Black and Gold

This rapid writing pace is actually a lie. Most of this has been finished for weeks and the whole fic is almost 50 pages. I just have to smooth it out a lot. Yikes.

So for anyone who’s reading this (few and far between, I know, but I appreciate the fuck out of you all! XD) here you go.

Warnings for this chapter: Sexual situations ahoy! Also, Kenji makes his first appearance :3

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Johan slid into Tenma’s office as the sun was just coming up. There was no real safe time to break into an office in a hospital. It was always busy, but this time was perhaps better than any other. At least now he knew Tenma’s schedule and that he would not be there for several hours – and with the sunlight he wouldn’t have to worry about a flashlight attracting attention.

Researching a person was a slow, methodical task, but it was a task he excelled at. He started with the shelves, just looking over them slowly. The books all neatly arranged, Japanese and German and English medical references, journals. Nothing really out of place except for a couple of books on the doctor’s desk that he obviously was using.

The desk was next, piles of paperwork – patient files, scribbled research notes. Tenma’s handwriting surprisingly neat for a doctor. Johan smiled just a little at that, then looked into the trash. Raising an eyebrow, he reached into it, pulling out several pieces of ripped paper. For a moment, he just studied the tears. They were even, methodical and cold – the paper was wrinkled though, held tightly. For a long time he considered what possible emotional implications the state of the paper could have.

He laid the pieces on the desk, looking at the writing. He still wasn’t familiar enough with Japanese to tell if it was the doctor’s handwriting or not. Slowly, he moved them around, re-arranging them.

Thankfully he recognized all the kanji, reading the note slowly. Committing it to memory before he slid his hand over the desk, carefully gathering the pieces and letting them fall back into the trashcan. Taking another moment before easing the first drawer of the desk open, surveying the flotsam and jetsam of any typical office. Pens, paperclips, post-it-pads.

The next drawer contained notepads, envelopes, stamps. He flipped through them slowly, finding nothing. Shifting, Johan moved the chair back some to open the final drawer. Full of files.

Shoved into the back of a drawer was a freshly wrinkled manila envelope. Johan paused at it, pulling it out. There was no return address, just Tenma’s name and office number on it. He opened it, peeking in. It was filled with photos.

Johan turned the envelope over, spilling them out slowly, They were high-quality, probably taken with a telephoto lens. Tenma’s boyfriend’s face was clearly visible in some of them, and another man that he didn’t recognize. The photos spoke very clearly. The relationship was abusive.

He couldn’t help a sharp, angry intake of breath. Carefully he replaced them, then slid the envelope back in his hiding place. Just thinking for a moment then sliding out of the chair, replacing it.

He looked over the office slowly, making sure that it was precisely as he had found it, then quietly slipped out of the room, shutting the door behind him.

Tenma was in danger. That much was suddenly clear. He wasn’t sure where from, precisely. The boyfriend, whoever sent the pictures. Someone would do him harm, if Johan allowed it. Of course he wouldn’t – so the first order of business would be to figure out the greatest threat to Tenma and neutralize or eliminate it.

He took the quieter halls out of the hospital, clasping his hands between his back lightly, reflecting on everything he had found out so far. The pieces would fit, eventually.

----

Johan had begun meeting Tenma regularly, though he got the suspicion that Tenma was a bit distressed by the fact. Johan learned Tenma’s schedule every week – the nursing staff was quite taken by him – and started showing up as he was finishing shifts in the afternoon and insisting on taking him out to the café.

Tenma showed late, of course – he always did, having a tendency to get sidetracked with patients. This time, however, he had a shallow gash over one eye, impossible to hide though it seemed that he had tried to tug his bangs over it.

“What happened, sensei?” Johan asked mildly, when Tenma approached him where he sat on a bench in front of the hospital.

“You’re speaking in Japanese now?” Tenma shrugged. “Nothing. A nurse left out some wires from a machine – I tripped over them and grazed the end of an exam table.”

Johan tilted his head a little – instantly distrusting that story. Tenma was never a good liar, and Johan was the best. Still, he couldn’t very well accuse the doctor of lying right away. “It’s not like you to be so graceless.”

“I’m sure I’ll never live it down.” Dryly.

“Hn.” Johan closed the book he had open on his lap, stretching a little as he stood. Deciding that he needed to get to do something today to break them out of this polite, distant holding pattern, he smiled a little “I’d rather get something stronger than coffee, today.”

Tenma looked a little startled, then wary. “There’s a bar around the corner…” The doctor started to suggest, dubiously.

Johan cut him off, though. He wanted to be alone. “I don’t like the crowds. I have some beer, back at my apartment.” He smiled a little. “It’s nearby.”

