There and Back Again

November 11, 1999

“He’s gone,” she said.

“Yes, I am aware.”


He was so damn calm about it. He seemed almost uncaring. She had thought that L would have at least had the decency to pretend to be worried.

“Do you even care at all?”

L turned slowly from the window he’d been gazing out of. He’d been expecting her to show up.

“I didn’t know I was supposed to. He chose to leave. No one made him do so. He could have stayed. You did.”

“My staying or not has nothing to do with this.”

“What is the issue then?”

“The issue is that you and Roger and Watari know that a sixteen year old boy has run off. A very upset sixteen year old boy. And neither one of you seems to give a shit.”

L sighed and made his way across the room to sit down. He really wanted to say something about teenagers being annoying and problematic, but decided that was not the route to take with this girl. He was sure though, that he had not been this way, notwithstanding the fact that he had only very recently become a non teenager.

“C, what is it exactly you are hoping to get? If you want someone to commiserate with you on the loss of your friend, you are in the wrong place. No one forced him out. He left of his own volition. No one is forced to leave or stay here. And B, while still young, is also more than capable. I’m sure he’ll be fine.”

“That’s not the point. Why didn’t anyone go after him? Why didn’t anyone even care to see if I knew he was gone?”

“Because we knew that you already did,” L said, taking a sip of tea. “And, we knew before he left that he was already gone.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means B had been dropping hints to Roger that he would leave since A died.”

Alta couldn’t believe it. B had been hinting? Why hadn’t he ever told her? She had known he was upset about the program ending. She had known that he’d been increasingly unhappy at Wammy House as the years passed. She hadn’t believed he’d ever actually leave until she saw him packing. The past two days suddenly seemed to hit her and weigh down her shoulders and she did something she hadn’t intended on doing. She started to cry. She wasn’t sobbing, thank god for that, but she couldn’t help the tears that began making tracks upon her cheeks. L glanced up at her and then quickly again at his tea.

“Please, don’t do that.”

She brushed away her tears as quickly as she could.

“It’s not like I meant to. I’m not some over emotional teen girl that cries at the drop of a hat you know. I just . . . I feel like I’ve lost my family all over again.”

“But, you didn’t. I am also quite sure you will make other friends. You are a very personable young lady.”

“Christ L! What is the matter with you?! I tell you I feel like I’ve lost my family and you tell me I’ll make new friends! Have you ever been close to anyone? Anyone at all? Have you ever loved and cared about someone so much, it physically hurt you?”

L calmly opened a book before responding.

“No, C. I have not.”

Alta stood, just staring at him for a moment. She hated that she felt like she was yelling at Beyond. She hated that L reminded her so much of her friend that she wanted to squeeze him and tell him not to leave. She hated how crazy it would look if she actually did that. She hated . . . she hated that he was just sitting there, reading while she was so full of anger she didn’t know what to do. So, she crossed the room and flung the book away from the now surprised detective. Score one for the little guys, she thought.

“Don’t call me C. It’s not my name. I hate it.”

“It doesn’t matter if you hate it or not. It’s not safe for people to know your-“

”It’s not safe,” she said, “for people to know your name. Not me. Just you. L. . .L, the great detective. L Lawliet.”

She’d never really seen anyone move as quickly as he did. But, she was sure it had only taken a tenth of a second for L to leap from his chair. Another tenth and she found her mouth covered by a pale hand and her back against a wall.

“How?” he hissed. “Where did you hear it?”

She pulled his hand away before answering. Nothing could have been more undignified than mumbled ‘mmph, hmph’ as an answer.

“I didn’t hear it anywhere.”

“How do you know it? I’m in no mood for games or shenanigans, so you had best tell me now.”

“You’re in no mood? Well, I’m in no mood to tell you. I’ve known for quite sometime and no one else knows because I’ve never told anyone. Why should I start now?”

“C. . .”

“I told you. I hate that. And frankly, right now I’d say I hated you. Maybe if you’d ever actually paid attention, you would know. Maybe if you’d paid attention, you wouldn’t have a dead boy and a runaway as your former successors.” She flicked her eyes above his head once more. “Five.”

“Five?”

“Yes, five. Five years. Make them good ones.” she looked away. She’d never told anyone that before. She felt so sick with herself. Yet, she couldn’t seem to keep the venom from everything she said.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“It’s supposed to mean nothing,” she sighed. She had almost forgotten what it felt like to be around someone who didn’t know. She knew, if she tried, she could just pretend this was Beyond. But, it wouldn’t be fair. Not to her or L. “Now, let me go. I have thinking of my own to do.”

“I don’t think so,” L said. “Right now, you’re the biggest threat to my safety that I’ve ever encountered. You’re staying here where I can see you, and then I’m taking you to Roger first thing in the morning.”

