Scorpio
4
No one had ever wanted to stay at his side, and perhaps no one ever would. Why would Jabu be any different? However, he had decided to go where his feelings led him, and so far, he knew that he had not been mistaken.
“Why?”
Jabu’s voice brought him out of his reverie. On occasions they would kiss sweetly. On others they would remain still, watching each other for endless moments, before bursting out with laughter, and neither being able to stop. Milo could not remember the last time he had done such a thing. Jabu— had never let himself do such a thing.
“Why what?”
“You let me take you... I always thought, how can I say it? ...that it would be... different.”
“Different? You always thought? Could it be that you have been planning ‘this’?” Milo’s voice sounded jovial, and Jabu ended up screwing up his face, sitting in the bed, somewhat annoyed. It seemed that he would never get used to his ‘master’s’ jokes. “Look at me, Jabu.”
The other stayed dead still as he listened his mellifluous voice. What had happened had opened a wide rift between them. It was something that joined them intimately, as people, as apprentice and master, as lovers. It was also something that separated them, because if one day, all this were to end, they would never be able to look each other in the eye with honesty; they would be wounded, and that pain would be intolerable for both of them.
“Jabu, please look at me.”
Eventually the other assented, and he saw the sweetest gaze he had ever set eyes on. No one had ever looked at him with such affection, and this caused him to experience a sensation of extreme panic. He knew that if he contemplated those turquoise eyes for much longer, he would lose himself in them, and would never be free of them. He would have accepted eternal damnation, if he could only contemplate those eyes forever.
“What do you want?”
“What did you feel just now?”
The question took Jabu by surprise. He did not know how to respond, even less when Milo had made himself comfortable so as to make him turn around, and look at him, face to face.
“Please tell me.”
“I...” The boy hesitated before speaking. He wanted to say the right thing. Even what the other man wanted him to say. “I felt... that it would be the sweetest death to die in your arms.”
Milo smiled at Jabu’s response. Death— how appropriate, one died every time he gave himself to another. He himself had felt it many a time. Now—
“That is my promise. The only one I can give you, Jabu.”
The youth opened his eyes wide on hearing him speak. His promise. They had not said much in their time together. They had dedicated their time to lavishing each other with their feelings. Milo had let him free rein. That was his way of promising that what he felt was true, that his concern was sincere. That he could really feel something for him.
“No one has ever touched me the way you have. Yes, I know we should not talk about this now, but... not even Camus ever did so. He always waited for me to go to him. That I would take him in my arms, and make him mine. It broke my heart trying to make him see beyond that in me... but it was not possible. Tonight, when you spoke to me about the way you had done it... I realised that I was not alone in this sentiment. That if I decided to love you, you too might love me... This is my promise, to show you that I believe in you, Jabu. Without regard for what may happen in the future.”
Jabu reached out his hand towards Milo’s face, to cradle it. Milo closed his eyes, letting himself be carried away by the gentle caress. Cherishing that moment between them. There would be no lies, nor misunderstandings between them, right from the outset. Besides, what had happened was also his own promise.
“What I feel for you, Milo...”
“I feel it too, Jabu.” He responded, kissing the palm of the hand that still rested on his face. He eventually sat up. Jabu could sense that Milo’s gaze was now different. There was not a trace of the sadness he had seemed to sense before, but just the opposite— no, he felt as if he were in the presence of a predator hunting. Milo made himself more comfortable before him, before pulling the other down with him, onto the huge bed. The youth felt that, even if he had wanted to, he would not have been able to escape from what was coming. And he wanted it so much that he simply closed his eyes when Milo’s lips touched his neck.
“Feel me, Jabu. I want you to know what you mean to me.”
Jabu could only nod his head, while emitting a slight moan. Milo’s lips seemed to want to burn him; just as his hands seemed to, as he drew back the sheets that had half covered him until that moment. Every caress lavished upon him touched the correct spot, causing him to react. The Scorpion was an expert; just like they said in Sanctuary, but he was sure that no one had ever seen him as he was in that moment. No one, except maybe— him.
Then came the moment in which Milo took him into his mouth and he had to clutch the bed to avoid dying on the spot due to the sensations that seared through him.
“What...” He started to say, panting, “did you feel just now, Milo?”
The Scorpion stopped what he was doing, and then moved again, to accommodate himself between the other’s legs, without saying anything at first. Upon entering him, Jabu screamed because of the emotions that coursed through his soul, and the sensations which did the same to his body. Milo raised himself up slightly, sitting in an improved position to better sustain the weight of the other, and to allow himself to kiss him while he was still inside him.
