Crystal Flaws � Part 01 Crystal Tears

The next morning dawned gray, cold, and drizzling. Mamoru stood looking out from the balcony in his room. [I guess this is a good reflection of how I feel today. I wonder if she will talk to me like she said she would. How do I ask her to forgive me for this? I wouldn’t forgive me if I were her. Maybe I should just leave. She could run things without me. Maybe she will tell me to go. How could I live without her?] he thought. With a sigh Mamoru turned away from the window as he stated to himself, “I better get out of this room before I get any more depressed than I already am.” He quickly opened the door and left.

Mamoru almost bumped into the person bringing Usagi’s breakfast tray to her room. He lifted the tray from the worker’s hands and said he would bring it to the queen. Stepping back into his room, Mamoru got a vase of water. He produced three beautiful roses and put them in the vase on the tray. [That looks better,] he decided. [Usako isn’t used to not eating and I don’t want her to get sick. Maybe the flowers will persuade her to eat a little.] He picked the tray up and headed down the hall.

Mamoru reached Usagi’s door. He hesitated then decided to walk in. The room was dark and Usagi was still sleeping. Mamoru put the tray on the round table by the window. Moving to stand by the bed, he watched her sleep. She hiccupped, said his name and rolled over. He walked around the bed to see her face again.

[She’s so beautiful, as always,] Mamoru thought. He didn’t really want to wake her. While she slept he could pretend things were still okay between them. He quietly sat on the floor next to her bed and leaned against the side of the mattress by her head. He could feel her breath on his face and it comforted him. He closed his eyes. Mamoru’s sleep had been fitful the last two nights and he was more tired than he realized.

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Usagi slowly woke from sleep. Her eyes were still closed and she imagined she heard Mamoru’s breathing while he slept. Ready tears slipped out from under her lashes. [Oh how I wish things were like before. I wish I never had to open my eyes again, so I’d never have to face this problem. Maybe I could just sleep forever, like Sleeping Beauty.] Her body’s urgings let her know that wouldn’t work very long without an enchanting spell.

Usagi sighed. Opening her eyes, she looked at the canopy above her bed. The realization that she still heard Mamoru’s breathing prompted her to look over. There was Mamoru sitting up on the floor, with his head against the side of the mattress, sound asleep.

Usagi was now wide-awake and indecision tore at her. Part of her wanted to pull him into her arms, and the other part of her wanted to kick him in the head and tell him to get out. [He is still so cute when he’s asleep,] she thought. [I guess I couldn’t really kick him while he’s sleeping,] she rationalized as she lay there watching him.

Usagi sighed quietly. Wistfully she thought, [I wish I could go back in time, erase what had happened, and we could be happy again.] She considered asking Pluto to help, but realized that it was very unlikely Pluto would agree. [I wonder if Pluto knows how we end up working this out? She probably wouldn’t tell me if she did know. She sure is a tight-mouthed witch!] pouted Usagi, as she mentally stamped her foot. It felt better to be angry with someone else instead of Mamoru, for a moment, at least.

Usagi sighed again. For the hundredth time she went over it in her head. [If he had told me about his and Beryl’s relationship when we first met, what would I have done? If he told me he had broken the engagement, would I have turned away, or would I have still taken my chances with him? Would I have chosen the Moon Kingdom and my mother’s safety instead of him? I don’t know. I do know I wasn’t even given the chance to choose to possibly save them! Mamo-chan hid that choice from me and many people sacrificed themselves because of it! How could he have stayed silent as he watched Beryl destroy everything I held dear? He didn’t even save his own parents or Kingdom. He watched his best friends be possessed by Beryl and he still said nothing! How can I possibly love a man that could do these things?] Usagi’s hurt at his silent betrayal wrapped around her heart and squeezed. Crystal teardrops flowed down her cheeks again and a sob arose unbidden from her chest. She tried to stifle it, but with little success.

Mamoru startled and sat up quickly with a surprised look on his face. As his memory returned he reluctantly looked up at Usagi. Her hair was spread wildly around her as she partially sat up leaning on one arm. The other arm was clutched to her breast and her fist was in her mouth. Her tear filled eyes caught his for a moment and then she collapsed on the bed and sobbed bitterly. “How…” Usagi gulped between sobs. “Why… did you do this to us?”

Mamoru, seeing and hearing her like this, reached his breaking point quickly. He put his head back down on the mattress and sobs shook his shoulders. “I was so young!” he gasped out as he struggled to explain.

