deuteronomy when an idea struck her. It wasn’t that sinister and it wasn’t that fantastic, but it was an idea nonetheless. Here we are, sitting in the library, and it’s snowing outside. I haven’t thrown a single good snowball this year…

“Lavi-chan,” She said suddenly, dropping her book to the table with a thumb. The redhead had been slowly copying the text from an old, worn tome and he nearly broke his pen when she spoke. Sable didn’t seem to care though, because she went on without acknowledging the fact that he had been mumbling quietly to her as he worked. “Let’s go get Yullen had take them out in the snow.”

“What? Why?”

“Because it sounds like fun. I mean really, does it? We can get Lenalee too, if you need some eye-candy.”

He blushed, blinking at her in disbelief. “Sn-eye-Lena—you wait just a second! Why would I bring Lenalee if you were coming?” It was out of his mouth before he could stop it; his hands went immediately to his lower jaw, covering his lips as if doing so would magically let him suck the words back in before they could reach Sable’s ears. Seeing that his attempt at stopping that from happening failed he went at once into Plan B – which he had never even known to be a plan. “I mean we don’t need that many people to have a snowball fight – the teams would be uneven…”

Sable lifted an eyebrow at him but didn’t bother questioning his odd choice of words. “Well, we could try and get someone else… like… Panda-chan, or Komui-san, or something. Then we can play with your teams.”

“What’s wrong with teams?”

She shrugged. “Nothing, but guerrilla warfare is more fun. It is winning that kind of battle that truly makes one feel strong.” She clenched her fist as she spoke, pulling it to her chest. “And it is even better when you betray your allies! Ah, I haven’t pelted someone who trusted me in the face in a long time.”

“You’re not on my team… not ever…”

“Wuss.”

“Am not!”

“Then go get Lenalee and I’ll sit here and wait for you.”

“Lazy and traitorous…”
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“Kaaan-daaa…” Allen half groaned into the bedding. He still lay on his side, his limbs more or less jellified by Kanda’s strong hands. He didn’t care so much anymore about his left arm hurting, and he wasn’t thinking about his childhood when he was thinking about all of the places his spine might have been cracked. “Can’t we… just… nap for a while…”

“Che, I’d almost think that you hadn’t slept in years with that attitude.” His voice was right there, not too far away, so Allen reached up without opening his now closed eyes.

“Is cuddling so much to ask for?”

Kanda watched him with an amused expression. He had never thought to see the day when Allen Walker reached out for him from his bed, eyes shut, eyebrows pressed together, and somewhat straggly white hair hanging over his face like a vale. Seeing that made him rethink his plan, made him want to do nothing more than just curl up and nap, regardless of his other ideas. The more he thought about it the more it seemed that that was what Allen needed – a pair of warm arms to protect him not only from the cold but also from the melancholy that had slowly taken root in him.

The bed bent at the side as Kanda’s weight joined Allen’s. The British boy sighed contentedly as his fingers took hold of the other man’s jacket and he pulled them both closer, burying his head in the crook of his lover’s arm like a small animal seeking warmth. He didn’t open his eyes when Kanda leaned him sideways, curling his arms around him, the pillow fitting perfectly beneath the Japanese man’s wet head. Even if he wasn’t tired Kanda could spend their nap just watching Allen sleep. The more he thought about it, the more he liked the idea.

“Love,” Allen’s voice was very distant.

“Hn?”

“Thank you. For distracting me and for not giving in to the desire to seduce me.”

“Che, I told you not to thank me.” If only he knew…

The fingers of the boy’s left hand swirled in a gentle circle on the bare space in the middle of Kanda’s chest; his eyes still did not open. “But you know… I don’t think I’d give much of a fight really. Even if I’m tired and sore and slowly falling asleep on you.”

His pillow gave a short laugh. “I thought about it, Moyashi-kun,” He said, running his hand through his lover’s hair. “I even came up with a plan. But do you know what made me decide against it?”

“Logic?”

“Che. Nothing. I’m going through with it right now.”

Allen giggled, his hand slowing to a stop as he gave another heavy sigh. “You fail. Well… wake me at lunchtime…”

“As if you can sleep through it.”

Well, that didn’t work, Kanda thought as he watched Allen drift away on a slow moving dream, his breath coming in deep waves. He never even opened his eyes to see them.
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“A mission!?” Lavi’s hands came down hard on Komui’s desk, rattling his coffee cup. “But I just got back!” The man sitting across from him just pushed his glasses up on his nose and gave a sigh. When he narrowed his eyes like that he was like some sort of seriously annoyed teacher or a man who was somehow related to Kanda. “You can’t seriously send me out already…”

Komui sighed at him. Lavi never acted like this. He was usually either more that happy to go out into the world or mildly depressed that he had to miss out on what was happening at the Order. He never got mad about it. And he never pointed out when his vacation time was shorter than he wanted. That was more Sable’s forte.

