Unlocking My Love

Author: JadeHeart
Fandom: Gravitation
Warnings: bad language
Author’s Note: Thanks to the reviewers – and so nice to see some of my ‘regulars’ like you, Chikky and Krystal! I’m glad you are enjoying it so far!
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this, they belong to the creators of ‘Gravitation’.


Unlocking My Love: Chapter 4


Hiro peered through the thick smoke haze, blinking a little as the inky blackness was broken intermittently by flashes of neon from the glittering strobe lights above. He pushed forward against the wall of flesh before him, heaving and shifting, seething in time to the beat that pounded up through the soles of his feet until it reached his jaw and ear bones and made them resonate in time until they ached.

He slipped between the bodies, head constantly turning, eyes searching. He couldn’t see the one face he was seeking, but then knowing his friend he would no doubt find him in a dark corner supposedly holding up the bar, though it would inevitably be the exact reverse.

Knowing that, he pushed onwards, finally managing to locate the edge of the bar that had previously been almost hidden behind the crowd of humanity, and followed it around the room, smiling politely in response to the appreciative calls and whistles from a number of attractive females, and males, he passed but not stopping to address any of them.

Reaching the far end the crush was less here, as was the noise, in this darkened corner tucked away. There wasn’t really the room here to dance, and you couldn’t see the activity of the dance floor or DJ so it hardly held much interest for many. For that reason alone there were less people crowded here. However, here the corner was occupied with a different kind of activity; couples seeking some privacy for very different types of moves. He could make out three such duos pressed tightly against the walls, limbs entwined, and soft sounds rising even above the pounding music that filled the rest of the place.

He knew they wouldn’t be going too far in their trysts; although that was almost part of the thrill, the edge of danger of doing such things in public. To see just how far the passion could carry you before common sense - or a bouncer - stopped you. To feel the body grow more heated, the blood pounding through your veins in a counter-rhythm to the music flowing around you. The feel of hands and naked, burning flesh in teasing, tantalizing touches, and the clear knowledge that you just couldn’t do anything about it, you couldn’t extinguish that inner fire, in this place.

He flushed a little at the thoughts running through his head. He wasn’t by nature an exhibitionist himself but even he had to admit that he found the thought more than a little erotic.

He dragged his mind from the gutter and his eyes from the dark forms shrouded in the shadows, to let them flow to the very end of the counter as it abutted the wall. Sure enough there, slumped on the stool, head nestled on folded arms on the bar, was Shuichi.

Hiro approached him and although his glazed eyes were open and looking directly at him, it was obvious that he didn’t see him at all.

“Hey!” Hiro shouted, plonking himself down on the stool next to his friend.

Shuichi blinked twice, very slowly, and then his head moved slightly so he could look up at Hiro. A big smile split his face. “Hiro, buddy! Whatcha doing here?” His words weren’t exactly slurred yet but he spoke with a preciseness that showed the effort he was putting into speaking and forming any type of coherent thought, let alone sentence.

“You called me, remember?” Hiro replied as he reached out and picked up the partially filled glass that was before his friend amongst the cluster of empties. He sniffed. Whew!, he thought as the whiff of alcohol hit the back of his nasal passages in a searing strike. He’d better not light up a smoke around this concoction; he was liable to end up a living torch with these fumes! He looked down at his inebriated friend. No wonder Shuichi looked smashed.

Although…., he examined again the empty glasses on the counter. They all appeared to be the same and didn’t look like empties from someone else. The staff here were pretty efficient in clearing away once a patron had vacated a spot from what he had seen so it was probably a good bet that they had all been consumed by the bedraggled-looking form next to him. For someone who wasn’t a big drinker and tended to stay more with beer than anything stronger, he had done surprisingly well - considering he was still standing.

He looked again at his friend sprawled over the bar top bonlessly. Well, maybe standing wasn’t quite accurate, but his eyes were still focusing though no doubt he was seeing double, if not triple, of everything, and he was still able to speak.

“That’s right,” Shuichi said, making an effort to sit up, using the edge of the bar as leverage to straighten up. “I did. And you came!” He smiled happily at Hiro. “Have a drink with me!”