“I felt that I had died, to be reborn in you.” Was the last thing Milo said before kissing him the rest of the night.
“Milo, remember that the Goddess awaits you tomorrow.”
The older man frowned on hearing Clytus’ comment. Everything was going well, from his point of view. The night had been perfect, from beginning to end. Even though he had only slept a couple of hours. He felt plethoric in the face of all that had happened. Their words had not been spoken in vain. Everything, had been simply perfect.
Until he saw the look Jabu gave him from the kitchen doorway.
“Yes, I know ‘mum’. I know.” He simply took the plate of food he was offered, while the other two sat down again, one on either side of him. He did not dare to look at either of them, so he brushed a lock of hair out of his face and silently took the first morsel.
“Go to see Saori? When had you planned to tell me about it?” His cold voice reached the bottom of his being. Milo did not want it to be that way. Not that morning; he could have taken it on any other morning but that one. He puffed on hearing the comment, and he kept eating.
“Let’s see, Clytus. Do you think you could answer my question?”
The young squire suddenly found himself in the middle of a pitched battle in which only he would lose. If he knew well the answers of the two ‘insects’— for that was the term he used for them— he knew that everything could be settled upstairs; just the two of them; fulfilling their innermost desires.
“Jabu, don’t do this—”
“Oh, why not?! Huh?! You have absolutely no intention of answering me, and it’s obvious you’ve already made up your mind!” He exclaimed exultant, before bringing his fist down in the table with a sonorous blow.
“I didn’t say anything because I’m not going to go! Now sit down and finish your breakfast. Clytus went to the trouble of making it, so the least we can do is show some appreciation.\"
In Milo’s answer, and in his surprise, Jabu could see the Master. Clytus’ friend who would stand to defend the squire. The lover enraged by his partner’s lack of faith.
“I am sorry, Clytus.”
The young squire smiled, still wary about Milo’s reaction. Everyone in Sanctuary knew that Clytus was sacrosanct. That whosoever dared to show him the slightest disrespect or to mistreat him in any way whatsoever, would have to suffer Milo’s reprimands, and who knew what else? But— it was also well known that Milo had never spoken like that to anyone, not even to Camus, nor to anyone else, but he did so now with Jabu, for whom Clytus knew, Milo felt too strongly.
“Milo, why?” The man asked, unsure if his question was appropriate. He was even afraid for having asked in Jabu’s presence.
“Because you are my friend, my family; because you are more than just the squire of Scorpio, you are part of this House consecrated to Athena” Milo replied, dropping his spoon onto his plate. He put his hand on the other’s shoulder, reaffirming what he had just said, and then he turned to take Jabu’s hand. “This man, I tell you, Jabu, has saved my soul so many times that I have made a pledge to him. Forgive me if my words offended you, but I would give my life for him.” He raised Jabu’s hand to his lips and kissed it. Closing his eyes to make the sensation last.
“I am sorry, Milo.” He said, bowing his head to kiss the hand that held his own. “I just don’t understand why you didn’t tell me about this, and your words yesterday...”
“Jabu.” Milo sighed. The man at his side was as stubborn as he was. He did not blame him though. If he had heard his conversation with Milo the night before, then he knew how apprehensive he was about crossing paths with Camus again. “Let’s talk about this later, shall we?” The youth nodded, although he was not altogether sure.
Milo hung his head in defeat, knowing perfectly well that he would not get out of that situation. Now he understood what others had had to withstand, having crossed him. He faced a Scorpion as intransigent as himself.
“Very well, you two. Listen to me, because I’m not going to argue about this any more. I have no intention of attending the audience because I do not wish to see Athena. She has called me because it is her obligation; I am sure that she does not wish to see me either.”
“Are you running away?” Clytus asked.
“What would I be running away from?
“From finding yourself with Camus.” Jabu responded looking at him steadily.
“You can’t be serious!”
“Why don’t you tell me, once and for all, Milo?”
Jabu spoke, his anger growing with a fury that was quite unknown for him. They had gone to the chamber of the Goddess, and Clytus had followed them there, to remain in the doorway, looking at them.
“Well, because there’s nothing to tell, Jabu!”
“Oh, yes there is, Scorpion.” Clytus remarked from the doorway. “It’s time he found out what happened between Athena and you. And it’s time you resolved that situation, for it’s Jabu who forms part of your life now; not Camus.”
