The Fine Line

Niamh knows very little about England and therefore makes up cities. Sorry.
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Durnshire and a Leave of Absence

He stood outside of the door, wondering if it was a good idea to make his presence known. The two were talking casually, exchanging facts about the case, reminding each other what they were supposed to be careful of and when and where they would rendezvous. He half wanted to go in, just to see the look on the boy’s face, but he also wanted to stand back and listen, just find him before a meeting and steal him away into the night.

Or into the day.

Just steal him away in general.

Tyki had the sinking feeling that things were getting out of hand within him. After what he had done before he had found himself thinking about Lavi, and at the most awkward of places and times – like dinner with the family. The new and improved Uri had actually mocked him for not paying attention to plans, which had not ended well. It was now he who felt like the Noah on the outside, accepted and yet watched, his mind forever tangling with the prospect that maybe, just maybe, his plans had backfired.

There was only one thing that he could think to do short of murder, and it filled his blood with a sporadic heat the same as it filled his mind with self loathing. He would not do it. Not yet. Not while there was a chance of breaking the boy another way.

I am not worried for the boy’s sake, He thought surely, adjusting his glasses. I am worried about his Innocence losing its luster.

With that discouraging thought, he wrapped lightly on the door.

“I wonder who that could be.” Lenalee said standing. Lavi shrugged, moving his luggage from his seat to the overhead compartment. He distantly wondered why he hadn’t done that sooner.

When the door slid open the two took in the image of a Portuguese man in his mid twenties, his curly brown hair strewn about his face disorderedly, his glasses pushed up so they couldn’t properly make out his eyes, and a good five or ten o’clock shadow blossoming across his chin. He gave them an over wide smile, apologizing even before Lenalee could ask him what he needed.

“I am so very sorry but I have been wandering this train looking for a place to sit for the last hour,” He lifted his suitcase as if he were used to talking with his hands, which was half true. “Would either of you mind if I borrowed some of your space?”

Lavi knew that he knew that voice and he knew where he knew it from, but he was convinced that he would not let himself comprehend it unless absolutely necessary.

When Lenalee invited him in, it was absolutely necessary.

“I really am sorry to intrude like this,” He chimed, sitting down on the seat next to Lavi. “Oh, forgive me for not introducing myself. My name is Ty. Thank you for having me.”

“Oh, it’s no trouble at all,” Lenalee smiled, taking up her seat again. She was completely oblivious. “I’m Lenalee and the boy beside you is Lavi. We’re traveling to Durnshire, so we won’t be needing the extra space to sleep or anything, will we Lavi?”

It took him a moment to recover from the sound of that ever-so-familiar voice, but he managed after a moment of floundering for words. He realized then that since the man had taken up residence on the seat beside him he had been amazingly tense, every muscle from the top to the base of his spine was rigid like the string of a bow, and his cold hands clutched around each other like a pair of icy vices. He cleared is dry throat and gave a smile that was only for Lenalee’s benefit.

“No we won’t. But what brings you to this part of England, Ty-chan.” He forced himself to relax, lean back in his chair, and breathe a little. So what if this was Tyki Mikk sitting next to him? So what if he had been thinking almost nonstop about him for the last week and a day? That didn’t mean anything if he wanted to sit there in a disguise and be friendly. So long as he didn’t hurt anyone, didn’t try, he was just another person riding the train – someone Lavi was associated with.

Tyki saw the change immediately and took note of it. Lavi had seen through it but he wasn’t being violent or angry or defensive; in fact he looked at ease with the situation and even reclined as if interested in his answer. “I am traveling to Durnshire as well, though I doubt for the same reason. It appears as though an acquaintance of mine is headed that same way, and I hoped to find him there.”

“Oh?” Lenalee asked.

He nodded. “Rather interesting young man who sparked my interest the first I met him. I am worried that if he goes to Durnshire without my advice, he may be hurt.” He looked between each of them, trying not to devote anymore time with one’s eyes than the other. “I will do everything in my power to stop that from happening, but I can only do so much to preserve the game.”

