Samurai Times

Chapter 4

There was a thunderous pounding at the front door to his quarters. He heard the door open and a voice called out, “Shindou-san, are you in there?”

Shuichi’s eyes flew open; he sprung upright and gasped for air. The room was dark and he was alone. Panted breaths filled the room as he finally became fully aware of his surroundings. Shuichi flopped back on his mattress and sighed, tears threatened to cascade down his face. It was all a dream, a wonderful dream and he was brought out of it at the worst possible time, and by none other than his dream lover’s younger brother.

Tatsuha entered the unlocked quarters and stared at the untouched plate of food. Momentary fear struck him as he wondered what could have happened to his friend. There had been no comments or rumors from the castle staff about him being discharged after only one day of teaching. Again he called out, this time a tinge of panic in his voice. "Shindou-san, if you are here, please say something. Are you alright?"

The young teacher fought back his tears, finally answering his guest in a shaky voice. "I'm in here, Tatsuha-san." He sniffed back any remaining tears that had formed and now clogged his sinuses.

Hearing the undeniable sound of his friend's crying, the young warrior approached the bedroom, uncertain of what he would find there. He drew his katana into a fighting stance and slinked closer to the room, ready to attack any intruder that may have entered with intent to harm the new sensei. He cautiously neared the open portal to the next chamber and took a quick glance inside the room. Not finding anyone there, except the prone teacher, he lowered his blade, but kept it ready in case someone was in the shadows. Keeping his back against the door jamb, he inched into the room, again checking for another person's presence. "Shindou-san, are you alone?"

Shuichi looked up at his friend and saw the drawn sword. He knew that Tatsuha must be very concerned for his welfare, since warriors seldom showed their blades except to attack. He reassured his friend that he was quite alone and in no danger. With a tinge of regret in his voice he stated, "I'm the only one here, the only one that's been here since I returned from the castle." Again, sorrow filled his heart. He wished that he could tell Tatsuha that he had not been alone, that he had actually intruded on the best moment in his life. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case. He slowly got up, sat on the edge of the futon and looked at the young samurai apprentice with glassy violet eyes.

Tatsuha knew something was wrong, but since there was no one else here, he sheathed his katana and walked over to his new friend, taking a seat next to him on the futon. "What's wrong, Shindou-san? Why have you been crying?"

The young teacher turned towards his companion and then threw his arms around the other's shoulders, burying his head against his chest. As he started crying he proclaimed, "I love him, Tatsuha. I love him and he doesn't even know I exist."

The young warrior’s eyes widened and he gaped at the smaller man that clung to him. It was apparent that something happened, but he was clueless. “Who do you love, Shindou-san?”

Shuichi lifted his head and stared into ebony eyes that showed great concern and caring. “Eiri, I love your brother, Eiri, and he doesn’t even know. How could he know, he hates everything about me. I’ve been nothing but problems for him since I entered the province. What am I going to do?”

Tatsuha finally understood. He knew from their conversation this very morning that Shuichi was attracted to the senior samurai, but didn’t realize that the attraction had become so intense in his new friend’s heart. His sister knew that this man could be the one to finally thaw the iceberg that surrounded their brother’s heart after losing his beloved Ryuichi, but neither of them expected this kind of reaction so soon. “Shindou-san, Shuichi, are you certain about your feelings for my brother? You know he’s been hurting since his lover’s death. I don’t want you saying anything unless you really mean it.”

Tears cascaded down Shuichi’s cheek. If there was one thing he knew, it was that his heart was breaking and the reason was because he wanted to be with the older brother. “It may sound crazy, but I think I knew I loved him the moment I saw him. There was just something about him that touched me. I know it’s strange, how can a person fall in love with a total stranger, but I have. And the worst part is he hates me.”

Looking around for something to wipe his friend’s face and finding nothing, Tatsuha took the sleeve of his haori and gently touched it to Shuichi’s cheeks, drying the tears that lingered. “He doesn’t hate you, Shuichi. He doesn’t really know you, yet.” Tatsuha also knew that there would be reason for his brother to like the new teacher, but this was not the time to disclose that information. Instead, he bit the inside of his cheek and in an effort to lighten the mood, he jokingly added, “If he hated you, you and I wouldn’t be sitting here talking right now. Your head would be somewhere where your body couldn’t find it.”