“You sure you want to have another?” Hiro asked candidly, raising an eyebrow. “You know you’re going to regret it soon.”

Shuichi looked about to argue when he suddenly hiccupped. He clapped his hands over his mouth and his eyes widened as he hiccupped again. Hiro eyed him warily, ready to dodge at the first sign of projected fluid that might come his way. Shuichi hiccupped a third time and his face went very pale. He dropped his hands and carefully slid from his stool, leaning heavily on the bar as his legs wobbled.

“I think,” he said very distinctly, looking directly at Hiro, “That I need to find the bathroom.”

Hiro rolled his eyes as he shook his head, slipping one arm around Shuichi’s waist and flinging his other around the narrow shoulders. The smaller man leant into him letting him take the rest of his weight which was no great hardship for his taller friend.

He was able to maneuver Shuichi fairly quickly through the club, staying close to the walls to avoid the majority of people still filling the space. He wasn’t too concerned with being recognized in a place like this. It was dark enough that people would have trouble noticing his features clearly, and with Shuichi’s head hanging down as it currently was, there was no way anyone was seeing his face to place him as the lead singer of Bad Luck.

Which was probably just as well. He could just imagine the headlines if the press got wind of this little fiasco, and Tohma would kill them personally if that happened and jeopardized their upcoming tour.

They finally reached the bathroom, circling around the lengthy line to the ladies restroom to enter the door to the gents. Hiro firmly, but gently, pushed Shuichi towards the first vacant stall before anyone else could enter after them to commandeer it. Shuichi stumbled forward and only just made it inside when he was violently ill.

Hiro grimaced then turned his back and stood guard at the open door as Shuichi slid all the way to the floor, leaning against the porcelain bowl as he continued to be sick.

Finally the sounds of violent upheaval lessened and Hiro glanced behind. He breathed a sigh of relief to see an exhausted looking Shuichi leaning against the stall wall, tears on his lashes and looking very sorry for himself. He had fortunately managed to not make a mess of himself, not even a splatter, for which Hiro was extremely thankful. There was nothing worse than cleaning up a friend covered in spew – and he had had to do that more than once before tonight!

Stepping into the stall, he slipped both hands under an armpit each and heaved, lifting a limp Shuichi to his feet. His eyes fluttered open briefly and a single silvery tear fell from the lashes to trail down the cheek.

“I don’t feel well,” he said in a very small, soft voice.

Hiro had to smile at the pitiful sight as he literally dragged his friend out, leaving the stall clear for another. The person who stepped in threw a dirty look in his direction for the unflushed toilet to which Hiro smiled apologetically and managed to shrug as he nodded to the dangling figure occupying his hands. The other patron grimaced with reluctant understanding and closed the door firmly behind him, the sound of flushing accompanying its closure.

Hiro made his way to the basins and juggled the body that seemed to have turned into a floppy doll, to free a hand up so he could turn on the faucet. He didn’t shove Shuichi’s head under the flow of water, the size and style of the basin prevented that, though he was sorely tempted to try. It wouldn’t have accomplished much except to make Shuichi very soggy although he was sure it would have made him feel better.

“Wash your mouth out,” he instructed, guiding his friend’s hands under the flowing water. “You’ll feel better.”

Shaking hands cupped the water and brought it to the face first and then after, to the mouth. He could hear Shuichi gargling before spitting, then repeating the action. By the time he had done this for the fourth time, his movements were a little steadier and he was able to at least stand on his own two feet instead of relying on Hiro to hold him up. A final splash over the face, damp fingers raking through the hair and swiping over the back of the flushed neck, and Shuichi turned to face Hiro once more.

Hiro checked his friend over carefully. Shuichi certainly looked a bit better but his eyes still had that over-bright sparkle of a person who had had too much to drink, and there was a slight list to his stance.

“Come on,” he said, draping an arm over Shuichi’s shoulders to help guide him. “Let’s get some coffee.”

Shuichi didn’t move immediately. “I don’t want to go home,” he said a little petulantly.

“You don’t have to,” Hiro answered, trying to get him to move. “We’ll find some where open, or you can come back to my place.”