********

November 22, 2004

After landing in London and getting into the waiting car, Light had fallen asleep. L had watched him try to fight it, but jet lag and weariness won and Light was now curled upon the seat using L’s lap as a pillow. Normally, L would be banging away at his computer, thinking about whatever case he would take on next. It was one of the reasons he usually flew into London as opposed to Southampton. He felt more productive during the car ride into Winchester. But, for once, working didn’t seem so very important and he was content to simply watch the scenery and occasionally run his fingers through strands of brown hair.
L watched through the window as Wammy House came closer and closer into view. He still found it slightly ironic that a building where no one was ever truly meant to stay, was home for him. Children grew up and left schools and orphanages. They didn’t live the whole of their lives there. But, L couldn’t imagine living anywhere else. He’d spent almost an entire year in Japan, the longest he’d spent on any case before, and every day had missed England. The car pulled in front of the iron gate, idled a moment and then was shut down. L listened to the front car doors opening and closing as Watari and the driver exited and began the process of unloading luggage and various pieces of equipment. L looked to the sleeping boy in his lap and hated that he had to wake him. He sighed softly and gently shook him.

“Light,” he said. “Light, we’re here. You need to wake up.”

“Mmmph . . . womble . . . minutes.”

“What?”

“I said, just five more minutes.”

L smiled slightly and continued shaking him.

“No, Light. No more minutes.”

A few more grumbles and shakes later, Light finally sat up, rubbed his eyes, and yawned.

“So, L, where are we then?”

“We are in Winchester, Light. And don’t call me L.”

“Sorry.”

“Here,” L said, wrapping a scarf around Light, “It’s cold out and snowing.”

L opened the door and helped Light exit the car. When the cold night air touched his face, Light felt instantly awake and he couldn’t keep his eyes from widening at the site before him. A huge iron gate stood before him, the building behind it more imposing than anything he had ever seen. He just stood there, listening to the quiet and feeling the snow fall on his face. He wasn’t really afraid, just apprehensive. Yes, that was the word to describe what he felt. That’s when he felt L gently squeeze his hand and he looked at him. Light saw so much in L’s eyes and he couldn’t have described any of it with words. So, instead he looked away and once more at the structure before him, smiling softly.
L continued looking at Light and finally understood, after so many years, why Watari had squeezed his hand in front of this gate.

**
Light had promptly passed out once his head touched the pillow. For a brief moment, L thought Light was once again going to fight sleep, but happily had been proven wrong. Once he’d gotten the boy inside, he’d suddenly reverted back into a cranky teenager. Complaining that he Had to carry his own suitcases, then complaining about carrying the suitcases up so many stairs, complaining that there was no elevator and did they not realize that in this century, places this big usually had an elevator? L had been sorely tempted to push him down a couple of the many flights of stairs, but decided that, should Light survive the fall, the hysterics after wouldn’t have been worth it. Finally, after many snide comments from Light about L residing in a bell tower, they made it to the room and all grumpiness disappeared the second Light spied the bed, flopped onto it, and fell asleep once more. With his shoes still on. Which made L do a bit of grumbling of his own. But, he had somewhere else to be at the moment. Something that he did every time he came back home. He needed to check on his boys.
He didn’t really know why he’d started doing it, but every time he returned from a case, he’d always felt the need to let the few people at Wammy’s he felt an affinity with, know he was back.
He made his way to the first room and opened the door. There was a small mound of blankets on the bed, a hand clutching onto a robot toy dangled from the edge. He looked at the completed puzzle on the floor and removed all the pieces in the upper left corner. This one, he knew, didn’t really care if he was back or not. He also didn’t care that the pale boy didn’t care.
The second room held two occupants. He knew sometime within the last year they had begged Roger to become roomies and Roger had acceded to their request. L had been unsure about the situation when he’d been informed by Watari, but had been assured it would be fine. L still had misgivings. Knowing the temperament of one of the fourteen year old boys, he was sure that there would be many arguments ending in hospital visits. Now, due to the late hour, both were sleeping peacefully. L looked to the night stand next to the oldest of the two’s bed. On it was a bar of chocolate, presumably for breakfast. L picked it up and slid it into his pocket. He looked to the other boy’s night stand and saw the charger for his portable game player. With a bit of a smirk, he unplugged it and left the cord dangling. There, he thought, now I’m back. He left the room as quietly as he came and made his way down the hall. Just one more to visit and then he might actually rest.