Sniffing back the rest of his tears, Shuichi remained otherwise silent. He stared at the slight smile that graced the features that mimicked those of the man he loved. Was it possible that he was wrong, that the samurai didn’t really hate him, like he thought? Still, Eiri was always cross when they spoke and never said anything kind or reassuring. All he ever got was commands and criticism. “Tatsuha, what do I do now? Yesterday he was angry because I took too long getting here, then he barked at me when I didn’t move fast enough to follow the shogun. Today, he did the same thing. He had to come get me for the first day of class then he questioned every little thing I did, criticizing me when he thought I was doing something wrong. And then there’s the way he looks at me, like my face is revolting to his eyes.”

Shuichi was so confused and didn’t know what to think anymore. All he knew was that his dreams were never wrong. They always told him what his heart was feeling and his heart was telling him that he loved Eiri. Never before had he ever had a dream so vivid or sexual in nature. Even when he was in love with an older classmate, he never dreamt of him in this manner. Truthfully, even after the brief affair he had with Hiroshi, he never felt like this. Hiroshi was his first crush, his first love. He really loved the older class mate; he wasn’t merely infatuated with his charisma and looks. This was different. This time, Shuichi felt it in his very soul. Eiri was the man he wanted to be with. Now there was just the question of how, if at all possible, could he make Eiri take notice of him.

Tatsuha studied Shuichi’s face as his mind wandered. “Tell me, what are you thinking about now?” He waited and got no answer. “Shuichi?”

The dazed young man blinked when he heard his name. “Huh? What did you say?”

“I asked, what are you thinking about now?” The question was repeated.

Shuichi took a deep breath and sighed. “I was thinking about the only other man I ever had feelings for and I was comparing them to how I feel about your brother.”

“And what are the comparisons?” Tatsuha didn’t like the fact that his newfound friend may now be having doubts.

Shuichi decided to be completely open with Tatsuha, if he expected to retain his trust and have his aid in getting through to Eiri. “Two years ago, there was an upper classman, a nobleman’s son I later found out, who I became infatuated with the first time I saw him. He didn’t care that I wasn’t of noble birth, like many of the others did. He became my friend and helped me when the others gave me problems. (He didn’t elaborate further on what those problems may have been.) I knew I was falling in love with him, but was too afraid to say anything. I suppose because we were spending so much time together, he started to like me as much as I liked him. One day, just before a big exam, I got scared that I would fail and be expelled. He took my hand, looked me in the eyes and said, ‘Someone I love this much can never fail.’ I was astonished. He just told me he loved me. I didn’t know if he said it to make me feel better or if he meant it, not until he leaned over and kissed me, really kissed me.”

He stopped there to get some kind of reaction from the young warrior. When Tatsuha remained silent, intent on listening before making any comments or judgments, he continued. “That night after I took the exam and passed it, we made love. We truly loved each other and were there for one another. I think if it weren’t for his father, we would be together today. But his father found out about us and insisted that Hiroshi break off with me. Although he protested, professing his love for me, it was no good. When the ultimatum came down to either stop seeing me or his father would have me expelled, Hiroshi made the worse choice. He told me we could no longer be together. We both cried, but he said that he knew that someday I would find someone that could love me for me, and that he would have to do the same. He graduated from school a couple of weeks later and I never saw him again. So you see, I know what love is, and I know how I feel. And what I feel for your brother is at least as strong as what I felt for Hiroshi. Does that make any sense to you?”