Looked up at her again, the full confession bubbled up in Mamoru’s throat, “We all grew up together. We went to school and on trips together. We were the royal brats of the Earth! We were confident in our power and took full advantage of it. Other Princesses from the Earth joined and left our group over time, but Beryl was always there. She was the most beautiful Princess and she knew it. She also made it clear that she considered it her right to be by my side. Even when we were young children, she would direct our games. She and I were always the King and Queen and the others were our spies or enemies. It was assumed to be like that. No other girl dared to challenge her about me. Since she was the most beautiful girl, and kind of wild and fun to be with, I didn’t mind the situation. We were paired together always. Our parents were friends, and it was assumed we’d eventually marry. Politically, it would have been a good union of power so no one stood between us or against us.”

Mamoru looked away from his wife’s clear blue eyes in shame and sorrow as he got to the hardest part of his confession. He knew it would hurt her and she didn’t deserve any of it, especially hurt caused by him. Taking a deep breath, he continued, “As we matured, Beryl and I schemed to get away from the others, to be alone. The other guys teased me, but I didn’t care. I knew they were actually jealous. We felt very grown and superior to the others, and in return the others admired our guts. When Beryl’s and my parents discovered what was going on, there was a big meeting. It was decided that Beryl and I should be married soon. They agreed that we were very young, but they also knew they had no way to control us. Beryl and I weren’t even at the meeting. My father spoke to me afterwards and told me of the decision. I was shocked and I wasn’t sure I wanted to be married yet. However, Beryl was very happy and excited about the decision so I figured it was childish of me to be reluctant. There was a holiday. Beryl and I and all our friends were at the palace to celebrate. I knew it was expected that I would propose that night. I had the ring and did as was expected of me. The plans started to be made and everyone told me how lucky I was.

Mamoru paused to catch his breath then continued. “Not long after that, we learned about the Moon Kingdom and the other Planet Kingdoms. Our kingdoms were in an uproar. The new Kingdoms scared the Earth’s royal families. Many of the royal families thought we would be overthrown. They wanted to build fortresses, band together and defend Earth from all outside invasions. My father was more willing to try peace and negotiations first. He was in the minority, but he was also the King of the Consolidated Earth Kingdoms so he was able to press his opinion. He asked me to accompany him to the Moon for the first official meeting with the Moon and Planet Kingdoms. It was at this meeting that I saw you in the garden surrounded by flowers and was struck through to the heart. I knew I had never felt this way about Beryl, and I knew immediately that I was making a *BIG* mistake if I married her. When I spoke to my father he was very upset. He informed me that my duty was to the Earth’s kingdoms and that it was too late to change things. Despite what my father had said, I knew I couldn’t go ahead with the marriage. I went to Beryl and I told her I wanted to break the engagement. It’s an understatement to say she was upset. She asked if there was another woman. Since I hadn’t really met you yet, I could truthfully say no. Of course she didn’t believe me. Beryl and her parents left the palace and I didn’t speak with her again.”

Mamoru looked down at the floor. He sighed as he remembered the pain and difficulties of that time. Speaking quietly, he continued the story that had sat as a secret weight in his heart for eons. “I was now a social outcast. My parents were very angry. I left on an extended trip to our vacation home. While I was there I thought of you each day. Finally, I decided I had to meet you. I was welcomed on the Moon and found that the Moon and Planet Kingdom people were very nice and truly wanted peace. I had also fallen madly and more deeply in love with you. I was determined to convince the Earth’s Kingdoms to accept the new Kingdoms.”

“I went back to Earth and everything was a mess. The Earth’s Kingdoms had become split by Civil War. My parents were doing everything they could to try to hold things together. I realize now that they were probably already fighting Beryl and Metalia.”

“I desperately wanted to see you again, and I wanted to warn your mother about what was happening on the Earth. As the Prince I couldn’t get transport to the Moon, so I created my Tuxedo Kamen persona and got off the Earth successfully. I saw you, and I warned your mother that things were getting very bad on the Earth. I wanted to go back to try to help, but that was when Beryl and her army took over the transports and attacked the Moon. I tried to protect you and your mother. I guess Beryl had someone spy on me and report to her that I was there with you. When she said she was going to destroy you and your Kingdom I knew she meant it.”

Mamoru whispered the end of his confession, “I didn’t know how to stop her.” He put his head down on the bed again as crystal tears of remorse and release silently slipped down his cheeks.

Usagi sat on the bed wide-eyed and hiccupped. She wasn’t sure she had really wanted to hear all she had just heard. She hugged her arms around herself and shivered.

Mamoru looked up and sucked in a ragged breath. His eyes were red, his face tear-stained and miserable.

Usagi continued to be silent. It was too much for her to comprehend. Her head felt light and dizzy. “Oh,” she whispered as she raised a hand to her head.

Mamoru now grew alarmed. He noticed that Usagi looked very pale, like she was going to faint. Suddenly Mamoru realized she still hadn’t eaten. Quickly jumping up, he grabbed the glass of orange juice from the tray then sat down on the bed beside her. He commanded her to drink as he brought the glass to her lips.

