The Killer in You

Chapter 59: Questions


When he entered the main room, everyone leapt up from their places, all attention immediately shifting to him. No, not all attention. Light didn’t get up, he was sitting like he had when Ryuzaki and Rem were leaving. Back facing the door, elbows rested on his knees, head slumped…

“And? What did the shinigami tell you?” It was of course Soichiro Yagami who voiced the question first. Ryuzaki sighed, unable to tear his eyes from Light. As if feeling this, the youth finally turned his head and returned his gaze.

“She told me that Light Yagami is Kira and Misa Amane is the Second Kira. She is the one who kills at the moment,” he said in a hollow voice. “She also told me that Light-kun knows my name and that is why I must insist on detaining him again.”

A few loud exhalations followed that.

“But that’s ridiculous!” Matsuda exclaimed.

Soichiro Yagami instantly found himself in front of Ryuzaki and grabbed him by his arms. L didn’t try to defend himself when the chief inspector shook him violently. “How dare you? You are lying! You made it up because you can’t admit your failure. Drop it, Ryuzaki!”

“If Light-kun were Kira and knew your name, you would have been dead already,” Aizawa observed.

“Yes, and where is this shinigami anyway?” Mogi added.

Luckily the chief finally stopped shaking him, so Ryuzaki was able to speak without a wobble in his voice.

“You are right, Aizawa-san. Let it serve as a premise against my words, but still… As for the shinigami, she is… I guess you can call it dead.” At this, Light’s eyes widened abruptly. He looked surprised, but it seemed there was some recognition in his face, while the others’ faces were simply dumbfounded, just like he knew his had been just a few minutes ago. L noted that and continued. “I don’t know what happened. She suddenly started falling apart, changed into dust. She is… her leftovers are in the other room. Along with her Death Note.”

There was a long silence in the room, everyone completely still as if the time stopped. Finally Watari’s voice spoke over the comm.

“Should I pick up the Death Note, Ryuzaki?”

“Yes, please do, Watari. But be careful. Best try not to touch it, although I don’t know if it makes any difference.” His eyes never left Soichiro Yagami when he said it and when Watari disconnected, he took on. “I am really very sorry Yagami-san, I would never lie to you about something like this. I know my words are by no means a proof, especially with Rem… absent, but for the safety of all of us I really must request to have your son detained. There are only four days left before the 13-day rule will be tested. If the convict doesn’t die, it will mean that the shinigami lied to me for some reason. But until that time we can’t say for sure that Light-kun is innocent. Considering this and Rem’s testimony I have every reason to request his detention.”

Soichiro took a step back, still looking staggered. After a few instants of confused silence Mogi spoke uncertainly.

“Technically, Ryuzaki is right. After all, these are only four days. Comparing to fifty days, it’s nothing. They… maybe it’s not a right thing to say, but they won’t make much difference.”

The chief shook his head slowly. “I don’t agree to that.” However, he didn’t sound so forceful anymore.

And then Light spoke. His voice was quiet and a little muffled by his hands, as he again had his face hidden in them. “It’s all right, dad. Ryuzaki is right. By all means I should be detained.”

There was some strange note in his voice. Failure. Resignation. Helplessness. And stifled rage. Soichiro shot his son a glance.

“What are you saying, Light? Why are you agreeing to this? You already suffered enough.”

But Light’s only answer was: “I am sorry, dad.”

The chief’s face turned into pure horror. He dashed towards the youth, grabbing him by his shoulders and yanking him up.

“Are you admitting to being Kira? Tell me that’s not true. Tell him that’s not true!”

“I am sorry…” Faintly.

“Are you Kira then, Light-kun?” Matsuda whispered.

Light shook his head. But again, the only words that left him were: “I am sorry. That’s all I have to say.”

Soichiro didn’t release him, his hands clenched convulsively on his son’s shoulders. “He didn’t plead guilty,” he murmured, eyes fixed on Light. “You heard it clearly, he didn’t.”

Ryuzaki stared at the chief inspector and could see his despair. Despair that struck him to the bone and stayed there like a sting. Did a father deserve something like this? Especially a father like Soichiro Yagami.

“No, he didn’t,” he admitted.

