Too much love kills
folder
Gravitation › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
4
Views:
1,386
Reviews:
5
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Gravitation › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
4
Views:
1,386
Reviews:
5
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Gravitation, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Part IV
A/N: Thanks DemonLadySesshomaru for your opinion. I think you're the only person who gives a shit about this story.
Part IV
I spent the whole day thinking how should I tell my boyfriend. I didn’t intend to tell my parents, because they didn’t even know that I was gay, but Hidano had to know. We slept together after all.
He called me that day, and asked me how I was. I told him I was fine. I don’t know if he believed, but I couldn’t say the truth, it was too difficult. He invited me for a dinner, and I decided that this time I’ll tell him.
Between one meal and another I just did it. I told him in the easiest way possible.
“Hidano, I have HIV.”
He stared at me dumbfounded, and I wished I could disappear. I’d never expect it would be so hard to face him after telling the truth.
“What the fuck? You think it’s funny? Stop joking!” He seemed angry at me, and obviously didn’t believe me.
“It’s true.” I showed him the test results, and he became totally pale.
“How? You told me I was your first.”
“I lied.”
“Why? Why didn’t you say the truth?!”
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” I stared crying. “I didn’t tell you, because I was ashamed of myself. I let that man use me. I wanted to forget.”
I remember Hidano embracing me, but it wasn’t the usual warm embrace. I could feel his uneasiness. Everything changed, nothing would be the same again.
~~~~
Hidano broke up with me. He couldn’t handle my problems so he ran away. Stupid jerk. And I thought he loved me. Once again I proved my own stupidity. I was left alone with my curse, and I would probably commit suicide if I didn’t find something to live for.
That night I was watching TV, and I saw Nittle Grasper in the news. They were planing a tour and a new album, so when Ryuichi was asked if he has something to tell his fans, he said with a big grin “come to our concert, it will be the greatest event ever”. Seeing his smiling face made me so angry that I took the nearest object, which was the bottle, and throw it in the TV. Then the idea came to my mind. What if I killed Sakume-san? What if I made justice win? He deserved death more than me. I didn’t care if I got arrested. The idea of making Ryuichi pay kept me alive.
The plan was easy. All I had to do was finding a hotel where Nittle Grasper would stay and take the place of the hotel boy. So I did. I tied down the staff member, and took his clothes. Then I brought food to Ryuichi’s apartment. As I thought, he didn’t recognize me.
“I brought the supper.” I announced.
“I’m not hungry.”
“But I was told to deliver it.”
“Ok, just leave it and go.”
Of course I didn’t leave, instead I locked the door.
“Hey, what are you doing?” Ryuichi said confused.
I didn’t reply, but took the knife out of my pocket, and attacked Sakuma-san. I think he’d been training something, because he was quite good at dodging my attacks.
“K! Guards!” He shouted.
I attacked again, but he was too fast.
“Who are you? Put that knife away!”
“You ruined my life! I hate you Sakuma-san!” I was absolutely furious, and I wanted to cry. I think I didn’t think rationally that day. I was blinded by anger.
I swear that for a moment I saw a glimpse of recognition in his eyes. Yes, he recognized me. I knew it, because he looked pretty shocked.
With the next attack K and guards dashed into the room, and I was dragged away. I remember that I was still screaming “I hate you, Sakuma-san.”
~~~~
I spent the whole night in jail. I was angry at myself, not because I’d got myself caught, but because I hadn’t achieved my aim. Probably I ruined my last chance. Now I would spend a lot of time in prison. At least I thought so, but to my surprise I was released the next day.
“Someone paid the bail.” The guard announced, and opened the cell.
My surprise grew even bigger. Who might have done this? I didn’t have rich friends or family so who? Well, guess what? It was Sakuma-san. I realized it when I was brought to a room where he sat with Mr. Winchester.
“Is it some kind of a joke?” I asked.
“Do you think we’re in the mood for joking?” K looked very serious. “You better sit down. We have to talk.”
I took a seat. Now I was confused. What did they wanted from me? Did they want to punish me? To lecture me?
“Why did you attack me?” Asked Sakuma-san.
“Because you ruined my life.”
“In what sense?”
“In what sense, you say? Lets think... oh, I know. You infected me with HIV.” I replied with the obvious sarcasm.
“How do you know it was him?” This time asked K.