Tenma hesitated for a moment before shrugging a little. “All right, I suppose..”

Johan smiled, a relatively genuine expression. Honestly, he was rather delighted that Tenma had agreed, taking his arm lightly to lead him down the street and up to a very small apartment, above a pachinko parlor. It was one of those seedy places that rented out for cheap, and that was often paid for by the day or even by the night, though it wasn’t officially a love hotel. Johan felt at home there, though – much of his life had been spent in less-than-savory areas such as this.

The apartment was surprisingly roomy, though that was more to do with the militant cleanliness and the lack of possessions. Still, he had found that the same barrenness that tended to put people off in Germany was almost normal in Japan.

Johan let Tenma take the couch and went to the refrigerator, pulling out a beer for each of them, opening them and handing one to Tenma who smiled a little, sipping it. “Thank you.”

The conversation, like always, was light and unimportant. Johan asked about the day’s work; Tenma asked Johan about his sightseeing. Tenma stood by the window, enjoying the breeze that came in, the sunset.

“You found my sister attractive, didn’t you?” Johan spoke into a lull lazily, sipping his beer but watching him closely.

Tenma flushed at the question, choking on the beer just a bit and shrugging noncommittally, turning to look at Johan.

“I know you did.” He set the beer aside and moved closer to the doctor. The air was thick with tension again. “And since I also know that you find men attractive…” his voice lowered a bit, letting the doctor come to the obvious conclusion. Tenma licked his lips a bit, nervously, and the only thing Johan could do was close the distance between them and was kiss him. It was a slightly awkward kiss, but that didn’t seem to matter because Tenma was kissing him back in an adorably startled way before he pulled away slowly, shaking his head a little.

“This isn’t right.” Tenma looked nervous and guilty. “I’m with Hattori-san.”

“Ah yes.” Smoothly. The doctor flinched just a little, leaving Johan wondering if Tenma knew him well enough to realize that he was furious at the moment. “Hattori-san. He’s remarkably photogenic, isn’t he?”

Tenma winced again, but didn’t look surprised. “…You went through my office.”

“It’s strange how committed you are to being loyal to a man who has another lover.”

He dropped into a chair, looking like he had the breath knocked out of him. Sitting there with a miserable expression on his face, he admitted quietly, “You’re right.”

There was a measured silence and Johan stared at Tenma as he took a deep breath but otherwise remained still.

“So why bother?” Johan’s fingers threaded through his hair, down to his chin, gently stroking and pulling just a bit, wanting the other to look up at him.

He did, eyes raising to Johan’s slowly. “I don’t know.”

It hurt, to be refused for someone who had already hurt Tenma. For someone who would continue to hurt him. Johan pressed the feeling away immediately, looking at it in a detached manner.

“You’re the first person I’ve kissed, you know.” He kept himself detached, stubbornly refusing to show his emotions. He didn’t want the doctor to know that this upset him – wanted to keep the image of someone who couldn’t be hurt.

He realized that he had failed in that when Tenma reached to place his hand over Johan’s, very lightly. Setting the beer aside, he reached up for Johan’s arm, pulling him down just a little.

He resisted, frowning just a little, stepping back. Almost angry with Tenma. “It’s not that easy now, sensei.”

Tenma smiled, which irritated Johan more. He would be damned if the other made fun of him, and started to move away. Tenma stood, catching him, keeping him from moving back further.

“Of course it is.” He took a breath and leaned in, pressing his mouth to Johan’s again. This time Johan was unprepared for it, finding himself relaxing into the kiss, deepening it. Unable to help a soft sound of desire. He’d never expected to feel this so strongly.

Several moments later, Johan broke it, carefully keeping his voice steady so as not to betray his nervousness. “You think I’ll let it go at just a kiss, doctor?” he whispered, twining his arms around him firmly.

Tenma flushed deeply, his hands tensing a little on Johan’s arms, but he made no move to back away and Johan took that as assent, reaching to unbutton his shirt. He had the decency to hide a satisfied smirk when Tenma shrugged out of it, his hands sliding to Johan’s hips, slowly tugging the shirt out of his pants then pausing, pulling away a little with a frown. “… Are you sure about this?”

He wasn’t sure whether to laugh at the doctor for being an idiot. Instead he took his shirt from Tenma and yanked it up with uncharacteristic impatience.

Tenma sighed and leaned into him again, wrapping arms around him and kissing him with an intensity that reassured Johan that this wasn’t out of pity, that Tenma felt the same heat he did. Impatiently, he tugged them down to the floor, dropping his hands to Tenma’s belt.

It was a fumble of hands and of kisses and clothing being cast aside, and it was like being able to breathe after nearly drowning.