Tatsuha closed his eyes and nodded. “I think it happens a lot, especially with samurai and their apprentices. When you are with someone day and night, you get close. That’s how it started with my brother and Ryuichi. Ryu was his novice, they worked together, ate together, slept together, although at first just in the same room, not the same bed, for about two years. Ryuichi and Eiri got to be good friends, and then one day, my brother told Mika and me that he was in love with Ryuichi. He was uncertain how to approach the subject with his apprentice.” He remembered that day fondly. “Mika was so happy for him, and I, well, I was still naïve and unsure of what to think. But, if Eiri was happy, then I knew I would be happy for him. Mika told him to be honest with Ryuichi and tell him how he felt. The worst that could happen would be that Ryuichi would not feel the same and he would need to move into another samurai’s home. The worst didn’t happen, because before Eiri could say anything, Ryuichi told him that he was in love with him. My brother was so elated.”

A slight giggle, most unbecoming a samurai slipped out. “Actually, the entire castle knew that very night that the two had become lovers. Ryuichi and Eiri could be very vocal, and not just when yelling commands at people. After that night, Eiri and Ryuichi moved to the far end of the compound to get some privacy and they were inseparable. They could be seen holding hands when they really thought no one else to be around. And then there was singing coming from their home. Ryuichi had a beautiful voice and the entire village would listen to songs of love that he sang at the end of the long days of training. ”

The sensei listened intently to the retelling of the story. He knew that Eiri was capable of real love and true emotions. Still, he was now so bitter. “What happened to Ryuichi? You said he had an accident and died and that is why Eiri is like he is now.”

A shiver ran down Tatsuha’s spine as he recalled that fateful day. “It was about six or so months ago and started like any ordinary day. Ryuichi was escorting my sister and two midwives to a nearby village to aid in the birth of her best friend’s baby. They had gotten about halfway there, along the riverbank, when a snake spooked Ryuichi’s horse and he got thrown off. Getting thrown wasn’t so bad, it happened all the time and he had been taught how to fall and not get hurt. But this time, when he got thrown, he hit a large rock that was embedded in the mud, splitting the back of his head open.”

A tear trickled down the young samurai’s face as he recounted the events of the day. “Mika and the other ladies bandaged his wound and sent a rider back to the castle for help. Eiri was the first to hear about the accident and insisted on going himself, but Seguchi-sama insisted on someone else going along. I volunteered. When we got there, Ryu was barely conscious. He was pale and there was a lot of blood that seeped through the bandages. Eiri raced to his side and held him in his arms while I got more medical supplies from the horses. As I approached them, I heard Ryuichi whisper, ‘I love you’ and then he collapsed. He wasn’t dead yet, but had lapsed into a coma. Several more men soon came from the castle and took him back, and I went with my sister to the next village.”

“When I got back five days later, Eiri was standing outside his home just staring at the ground. He wouldn’t talk to me so I went inside and Seguchi-sama was there with several other warriors and their novices. One of the healers was pulling a sheet over Ryuichi’s head. He died without ever regaining consciousness. The last words he ever spoke were to Eiri, telling him he loved him. After that day, Eiri shut himself off from everyone, me, Mika, even Seguchi-sama to some extent. He refused to take another apprentice until I asked for him as my mentor. Seguchi-sama insisted, and Eiri complied. I guess I was safe enough, since brothers don’t become lovers.”

Shuichi’s heart was breaking little by little as the story was retold. How could he ever expect to replace the man that had imprinted himself in Eiri’s soul and heart? “Tatsuha, if he felt that way then; and we know how he still is today, how can you be so certain that I have a glimmer of hope with him?”

“You actually look a lot like Ryuichi. Oh your eyes and hair are different, but there’s something that is so much like him. And you have something in common with him.”

Shuichi’s curiosity was now piqued. “What could I possibly have in common with a samurai?”

“You love Eiri. And somehow, that love will break through his shell of an existence and he will be able to return that love to you. You just have to be patient, and persistent. If you truly want him, you will find a way to make him see you.” A genuine smile crossed his face. “Mika and I knew from the very beginning that you would be the one for him. We knew all about your affair with Nakano-san and that’s why you are here. We searched the entire country to find someone who had the special qualities you have, the ability to love someone, not for what he is, but for who he really is. Mika knew that if you were to be with Eiri, it would become apparent immediately. Eiri only needs to know that he his loved, the same way that you needed to know you were loved. This time, though, there will be no fathers to come between you, if anything, family will work to help bring and keep you together.”

