Shadows

AUTHOR\'S NOTE: Wow, Part 4 already! Yay! Well, I\'ve been writing a lot, and I can tell you now, this fic is going to be a LOT longer than I intended! I think there will be a Part Five and Part Six definitely. More, who knows?



I would like to thank Shigure-san for the very kind and encouraging review. :D Thank you!



Ironically, Shigure-san, some of your suggested ideas I already planned to implement in the fic...heehee.



This fic is moving along plot-wise, but in an attempt to move it along smut-wise faster, I might be developing things a bit quicker...making Ritsuka realize things faster...so if any moments seem kind of "uh, that was too fast," I apologize. It\'s difficult to balance plot and smut at the same time. :D



Happy reading!



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SHADOWS



by lordoberon





Part Four



I can get bandages from Soubi.



It took a long time for the cab to reach Soubi’s house, partly because Ritsuka was so spaced out that it took him a while to give the man the address. Ritsuka tried to distract himself by staring outside, but his hands hurt. The green goo had dried on the backs of his hands, and he held his hands in the air, away from his body. As they got closer and closer to Soubi’s house, his hands began to hurt more. Ritsuka shook his head angrily as he felt tears prickle his eyes.



I’m not going to cry!



When he got out of the cab, he had to admit that he wiped a few tears away, but then he steeled himself. I’ll have to face Soubi’s questioning…or maybe he won’t question. He’s not like Kio, who would ask all sorts of questions if he were here.



To Ritsuka’s disappointment though, Kio WAS here. Ritsuka could see them both through the window as he walked up the stairs. They were learning over their final painting project, two blonde heads of hair. Ritsuka watched Soubi’s long fingers holding that paintbrush so delicately, and sighed in contentment. Just watching Soubi paint made everything better, somehow. It made him peaceful.



But Kio was there, and Ritsuka didn’t want to deal with questions. He wished he could just sink into Soubi’s arms, but it would be too awkward. Kio would make Ritsuka feel like a little boy, or an idiot, and he wouldn’t get to talk to Soubi. That’s what Ritsuka did when he watched Soubi paint, he talked to him, and sometimes he would tell him about how troubled he was, how worried. Somehow, Soubi always knew what to say to make Ritsuka feel better.



When Ritsuka had told Soubi once about trying to save a girl from getting bullied and getting beaten up in response, and how guilty and sad he had felt afterward, Soubi had said, “Ritsuka, it was very noble of you to try and help. But first and foremost, before you help others, you must help yourself. Your heart here,” and he had put a hand over Ritsuka’s chest, “is hurting, and it needs to heal. Then you can don your armor and go riding off into the sunset to save girls.”



They had laughed, and Ritsuka had thought to himself, But I don’t want to save girls, and I can’t have the role of knight in shining armor. My knight is standing in front of me. He’s saved me, so many times…and here he is trying to save me again. Why can’t this calm he gives me grow and influence the time I spend without him?



The walk home was slow. Ritsuka tried not to think of anything as he walked. As he passed the school he began a game of kicking a pebble along the sidewalk, and by the time he reached his street he had long gotten tired of it. But there was something about kicking the pebble; it was like watching Soubi paint. As long as Ritsuka didn’t have to think about himself, he was fine. It was when he had to look at his actions, his words, and his situation, that he felt disgusted, ashamed, and sad. How to change it? How to let Soubi change it? How to open himself up to some sort of healing?



The answers came in an unexpected form. Ritsuka only realized it for what it was later, lying in Soubi’s apartment. But when he lifted his head up at a yell and saw Yamada Matsui charging towards him, he didn’t realize that this boy was the answer.



Before Ritsuka could even get his hands up in the air, the other boy had pounced on him. They rolled across the street, slamming into a parked car, and then Yamada and another boy heaved him up, dragging him across the sidewalk to slam him up against a wire fence. Ritsuka felt the wire dig into his back as Yamada’s fists on his shirt collar shoved. And then one of those hands was pushing at his stomach, and the other wrapped around his throat.