Shuichi still stubbornly refused to shift and Hiro was beginning to think that he would have to use force to pry him from this place. He wasn’t sure it was best for either of them, and especially Shuichi, to remain here any longer.

Shuichi was still frowning and looking like he was going to try and argue further when he finally became aware of the sounds around them; not the sounds of the distant bass beat, but the loud moans punctuated with rhythmic grunts and the creaking of the closed stall door just a little down from where they stood.

The two of them stood in silence as these sounds surrounded them, filling the room entirely. It would be just their luck, or lack of it, that left them as the only two people in the restroom, apart from the unseen players. They were there, alone, unable to do anything except listen as the sounds increased in speed and volume, and intensity. Shuichi’s face began to flush deeply, his lips parting as his eyes widened, finally recognizing and understanding, exactly what it was he was hearing.

Hiro had figured it all out not long after it had started, which had been just after he had dragged Shuichi over to the basin, and had been studiously attempting to ignore it whilst trying to get Shuichi to leave as quickly as possible. Now he could do nothing but listen, with nothing else to occupy his mind. He could hear the loud pants, the hoarse cries of what could only be pleasure and it conjured up some shocking images.

Well, not really shocking, but certainly more than a little disturbing, mainly because he would rather be with Ayaka and being able to at least act out in part some of what his mind was envisioning, than stuck in a public restroom listing to the sounds of erotic pleasure with no way for him to ease his growing, literally, excitement. He tried to block out the sounds again and prevent his erection from getting any harder but he was finding it difficult to do. He concentrated, trying to ease his mind away from the pleasure centres it was focused on. He wasn’t able to make his erection go away completely but he had managed to keep it only half hard at this stage. He knew he would find it difficult to walk when they left, but thank god for really tight jeans to keep things in place sometimes!

As the sounds of climax echoed around the room, washing over them as the duet voiced their fulfillment, Hiro saw Shuichi gulp visibly and lick his dry lips almost nervously. His eyes flicked quickly to the still closed door from which there was only silence now and then his glance came to rest back on Hiro.

“Let’s go, okay?” he said in a voice that wavered.

Hiro rolled his eyes. “Told you to,” he couldn’t resist saying, as he followed after the hurrying figure of his friend. The shock seemed to have sobered Shuichi up more than anything else could have for he scurried away with hardly a stagger.

They both, fortunately, were able to leave unseen before the participants of the impromptu performance were able to meet their unintended voyeurs. The two of them made their way directly out of the club and into the chill night air, taking a moment for their eyes to adjust and get their bearings. Shuichi looked a little green once more, probably from the impact of the cold night air on his flushed skin, and alcohol soaked body.

Hiro saw Shuichi shiver hard, and it was then that he noticed that his friend was still dressed as he had been earlier in the day. No wonder he was cold. The days may be warm and the studio kept at a comfortable warmth, but come evening the temperature dropped considerably. Why hadn’t he gone home and changed? Or - and Hiro’s thoughts paused - had Shuichi been there drinking since leaving the studio that afternoon?

“Come on, you idiot. You’re freezing out here,“ He reached out to Shuichi who slapped his helping hand aside.

“Don’t touch me!” he snapped, glaring at Hiro.

“Hey, what’s you’re problem?” Hiro was a little pissed off at this sudden change of attitude. Hadn’t he come all the way down here to help him out? So why was he acting like a prissy drama queen now?!

“Nothing!” Shuichi scowled, turning away.

“Hey, get back here, you idiot!” Hiro shouted, hurrying after him and reaching out to grab an arm.

Shuichi shrugged him off, spinning around and shoving him back forcefully. “I said, leave me alone!” and then he turned and sprinted away.

“Why that….” Hiro was too angry to finish the thought and just automatically took off at a run also in pursuit of the rapidly vanishing figure. Shucihi was a good runner and generally would have outdistanced his friend easily, but Hiro’s longer legs, coupled with his intoxicated state that was quickly sapping his normal stamina, soon found Hiro just behind him.

Shuichi finally had to stop as a stitch stabbed hard into his side and his injured leg ached fiercely, enough to bring tears of pain to his eyes. “Fuck off!” he half wailed as he heard the slap of Hiro’s feet.