Milo glared at him furiously. If anyone else but Clytus had dared to speak to him that way, he would have broken every bone in his body. But he just turned his back to them, walking away, bringing his hands to his head, and running them wildly through his hair. Jabu stared at him thunderstruck, with no idea of what to say in such a situation. It was clear that there was still much to learn, but— he had better learn fast, before it was too late.
“You see, Jabu, my Master, who stands before you, opposed the Goddess when she decided to bring the Saints fallen in previous battles back to life. She had done so with a small group first, Milo among them, but she wanted all of them back again—”
“That’s not true, Clytus.” Milo retorted still not looking at them, “she only wanted one with her, that is why I opposed her.”
“Seiya?”
Milo nodded without moving from where he stood. He changed posture, sitting down with his back to the wall. He bent one of his legs, bringing his knee up so that it almost touched his chest, and cradled his leg with his arms, his hands around his knee. It was not fair, it was said. That day should have been different. They should not have had to talk about things that belonged to the past, things that he had decided to leave behind.
“She was a conceited child invested with the power of a goddess, and on a whim she wanted to bring him back, and with him, all the others would come...”
“Milo, I can’t believe that still pains you.” Clytus had finally come into the chamber and he walked directly to the man; he got down on one knee, and reached out his hand, causing the other to raise his head, and then stroking his hair.
Jabu, on the other hand, remained silent. It was all so confusing for him. Even if before, it all had to do with Camus, he did not understand why Milo was now so reticent to meet with Athena. Besides, Camus needn’t be a problem. He was no longer in Milo’s life; on the contrary, it was he, Jabu who was his companion now— that was all he could think about. Eventually he sat down beside Milo; letting his head fall back against the wall, and closing his eyes.
“And so... your problem was that Camus would come back too?” The youth inquired.
Milo looked at him in surprise— but he understood what he was saying. Clytus did so too, and seeing how they needed this moment for themselves he decided to take leave; not without first advising Milo to get all this matter off his chest so that the other could see him as he really was.
“No, Jabu. That wasn’t my problem. Mi problem was Athena.” Scorpio moved from his position to sit facing Jabu, making him look at him. “Above being a man, I am a Saint in the service of my Goddess, Jabu. I couldn’t believe that she was doing this out of selfishness. Besides, she didn’t want to bring the rest back anyhow. Only Seiya. When I confronted her, I insisted that she bring all of them back, not just a few, not just him.
‘But Milo, I love him. Why can’t you understand that? You of all people should understand that.’
‘Athena...in that case, bring them all back.’
‘Selfish Scorpion! You want me to bring Camus back too!’
‘Of course, Athena. I love him. Why can’t you understand that?’
“My pain was for my Goddess, who turned a deaf ear to those who needed her. Earth was still bleeding, and she only thought of Seiya. Yes I demanded that she bring him back from the dead too. And, to get even with me she did just that. But he came back hating me, and I didn’t know how to deal with that. Then the burden on my shoulders was not only knowing the truth about her, it was knowing that Camus had returned, and that he had rejected me.
“The first time that Camus really saw fit to speak to me was that day, in my Temple, when you were told that you were to be my apprentice. My relationship with Athena barely existed, and I can’t forgive her either of those things. That is why, when you were assigned to me I saw it as the best way to get away from Sanctuary, and I accepted gladly.”
“Milo... beautiful Milo... don’t treat me like a child. You are dying to return to Sanctuary; to see him, and to be at his side... you said it yesterday... I heard you.”
“Until that moment you hadn’t accepted me. I wasn’t sure if I should even tell you about my feelings...”
“Don’t lie to me... please.”
“Do you really think I have?”
Jabu shook his head, and he looked directly at Milo.
“No.”
Milo reached out and took Jabu’s face in both hands and quickly kissed him. Both men clung to each other only to find the answers to their doubts, and peace for their fears.
“I want you to go to Sanctuary, Milo.”
“Jabu, no...”
“Yes, you will go, and I will be at your side. I’m not like Camus who would hurt you, I’m not like any of the others who foresook you in the past. I know what I feel for you, and what you feel for me. I’m not going to go anywhere, Milo. That’s my answer to your promise.”
The older man contemplated him in silence. His worst fears were gathering in his chest once again and he felt the tears run down his cheeks, as a sensation of great relief overcame him, causing him to smile.
“I love you, Jabu of Scorpio.” Milo whispered, his lips touching those of the other, before he kissed him and laid him out on the floor of the chamber, before the statue of the goddess who, without meaning to do so, had united them. He had not uttered those words in such a long time, but they were the only truth in Milo’s heart at that moment. That day they gave themselves up to each other as many times as their bodies would permit. Just in time to return to Sanctuary.