Shuichi was relieved. He now knew that there could be a chance, however slight, that he could get through to Eiri. He finally smiled and nodded. Yes, he would make Eiri see him, and he would find a way to rekindle the light of love in his heart

Shuichi needed time to think on how he could make Eiri notice him. After walking Tatsuha to the door and promising not to cry anymore, he smiled at his friend and bid him a good night. He closed the door and turned, finally took notice of the food that had been sitting there for hours on his table and realized that he was very hungry. Even cold, he decided to eat what had been left for him. Seeing there were no utensils, he went to his bedroom and rummaged in his bag to find the pair of chopsticks he always carried with him.

He walked back to the main room and was about to sit down when there was another knock at his door. He sighed and although he was not in the mood for any more company, he decided to answer it. Taking a moment to compose himself, he walked to the door to open it. Standing there was one of the lady's from the castle kitchen carrying another plate with food on it. He stood aside and allowed the lady entrance. She put the new plate down and picked up the other, and then turned to walk out the way she entered.

“Wait, please.” Shuichi implored her. “I wanted to thank you for your kindness. How did you know I hadn’t eaten?” He looked at the new plate of food, it was identical to the other, but the food was steaming, freshly made.

The lady turned and bowed and in a most quiet voice, she answered. “The young samurai lord came to the kitchen a few minutes ago and told us you were hungry. He said that the other food was not edible and we needed to make more. Many apologies, Shindou-san.”

“But the food wasn’t bad. I just let it get too cold. The fault is mine. Please accept my thanks for all your trouble.” Shuichi smiled, genuinely appreciating the trouble the ladies in the kitchen had gone through. “I’m sorry that you were put out and had to bring me another plate. Perhaps in the future, it would be better if I come to the kitchen and eat there, like I did this morning.”

Ebony eyes looked up at the young sensei. “Your kindness and thanks are accepted. If you please, we can arrange a specific time for you to eat your morning and evening meals in the comfort of your home. It is unwise to be seen in the kitchen eating. We have been given strict instructions that you are to have your meals in your quarters. Lord Uesugi was quite explicit about that.”

“Tatsuha-san gave you such instructions? That’s strange.” Shuichi was truly amazed that he carried such weight with the kitchen ladies.

A giggle escaped the young woman. “Not the younger one, sir, the samurai lord. After you decided to eat in the kitchen this morning, he came back and informed us that it was belittling to have such an educated man eat like a common household servant in the kitchen itself. He is the one who has given such instructions.” She looked up and spoke a bit more seriously. “I would suggest that you continue to eat in your quarters. We will find a mutually beneficial time for your food to be delivered.”

Shuichi was surprised. He honestly had thought that the warrior considered him no more than a common servant; his words and actions gave no other indication. He was actually quite happy that he was wrong. Maybe Tatsuha was right and that gruffness was hiding some compassion after all. “Of course I will do as Uesugi-san requires. If it’s alright with you ladies, I would take my first meal a half hour before the time as this morning, and the evening meal at the same time as you prepared it this evening. Again, I thank you for your kindnesses.” He bowed to the lady. “Now, it is late, and I am certain you would rather be in your home than waiting on me. I look forward to seeing you or one of the other ladies tomorrow.”

With that, the lady bowed and exited. Shuichi closed the door and walked over to the table, sat down and using the chopsticks he had retrieved earlier, ate his dinner at long last. As he was eating, he tried to figure out a way to break through Eiri’s rough shell and find his way into that broken heart.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The next morning, Shuichi was up and dressed long before the expected knock at his door. He answered it, smiled as a different lady entered and placed a tray of food on the lone table in the room. “Thank you. I will return the empty dishes on my way to the classroom. Please do not trouble yourself to come back for them.”

The lady bowed and told him that it was no problem to come back, after all, she would be bringing his dinner and the dishes could wait. Not wanting to argue and remembering what the other lady said about Eiri not wanting him treated like a common servant; he bowed and agreed.