He leant over, hands on knees, head hanging as he took in deep gulping breaths. His stomach was roiling and he had the nasty feeling that he was going to be sick again. The idea of Hiro seeing him in this state was suddenly very distasteful. He knew that in the past his friend had seen him like this previously, they both had been at various times. But for some reason, now, he just couldn’t bear the thought of his best friend seeing him brought so low as to be puking up his guts.

Tears of anger, frustration and pain scoured his cheeks, and his gulping breaths had now turned to sobs. He didn’t know what was wrong with him. Why was he behaving like such an idiot!?

He felt a gentle hand on his shoulder and just at that moment couldn’t find the energy to brush it aside. He concentrated on just trying to get enough oxygen back into his lungs and calm his churning emotions. When he felt that he had himself a little more under control he slipped from beneath Hiro’s hand and stepped away, facing his friend defiantly.

He could see Hiro frowning at him but that only made him feel angrier. “So what the hell is up with you?” Hiro demanded, arms crossing over his chest as he scowled at his friend.

“It’s none of your business!” Shuichi spat back. “Go home!”

“I would, except there’s every chance that you’ll be a moron and go and get drunk all over again and then call me – again!” Hiro’s brows drew down even further. “I don’t fancy getting woken up for a second time tonight!”

Shuichi didn’t know how to respond to that, because it was exactly what he had done. He remembered calling Hiro now – and he had only done it because he had been feeling lonely and confused and wanted to be with his friend. And there was every chance that he would do it all again, exactly as Hiro predicted.

“Aw, come on, Shuichi!” Hiro said in frustration. “What’s up? You don’t get like this for no reason. What the hell has happened?”

“Nothing,” Shuichi turned and began to walk away, limping a little.

Hiro fell in beside him and they walked in silence for a time. “Has it got something to do with seeing Yuki this afternoon?” he finally asked.

Shuichi turned to look at his friend, the anger building again. “Is my life the only fucking topic of conversation in the studio?!”

“No, it’s not like that!” Hiro tried to explain. “Look, I just saw the guy’s car when you left, that’s all! I don’t even know if anyone else noticed!”

“So, what makes you think this has got anything to do with that prick!”

Hiro rolled his eyes, “Because you only get this damn depressed when it is over that guy, and you only call him a prick when you are really pissed off with him!”

“It’s got nothing to do with you!” Shuichi stormed off a little quicker.

“You’re right,” Hiro called out after him. “It hasn’t. But you’re my friend, and if I can help I want to.”

Shuichi stopped suddenly. “My friend?” he said, turning slowly to face Hiro who still stood about six paces behind. “Would my ‘friend’ have lied to me? Would my ‘friend’ have kept things from me, important things about my life that I really needed to know?” Shuichi really glared at the man before him, the anger getting stronger and stronger as all the rage and feelings of hurt and betrayal came rushing to the surface. “I don’t think so!” he spat out, hands clenched at his sides in fists.

“Ah, so that’s it.” Hiro nodded his head as though thinking about something to himself. “So are you pissed off at me?”

“Yes,” Shuichi hissed, “You and every other person who dared to think they had the right to just screw with my head, and my life!”

“So you’re pissed off at your family? And Suguru?”

“Yes!”

“And K, and Sakano. Oh, I guess that would also include Tohma?”

“Yes! Every last fucking one of them!”

“So that would also mean that you’re really pissed off with Yuki since it was at his insistence that everyone not tell you?”

“YES! I HATE YOU ALL!” Shuichi screamed out, not carrying who might hear him.

“Really?” Hiro remained calm. “Do you not understand why we agreed to it in the first place?”

“I don’t care!”

Hiro didn’t stop. “We agreed because Yuki didn’t know how you would take being told that not only were you living with a man, but that you had a serious relationship with him. Remember, you were with someone else when he found you. He didn’t want to put any pressure on you.”

“I don’t care!” Shuichi put his hands over his ears in a childish gesture.

Hiro ignored it and continued, “He didn’t want to make you feel that you were obligated in any way to do anything. That is why he wouldn’t tell you. That’s why he wanted all of us to go along with it.”