“The game?”

He laughed lightly, waving at her as if he had let slip the punch line of some failed joke. “I am sorry, I am rambling. I should not borrow your space and then start spouting off things that have naught to do with you.”

“Oh no, it’s always nice to hear someone else talk about their friends.” She smiled, “Even if I don’t entirely understand it.”

“That’s good to hear, Lenalee-chan. Very good to hear.”
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When Allen had the water the temperature he wanted he didn’t bother to go get Kanda, instead he leaned out of the door long enough to yell at him and then got in, ignoring the low growl the Japanese man made at not being properly invited. The steaming water was like a battering ram on his shoulders, relieving the still pained parts of him as it washed away the drying sweat and tears. He was feeling tired again, very tired, and when he lifted his left arm to put the shampoo in his hair it gave a horrible spasm that twitched most of the substance onto the floor. He almost followed it the pain was so sudden, but a pair of dry pale arms caught him around the middle and held him up when his knees gave way.

“Are you alright, Moyashi?” Kanda’s voice was obviously worried, his earlier sentiments about killing forgotten. Allen leaned into him, his breath coming in gasps. It took a few moments for him to fight past the agony washing through him and force his legs to do something besides turn to jelly.

“Yeah,” He pushed himself up slowly, turning in his lover’s hands. “Just…give me a moment.”

The two stood beneath the pouring water for a time, Kanda not asking questions out of worry, Allen trying to control the fire running from his fingertips to his neck and back again, like a flaming knife carving out his bones. This had never happened before. As he stood with his head against Kanda’s chest, water running down his back in hot waves, he thought about why it would hurt, what he had done that was different from normal.

He had gone back to eating normally, his sex life was not that aggressive, and he hadn’t done anything too dangerous in a while…

Hadn’t done anything too dangerous.

Hadn’t killed an akuma.

The pain in his arm flared until his fingers clenched and then subsided somewhat, fading to dull ache.

“Kanda,” He said suddenly, the idea hitting him at once. “I know what it is. I know what’s wrong. You’re going to hate me for it, though.”

“Che, I couldn’t hate you if you said you’d never sleep with me again.”

Allen let out a barking, mirthless laugh. “What if I said that I have to go kill something? That I have to go on a mission and sate my arm with the blood of akuma so it will be happy with me? What would you do then?” He asked it all with his shining eyes on his lover’s deep sapphire irises, leaning into him. The corner of his lover’s mouth turned up in an odd smile.

“I’d say ‘take me with you.’ Baka.” He bonked Allen on the head lightly with his left hand, holding him up with his right. “You always worry about the nonsensical things.”

Allen smiled up at him, pushed himself up on his tiptoes so he could kiss him gently. It wasn’t a thank you, but it was as close as he could come without voicing the words. The older of the two grinned at the contact, slanting his torso over his smaller lover until his hair fell down over his back and into the steaming water.

“Now, you want to do me a favor, Love?” Allen asked when they parted.

“Hm?”

“Help me wash my hair one handed?”
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Uri amazed himself. He didn’t specifically remember much of the last month, or a lot before that, but he knew that his tastes had changed in room décor. For one he didn’t like the dark curtains, and for another he didn’t know who the blonde girl in his one photo was. He shrugged it off though. If he didn’t remember, it couldn’t have been important.

He did, however, still have the urge to sit down at his desk and put words on paper. He remembered doing that like a primal part of him, so he thought it was a good place to start. So he pulled up a chair and took out a notebook and a pen and flipped back to the starting pages, resting his feet on the edge of the table for comfort. It seemed normal. It felt like something he had done before. And as he read what he had written slivers of memory came back to mind that might have been what he wanted to happen.

So, He thought, tapping the pen against his desk. I haven’t changed that much…just forgotten what kept me from being good at my job. He tilted his head to the right, listening to his tapping, blinking at the page before. I wonder if I would have felt violated to have that happen before.