Breakfast was most enjoyable, along with the miso soup and bread like he had yesterday, a normalcy for morning meals; an omelet with garden vegetables folded between layers of fluffy eggs was on a plate accompanied by some rice. A cup of milk and another with some kind of juice rounded out his hearty meal. He put the rice in the soup, and continued to eat his breakfast. When he was done, he stacked the empty dishes on the tray and left them on the table.

Having found his brush before bed the previous night, he ran it through his messy hair and left for the castle. Today, he was early, and instead of finding the children running around the classroom, he saw them in the courtyard. He silently approached as he watched them doing some katas. He vaguely remembered the moves as ones that Hiroshi showed him back at the school when he was trying to learn Kendo. It seemed as though the children were quite good at these planned out moves, so he decided to join them.

Once he fully entered the courtyard, the children spotted their teacher and stopped their actions and bowed to their sensei. Shuichi smiled as he bowed and said, “No, please continue. If you have no objections, I would like to join you.” The oldest child nodded and as the young royals returned to their practice, Shuichi joined them.

His movements were hesitant since it had been a couple of years since he really had done any of the moves, but he was slowly getting the hang of each kata. He hadn’t noticed that there was a visitor to the courtyard until the children stopped again and turned towards the opened doorway. There stood the samurai lord, hands on his hips, glaring at the assemblage.

“Jisou, goshujin zusan kata!” (Children, Your form is sloppy-roughly translated) he grumbled at the site of the seven people doing their kata. He then stepped out of doorway and into the yard. “Mendou!” was barked and the children got into two straight lines before the warrior and bowed. “Shindou-san, I did not expect you here this early. If you wish to practice with the children, you will have to get better. I suggest you line up behind the youngest and learn the proper forms.”

Shuichi almost jumped for joy. He finally figured a way to break through to Eiri. He would practice the kendo kata every day with the others. Inwardly he smiled and got behind the middle child in the row before him. As Eiri counted out the steps, each child and their sensei would move to the given direction. As each child worked through the set routine, Eiri walked in front of and between them, correcting arm placement and correcting any little mistakes they made. This also held true for the new teacher.

Noticing that the warrior was intent on his pupils learning proper form, Shuichi consciously made sure that he slouched a little or let his arms go too limp as the samurai approached him. Eiri would take his hands and pull Shuichi’s shoulders upright or hold his wrist as he worked his way into a proper stance. It took every bit of willpower that the young teacher had not to melt into those strong arms as Eiri came up behind him a third time to correct an intentional mistake. As the samurai pulled Shuichi upright, he leaned in close enough that his breath brushed against the younger man’s neck causing him to shiver just a bit. He whispered in Shuichi’s ear, “If you don’t improve, I will remove you from the class. I will not have you taking up all my time.”

A simple “Hai!” was his reply as this caught the young teacher’s attention. He straightened up and tried to show some improvement, although not too much. He still knew that this would be the way to get to Eiri, and he was going to make it work for him. He and the children continued practicing for a few more minutes before it was time for their lessons with him to begin. Once he stopped and called for the children’s attention to be focused on him, the samurai bowed and quietly left. Even though he lost the contact with the object of his desire, he relished in the fact that he now knew a way to get to his warrior’s heart.

The classes with the children went similarly as the previous day, only Eiri was not present in the room at all. Although he wasn’t there, the children remained focused on their classroom work, took their recesses with great abandon and then at day’s end, left to return to their parents. Shuichi marveled at how quickly the children picked up on English, and wondered if perhaps they knew more than was indicated at their first meeting.

Again, as he left the classroom, he was greeted by Lady Mika. This time, their conversation was not about his students and their progress. “I understand from my brother that you were taking kendo lessons with the children in the morning.” The statement was met with a smile. “Let us walk and we can talk more in private.”

Shuichi bowed his head and walked one step behind the lady to her private office. He too was more interested in talking about something, or rather someone, other than the six youngest members of the shogun’s household. “If I may speak freely?” He waited and when he got a slight nod from Mika, he continued. “I understand from speaking with your younger brother that my reasons for being here were never really just about teaching.”

Mika turned, a slight fear of panic showed on her face. “Shindou-san…” was all she got out before he smiled and she fell silent.