“I had a right to know!” Shuichi demanded.

Hiro shrugged, “Probably, yes. But we had promised Yuki. Until he said it was okay, or you remembered by yourself, we couldn’t say anything. Anyway, what’s the big deal now? You have remembered, haven’t you? So why are you so pissed off about it all?”

“Because that fucking bastard has done nothing but play with my feelings, manipulate me, twist me into a psychotic mess, and lie to me about everything from the moment I first met him! I could never believe anything he said because I never knew when he was really telling me the truth or if it was just something that he thought I wanted to hear, or it was something that was going to get him whatever he wanted, or it was just something to say to fill in the time because he couldn’t think of anything else! And he’s still doing it!”

Shuichi was pacing now like a caged animal, albeit one that limped but Hiro just let him continue to rant.

“I go away, I get hurt, I don’t know who I am or what I used to do, and that bastard still keeps lying to me! Over and over again, that’s all he ever does. He doesn’t give a fucking damn about me and what I’ve been through! He only cares about himself and what he wants. That’s all he’s ever cared about!!”

“Shuichi!” Hiro yelled, cutting through his friend’s diatribe, bringing the almost hysterical tirade to an abrupt halt. He could see Shuichi’s face looking flushed, the rapid panting. He had heard the pain underlying the frantic words. He realized that his friend was feeling a lot more than just anger. “That’s not how it was!”

“What do you know?!” Shuichi yelled back at him, bottom lip quivering. “You don’t know what the bastard is like! You’ve never like him anyway!”

“You’re right, I have never really liked Yuki! So you know that I would never say anything about him that wasn’t absolutely true. I’m not going to bullshit you about him!”

“Then you know what a bastard he is! He lied to me! He wanted everyone to lie to me!! He doesn’t care about me! He never cared about me! Even now I’m nothing to him!” The last sentence finished with a sob, that choked off anything else that Shuichi might have been about to say.

Hiro closed the distance between them, reaching out to grip the shaking shoulders with his hands, holding fast to prevent his friend from escaping him again. He looked Shuichi directly in the eyes, holding his gaze, trying to make him realized that he was being completely open and honest with him.

He had known that not telling Shuichi the truth right back at the start would probably not be the best thing, but he hadn’t truly expected this kind of fallout either. He mentally shrugged. Who knows what was the right or wrong thing to do at that time? What was done, is done. Now they had to try and get through this.

“Shuichi, you are not ‘nothing’ to Yuki. Do you really understand just what he did for you? Just how much he went through to try and find you? He didn’t give up on you. He was determined to find you somehow. Is that the actions of someone who thinks nothing of you?”

A glitter of gold caught Hiro’s eyes and he saw the necklace lying on the outside of Shuichi’s shirt. During the day he had caught the odd glimpse of this new article of jewelry but it was only now that he suddenly put two and two together and realized that it must have come from Yuki.

He nodded to it, still maintaining eye contact with his friend. “Would someone who didn’t care about you give you that present?”

He saw Shuichi’s hand automatically fly up to grasp the pendant tightly, holding onto it as though fearing that Hiro would snatch it away from him. He smiled gently at his friend, his features softening. “Shu, no-one wanted to lie to you, but we just didn’t know what was the best thing to do for you. And that includes Yuki. Probably him more than anyone.”

“You lied to me.” Shuichi’s voice was small without the force from previously, but still with a touch of bitterness.

“I know. And I’m very sorry. If you want to talk to me now, or ask me anything, I promise I will only tell you the truth, no matter what.” Hiro vowed, squeezing the shoulders beneath his hands. “I mean it.”

A cold gust of wind swirled around them, making them both shiver at its touch. Hiro realized then that if he was feeling cold, Shuichi would be feeling it twice as badly as he was wearing only a light weight shirt.

“Come on, it’s too damn cold out here to have any sort of ‘deep-and-meaningful’! Let’s get back to my place!”

He grabbed an arm and dragged Shuichi after him, heading back to where he had parked his bike. He didn’t toss the helmet to Shuichi as he normally would, instead placing it carefully in his hands.