“Oh, hell.” He sighed, throwing his notebook down again and turning toward the window. “What does it matter, anyways? Even if I’m not the me I was, I’m still me. Uri Adair. Noah. I can still talk to myself, think poetic thoughts, and hate what I am even if I don’t know why and even…whoa…” He paused; catching sight of the page his pad had fallen open to when he had thrown it. It was a sketch like none he could remember doing. In the fire of the hearth he could make out the details of a young man with long, flowing hair, a loose collared shirt billowing in a breeze. He stood on what might have been a beach, eyes closed to the sunlight, and in his hand was held the hit of a katana, the blade held over his right boot by that same hand, his left placed gently on the sheath at his left hip. The pants he wore were the kind Exorcists used, and his beautiful face was drawn into a complacent mask of pseudo-sleep. In the distance an ocean wave broke on the shore.

His eyes are blue, Uri thought without knowing why he knew. Like a crisp ocean wave on the shores of a white sand beach, so do his eyes contrast with his fair ivory skin.

“Kanda Yuu. Eighteen. Mugen. Favorite color is blue. At the time he strongly denied how much he liked Allen Walker.” His fingers glided across the wood until they touched the paper, drawing it to him. The picture was unfinished, but he could tell what he wanted it to look like, as well as imagine the young man bond to a chair in the position that had inspired him to draw it. Lastly, as he studied the sketch yet more closely, he remembered the young man’s two greatest fears.

He smiled. His grin went from ear to ear as his lips parted to let out a low, reverberating laugh. He remembered wanting to save this man, to help him, but looking back that seemed like a very stupid idea. Now he wanted nothing more than to reap his thoughts and flay his mind, take from him every dear memory and force those fears on him. It made him giddy at the thought. There was none of the old remorse, not a shadow of doubt, yet he felt the pang of a forgotten wish in his heart, like a lost melody playing in the back of his mind.

I wanted him to kill me. How ironic that I will make him kill himself. He drew the paper yet closer, lifting his pencil in his left hand as he brought it down to finish his art, his smile never leaving him. And I will have fun doing it, my feminine friend.
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Komui blinked at the two young men across the table, trying not to laugh. He had heard never heard of a parasitic-type Exorcist needing to go kill akuma, but it didn’t seem too far fetched. The part that made him want to laugh though was that Kanda held Allen’s hand ever so subtly behind the folds of their jackets, his scowl as permanent as always. The older of them had demanded that he be sent with the younger, which was very odd considering how they used to despise each other.

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say the two of you have become fast friends.” He smiled, pushing his glasses up on his nose. The two looked at each other sidelong, as if trying to decide if that was as good a description as any.

“You could say that,” Allen smiled at length. His left hand twitched against Kanda’s right as he spoke, his lover closed his fingers more tightly at the feeling. Allen wondered what would have happened without Kanda there to hold it still beside him.

“Well then,” Komui lifted one of his papers and pretended to read the heading before placing it back down in the ‘to be ignored until a later date’ pile. “I’ll send for both of you when something comes in. Too bad you came in now though, I just sent Lenalee and Lavi on a mission and he seemed reluctant to leave so soon. If you had come in two and a half hours ago, I could have sent you instead.”

Allen shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. Just knowing what will fix me makes it feel better.”

“Che,” Kanda glowered at Komui, pulling Allen closer out of habit. “Then you have no objections about me going with him?”

The man had a mischievous gleam in his eye when he answered. “Of course not. We may be part of the clergy but you have no vows of chastity or sexuality or whatnot to worry about, so if you two want to be wholly devoted to each other and work as partners, I have nothing against it.” He waited for the explosion. It never came.

“I’m glad we have an understanding.” Kanda said flatly.

Komui was taken aback. Sure, Lenalee had told him that the two were intimate, but he hadn’t actually believed it. It just didn’t seem to click in his head that Kanda Yuu and Allen Walker would seriously be ‘wholly devoted’ to one another. It was like a raven falling in love with a dove, or – or – or Kanda falling in love with Allen. Things like that didn’t happen. They weren’t supposed to. It was totally against nature! And, aside from how completely out of character it was for either of them, there was still a single burning question that the situation left unanswered!