“Probably because I slept only with two people, and one is clean.” I still sounded sarcastic.
“How much do you want?” Ryuichi’s question surprised me.
“What do you mean?”
“Money. How much do you want?” He asked again, and whipped the sweat from his forehead. He didn’t look good. I think he had a fever.
“I don’t want your money. Don’t think you can buy my forgiveness.” Now I was furious. Who did he think he was?”
“I don’t ask you to forgive me, I... look, I’m a very ill person. I don’t want people to pity me or find me disgusting. Just don’t tell anyone I have AIDS.”
“When did you get ill?”
“Last year.”
“And for all that time you hadn’t known you’d been infected?”
“No, I hadn’t. And now tell me how much do you want.”
That started to be boring. I had enough of it.
“You think that money can fix everything, don’t you? Don’t worry, I’ve never intended to tell anyone. They wouldn’t believe me anyway.”
“At least let me pay for your treatment. I owe you that.”
“The whole money of the world won’t fix what you have done to me, Sakuma-san.”
“That’s enough!” Before I could react K grabbed my by the throat and pushed me into the wall.
“K, stop!” Ryuichi shouted, but I was still stuck between the wall and Mr.Winchester. I was so petrified that I couldn’t talk. I felt K’s anger. I could kill me if he wanted.
“Ryuichi wants to help you, even though you tried to kill him, and you’re still complaining?” I shivered when I heard the voice full of fury. “You want to go back to jail? No problem, we can send you back. If I were you I would take some help, because now you really need it.” He released the grip, and I sat terrified under the wall. “You blame Ryuichi? I’ll tell you something. You should blame yourself, because you’re the one who went to bed with a stranger, without protection, perfectly knowing the risk. So start thinking rationally or you’ll return to jail.”
That was enough to make me loose my confidence. K-san was right. I had fucked up my life, and now I nearly fucked it up even more. I started crying, I felt so ashamed of myself. Why I was so stupid? Why I’d always done things without thinking.
“I just wanted to be with you, Sakuma-san.” I cried loudly. I’m glad nobody else saw me.
“Hey.” I felt Ryuichi embracing me. “Here’s a ticket to my next concert. “I know it’s nothing, and probably won’t make you happy, but just give me some time. I’ll try to help you, I promise. I would do anything to turn back time, really. I hate myself for what I’ve done.”
tbc
Part IV
I spent the whole day thinking how should I tell my boyfriend. I didn’t intend to tell my parents, because they didn’t even know that I was gay, but Hidano had to know. We slept together after all.
He called me that day, and asked me how I was. I told him I was fine. I don’t know if he believed, but I couldn’t say the truth, it was too difficult. He invited me for a dinner, and I decided that this time I’ll tell him.
Between one meal and another I just did it. I told him in the easiest way possible.
“Hidano, I have HIV.”
He stared at me dumbfounded, and I wished I could disappear. I’d never expect it would be so hard to face him after telling the truth.
“What the fuck? You think it’s funny? Stop joking!” He seemed angry at me, and obviously didn’t believe me.
“It’s true.” I showed him the test results, and he became totally pale.
“How? You told me I was your first.”
“I lied.”
“Why? Why didn’t you say the truth?!”
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” I stared crying. “I didn’t tell you, because I was ashamed of myself. I let that man use me. I wanted to forget.”
I remember Hidano embracing me, but it wasn’t the usual warm embrace. I could feel his uneasiness. Everything changed, nothing would be the same again.
~~~~
Hidano broke up with me. He couldn’t handle my problems so he ran away. Stupid jerk. And I thought he loved me. Once again I proved my own stupidity. I was left alone with my curse, and I would probably commit suicide if I didn’t find something to live for.
That night I was watching TV, and I saw Nittle Grasper in the news. They were planing a tour and a new album, so when Ryuichi was asked if he has something to tell his fans, he said with a big grin “come to our concert, it will be the greatest event ever”. Seeing his smiling face made me so angry that I took the nearest object, which was the bottle, and throw it in the TV. Then the idea came to my mind. What if I killed Sakume-san? What if I made justice win? He deserved death more than me. I didn’t care if I got arrested. The idea of making Ryuichi pay kept me alive.
The plan was easy. All I had to do was finding a hotel where Nittle Grasper would stay and take the place of the hotel boy. So I did. I tied down the staff member, and took his clothes. Then I brought food to Ryuichi’s apartment. As I thought, he didn’t recognize me.