“Hurry up and put it on. Otherwise we’re both going to be frozen in place. And if you catch cold and ruin your voice, Tohma will have you singing soprano permanently!” He noticed that that caused Shuichi’s lips to twitch a little in amusement which was a good sign. Shuichi hesitated for a moment longer, then complied and slipped the helmet over his head, before settling in behind Hiro.

“Hold on!” he shouted through the visor and started the engine when he felt Shuichi’s arms firmly around his waist.

They didn’t speak on the ride back to Hiro’s place, which fortunately was short. Shuichi still didn’t say anything after he had parked, or as he followed Hiro into his apartment.

“Sit down and I’ll put the coffee on.” Hiro began to walk to the kitchen. “Here,” he said, tossing a sweater that had been hanging over the back of a chair towards his friend. “Put that on before you catch cold.” He saw his friend struggle into the slightly too big clothing before seating himself on the couch.

Hiro looked at Shuichi sitting in his living room looking quite forlorn, and wondered what had happened earlier this evening. He had known that Shuichi had met with Yuki after they had broken for the day. From an upstairs window he had seen his friend approach the black Mercedes that he knew so well and slide inside before it drove away. It had been a little surprising. Yuki hadn’t been around for so long, so to suddenly have him, or at least his car, appear like that was rather unexpected. He had had no idea that Shuichi had been speaking with the man again.

He had thought something might have been happening though. Today at the studio had been almost a nightmare to begin with. Shuichi had seemed to be in such a foul mood all morning but then had perked right up, a complete 180 degree emotional turnabout - which in some ways wasn’t that unusual for Shuichi! But it had seemed that he was far more emotional today than he had been since his return to Japan so Hiro had guessed that something must have happened to his friend. However he hadn’t known what, and had been loathe to pry.

On top of that they had been allowed to leave early! Suguru had looked completely shocked at the announcement and Hiro hadn’t felt much different. This close to the big tour and Tohma Seguchi was giving them time off? The world was surely coming to an end!

When he had rescued a drenched and weeping Shuichi from his doorstep last night he hadn’t known what would come of the sudden revelations that his friend had learnt about his life. He had guessed that perhaps he had actually spoken to Yuki that night or before work judging from Shuichi’s behaviour today, but he didn’t know what might have been said. Initially he would have said that the conversation must have gone very badly due to Shuichi’s bad temper, but then he had been more than fine after lunch. When he had seen Yuki’s car later on he had assumed that Shuichi had made a decision to at least get in contact with the man again so he had taken that as a good sign. Especially as Yuki had actually agreed to it also obviously! Miracles will never cease!

When he had been awoken from his sleep this evening by the call from Shuichi had been half expecting to find a bubbly happy Shuichi, all excited from the afternoon’s meeting. So what had gone wrong, he wondered, stirring the two mugs and carrying them into the room. What had gone so horribly wrong to put Shuichi into such a state?

“Here,” he said, holding one steaming cup out to his friend. Shuichi took it, wrapping his hands around the warmth and sipping carefully.

Hiro sat on the floor, back leaning against the couch by Shuichi’s knees. They sat in silence.

“So,” Hiro began, “Are you going to tell me what happened?”

Shuichi didn’t answer at first and Hiro began to wonder if he would so he decided to try and prompt him. “I know the two of you met up. Didn’t it go well?”

“I…at first it did, I thought.” Shuichi replied in a quiet voice.

Hiro took another sip of his drink. “So what happened next?”

Shuichi shrugged. “I….was trying to tell him that I would…like to see him. That I thought I would miss him while I’m on tour.”

“And?”

“He acted like a jerk!” Shuichi’s voice hardened.

“How?” Hiro questioned calmly.

“How?” Shuichi looked down at his friend.

“Yeah,” Hiro clarified. “How did he act like a jerk?”

“He didn’t even know I was going on tour!” Shuichi finally voiced his hurt at this blatant ignorance of his life that Yuki had shown. “He had no idea I was going to be away or how long for! He didn’t even care I would be gone!”

“Aren’t you being a little selfish here?” Hiro said evenly.

“What?!”