Later, they lay sprawled together haphazardly, a loose and languid tangle of limbs that Johan would never have expected to find so comfortable.

Tenma’s eyes were dark and unreadable, his fingers absentmindedly threading through Johan’s hair.

Johan watched him for several long minutes, studied every angle and plane of his face. He sensed unease, though he wasn’t sure why. It made him frown a little and lean up to catch Tenma’s distant eyes.

“Is something wrong?”

Tenma blinked, sleepy and startled, before he let out a breath, shaking his head just a little. “Not really.”

“Do you regret this?”

It took a long moment for the doctor to answer. “I’m not sure”

“Because of your lover?”

Tenma shook his head, seriously. “Not wholly. No matter how you look at it, this probably isn’t a good idea.”

Johan pushed himself up a bit, to look down at the doctor. “What do you mean?”

“I’m too old for you. And…” He broke the eye contact, flushing a little as he looked away. “You know I can’t help but wonder if I can trust you.”

Johan sat up fully, composing his thoughts. Truthfully he had expected something like this, but it didn’t mean he liked hearing any of it. Firmly, he reached to tug Tenma’s face back to look at him.

“My sister doesn’t need me anymore. I cannot make her any safer or happier.” It was obvious that the doctor didn’t understand him, so he pressed on smoothly. “It’s just logical that I would try to make you happier.” He didn’t mention safer, but it hung there in his mind.

“…Will you kill anyone?” he asked softly, sounding almost childishly sad.

Johan just smiled. He knew that it would be a foolish promise to make – especially if the doctor was in danger, like he believed. An outright “no” wasn’t possible, but he also knew he couldn’t imply “yes” either. “I want to make you happy.”

“Why?” Tenma’s voice was thick with confusion, doubt, wariness. Johan shrugged slowly, not really knowing how to ease that. It was impossible to just erase the past.

“I’ve told you before. You are a very significant person in my life, doctor.”

Silence fell between them for a long moment before Tenma spoke again. “I don’t know if I’m ready for this.” His voice was so soft, Johan wasn’t sure he heard it. Looking at the man lying with him, frowning a bit, even though Tenma couldn’t see him, his eyes shut tightly.

“Ready for what?”

“Something… complicated.”

“Does it have to be complicated?”

“We both have complicated situations.” He sounded tired. Johan couldn’t blame him. Instead he tightened an arm around Tenma, hoping that the gesture would help, somehow.

They didn’t speak again. Instead, he let the doctor fall asleep while he thought about it. Did what he was doing make any sense at all? Johan didn’t know. It was a strange position to be in, since most of his life there had been a goal and a plan. Now that was murky at best, and he questioned his own motives.

Was he here because he wanted to protect Tenma? Did he want to make the doctor happy? Or was he really here for himself?

----

A few weeks later, he had finally decided that he didn’t care. Selfish or selfless, something told him that it was right to be with Tenma, and that it was right for both of them.

He kept drawing the doctor out for meetings, although they hadn’t slept together again and Tenma hadn’t mentioned the fact either. Their conversations were getting better though, almost philosophical in nature.

Even though they were getting closer in a way, Tenma had been keeping Johan at arm’s length. Their conversations were intelligent and interesting – but almost never personal. It continued to be a source of frustration, so Johan turned once more to research. He held his hands behind his back, smiling softly as he looked over the stacks of records in the small apartment that he stood in. They were all very neatly ordered, seeming to be arranged very specifically… genre or what the owner liked best or something. He recognized only a handful of names – some of the kanji were unfamiliar to him still and some of the English names he had simply never heard before.

He really did lack in education in certain fields, something he hadn’t really felt in most of his adult life. However, since coming to Japan it had become increasingly apparent. Tenma came from a completely different world – not only culturally, but socially. He let out a slow breath as something caught his attention. He placed a single fingertip on the edge of a picture that was half-tucked into the records, sliding it out carefully.

Several people were in the photo. It seemed to have been snapped when only about half the subjects were aware it was even being taken. His host was smirking from the middle of it, hair spiked and dyed blonde, guitar in one hand.

Tenma was there too, looking much the same as he did now, just much younger and thinner. Johan guessed his age at seventeen or so, but he could have been as young as fourteen. He sat to the side of the picture, cross-legged on the ground with a guitar in his lap, tuning it. He seemed utterly unaware that the picture was being taken. Johan smiled softly.

“Sorry to make you wait.” Johan started the smallest bit at the other voice breaking into his reverie, slipping the photo back quickly and turning around almost feeling guilty.

“Not at all.”

Kenji Endou grinned a bit lopsidedly, holding a tray with tea. He looked rough around the edges still, though it was obvious that he had tried to reform, to a point.

“Please make yourself comfortable.”