“Then – then—” He stood up, his palms coming down hard on his desk. “Who’s the seme!?”

Together they sighed. Why was everyone interested in that one damn question? “He is.”

The head of the science department blinked at the two in further skepticism. Not only had they answered, they had also given the same, with opposing answers – and now they were glaring at each other, bickering that point as if it had come up before.

“Dammit Love, I’ve told you a thousand times that you are.”

“Che, that’s why you haven’t taken it at all this week?”

“No, that’s why I had to put you on probation, baka.”

“Probation, eh? Why I ought to cut you off for six days for not realizing how much of a leader that makes you.”

“If that makes me a leader your glare makes you into an alluring sex god! All you have to do is look at me and I’m asking for it.”

“Don’t be stupid, Moyashi. I never touch you unless invited, and glaring is not a means by which I intend to improve my odds.”

“Ha! If that were true you’d give up smiling all together and just glare at me just – like – that…”

“Stop! Stop!” Komui waved his hands back and forth before him, nearly leaping in the air to distract the two. “I believe you already; now stop acting like an old married couple and go! You have my blessing.”

The two looked at him with round eyes. One of Kanda’s eyebrows twitched.

“Your… blessing?” The British boy asked blinkingly.

Komui sighed. “Yes. Ask later. Leave.”

“Oh… but…” Allen blinked at him. “I have one more request, Komui-san.”

He raised an eyebrow in question.

“How does an Exorcist go about taking a leave of absence?”
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Reaching Durnshire was perhaps the happiest moment of Lavi’s life. ‘Ty’ said goodbye to Lenalee like a good natured fellow, but asked if he could have a short word with Lavi before he went on. That rained on his parade somewhat. Not wanting to seem antisocial and not wishing to give away the man’s identity for reasons beyond his understanding, he followed him around the back of building, leaving his suitcase with Lenalee.

When they came into the ally, all matters of illusion were cast aside.

There was a hand on his right wrist, another on his back; he gasped as he was thrown forward into the darkened bystreet, his arm twisted up behind him so he couldn’t reach for his weapon. He did not fight though. When his face came into contact with the brick of the building he didn’t scream for help or demand to be released, he simply waited.

“Do you not find it rather dumb of you to follow someone you know to be your enemy into what you know to be a trap?” Tyki’s voice whispered into his left ear, his warm breath caressing the side of his face in the cold. A shiver rippled down the side of his body. “Shall I have you here for your stupidity?” A finger ran slowly down the side of his face with the words.

“Please do,” Lavi said with a note of amusement. “Might get what happened off of my mind for a while.”

“Oh?” The finger went from the side of his face down his neck and across his shoulder, following the curve of his back to the side of his hip, “Have I really taken up that much of your thoughts, Lavi-san?”

He tried to nod but the wall wouldn’t let him. “Yes. I can hardly sleep because of you—” He gasped as the hand came around the front of his hips and ran slowly down the inside of his thigh and back again, moving gradually inward every time.

The Noah laughed low in his throat. “Have I scared you so badly?”

“No.” He answered, swallowing deeply. “I…wanted to see you again.”

The touch stopped abruptly. “What?”

Lavi couldn’t read his tone. Was that disbelief? Hope? Fear? What was that emotion in his voice? Somewhere between hate and love? He didn’t have time to decipher it – he needed to answer. “You’re pretty good at relieving pent up sexual frustrations, Ty-chan. And causing them.” He smiled a little, even though it pushed his cheek into his teeth. “I was also hoping to return the favor this time.”

The man behind him scoffed, changing his grip on his wrist so he could twist him around. Lavi’s mace hand was held up by his head, his eye was captured by the Noah’s. He did not fight back when a hand was laid softly on the fabric of his coat.

“What, exactly is that supposed to mean?” There was definitely something in that tone, but he still couldn’t place it. The older man’s face was so very close to his, and yet he couldn’t read his expression in the dimness.