“Well, you’re all mad because Yuki didn’t know you were going on tour, but do you know what he’s been up to lately? Has he got anything to be doing? Aren’t you just a little too caught up in your own importance in thinking that he should know and remember every little thing about you and your life, yet you haven’t bothered finding anything out about his?”

“But…but…” Shuichi spluttered a little as Hiro just looked back at him expressionlessly.

“Well?”

“Okay!” Shuichi finally said with a glare. “Okay, so he doesn’t have to know everything about what I’m doing! But the bastard had all my stuff packed up in our place! It was all in boxes and he told me to take them! He doesn’t want me around!”

“Oh, stop being a drama queen!” Hiro let a hint of exasperation enter his voice.

“Hey!”

Hiro over-rode anything Shuichi might have wanted to say. “Did you ever think that he just wanted to pack it all up for safe keeping? So if you wanted it, it was all there for you? It’s not like he had rushed it over to you as soon as you got back. Doesn’t that say anything to you? And no matter how much you try and bitch about him why would he have given you that necklace if he didn’t still have feelings for you?!”

Once again Shuichi’s hand automatically closed over the hanging chain, almost spilling his drink over his lap.

Hiro just raised an eyebrow. “See, you know that meant something. It might not be completely clear just at this moment what is going on with the two of you but that means something. To both of you.”

Shuichi didn’t say anything, just sat there staring into his cup, still holding the pendant.

“So what’s really bothering you, Shu?” Hiro asked softly.

Shuichi turned his head to look down into Hiro’s kind eyes and his face crumpled a little. “I….I’m scared.” he said in a voice barely more than a whisper.

“About what?”

“Everything.”

Hiro reached out to the table before him and snagged his packet of cigarettes from the table, lighting one efficiently. “What exactly though?” he asked after he had exhaled.

“I,” Shuichi looked away, obviously unable to meet his friend’s eyes. “I still….care about Yuki. I do. But….” His voice trailed off.

“But?” Hiro prodded. He had a feeling that he had to make Shuichi talk this out or it would continue to eat away at his friend.

“I….don’t know if I want to go back to….how it was.”

Oh, boy, Hiro thought, taking a deep drag on his cigarette. This was getting complicated.

“In what way do you ‘care’ for Yuki?” he questioned carefully.

“You know,” Shuichi said with a small shrug. “I care about him.”

Hiro rolled his eyes. “How? Do you care for him the way you do for, say, Maiko?”

Shuichi looked at him in surprise, “’Course not! Maiko’s my sister!”

“Yeah, I know that, dimwit! But that’s what I’m trying to figure out! Okay, probably bad choice. How about….” He thought for a minute. “Do you care for Yuki the way you do for Suguru, or Sakano, or K even?”

“If you say Tohma next I’m going to strangle you!”

“Ah, no, even I think that would be way too weird!”

“At least we agree on something!”

“Well, answer the question, do you care about Yuki like any of those others?”

“No way! They’re friends.”

“Okay, so do you care about Yuki the way you care about me?”

“I don’t care about you. You’re a jerk.”

“Ah, but a lovable jerk,” Hiro grinned up at him.

“Huh!” Shuichi snorted, taking a drink but there was a matching smile on his face.

“Come on, Shu, tell me! Do you care about Yuki the way you care about me?”

“Nah,” Shuichi said with a broad grin, “It’s all about the love with us, buddy.”

Hiro just grinned back. “If you give me a kiss, remember, I charge for tongue.”

“Ew, gross!”

“Back to business. So we’ve established that you can figure out the difference between friends, and even different friends like with me. So how do you care about Yuki?”

“That’s just it,” Shuichi said sounding a little frustrated. “I can’t figure it out.”

“Do you care for him like you do, did, for…..Annette?”

Shuichi’s eyes unfocussed for a moment as though looking inwards and Hiro waited until he came back to the present. “I…guess I do.”

“Then I think that establishes that you care about Yuki in the sense of a relationship.”

“Maybe,” Shuichi reluctantly agreed, “But…I don’t think I want a relationship with him.”

“Hmm,” Hiro leant his head back on the cushions behind staring up at the ceiling. “Is it that you don’t want a sexual relationship with him? Is that what’s scaring you?”