********

August 22, 2002

He really hated Naomi Misora. Did she honestly think for one second, that he hadn’t been aware that she was in contact with L? Did she honestly think he didn’t over hear her conversation about how people like him shouldn’t be allowed to live? Did she honestly think he didn’t get a kick out of making her grovel on the floor, seemingly because they should look for clues? He felt that he’d been practically spoon feeding her clues the entire “investigation.” He would admit, she was smarter than he’d originally thought. The capoeira had been a surprise as well.
He’d been sitting in room 404 all day, thinking. Thinking about how this was the end. The end of a lot of things, really. But, this was also the true beginning. The beginning of the puzzle that L would never solve, could never solve. Beyond would become the one criminal L could never catch. His reputation would be ruined, and in this way, B would surpass him.
He idly fingered the box of matches at his feet. He knew he was breaking a promise by doing this. Truly though, promises made as a child shouldn’t really count. She’d never asked him to make the promise again. Even when she’d found him here, in this horrid city. A month she’d stayed and then returned to Winchester. A month in which he’d remembered he was human. A month where he remembered that he wasn’t just B or Ryuzaki. A month when he’d just been Beyond. She’d laughed when he told her about Ryuzaki. She thought it was a silly name, and he had agreed with her out loud, but silently thought he preferred the name to his own. And then, she had gone, and he’d realized that January really was a month of beginnings and endings.
Beyond sighed a bit and glanced at the clock. It was nearly time. He poured the accelerant over his head and felt the liquid drip slowly down his neck and over his clothes.

“You know I don’t really love you.”

He lit the match. He tried to ignore the fact that a tear had escaped his eye, and just stared at the wall in front of him.

“Yes, Beyond. I know you don’t.”

Fuck, this was going to hurt.

********

September 1, 2002

L had learned quite a few things this morning. He learned that you should never, ever try to hug a woman who doesn’t know you. They tend to react badly. He also learned that capoeira hurt. A lot. He learned that falling down an entire flight of concrete steps in a subway station hurt more than capoeira. And the biggest lesson he’d learned was that sometimes, being L just plain sucked.

“Watari?”

“Yes, L?” he said to his prone charge as he replaced the ice pack on L’s lower back.

“I think you should inform Roger about B. And in turn, C should know as well. Just, tell him to be delicate about it. There’s no need to upset her more than she needs to be.”

********

November 23, 2004

There were four distinctly different reactions in Wammy House. L knew there would be. Near simply opened his eyes, stretched, saw the missing puzzle pieces, and rolled back over to sleep. Things were a bit more vocal in the room down the hall.

“SON OF A BITCH!”

“Huh?”

“Every god damned time.”

“Did you take my choco . . . L’s back!”

Light felt as though someone were staring at him. He slowly opened his eyes, his brain thinking of only two things. Something was tickling his nose and he wanted coffee. Both thoughts were banished from his mind when he saw who was staring intently at him.

“Oh my god! L, what happened to you?” he shouted as he lifted a small person in front of him.

“Nothing happened to me. I assure you.”

Light looked over the left shoulder of dangling child to see L sitting in a chair, a bemused expression on his face. He then looked back at the child, then to L, and back to the child.

“Um . . . who is . . . I mean, is he . . . ” words were failing Light. He was not happy about this at all. He was even less happy when two little legs started swinging back and forth. He put the boy down and watched him crawl off the bed and toward paper and crayons on the floor.

“He is the child of a colleague and a former acquaintance.”

Light just kept staring. There was no way. The resemblance was uncanny. The little boy kept looking at Light and then continued making marks on his paper. Light tore his eyes from the boy to see what he was drawing and was surprised to see his own name. The boy then started writing numbers. 9 3 31 2 . . .

“I believe you can stop writing the numbers, Ever,” L said.

The boy looked up at L. Light thought he looked disappointed. Ever then pointed at Light then the paper.

“Yes,” L said. “I know you know his name. It means moon, but you say it as Light.”

“Can’t he talk?” Light asked.

“Yes, he can. He just hasn’t spoken since January.” L watched the little one toddle back over to the bed and proceed to climb onto Light’s lap, pat his head, then sit. Light looked quite uncomfortable and L rather enjoyed it.

“How does he know my name?”

“Before, I would not have been able to answer that question. But, now I believe I know the answer. It seems he and his parents were all born with the ability to see a person’s name and life span. Born with shinigami eyes, as it were. It would have been quite useful to have known about this ability before I left for Japan.”

“Born with . . . how is that possible?”

“I do not know.”

“His name is Ever?”

“Yes.”

“Doesn’t anyone name their kid anything normal anymore?”

“Sometimes they do, I’m sure.”

Ever was now latching his arms around Light’s neck. Light tried to get the kid as far away from him as possible, but Ever refused to budge.

“It seems you’ve made a friend, Light.”

“He’s a creepy little monkey. Get him off of me!”

Ever frowned and proceeded to bite Light’s shoulder, hard.

“OW! THE LITTLE MONSTER JUST BIT ME!”

“It seems he doesn’t like being referred to as a ‘creepy little monkey’. I would suggest not doing it again.”

L rose slowly from his chair and made his way to the two on the bed. He leaned down toward the small boy.

“Please, don’t bite my friend. It does upset him.”

Ever nodded slowly and pat Light once more on the head.