In answer he leaned forward and gently kissed Tyki Mikk. It was hard to explain it, but he did not feel sinful or revolted by doing it. He felt a little flame of happiness alight within his chest – the kind of candle Lenalee used to evoke, only hotter. He thought his heart might have been able to melt iron. When the man kissed back he thought his chest would burst with the feeling. His left hand abandoned the wall and took hold of Tyki’s waist so he could pull them closer.

This seriously cannot be happening, He thought as the hand left his wrist and touched the side of his face. If it is… I have more problems than I have ways to deal with them.

Tyki did not know why he was kissing back, why his grip moved away so that the boy could take hold of his weapon if he wanted. But Lavi wasn’t going for his hammer, wasn’t pushing him away when the opportunity arose. Instead his palm brushed through Tyki’s hair, drawing from him a small sound of confused pleasure. Tyki deepened the kiss, drawing his tongue over Lavi’s lip and rocking him against the wall as his thumb traced the line of the boy’s jaw, slowly falling to the curve of his throat. He felt Lavi’s right knee bend as his foot came into contact with the brick behind him.

They stood that way for a long moment after their lips separated, not moving their hands, trying to find the emotion in the other’s face. Confusion was prominent. Neither completely understood what had happened exactly, but they both new that going further would end with them both being in over their heads.

Lavi realized that he didn’t care. With agonizing slowness he titled forward again, the hand he had left on Tyki’s neck took a tight hold on the other man’s lapel as his face fell onto Tyki’s chest.

“I think we have a problem.” He said quietly, his fingers curling yet tighter on the hip he held in his left hand, the fabric he held in his right. “And I don’t think I care.”

When he spoke Tyki’s voice lacked its usual mocking quality. “I must say, I did not expect this from an apprentice Bookman, at least.”

Lavi laughed. “I never said I loved you, Ty-chan. I just want you. And…even if you’re supposed to kill me, supposed to drive me to suicide, supposed to make me give up my Innocence for you, I still trust you.”

“Then you really are a fool.”

“I don’t really care about that either.”

Now Tyki laughed. He looked at the one emerald eye that Lavi had left and was amazed by the honesty there. How could the boy have done this to him? Why wasn’t he ripping out his heart to end the game? Why hadn’t he come to the conclusion that none of this was worth it? That it could not end nicely? That he had to make Lavi hate him?

Make…him hate me?

It was the plan he did not want to use. It was the idea that might destroy the apprentice’s mind the same as his Innocence. But Tyki had to do it. If he didn’t, what else would there be? Them? There could never be a them. It shattered all manner of unspoken laws between the Earl and his followers, and it undermined the very reason Tyki had come up with this game he was playing. The point was to be cruel and selfish, to take what he wanted and leave his victim crying in the dark – not make himself into a traitor.

As swiftly as he could he stepped away from the Exorcist, making up his mind that even if he did not want to, he had to. He swung his left hand from his hip upward and to the side, effectively backhanding the smaller man across the side of his head, directly in the temple. Shock splashed across Lavi’s face as he staggered sideways, his hand coming up to hold the only means of sight that he had left. He fell to his knees on the dirty, snow sloshed pavement, blinking rapidly up at the swirling figure that had hit him with the back of his hand.

“Ty…chan…?” He asked distantly. He could not recall having been hit so hard in all his life without losing consciousness, and the longer he looked up at the man in the top hat, the more he felt passing out was inevitable.

He hit me. Hard. But I don’t care that he hit me. It doesn’t change anything.

Tyki reached down to place his fingers delicately on Lavi’s forehead before he steadied himself and pushed them slowly through his skull.

Lavi knew better than to move.

“When I find you next I will end this little charade we have been playing at. You will give me what I want, or I will take the pleasure that you offer.” He pressed his fingers slightly forward, watched Lavi’s eyes widen as he found what he was searching for.

“I’m s-sorry.” Lavi’s words were slurred together, fear and and mild concussion and Tyki making it hard to speak. “Sh-should ‘ave known… about…responsibilities.”