Usagi obeyed and drank the juice. It felt good on her throat, but it hit the bottom of her stomach like a ton of icy bricks and Usagi gasped.

Mamoru reached over for the toast. It was cold, but it would have to do. He offered the bread to her. She looked at it for a moment, then took a piece and nibbled on it.

By the time Usagi finished the toast she was starting to feel like she would live. She also knew she was still very hungry.

Mamoru looked at the eggs. They were cold, hard and dry. The bacon wasn’t any better. “Wait here,” Mamoru said. “I think I can get you a fresh breakfast.” Mamoru put the vase of roses on Usagi’s nightstand and left the room with the tray.

Usagi looked at the roses. [They’re beautiful,] She said to herself. She picked one out of the vase and held it to her nose. [How long has it been since he made roses for me?] Usagi wondered. She sighed then lay back down on the bed still holding the rose.

When Mamoru returned with Usagi\'s hot breakfast he found her sound asleep still holding the rose. Mamoru smiled at the beautiful sight. He again put the tray down, but this time he sat on the bed and gently reach over to wake her. The enticing smells must have registered in Usagi’s subconscious because she opened her eyes right away.

“Your breakfast is served, your Highness,” Mamoru stated with a flourish then lifted the tray and brought it to the bed. Usagi sat up. She decided it didn’t look too great, but it smelled wonderful. Mamoru blushed, “It’s been a while since I’ve made a breakfast myself. Hopefully it tastes okay.”

Usagi picked up her fork and speared a piece of egg. She ate it then smiled and said, “It’s very good. Thank you.” Mamoru sat on the edge of the bed and enjoyed watching her eat.

As Usagi finished the bacon she wondered to herself what the kitchen looked like. “I’ll go check and clean it if needed. There’s no reason we should annoy the kitchen staff.” Usagi’s thoughts trailed on, “How long has it been since I washed a dish and would I know where to put it away?” Usagi giggled a little at her thoughts.

Mamoru smiled. “Are you feeling better now?” he asked as he stood, took the tray and put it back on the table.

“Yes, I am, thank you,” she replied. “Thank you also for the roses. They’re beautiful.”

Mamoru’s eyes misted over as he whispered the words he always answered Usagi’s statement with, “Never are they as beautiful as you.”

Someone knocked on the door. “Who is it?” Usagi queried.

“It’s Luna and the other girls,” a voice replied.

Usagi answered, “I’m not up yet. Give me half an hour please. I’ll meet you in the blue room then.”

“Okay Usagi, but don’t dawdle,” said Luna’s voice.

Usagi smiled at Mamoru. “You’ve been very sweet to me. Thank you. I appreciate you telling me about what happened in the past. I do need time to think about it though. Okay?”

Mamoru answered, “Yes I understand.” He hesitated then asked, “Would you be willing to have dinner with me tonight?”

Usagi quietly responded, “Yes, I think I can manage that.”

Their formal words felt awkward between them but for now it was the best either of them could manage or hope for.

Standing up from the bed, Usagi tactfully but firmly dismissed Mamoru from her room saying, “I need you to leave so I can get ready to meet with the girls.”

Mamoru silently headed for the door then stopped and turned to face Usagi. He tried to not sound too pathetic, but failed miserably as he hesitantly spoke. “I suppose it’s too much to ask for a kiss, isn’t it.”

Usagi thought a moment. “Yes, it really is, but you may be able to get a hug. Will that do?”

“That will more than do,” Mamoru said as he opened his arms and Usagi stepped into them. Tightly enveloping her, he whispered against her hair, “I never truly ever deserve to have you around, but I’m grateful for each day that you are.” Mamoru reluctantly let go and left her room.

Usagi thought about what Mamoru had said as she took a shower and got dressed. Tears filled her eyes when she realized this meant she wasn’t Mamoru’s first lover in their first lifetime. It also made her wonder if she was his first lover in their second lifetime. With a heavy heart she realized she very possibly wasn’t. The thought of any other woman, especially Beryl, in Mamoru’s arms caused Usagi to see red. Usagi then realized that Beryl had probably felt a similar anger. “All of Beryl’s political and romantic aspirations had been dashed to bits. If I had been in Beryl’s shoes, could I have resisted the seduction of Metalia’s offer of power and revenge?” Usagi didn’t want to answer that question. She didn’t think she’d be very proud of an honest answer.

Usagi gave herself a final look over in the mirror. She felt and looked a bit calmer, but she still didn’t know what she should do. “Maybe a talk with Luna and the Senshi will give me a different perspective,” she thought. She absently picked up a rose from the vase and took it with her as she left.

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Usagi followed the sound of female chatter to the blue sitting room. She entered a room that looked very much like the sitting room at the shrine Rei lived in as a teen. Usagi sat on a cushion next to Minako and poured herself a cup of tea. The others stopped talking. They could see the affects of what had happened in Usagi’s eyes and in the slope of her weary shoulders. No one knew quite what to say to her.