“Look, we only have so many Exorcists to go around and you were the only one of the last group to not be wounded physically or emotionally. They need more time to recuperate.”

But what about what happened with Tyki? He thought but did not say. He had not spoken of that, knowing it would lead to all sorts of problems for everyone. So long as no one knew, no one would be hurt. So he would keep his silence. “I understand.”

“Good,” Komui nodded turning to his phone as if expecting it to ring. “You and Lenalee will leave in two hours. Pack warmly – even if it’s just someplace here in England that doesn’t mean it won’t be cold.”

I’m screwed, Lavi thought as he walked out of Komui’s office. Literally and figuratively. It hadn’t been a week since they had gotten back to the Order and already his was going back out into the world, back out where he was prey, back out where a shadow was waiting for him. Even though I decided that I could handle it, that I made up my mind to take whatever was give to me, I still feel frightened. Could I… want it and yet… not want it at the same time? How can I do that? I shouldn’t want it at all. No one wants to be tied up and forced into something like that, it’s not normal.

I’m broken.

“Lavi!” It was Lenalee’s voice, calling from the direction he had come from. He turned to look at her, his hands coming out of his pockets as he did. She was jogging ever so lightly to catch up, a large smile on her smooth face. He had always liked her smile. It made him feel warm inside, like someone had put a candle in his chest that burned brighter with her presence. Now though, he felt nothing but a chill within him.

She doesn’t know. He thought, giving her his best grin. And she wouldn’t understand if she did.

--------------------------------------------DREAM SEQUENSE----------------------------------------------

His feet were not cold despite the snow, his hands, though, were numb within his gloves. It took the greater part of a minute for him to realize that he was standing on a hill, looking down at a long valley of trees, the silver sun setting against purple clouds to his left. It might have been a scene from a story he had read long ago, or a long distant memory.

‘I’m dreaming,’ Allen thought aloud as his eyes swept over the barren landscape, catching on the occasional footprint in the glassy snow. It seemed as if the sun had melted the top of the snow only to have it refreeze again in a sheet of transparent ice, making his hill slippery. ‘I was with Kanda but… Kanda? Where’s Kanda?’

His mind went from wondering what the dream was about to demanding that he find his dream-made lover. He started down the hill, his boots crunching loudly as he half-slid down its surface, stumbling until he nearly tripped on his own feet. When he tried to move his frozen arms from his sides they would not respond. For a moment he panicked, lost his footing and went tumbling down the razor sharp hillside, scraping his face and tearing the knees of his pants along the way, stopping only when his momentum left him in a ball at the edge of the valley.

‘Stupid dream,’ He said, spitting blood that he couldn’t taste. ‘No Kanda, a hill that hates me, and I can feel pain. I hate nightmares.’ He turned away from his hill to face the ever expansive stand of trees; the wind whipped his hair from his forehead, sticking the silvery strands in his blood, blood that wasn’t warm on his skin. The more he thought about it, the creepier his dream felt.

And then, as his eyes passed over the same stand of trees again, he saw one thing that could make his dream better – Kanda, facing him, sword drawn, and a serious expression on his face. Allen smiled. It didn’t matter if he was having a horrible nightmare if Kanda was there – because even dream-made Kanda would help him defeat whatever evil haunted his mind. That was the way things worked, it was the natural order. He staggered toward him with that same expression, happiness replacing his annoyance from just moments before.

‘Love, I was just—ugh!’ The samurai took hold of his shirt collar when he was close enough, pulling him off of his feet by the fabric. It didn’t particularly surprise Allen that his dream-made Kanda could hold him out at arm’s length, but it did surprise him that his dream would take such a turn. Why would his mind make Kanda violent again? ‘K-Kanda, what’s wrong?’

The Japanese man looked up at him, his fingers clenched tightly around the hilt of his sword. His deep blue eyes were filled with tears, his black hair flecked with bits of fallen snow. Silently he lifted his right hand, his blade tip coming to rest on the material above Allen’s heart. Allen’s hands wrapped around the wrist by his throat.

‘Lov—’ The blade went through him.

It was the most confusing thing Allen had ever felt. Why would Kanda impale him? Why did he feel like Kanda was impaling him? Why was his lover crying? When his back came into contact with the cold ground he became acutely aware that his blood wasn’t warm, and that the man standing over him was looking at him as he had done something impossibly wrong. He tried to speak, to tell Kanda it was alright, only a dream, that the sword in his hand wasn’t real, that none of it would matter when he opened his eyes. But his words would not come. He was forced to watch in horror as his lover turned the blade on himself.