“What am I? A puppy?”

The only response Light received, to his annoyance, was another pat on the head, from L.

********

February 23, 2003

The ceiling was so white. It almost blinded him. Maybe that was why he stared at it so much. He heard the soft click of the door opening and closing. He didn’t even look. It was probably a nurse. It was always a nurse. Once, it was L, but he didn’t really want to think about that right now.
Something was wrong though. He heard the sound of a small thunk next to the chair by his bed. But, nothing more. No nurse popped into his peripheral. No one began looking at a chart or fussing with the various machines or gave him pain medication. He slowly turned his head to see who the hell exactly was here.

“Fuck. Not you.”

“I’m sorry to disappoint,” Alta said. “Would you rather I’d have been someone else?”

“I’d rather not see anyone.”

She sat down in the chair and looked closely at him.

“Are you all right?”

“Do you realize that is the second time in your life you’ve asked me a completely stupid and ridiculous question? Do I look all right to you?”

She bit her lip and stared down at her hands.

“I suppose I didn’t really mean physically all right. I should have used stronger words. Like . . . what the hell is wrong with you? What the fuck were you trying to prove? You’re not a murder, Beyond.”

“I assure you, I am.”

“Why? Why did you do it?”

Beyond looked away and back to the ceiling. Somehow, they seemed less blinding.

“I know why. L knows. No one else really needs to. I failed and now . . . now I’ll pay for it.”

“L told me you were going to be sent to a facility in a month. A psychiatric facility. We both know you’re not crazy.”

“Would you rather I go to prison then?”

“No.”

“Why are you here, Alta?”

“I’m here, because you’re my friend.”

He looked back at her.

“How unfortunate for you.”

“No, never unfortunate. I would have been here sooner, but I was unavoidably detained.”

“Detained? How so?”

“Well, I wasn’t allowed to travel. And then, I was so busy and unsure about traveling with him.”

“Him? You didn’t come here with L did you?”

She narrowed her eyes and for a moment, even Beyond could feel the hatred radiating from her.

“No. No, I did not. I came here with him,” she said, pointing to a plastic contraption covered by a blanket.

Beyond leaned forward slightly then turned once more to Alta.

“So, you have a child now.”

“We both do,” she said, pulling the blanket away. She saw his eyes widen when he saw the name, the face, and the lack of numbers.

“I think he sees things as we do,” she said.

********

November 23, 2004

Light knew he’d never really cared for children. He now knew, officially, that he hated toddlers. Especially toddlers that insisted on latching themselves around his neck. Walking down the seemingly endless flights of stairs was bad enough, but being forced to carry a squirmy two year old made it worse. L was no help either. Light was fairly sure that L was enjoying the sight of Light trying to keep the creepy little monkey still. All he really wanted was coffee. Coffee and maybe toast. He wasn’t very hungry, but he still felt exhausted from the flight. He tried to keep his grumbling at a minimum and just followed L to a kitchen. After being in that room for ten minutes, he wished he’d grumbled more and stayed in the bedroom.

“Light,” L said turning to him, “you might not want to be standing directly behind me when I get to the doorway.”

“Why not?”

“Well. . .”

L didn’t have time to answer. A fast streak of yellow and black had raced through the doorway and smashed itself right into L, knocking them both to the ground.

“L! L!” an excited voice shouted. “You’re back! Where’s my chocolate that you stole? Did you bring me anything?”

L set the hyper teen on his feet and reached into his pocket.

“Here is your chocolate. Yes, I brought you something. You’ll get it later. Now, calm down Mello and return to your breakfast.”

Light’s jaw could have touched the floor.

“That’s a Mello?”

Mello turned around slowly, only just noticing the other man.

“Yeah. What’s it to ya?”

“I’m nothing like that. . .that. . .girly boy!”

“Light,” L said, “I really wouldn’t. . .”

“Girly boy! Look who’s talking, pretty boy!”

“He’s shorter than I am, he looks like a girl, and he’s at least two years younger than me!”

“Three, actually,” L said.

“And I have never, EVER flung myself at you like that.”

Mello looked at Light, raised a brow, and smirked.

“I’ll bet you wanted to, though.” So saying, he turned on his heels and went back to the kitchen.

“What the hell kind of place is this, L?”

“It’s home, Light. It’s home. Now, I suggest we go in so you can properly caffeinate yourself. And I’m sure Ever is quite hungry.”

Ever nodded then pulled on Light’s hair, pointing toward the door.

********

A/N: Well, I hope this is alright. I'm really hoping no one minds Ever. I was a bit reluctant at first myself, but he's opened up a lot of plot points. So, don't hate me so much for it. And yay for the Mello glomp XD. So, any feedback would be really nice, hate it or love it or like it, let me know. I will say that I'm really enjoying writing this, so I hope you're enjoying the read.


Amo