During the next few minutes Light was stripped of all his personal belongings. Barefooted, only in his pants and shirt that have been searched thoroughly, he was handcuffed and walked to the cell block by Aizawa. When the door closed behind them Ryuzaki allocated orders:

“Mogi-san, please, search Light-kun’s room. Make sure to be very thorough. Matsuda-san, look through the things Light had on him.” He pointed at the items gathered on the table: watch, wallet, cell phone, a pack of tissues, pen and two sheets of paper – he examined those more closely but they clearly weren’t a part of the Death Note; no, Light wouldn’t be so stupid as to keep something like this in his pocket. And finally shoes and socks. “What we are looking for are first and foremost pieces of the Death Note, but also anything that seems suspicious. Yagami-san, for you I don’t have any requests right now.” Soichiro Yagami nodded stiffly, still clearly burning inside and trying to contain it. “Please, try to relax. I hope this time you won’t demand to be detained as well. It really won’t take long.”

Soichiro murmured something incomprehensible under his breath, but he took a sit and stared at the floor with a blank gaze. L decided to take it that the chief decided to remain with the team after all. He turned to Matsuda, who was already examining Light’s wallet.

“Matsuda-san, can I have your cell phone for a moment?”

The young man blinked, surprised, but produced his mobile and handed it to Ryuzaki without a word. He was probably already used to it. While the others got down to work, L found Misa’s number and pressed the connect button, wondering just what on earth he was doing.

* * *
Aizawa sat him on the bench and put a hand on his shoulder.

“I don’t think we need to restrain your legs this time. We know how Kira kills and you don’t have a pen or paper in the first place.” And after a moment of hesitation. “I am very sorry, Light.”

Light was unable to raise his gaze on the man.

“It’s alright, Aizawa-san.”

“I really hope Ryuzaki is wrong.”

“Yes, I know.” But you will be disappointed. “I think you should go now and join the team in what they are doing.”

Aizawa nodded and left, locking the door behind him. Only now did Light dare to look up. He glanced at the camera in front of him. Little red light beside the lens signaled that it was on. Of course it was on. He smirked under his breath.

Why didn’t I simply admit that I am Kira? Am I still deluding myself that I can escape punishment? I might as well have said it aloud. ‘Yes, dad, I am Kira.’ He felt a pang of pain at that. No, those words simply couldn’t make it through his throat. He shuddered at the memory of the most nasty feeling he had in the main room just a few minutes ago. Looking into his father’s pleading eyes, unable to admit his guilt, but unable to deny it either. All he was able to do was to keep repeating ‘I am sorry’. So ridiculous, so pathetic. Or maybe I would have admit it if it wasn’t for Rem. She died… Which means that she saved Misa. And if that is so, perhaps there is a chance for me as well. If there only is a chance… And the other, mocking voice in his head countered viciously: Or she cleared Misa of blame by shifting it all on you.

A bitter chuckle rose in his chest, but he stifled it there. Certainly, that didn’t matter. If it is proved that he is Kira, no matter what amount of guilt would be ascribed to him, the punishment would be the same.

* * *
Misa wrote the last name down, checked whether she didn’t miss or misspell anything and put the sheets into the drawer of her bedside table. She took a deep relaxing breath then reached for the latest issue of ‘World Fashion’.

Ryuk, sprawled on the windowsill with one leg dangling over the floor, chuckled in his mocking manner. “So easily switching from subject to subject, eh, Misa?”

“What Misa is doing, Misa is doing for Light,” she countered resolutely. “I punished criminals for him and now I’ll dress up for him. See? Misa is not shifting subjects at all.”

The shinigami shrugged lightly, chuckled again and returned to staring out of the window, while Misa returned to the magazine.

She quickly ran her gaze through the contests and chose the article presenting this winter’s underwear trends. She focused her attention on pictures, ignoring the text, wondering in which of the sets Light would like her best. Well, she could afford a few of those, she didn’t have to limit herself to one.