‘No!’ He only wheezed. He didn’t want this to happen. Even if he was really dying, even if it wasn’t really Kanda, he didn’t want him to kill himself. It didn’t matter that his mortal wound had been caused by Kanda’s sword; Allen still wanted him to live. But he could not speak such words. He was forced to watch. The last thing he saw was Kanda falling to the snow beside him, blood soaking his jacket, before the world slowly faded into crimson and black oblivion.
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Her knuckles rasped against the dark wood of the door, her overlarge coat made soft swooshing noises as she shifted on her feet, waiting for an answer.

If those two are doing each other, I’m going to castrate them both.

With a suddenness that made the knocking at the door seem trivial, Allen’s hands closed tightly on the fabric of Kanda’s open shirt, jerked him closer as an exclamation of descent escaped his still sleeping lips. The older boy shook him gently, drawing a hand across his forehead as Allen attempted to burry his face him Kanda’s neck, tears running unhindered down the sides of his face. He didn’t understand what was going on, but Kanda knew whoever was at the door could wait.

“Che, what is it, Moyashi,” As he spoke he pushed himself up on the pillows, trying to drag the sobbing boy from his shoulder. It didn’t work though, so he gave up, and instead wrapped his arms around the smaller boy. He shushed him quietly, rocking him back and forth until at last his breath had slowed again and a second more persistent knock came at the door.

He chose to ignore it.

“I…I had a nightmare.” Allen spoke to his neck; his eyes had yet to wander to his lover’s face and instead they seemed to focus on his collar bone. He was shaking lightly, though it wasn’t from the cold. “I’ve never dreamed anything so real in all my life.” He breathed deeply, his arms curling around Kanda’s middle as he leaned into him. “I had thought… that you died…because of me.”

Kanda pulled him back and looked down at his dazed silver eyes, and wipe away his tears with gentle fingers. Allen just blinked at him, seemingly unable to speak. “Baka, it was a dream, nothing more. You’re not stupid enough to get me killed.” As he spoke he watched Allen’s eyes go slowly out of focus and upward, until at last seeming to find something to latch onto and blink at. “You didn’t hear a word I just said, did you Moyashi-kun?”

His lover’s face turned a dark shade of crimson as he covered his mouth with his fingers. “Y-you’re wearing—m-my ears!” He said with a shrill giggle. His distress from the moment before was lost when he saw those black cat ears poking innocently out of Kanda’s hair, making him into perhaps the most adorable thing he had ever laid eyes on. The glare his words elicited only made it worse. He grinned despite his swollen eyes and reached up with his right hand to give his head a little pat. “I’ve never seen something so… so… cute!”

“Moyashi,” There was death in Kanda’s voice, the kind that made Lavi run in fear of losing a limb.

“Yes, Love?” His eyes were absolutely sparkling.

“Are you telling me that you’re done crying in my hair?”

He grinned yet wider. “My arm doesn’t hurt either.”

“Che, the amazing healing power of cat ears…”

“You know what else sounds nice?”

“What?”

Allen rolled slightly away from his lover, drawing the fingers of his right hand up the side of Kanda’s neck until he hooked them around his shirt collar and heaved him closer. “Would you purr for me Neko-san?”

“Heh heh…Prrr…”
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Sable had had enough. She kicked the door repeatedly, ignoring the fact that it hurt her toes.

“God dammit you two get off each other long enough to answer the door, you mindless sex mani—oh! Hello, Kanda.” She gave a small bow before continuing. “Didn’t mean to kick your shin there. And nice ears. Make you look like something from a doujin I read once…”

“What the hell do you want?” His voice was husky, his glare murderous.

“To get right on out of your way and not invite you to an Order-wide snowball fight, that’s for sure.”

“Che, is that all?”

“Nope. Have you seen Lavi?”

He took a half second to be sure she was very well acquainted with his death-glare before he answered. “No.”

She sighed. “That’s too bad… really wanted to pelt him a good one. Oh well, there’s always Komui. Have fun and… uh… don’t be surprised if that boy wants to give it to you after what you pulled last time. The last thing on his mind is taking it like a man.”

Kanda blinked at her for a long moment, allowing her to forever imprint the image of him wearing a pair of fuzzy black cat ears on her brain. “Che, baka onna…” He closed the door on her.

“Heh…” She shrugged to herself. “Have fun… maniac…”
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And… for now… the end! Sorry, you know how it is… sleep and all that. I have yet to fully recover from the plague but I feel better than I did. I should be going well by Sunday-ish. Sadly, I will not be in my cold, frigid, snowing, not warm, not bright, not bright home town – I will be helping my sis move to Sacramento. That means I may not update until after the 31st (when she gets internet), but if that’s the case, it will be a big update. Well… if I can write between unboxing crap.

Happy New Years! I love reviews! I shall continue ASAP! Love and little explosive New Year’s poppers all around!!