“I brought the supper.” I announced.
“I’m not hungry.”
“But I was told to deliver it.”
“Ok, just leave it and go.”
Of course I didn’t leave, instead I locked the door.
“Hey, what are you doing?” Ryuichi said confused.
I didn’t reply, but took the knife out of my pocket, and attacked Sakuma-san. I think he’d been training something, because he was quite good at dodging my attacks.
“K! Guards!” He shouted.
I attacked again, but he was too fast.
“Who are you? Put that knife away!”
“You ruined my life! I hate you Sakuma-san!” I was absolutely furious, and I wanted to cry. I think I didn’t think rationally that day. I was blinded by anger.
I swear that for a moment I saw a glimpse of recognition in his eyes. Yes, he recognized me. I knew it, because he looked pretty shocked.
With the next attack K and guards dashed into the room, and I was dragged away. I remember that I was still screaming “I hate you, Sakuma-san.”
~~~~
I spent the whole night in jail. I was angry at myself, not because I’d got myself caught, but because I hadn’t achieved my aim. Probably I ruined my last chance. Now I would spend a lot of time in prison. At least I thought so, but to my surprise I was released the next day.
“Someone paid the bail.” The guard announced, and opened the cell.
My surprise grew even bigger. Who might have done this? I didn’t have rich friends or family so who? Well, guess what? It was Sakuma-san. I realized it when I was brought to a room where he sat with Mr. Winchester.
“Is it some kind of a joke?” I asked.
“Do you think we’re in the mood for joking?” K looked very serious. “You better sit down. We have to talk.”
I took a seat. Now I was confused. What did they wanted from me? Did they want to punish me? To lecture me?
“Why did you attack me?” Asked Sakuma-san.
“Because you ruined my life.”
“In what sense?”
“In what sense, you say? Lets think... oh, I know. You infected me with HIV.” I replied with the obvious sarcasm.
“How do you know it was him?” This time asked K.
“Probably because I slept only with two people, and one is clean.” I still sounded sarcastic.
“How much do you want?” Ryuichi’s question surprised me.
“What do you mean?”
“Money. How much do you want?” He asked again, and whipped the sweat from his forehead. He didn’t look good. I think he had a fever.
“I don’t want your money. Don’t think you can buy my forgiveness.” Now I was furious. Who did he think he was?”
“I don’t ask you to forgive me, I... look, I’m a very ill person. I don’t want people to pity me or find me disgusting. Just don’t tell anyone I have AIDS.”
“When did you get ill?”
“Last year.”
“And for all that time you hadn’t known you’d been infected?”
“No, I hadn’t. And now tell me how much do you want.”
That started to be boring. I had enough of it.
“You think that money can fix everything, don’t you? Don’t worry, I’ve never intended to tell anyone. They wouldn’t believe me anyway.”
“At least let me pay for your treatment. I owe you that.”
“The whole money of the world won’t fix what you have done to me, Sakuma-san.”
“That’s enough!” Before I could react K grabbed my by the throat and pushed me into the wall.
“K, stop!” Ryuichi shouted, but I was still stuck between the wall and Mr.Winchester. I was so petrified that I couldn’t talk. I felt K’s anger. I could kill me if he wanted.
“Ryuichi wants to help you, even though you tried to kill him, and you’re still complaining?” I shivered when I heard the voice full of fury. “You want to go back to jail? No problem, we can send you back. If I were you I would take some help, because now you really need it.” He released the grip, and I sat terrified under the wall. “You blame Ryuichi? I’ll tell you something. You should blame yourself, because you’re the one who went to bed with a stranger, without protection, perfectly knowing the risk. So start thinking rationally or you’ll return to jail.”
That was enough to make me loose my confidence. K-san was right. I had fucked up my life, and now I nearly fucked it up even more. I started crying, I felt so ashamed of myself. Why I was so stupid? Why I’d always done things without thinking.
“I just wanted to be with you, Sakuma-san.” I cried loudly. I’m glad nobody else saw me.
“Hey.” I felt Ryuichi embracing me. “Here’s a ticket to my next concert. “I know it’s nothing, and probably won’t make you happy, but just give me some time. I’ll try to help you, I promise. I would do anything to turn back time, really. I hate myself for what I’ve done.”
tbc