She really hoped for the best with Light now. One of these days her knight will get rid of L and will finally be free to spread his wings as Kira. He won’t have to watch out for all those policemen and will be able to spend more time with her. They will get together for good, they’ll finally become lovers. She needed to prepare beforehand. He loved her so much…

She focused her attention on the most sexy-looking black lace lingerie, trying to imagine herself wearing it, when one of the mobiles in the row gracing the bedside table started ringing. She looked at the number. Matsuda. What did that guy want? He wasn’t her manager anymore, she didn’t need him to interrupt her, she had much more important things to do. Nevertheless she picked up.

“What do you want, Matsuda?” she chirped in one of her non-too-sweet tones.

But instead of Matsuda’s, other voice spoke up. “Misa-san, it’s Ryuzaki.”

L? She jumped on her bed sitting up straight, as if the one on the other side could see her. Why did that guy call her all of a sudden? Did something happen?

“What is it, Ryuzaki?”

“Misa-san, I want to inform you that Light-kun has been once again detained under the charge of being Kira. Thereby you are again suspected of being the Second Kira and we intend to detain you as well.”

What?! Before he finished the first sentence her heart was already pounding like a hammer. Light detained? How could that happen? Everything seemed to be going so well…

“What do you mean under the charge?” she screamed. “On what basis?”

“The basis is a testimony. That is all you need to know. But I can assure you that this time the detention will last no longer than a few days. After that time we will most likely bring this case to the end and your guilt or innocence will be finally determined.”

“I thought we were already cleared!”

“Not yet, Misa-san.” And after a short pause: “What I want you to do now is give yourself in our hands along with your Death Note.”

She gasped with disbelief. Just how insolent he was? Did he think she was so stupid as to fall into something as simple as that?

“You moron,” she screamed into the receiver. “How can I bring you something I don’t have?! And even if I had it, why would I do it?”

“Because, Misa-san, this way you will help Light-kun and yourself a great deal.” Ryuzaki’s voice was still composed. Did that guy ever get angry? That dirty pervert, he probably sat before the screen right now and reveled in watching her Light incapacitated. “And as for the notebook, personally I am 100% certain that it is in your possession, even if you don’t have it with you at the moment. Think what would have happened if I sent the men to arrest you, instead of calling you and asking for your cooperation.” Misa inhaled sharply when she imagined that. Indeed… “But I agree that no one would so willingly plead guilty. So let’s say you don’t have the Death Note after all. However, I know where it is hidden. I’ll give you the bearing of that place and you will just go there and retrieve it. Okay? At least this will be the official version. We will then arrest you as a suspect in the Kira case, but we still won’t have a proof.”

Misa’s mind was working like crazy as she tried to analyze those words. Could it be a trap? Did he mean to trick her into saying or doing something she shouldn’t?

“Remember, Misa-san, Light is waiting for you here,” he added. “With your cooperation we might even be able to save you both.”

Something clicked in place. “To save Light…” she echoed faintly.

Ryuk who’d been hovering over her for a while, drawn by this conversation, leaned closer to her and rumbled: “Mind me, Misa, he never told you how it would help Light.”

She frowned at this remark, but eventually ignored the shinigami. If she refused to cooperate, L would surely send his men. Of course she could take the Death Note sheets and run away, but in the long term it wouldn’t do her any good. On the other hand, if Ryuzaki gave her instructions, she could always say she just followed them, they couldn’t use it against her. And if it could help Light… She would make Light proud of her, she would save him. Besides, she wanted to stay with him no matter what. Free or under arrest. She wanted to stay beside him.

“Alright,” she stated decisively. “Misa will find the notebook for you and come to you with it. But you better keep your promise about helping, otherwise Misa will make you regret it.”

Ugh, if I only remembered the name of that bastard!

“I fear to think how you could do it, Misa-san,” he returned solemnly. “Very well then. Listen to me very carefully, I will now describe you the place.”

Before he started, she pressed the recording button in her phone. If it was a trap, she would have a proof that it was him who told her about the hiding place. And when five minutes later he disconnected, first thing she did was choose Light’s number. Oh no, she wasn’t going to fall into any trap. No way.

But the voice that sounded in the receiver wasn’t Light’s.

“No, Misa-san, it’s still me,” said L with just a minimal note of exasperation. “Light-kun is really in detention.”

Instantly an image appeared before her eyes: Ryuzaki’s dirty mug, and a fist smashing his nose. Preferably Light’s fist. Or her own.