After a moment, Luna walked across the table and sat in front of Usagi, “I heard you’ve had a rough couple of days while we were away.” Usagi nodded. Luna made a sympathetic noise and continued, “You know we’re all here for you, but in this situation, whatever happens depends on you and Mamoru.” It killed Luna to see Usagi so miserable. Luna loved Usagi as if she was her own daughter. She had watched all the girls grow up and mentored them, but secretly, Usagi was special to her. It wasn’t just because she was the Queen and Sailor Moon, it was more a protective feeling for a child so precious that you’d be willing to die to protect them. No matter how grown the child becomes, the urge is still there to shield from heartache or harm.

Makoto cleared her throat and everyone turned toward her. As Mako lifted a box from her lap, she said, “Here Usagi. I know it’s still early, but I don’t think you’ll turn it down.”

Usagi looked puzzled. She took the box, opened it and started to laugh as she said, “Thank you, Mako. Chocolate always makes me feel and think better.” Usagi took four of the rich truffles and passed the box around. She looked at her loyal friends and tried to gather her thoughts. “Okay. I guess you already know we sent Small Lady to the past.” The girls nodded, so Usagi continued, “Mamo-chan and I have had a chance to talk some. He told me what had happened that led up to Beryl’s attack on the Moon. The situation was very complicated. I’m still not sure how I feel about it.”

Rei as usual, spoke up, “Did he have a good reason for not telling us about the broken engagement?”

Usagi answered with a raw, “No, he didn’t. He did keep that information to himself.” With a shaky voice she continued, “Beryl’s attack on the Moon caught him by surprise. He knew the Earth was at war, but he didn’t know Beryl was leading it and that she wanted revenge for the broken engagement. Prince Endymion broke up with Beryl before he and I actually met, but only just before.” Usagi paused then sighed before continuing, “Even if he had told me about the broken engagement, I don’t know if things would’ve happened any differently.” Everyone sat in silence as they thought about what Usagi had said.

Luna suddenly stood up with a strange look on her face. She spoke in a quiet uncomfortable voice, “I have something to say.” Everyone looked at her. She cleared her throat. “Until now, I had forgotten. I knew about this. I saw the papers in the past, before Beryl had attacked.” Luna hung her head. Everyone sat in shocked silence as they waited for her to continue. “When Prince Endymion proposed to Princess Serenity, Queen Serenity was very happy. She felt this would make the Earth an ally and she knew how much Princess Serenity was in love with Prince Endymion. Everything seemed perfect. All the Royal Families were invited to celebrate the engagement. Prince Endymion took the invitation to his parents and the Earth’s Royal Families. The day of the festivities came and we hadn’t heard from Prince Endymion or the Earth’s Royal Families. Prince Endymion arrived that evening with the news that the Earth’s Royal Families were at war. The Royal Family of Mars had also arrived late and requested an immediate, private audience with Queen Serenity. I went along as her advisor. They presented the file of information they had gathered. Queen Serenity and I were very shocked. The King and Queen of Mars suggested the engagement be called off. Queen Serenity thought about it, but she just couldn’t bring herself to crush the love between Princess Serenity and Prince Endymion. She thanked the King and Queen of Mars for the information. She assured them she would look into it further, but that she didn’t feel it merited an immediate ending of the engagement. She said she wanted to give Prince Endymion a chance to explain. She then asked the King and Queen of Mars to keep this to themselves. They said they felt she was making a mistake, but that they would comply. After they left, Queen Serenity took the box of information to put it someplace safe until she could deal with it. The festivities continued and then Beryl attacked. The information was forgotten in the commotion.” Luna whispered, “I’m sorry Usagi, I wish I had remembered this sooner.”

Usagi gathered Luna in her arms and hugged her. “It’s okay, Luna, don’t feel bad. You didn’t keep it to yourself on purpose. Well that explains how the file got to the Moon palace.” Usagi sighed. “This is a lot to think about. I thank all of you for your support, but I need some time alone to try to sort this out.” Usagi got up from the table. “I’m going to take a walk. I’ll be back by dinner time.”

As Usagi left the room, Minako said, “I hope they can work this out.”


I\'d like to thank my terrific beta reader, Sophia Prester, for helping with the revision of this book. Her help was very valuable and is much appreciated. ^_^

Thank you for reading my story. If you liked it, or if you have any (kind and gently worded) suggestions/comments about my story, please let me know. You can email me at ndeblock@att.net .

Bye, Luna Hope

Disclaimer>Sailor Moon and all her friends don\'t belong to me. They belong to Naoko Takeuchi. I just borrowed them for a little bit of fun. ^_^