Shuichi said nothing and Hiro glanced over at him to see him chewing absently on a fingernail. “I….guess so.” he finally admitted in a small voice, blushing a little.

Hiro hid a smile. It was so surprising to see Shuichi blush like an embarrassed virgin over talk of sex. As if he didn’t know he and Yuki had enjoyed a well developed sex life before!

“Look, Shuichi,” he said, turning a little to face his friend more directly. “You have to talk to Yuki again. Just because you are speaking with him, or seeing him for coffee, or even if you go to a movie, doesn’t mean that you have to have a full relationship with him. That is something for you to decide, and only you can decide that. Don’t worry about what happened in the past. You’ve got to put the past where it belongs and establish yourself now with what you want and make your decisions from there. You need time to rediscover who you actually are now. What does Shuichi Shindou like and want now? You’ve got a whole new life to explore and rediscover!”

Shuichi didn’t look too thrilled by that prospect. “What if I keep remembering things that I would rather not?” he said, nervously turning the cup in his hands.

“So what if you do?” Hiro said bluntly. “Remember it, then get on with life! Don’t let it bog you down!”

“But what if I can’t do this anymore? What if I can’t live up to being the lead singer of Bad Luck? What if I screw up this tour and it all ends in disaster? I’ll have ruined everyone’s lives! Yours, Suguru’s, Sakano’s, K’s!”

“Hey, where did this all come from?!” Hiro said in surprise. “Shuichi, we’ve been practicing for months, you are fine! You sound better than you ever did. Do you honestly think that Tohma Seguchi would even let you so much as stick your nose out the door of NG if you weren’t ready? He’d bury you in the concrete foundations before letting you sully the reputation of his studio! You know that.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Shuichi didn’t sound completely convinced though.

“Honestly, you’ll be fine on this tour. It’s going to be just fantastic. Just go with the flow like you always have!”

“Hmm,” Shuichi leant back on the couch.

“So are you going to see him again?”

“Huh?”

Hiro frowned at his friend. “Shuichi,” he said warningly.

His friend fidgeted a little “I don’t know. I don’t know what to say to him. I…was pretty mad when I left today.”

“In other words you acted like a fool.” Hiro stated.

“hey, that’s a bit harsh! I was upset. He really was acting like a jerk.”

“And you probably acted like just as big a one too.”

Shuichi stuck his tongue out in response and Hiro just had to smile and shake his head with a soft laugh.

“You two really are idiots,” he said, leaning back and relaxing. “But I mean it, you’ve got to talk to him again. You can’t just walk away now. If you do you’ll always be wondering about it; wondering if it would have worked or what might have happened or regretting that you didn’t at least give it a go. Remember you don’t have to commit to any kind of relationship with him. Just find out if you want to spend some time with him and see what comes of it. Only then can you truly make a decision one way or another.”

“Do you think he’ll understand?”

“If he seriously has any feelings for you, I bet you anything he’s trying to figure out exactly the same things. Though he probably will never tell you that. Or anyone else for that matter. That man is such a stuck-up prick it’s unbelievable!”

“Yeah, he is.” Shuichi agreed with a tired smile.

“And you’re a prize idiot.”

“Hey, who asked you?”

“No-one. You never remember to ask the opinions of your betters so I have to give it for free.”

“Jerk.”

“Moron.”

“Now you sound like Yuki.”

“Gods save me, that’s a fate worse than death!”

“At least you’d have plenty of women throwing themselves all over you.”

“Don’t need anymore than I’ve got, thank you. Besides, he’s always had you throwing yourself all over him too!”

“Yeah, I used to, didn’t I?”

“Yep, you did. But it was kinda cute.”

Shuichi rolled his eyes in embarrassment. “I can’t believe that I used to act like that.”

“What do you mean used to? You still do!”

“Do not!”

“Do too!”

“Hurry up and give me another coffee.” Shuichi thrust his empty cup at Hiro with a smile. “And Yuki makes much better coffee than you!”

Hiro just laughed as he made his way to the kitchen. Perhaps this night wouldn’t turn out too bad after all.