“Aww, screw you!” she hissed.

“I assume our deal still stands.”

“Yeah, it stands.” With that she furiously punched the disconnect button and tossed the mobile on the bed. It bounced twice and nearly fell to the floor.

“Bastard! Mean, mean bastard!”

Ryuk hummed in his throat excitedly. “Kuku. It’s getting really hot. So what are you going to do, Misa?”

“What do you think I’m gonna do, idiot? I’ll do what they want. I have to help Light!”

Ryuk left it without a comment and floated towards to the tray of apples displayed on the table. He picked one and took a big bite, while Misa thought furiously, crumpling the hem of her mini skirt.

“Ryuk,” she spoke after a while. “You can part with the Death Note you are connected to, right? It’s not that you are bound to it.”

“No, I am more bound to the notebook owner than to the notebook. But when the owner tells me to leave, I can leave. Although I should generally stay close anyway to be able to come back every time the owner needs me.”

“Good, because I don’t want you to show up to them. They only asked me to give them the notebook. I don’t intend to give them anything else. They might start asking you questions or something. I don’t think it would be good.”

“Yeah, it probably wouldn’t.” The shinigami threw the apple core into his huge mouth and swallowed it whole. “I don’t feel like showing up to them either.”

“It’s settled then. We’ll part. I’ll go save Light while you will have a vacation. If you need to stick close, make a base somewhere around and check for the situation now and then.” She brushed her crumpled skirt to smooth it and rose decisively, then suddenly remembered something. “Oh, but first…” She opened the drawer again and retrieved the Death Note sheets.

When two hours later somewhat dusty from digging in the ground, she entered the hall of the headquarters, they already waited for her. Mogi approached her first and asked for the notebook. She handed it to him with a sulky face and let herself be cuffed and blindfolded. They apologized to her, repeating that ‘they would never subject Misa-Misa to such an inconvenience if not for Ryuzaki’s whims’. It comforted her a bit. At least they respected her and felt bad about the awful way they treated her. But she made sure to puff at them indignantly anyway.

And only when the world around her sank into darkness, did she hear another footsteps approaching.

“Misa Amane, nice to see you again.”

I wish I could see you too, L, she thought setting her jaw.

“Ryuzaki, you perv, will you never get enough of torturing us?”

“I assure you I would get no satisfaction from torturing you.” There was a slight, amused pout in his voice. “After all, we are friends, aren’t we?”

“Phew!”

He said nothing at that, apparently finding no good counter-argument.

“Mogi-san, can I have the Death Note, please?” Steps. Quiet rustle. “Thank you.” A moment of silence. “Misa-san, when you picked up the Death Note have you, by any means, seen something? Or rather someone? A big… um… unworldly creature?”

Another trap. No way she was going to fall into that either.

“What the hell are you talking about? What unworldly creature? Are you nuts? No, I didn’t see anyone like that.”

More silence. Then: “I see.”

With that, their friendly exchange was closed and L commanded Aizawa to take her away. She walked before the man, wondering whether it had been wise to give herself in like that.

* * *
L stared at the plate, absently poking a strawberry with his fork. The fruit made a zigzagy route around the piece of cake, leaving a red trace on the porcelain. Somewhere in the background voices sounded, the team members talking, not really having much to do these days. L didn’t hear what they were saying, too absorbed with his own thoughts.

It’s obvious that we can’t put an equation mark between Light and Kira. I knew Light for almost three months while he didn’t remember that he was Kira, and he was a completely different person. Devoted to catching the mass murder, very cautious about some of my methods. Just like his father. Honest, upright. He even refused to use the feelings of the girl who loved him. Sure, we may assume that his determination to solve this case was prompted by his desire to take revenge for being suspected and detained, or that it was an unconscious drive to carry out his plan. But most likely he simply saw Kira as a criminal and wanted to stop him. And he wasn’t pretending at that.

Most people don’t carry Death Notes with them. Having the Death Note is an exceptional situation, so the real… default Light is the one without the notebook. Just like Rem said. The owner of the Death Note loses their true self. But can we absolve him from all the murders he’s committed? Can we let it go without consequence if it was possible for him to control it? Killing off criminals could ultimately be forgiven, but murdering all those people just because they stood in his way? If there is the slightest chance that the Death Note owner can refrain from killing, Light’s guilt is a fact.