“Please, don’t worry, I‘m not upset about it. Tatsuha explained everything to me last night. I must say I was surprised to know that you wanted me here not so much to teach English, but to be a companion for the older brother.” Shuichi sat down on a floor cushion opposite Mika when she motioned to him. He then continued on. “I think you knew that I would be attracted to your brother, and you hoped that he would be attracted to me. The only problem is, because we got off to a bad start, he doesn’t seem to like me very much.”

“Don’t think he doesn’t like you because he seems rough around the edges. As you know he was hurt by the loss of his beloved Ryuichi. The mere fact that he allowed you to stay with the children during kendo lessons indicates that there is some attraction there. No others have been allowed to attend the children when he was teaching them.” She smiled sweetly. “You see, Ryuichi was an excellent master of kendo, and the mere fact that he has taken the time with you is great encouragement for me.”

“But he told me that if I didn’t improve, he would ban me from their daily lessons. I don’t know what to do next.” Shuichi was a little perplexed. He now knew for certain that kendo would be the way to break through to Eiri, but he wasn’t exactly sure how.

“Shindou-san, I suggest that you find a way to make Eiri notice you.” She stopped to think of some way. “Perhaps if you discuss this with Tatsuha-kun, he may have some ideas. In the meanwhile, I will have a discussion with my husband on this matter.” With that she stood up. “I think your dinner will be getting cold again if you do not go, so I will talk with you in the next few days. Perhaps by then, you will have come up with an idea.”

Shuichi rose, bowed and quietly left through a sliding shoji-screened door. It was going to be difficult, but he would think of a way. For now, his stomach was starting to growl and he knew that his dinner would be waiting for him. He quickened his pace and headed to his quarters.

When he got there, Tatsuha was waiting outside. “Shuichi, your dinner was delivered a few minutes ago. Why don’t we go in and we can talk.” Once inside, Shuichi spotted two trays of piping hot food sitting on his table. He looked to his friend who smiled. “Yeah, I asked for my dinner to be brought here too, that’s how I knew yours was here. Let’s eat.”

Not one to argue, besides it would afford time to talk, the young men took their seats and began to eat. This time, Shuichi noticed that there were two sets of chopsticks to use. As he picked up his first morsel to put in his mouth he hesitated and looked at his friend. “Tatsuha, I think I found a way to make Eiri notice me, but I’m going to need some help.”

Tatsuha finished chewing the bit in his mouth and swallowed. He nodded for his friend to continue as he picked up some more food and placed it in his mouth, merely saying, “Go on.”

Shuichi told him about the kendo lesson earlier that morning and his talk with Lady Mika. He knew that he was on to something, after finding out that Eiri’s former love was a master in the art. “Now all I have to do is figure out exactly how to make him keep noticing me.” He remembered the last part of the lesson when Eiri’s breath glanced across his skin and the whisper of his voice. A slight shiver ran down Shuichi’s spine and straight to his groin. “I HAVE to do something. I don’t know if I can contain myself much more around him.”

The notice of that shiver and the look of pleasure on Shuichi’s face made Tatsuha stop attacking his dinner. “You really got it bad for my brother, don’t you? Well, I guess I can aid you a little. I may not be a master of kendo, but I can help.” He put down his chopsticks and looked around the room, as if to be certain they were alone and no one else could hear. He leaned close to Shuichi and whispered his plan in the young teacher’s ear.

Shuichi smiled. Oh this plan was wicked, but he was certain that if Tatsuha was correct, it just might work. He listened intently as each step was discussed and nodded in agreement. When his friend was finished talking his smile got bigger and he was actually excited. “Oh, Tatsuha! If this works, I will be forever in your debt.”

The novice samurai grinned. “If this plan works, you’ll forever be my brother and Eiri will be back to his old self. We’ll both get what we want.” He looked at their plates, the food now getting cooler. “Come on, let’s eat and we can get started.”

With that, the young men ate the rest of their dinner in silence, each thinking of how to initiate their scheme and imagining how the outcome would be gratifying to everyone involved.

TBC