“You think you’re so smart, don’t you, Aoyagi? How dare you talk about Saida like that! What were you doing with her? You shouldn’t even say her name, you’re not worthy of it!” Spit landed on Ritsuka’s cheek. He looked behind Yamada at the two lackeys who followed him. One of them was laughing, and the other looked bored. No help there.



“Yamada, it was a joke. I – ouch – hey – I didn’t mean it!” Yamada’s hands were tightening around Ritsuka’s throat.



“Didn’t mean it? Didn’t mean it?!”



The boy’s curly brown hair bounced as Yamada shook Ritsuka, slamming him against the fence over and over. He was taller and stockier than Ritsuka, with meaty hands and dark, angry green eyes. Ritsuka would have liked to reach out and squash that big, ugly nose, but then Yamada whirled around and threw Ritsuka to the ground. In a second Yamada was on him, beating the lights out of him.



First it was with fists, again and again. Ritsuka cupped his hands over his nose so Yamada couldn’t break it. The boy seemed to be intent on leaving bruises all over Ritsuka’s neck. Then all of a sudden Ritsuka felt his shirt being lifted up, and something sharp and metallic was being dragged over his skin. He closed his eyes. Why wasn’t he fighting? For a moment he tried, struggling, but it was no use. The other boys’ hands held him down. This was like trying to fight his mother, there was just no way it could work. So Ritsuka gave up.



The metal thing slammed against Ritsuka’s temple, and then clobbered his ear, and that’s when his head started to ring. It continued to ring and ring as fists pounded into him. He could taste blood in his mouth, and then he was being turned over, he was being slammed against a car, he was lying on his back with that heavy body over him, crushing him. He reared his body up like a cat, trying to get the weight off him, screaming.



A fist bloodied his lip, scratched his face, finally got to his nose and Ritsuka felt the blood flow and congeal on his chin. The earrings Soubi had pierced him with for last year’s birthday were ripped from his ears, and Ritsuka howled in pain. He could feel an ankle radiating pain, and one of his fingers was surely broken. A black eye made his face swollen, and when next he was turned onto his stomach he spat a tooth from his mouth. He had never been beaten this thoroughly by anyone from school, only maybe by his mother. This hurt! It hurt so much!



“STOP! STOP IT! STOP! IT HURTS!”



Ritsuka realized he was screaming over and over, and didn’t even register the sound of feet pattering away, and screamed when a pair of arms wrapped around him. He kept on screaming, but after a few moments the soft voice got through to him.



“Ritsuka. Ritsuka. It’s me. It’s Soubi. I’m here.”



Ritsuka looked up into those beautiful blue eyes. The street was empty. He could see pools of his own blood on the ground, and feel the marks around his left eye all swollen. Soubi’s eyes were so beautiful. Soubi was here. Soubi had come and saved him again.



The boy curled up into a ball on Soubi’s lap and cried. When the man gently lifted him up, Ritsuka put his arms around Soubi’s neck and pressed his nose against Soubi, smelling that lemony scent in Soubi’s hair. His tears and his blood were surely staining Soubi’s coat as they proceeded to Soubi’s apartment.



Soubi saved me again. He’s not a knight in shining armor, I take that back. He’s an angel. My angel.



“Soubi…” Ritsuka whispered, as he heard the click of the apartment door opening.



“Yes?”



“I love you…”



Then the warmth and comfort of Soubi’s bed, of home, enveloped Ritsuka, and he fell into a deep slumber.



* * *



Soubi’s POV

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It took a long, quiet conversation with Kio to calm Soubi down, to make him not track down those boys and hurt them somehow for what they had done to Ritsuka. Usually Soubi had more self control and didn’t let anger overcome him, even when others thought it might, or should. But this…this was unacceptable. This was Ritsuka, his Ritsuka, that those boys had hurt, and Soubi didn’t want to let them get away with it. But after a talk with Kio he felt much better, and decided to let it go. It was best. He needed to think of Ritsuka now, sleeping on his bed, not Ritsuka as he had seen him…



Ritsuka crushed and strangled by all those shadows, all that darkness, as he lay defeated on the ground with blood all around him, screaming in pain. Ritsuka with a black eye and blood, so much blood! It had taken a gentle, soft touch not to wake Ritsuka as Soubi cared for the boy’s wounds. The boy woke up a couple times, crying out in pain, but then he fell back asleep moments later.