“You haven’t the slightest inkling.”

“’Sokay though… if you ‘ave to kill me t’live, I’m not gonna argue.”

Tyki frowned at him, fighting the urge to stop what he was doing and try to explain the growing disgust in his stomach. “Sleep, Lavi-chan.” He instructed as he touched the place that would send the younger man into oblivion. “You are going to need it.”
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All of my life as a Noah I have more or less enjoyed what I have had to do. Not once have I broken a rule, disobeyed an order, or failed at a mission. I have been perfect. I have never been bad once.

This may be the first black mark on my perfect record.

Or a red mark, if I continue to let things go.

One night of forced pleasure and kiss in an ally way, and already I feel as if I am breaking on the inside. My will is faltering. My desire to fulfill the Earl’s will is fading. My trust in what I believe is disappearing. What else is there but those things? What else do I have but what I have always had? I haven’t the right to question. I haven’t the ability to choose. I must do what I have always done and move on; enjoy the pain I cause and the havoc I wreak, smile at the tears I cause.

Even if, in the end, it is I who will cry alone in the dark. For even in pleasure there is unhappiness. And in unhappiness there is the desire for things one cannot have.

It is my fate.
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“A leave of absence?” Komui and Kanda asked at the same time. Allen nodded at them both, his hair falling down over his eyes with the motion.

“Yes. How does an Exorcist go about taking time off? I know that must sound odd after I’ve demanded to go on a mission, but I’m curious for future reference.” He undid the blue ribbon at his neck and attempted to tie it in his hair one handed. Kanda saw how he struggled with it, sighed, and tied it himself, giving the small ponytail he made a tug when he was finished.

“Why would an Exorcist need a leave of absence?” Komui asked, folding his hands across his desk.

Allen shrugged. “You know… wanting to go see people you know, or wanting to meet your lover’s family.”

Komui shuttered. Lover. That was not a word he wanted to hear out of a sixteen year old’s mouth so casually. He sighed deeply, thinking about the policy of loved ones and family members and whatnot. “You can make out a petition to see your family, but it usually takes a while for anything like that to go trough. You would have better luck if a mission came up in the area of the family’s residence, and then I can just send you there. It’s less formal that way, and there is less paperwork, less worry from above, and less rule bending to get around.”

“Rule bending?”

Komui nodded. “Strictly speaking a formal visit is supposed to be observed closely, for fear of the Earl learning who an Exorcist is connected to. If he does and an Exorcist dies, he can tell the family of the Exorcist and instruct them on the making of a new akuma.”

Allen nodded in understanding. “So where does the Kanda family live?”

Komui looked to Kanda who blinked at Allen as if he were stupid. “Edo.” He said flatly. He could not believe this was happening. First of all he and Allen had just been called an old married couple, then he had been granted a blessing, and now they were on their way to planning a trip to visit his mother. It all seemed very dreamlike. “The northeastern quarter.”

Allen smiled at him, one of those glowing, happy expressions that made his heart want to melt. “Is that where your mother lives?”

He nodded. “Kanda Hiroko, Okaasan, and Kanda Hitori, Ototo, live there last I checked.”

“Ototo?”

“Little brother.”

Allen blinked at him for a moment, trying to imagine a little Kanda, hair and eyes and katana and all. It wasn’t possible to image it without giggling or smiling. A smaller Kanda would be adorable, unless he was murderous and glaring and stoic like Kanda had been. Then he would be more than adorable.

“You never said that you had a brother.”

“Che, you never asked.”

Komui smiled at the two of them before taking off his glasses to wipe them on his shirt. “Well then, I’ll call you when we need you and send anything in Edo your way. Now please leave.” He glowered at them from over the top of his frames when he placed them back on his nose, shifted his hat on his head. I’m missing my mid afternoon nap.

“Thank you, Komui-san.”

“Hm.”
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Doo doo doo. Está el fin de este parte! And sorry if I accented that wrong… my sis is the Spanish major, not me :)

Love you all! I promise to update soon (but not too soon XD)