I Live For You

Chapter Four – Reunion

Shuichi (POV)

When Ryuichi dragged me into the studio, four pairs of eyes went wide with shock as they took in my appearance. Hiro was the first to get over it and get to his feet. I put my arms around me as he hugged me.

“Oh Kami-sama... I’ve missed you so much Shu.” He whispers into my hair.

“I’ve missed you too.”

When he pulls away, he smiles as he looks at me.
“I like the look.”

I shake hands with Fujisaki and Sakano. K surprises me by hugging me.

“Even though I missed you, you’re still a bastard for leaving.”

I smirk at him.

“Shu, I’ll be in Tohma’s office. Let me know when you’re ready to go.”

I look at him and nod, watching as he disappears. I turn back to my friends and we sit down. I tell them about my life in America, and my new band. They tell me that they have kept Bad Luck going. They take it in turns to do the vocals.

I actually already know this. I have kept up to date with their progress. The fans love them, but I’ve read articles where the fans have said they miss me. And I know I’ve missed singing with Hiro and Fujisaki more than anything.

But like I said earlier, I can’t dwell on my past. After catching up, talk soon turns towards Maiko. Hiro and I tell everyone stories, and past memories. But it all gets too much. I excuse myself and make my way to the bathroom.

I lock myself in a cubicle and silently cry. It’s funny, whenever I used to cry I always made a noise. But now I don’t make any sound at all. I feel so much regret. If I would have been here, would I have been able to say goodbye to her?

I can’t believe she’s gone. Damn, I need a drink. Leaving the bathroom, after sorting out my face, I say goodbye to the others, promising to get together with them soon. I bump into Yuki as I’m heading towards Tohma’s office.

“Are you ready to go?” He asks.

I just nod. I don’t think I trust my voice at the moment and I can’t let him see me when I’m weak. I never want to be weak in front of him again.

The drive to his apartment was made in silence. I shut myself in my room as soon as we enter. I take out one of the bottles of whisky I brought with me, and start drinking. The burning sensation as it goes down my throat feels good.

Taking out a joint, I open the doors to the balcony and step out. Lighting the joint and inhaling the contents, I close my eyes at the familiar taste. I groan as the bedroom door opens, I don’t bother to turn around. At least I’m not smoking it in his house.

“Shuichi, what are you smoking?”

“Come on Yuki, you’re not dumb. You know exactly what it is…do you want some?”

He leans on the balcony as looks at me.

“What’s happened to you Shuichi?”

“You happened.” I reply sarcastically.

“Why are you being such a bastard? It’s not like you.”

“Just goes to show you never really knew me.” I take one last drag and flick the joint over the balcony. Sitting on the bed, I down more whisky.

I glare at him as he sits next to me.

“Have you decided what you’re going to do after Maiko’s funeral?”

“No…I have to talk to my parents first, but I think I’ll go back to America.”

He looks away from me, but not before I see pain flash through his eyes. Fucks sake, why do I feel worried about him? Why do I want to make that look go away? I don’t control my hand as it takes one of his.

Oh Kami-sama, it feels so good just holding his hand. When I make eye contact with him, he’s smiling. His free hand comes towards my face, and I find myself looking forward to his touch.

I close my eyes as his hand makes contact with my cheek, his thumb moving in a soothing pattern. My eyes snap open as I feel his lips upon mine. He keeps eye contact with me as his lips move over mine, his tongue running along my bottom lip.

I close my eyes and give in, opening my mouth, giving him permission to enter. His tongue meets mine, and he caresses my piercing. I think it excites him because the kiss becomes harder.

I move away as I feel his fingers undoing my shirt buttons, I take hold of his wrists and push then away.

“Shuichi, what is it?”

“I’m sorry…I can’t. I can’t let you see…I’m too ashamed.”

I let go of his wrists and stand up, leaning my head against the window. Fucks sake, why am I fucking crying? My body starts shaking as sobs rack my body. When Yuki turns me around to face him, I lean into him and let him hold me.

When my tears have dried up, I feel myself falling asleep. I can’t say I’m surprised. With the combination of pot, alcohol, and jet lag I feel like the walking dead. Yuki leads me to the bed and pushes me upon it.

My eyes are already closing when he covers me with a blanket. He runs his fingers through my hair.

“I may not understand why you do it Shuichi, but I won’t judge you.”

I smile slightly as he closes the door. Maybe there is hope after all.