Soubi had gone to get Ritsuka after school as had become routine, to find Ritsuka absent. He thought maybe one of Ritsuka’s friends had invited him to come over, except Ritsuka’s friends didn’t go to his school. So on the way to Ritsuka’s house Soubi called Yayoi.He couldn’t call Yuiko; she would freak out if she heard that Soubi didn’t know where Ritsuka was.



Yayoi had then admitted to Soubi about going drinking with Ritsuka, and the tale of Ritsuka’s first drinking experience at a party. He had even told Soubi, under a promise that Soubi would not say that Yayoi told him, about Ritsuka’s fighting at school. Ritsuka had tried to keep it a secret from Yayoi, but Yayoi had pestered him about how he had been invited to the party in the first place. Yayoi was no innocent; he had wanted to attend such a party for a while, and so had determinedly grilled Ritsuka on Ritsuka’s experience. Then they had gone together to this one the other night.



So that’s why Ritsuka slept so soundly and didn’t wake up, Soubi had smiled to himself, as Yayoi had explained Ritsuka’s “damn luckiness for getting no hangovers!”



And now here was Ritsuka, after so much trial and tribulation…Soubi was scared for Ritsuka. He was scared more so even now, that Ritsuka had reached the end of a long harsh road, and was standing at a cliff’s edge. Could Soubi stop him from jumping? Could he pull him back, away from the reaching arms of that pit of shadows?



If Ritsuka would let himself be happy, then he would heal. Soubi had tried so much to make Ritsuka happy, and he knew that Ritsuka was happy when with friends. But at high school, Ritsuka was obviously in an extremely stressful environment. He had no friends at the new school, drinking parties did NOT help, and the fighting boys at lunch worried Soubi very much. How could he convince Ritsuka to stop that habit? Not that he did not understand the rebellious feeling, the anger…but Ritsuka had to let go of his anger. It would be scary, but he had to do it. It was the core, the heart of the matter, and it was driving Ritsuka crazy. And seeing Ritsuka like this, so troubled, and feeling unable to help, was driving Soubi crazy.



Soubi got up from his seat at the foot of the bed where he had been watching Ritsuka, and left briefly to go buy some noodles. When he returned the boy was still sleeping. Soubi forced himself to stop staring at Ritsuka and went to make the noodles.



When they were done he ate some, because he told himself that he had to eat, had to, even though he was worried about Ritsuka. He left a bowl of noodles on the bedside table next to Ritsuka, with plastic wrap over it to keep it warm.



The ankle was not swollen anymore, but the black eye would remain for a couple of days. Nothing had been broken, but Ritsuka’s body was bruised, and Soubi was sure the boy was emotionally hurting. With Soubi’s skills at doctoring he had managed to fix almost everything, but the bruises around the eye would take a few days to fade, and Ritsuka’s heart was much less easily healed.



A headache thumped in Soubi’s head, so he got up to go to the bathroom and wash his face. When he looked up from drying he saw himself in the mirror. His long hair was bedraggled and dirty, the left side of his neck smeared with blood from Ritsuka’s ripped ears and bloody nose, and his coat and shirt were stained with blood. Soubi pinched his nose, urging the headache to leave, and left the bathroom.



Night had fallen, it was about nine pm now. Soubi put a kettle on to boil for tea so that he could drink some before bed. He glanced at Ritsuka before he shed his clothes, dumping them in the hamper to be washed. He grabbed a towel and then jumped into the shower. The hot water was so soothing, it felt so good. Immediately Soubi’s body felt revitalized. The headache left, and Soubi leaned against the wall, sighing loudly. He felt so much more relaxed now.



“Soubi?”



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AUTHOR\'S NOTE: Augh, no smut yet! I\'m sorry! Please review anyway!



Writing the beating part was difficult. I mean, I\'ve never really written that kind of thing before, but writing Loveless fanfiction has required me to do so. Poor Ritsuka. I\'m just glad writing Loveless fanfiction is giving me writing experience. :)



More soon! Like maybe right now! See if you can click down more on the menu! :D