On the other hand, if we punish Kira, we will destroy the good person Light really is. Does he deserve it just because he was unfortunate enough to find this notebook?

The strawberry slipped from under his fork and leapt up, landing on the floor with a splat. For a moment he stared at it dully. Then, not really making a conscious decision, got up and not bothering to pick it up, moved to the terminal. He looked at a small austere room displayed on one of the screens. The dark, cuffed figure sat on the bench with his head low. The neighboring screen showed a similar, but not so depressing picture. They had decided that there was no point in restraining and blindfolding Misa and even gave her some fashion magazines to read. At the moment the girl was lying on her stomach and browsing one of them.

“How is it? Still nothing?” he asked Matsuda, who was currently keeping guard at the panel.

The policeman shook his head. “Just as before. There haven’t been any new murders since the moment Misa-Misa was detained.”

Of course. The question was just a formality, nothing more than excuse to say something. If some new murder occurred, Matsuda would have most likely announced it at the top of his voice doing a happy dance around the room.

“But Ryuzaki, no evidence was found on neither of them. Not the tiniest piece of the Death Note. We searched everything thoroughly.”

“It’s not a problem to destroy a piece of paper,” Ryuzaki repeated with a sigh.

“But I was thinking. This rule about destroying…”

“…applies only to the whole notebook, there is no mention about separate sheets.” And besides, I am 99% certain it’s false. But this Ryuzaki left for himself.

Matsuda’s face fell.

“How is Amane now?”

“As you see. She calmed down. She no longer demands to see Light. And stopped calling you names. Generally, she seems quite comfortable.”

“Good.” L looked at Light again. Then, after a momentary thought, pressed the button and the screen faded to black. Matsuda looked at him surprised.

“I am going to visit Light-kun. I would like to talk to him in private.” He decided this was enough of an explanation. Matsuda didn’t say a word, just nodded absently, so L turned on his heel and left the room.

* * *
He stood at the cell door, taking in the sight of the prisoner. Light still sat in the same position as he’d seen it on the screen. He didn’t raise his gaze to welcome his visitor.

“You may not believe it,” Ryuzaki started, “but the cameras are off.”

“You’re right, I don’t believe it.”

“See for yourself.”

Light did look up, shifting his gaze to the camera without meeting his eyes. His expression remained blank.

“That doesn’t mean anything.”

Still haven’t given up, Light? L sighed and came over to the bunk.

“May I take a sit?”

“What if I say no?”

“I won’t.”

A pause. Then: “Sure, take a sit.”

So he did, pulling up his knees for comfort. For a while they were silent. Ryuzaki stared at the opposite wall and allowed himself to clear his head of hard thinking for once. Light’s head fell on his chest again. After a minute or so, however, he spoke.

“Why did you come?”

“Wanted to see you, I guess. I mean in person.”

“Why?”

He shrugged. It’s not that he didn’t know the answer. He just didn’t feel like explaining himself. This in itself should be an explanation for Light.

“And I wanted to ask you a question.” Silence, of course. He gave it another moment. “Why didn’t you kill me? You could. You had many days to do it. You lost by your own choice. Why?”

Light chuckled under his breath.

“You expect me to answer this question when I already told you I don’t believe you with the cameras?”

“You know they are off.”

“Maybe.”

But he didn’t answer. No, L didn’t expect him to. All he wanted was to voice the question, he realized. Another silent minute passed and he already thought they would end up just sitting like that, but then something happened. Ryuzaki never expected it from the proud son of the chief inspector. Light leaned against him, resting his weight on his side and putting his head on his shoulder. Ryuzaki inhaled, taken aback. That could be the answer.

“L,” Light murmured. “What kind of a name is that?”

L smiled sadly. And this was a kind of confession. To him personally; even if the cameras were on, no one else could know the true meaning of that. Great communication, even now.

“Just a name,” he said. “Like any other. Just short.”

Light didn’t say another word after that, but Ryuzaki wrapped his arm around him and after a while – simply unable to stop it – planted a kiss on the chestnut hair. Light’s shoulders moved, when he took in a deep breath and then left it out.