I Live For You
folder
Gravitation › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
14
Views:
2,979
Reviews:
4
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Gravitation › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
14
Views:
2,979
Reviews:
4
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Gravitation, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Chapter Five
Chapter Five – Trying To Understand
Yuki (POV)
The first time I walked into Shuichi’s room and saw his arms dripping with blood, I was shocked. I never thought he would do something like that. When he was washing the blood away, I was amazed to see how many cut there were on his arms. There were even some on his chest.
I want to help him but he wouldn’t tell me anything. I even noticed his tattoos. I never thought he could stand much pain. He’s changed so much, it’s like we’ve changed personalities. He’s trying to be a cold-hearted bastard, and I’m trying to be nice.
Then when I went into his room earlier, he was smoking a joint. I can’t believe he’s taking drugs, and drinking alcohol. I don’t know, but I think I screwed him up. But when we were sat on the bed and he took my hand, I thought that something might happen, but he pulled away.
I understand when he says he’s doesn’t want to show me his body, but I’m so worried. What if he’s covered his body in cuts? After I put him to bed, I ran my fingers through his hair. It’s still as soft as I remember it.
After leaving his room, I went into the front room and sat on the couch, with a beer and a cigarette. I don’t understand why Shuichi’s doing this to himself, but I want to try and understand
At about 6pm, I make dinner, then go and wake Shuichi up. He’s already awake. He’s just putting his shirt on, which makes me wonder if he just cut himself again. I decide not to say anything.
“Dinner’s ready.”
He follows me into the kitchen, and we sit down and eat in silence. Even though he’s working hard on not showing any emotions, I can tell he feels something. I don’t know what, but something’s there.
His eyes look glassy and his pupils are dilated. I pause in eating, and I wonder if he’s taking anything else. Would he really take anything harder than pot? His eyes make eye contact with mine, and he smiles stupidly. Yep, he’s on something.
“Shuichi, what have you taken?” I snap at him.
He glares at me, and then laughs.
“Do you think this is funny?”
“Um…actually yes I do…you sound like a paranoid mother hen…” He stops to break out in a laughing fit.
“Why are you doing this to yourself?”
His expression turns serious.
“I do it because I can…” He sighs. “You don’t understand…its hard living my life, I need…I don’t know what I need…it just makes it easier to live.”
He stands up and leaves the kitchen. I follow him to the front room. He’s standing with his head resting on the window. I walk up to him and rest my hands on his shoulders. I don’t move them when his body tenses up. I sigh when he relaxes.
“Make me understand.” I say.
“It’s hard Yuki… because I don’t understand myself. At first it was an accident. I cut myself as I was making dinner. I know I used to run around like a headless chicken whenever I cut myself, but this time it was different. The stinging and the blood took my mind of all my problems. It only lasted for a few minutes, but those few minutes made me feel alive, so I started cutting myself…I never realised how out of control it was until you caught me…but I can’t stop.”
I swallow my fear, and move closer to him, encircling my arms around his waist. He leans into me, resting his head back on my shoulder.
“What about the drugs?” I ask.
“It’s just another way to escape my life. At first I just smoked a bit of pot, but then I got addicted to ecstasy and cocaine…also I seem to be drinking a lot…but I can’t stop…hell, I don’t even know if I want to stop. I need something to help numb the pain I feel all the time…”
When he starts crying, I turn him round and hold him close to me. His arms encircle my neck, and he sobs onto my shoulder. I know now that all of this is my fault. I’m the cause for all of his problems. I’m the one who turned him into the person he is now. And I feel so guilty, and scared.
I lead him to the couch and sit down, still holding him, and just letting him cry on my shoulder. I want to say sorry, but will it do any good? Will he shout at me? I hope I can help him.
I close my eyes as I realise he has to see his parents tomorrow. I hope he can put on a happy mask for their sakes, but what about his? Maybe it would have been better if he hadn’t come back…no, damn it, I’m glad he’s back.
Why is it so hard for me to understand? As he falls asleep in my arms, I make a promise to myself. I’m going to help him get over this, and I’m going to get him back in my life. No matter what.
I need him, and I think deep down he needs me too, even though he wont admit it. And because I’ve changed, I can be what he needs me to be.
Yuki (POV)
The first time I walked into Shuichi’s room and saw his arms dripping with blood, I was shocked. I never thought he would do something like that. When he was washing the blood away, I was amazed to see how many cut there were on his arms. There were even some on his chest.
I want to help him but he wouldn’t tell me anything. I even noticed his tattoos. I never thought he could stand much pain. He’s changed so much, it’s like we’ve changed personalities. He’s trying to be a cold-hearted bastard, and I’m trying to be nice.
Then when I went into his room earlier, he was smoking a joint. I can’t believe he’s taking drugs, and drinking alcohol. I don’t know, but I think I screwed him up. But when we were sat on the bed and he took my hand, I thought that something might happen, but he pulled away.
I understand when he says he’s doesn’t want to show me his body, but I’m so worried. What if he’s covered his body in cuts? After I put him to bed, I ran my fingers through his hair. It’s still as soft as I remember it.
After leaving his room, I went into the front room and sat on the couch, with a beer and a cigarette. I don’t understand why Shuichi’s doing this to himself, but I want to try and understand
At about 6pm, I make dinner, then go and wake Shuichi up. He’s already awake. He’s just putting his shirt on, which makes me wonder if he just cut himself again. I decide not to say anything.
“Dinner’s ready.”
He follows me into the kitchen, and we sit down and eat in silence. Even though he’s working hard on not showing any emotions, I can tell he feels something. I don’t know what, but something’s there.
His eyes look glassy and his pupils are dilated. I pause in eating, and I wonder if he’s taking anything else. Would he really take anything harder than pot? His eyes make eye contact with mine, and he smiles stupidly. Yep, he’s on something.
“Shuichi, what have you taken?” I snap at him.
He glares at me, and then laughs.
“Do you think this is funny?”
“Um…actually yes I do…you sound like a paranoid mother hen…” He stops to break out in a laughing fit.
“Why are you doing this to yourself?”
His expression turns serious.
“I do it because I can…” He sighs. “You don’t understand…its hard living my life, I need…I don’t know what I need…it just makes it easier to live.”
He stands up and leaves the kitchen. I follow him to the front room. He’s standing with his head resting on the window. I walk up to him and rest my hands on his shoulders. I don’t move them when his body tenses up. I sigh when he relaxes.
“Make me understand.” I say.
“It’s hard Yuki… because I don’t understand myself. At first it was an accident. I cut myself as I was making dinner. I know I used to run around like a headless chicken whenever I cut myself, but this time it was different. The stinging and the blood took my mind of all my problems. It only lasted for a few minutes, but those few minutes made me feel alive, so I started cutting myself…I never realised how out of control it was until you caught me…but I can’t stop.”
I swallow my fear, and move closer to him, encircling my arms around his waist. He leans into me, resting his head back on my shoulder.
“What about the drugs?” I ask.
“It’s just another way to escape my life. At first I just smoked a bit of pot, but then I got addicted to ecstasy and cocaine…also I seem to be drinking a lot…but I can’t stop…hell, I don’t even know if I want to stop. I need something to help numb the pain I feel all the time…”
When he starts crying, I turn him round and hold him close to me. His arms encircle my neck, and he sobs onto my shoulder. I know now that all of this is my fault. I’m the cause for all of his problems. I’m the one who turned him into the person he is now. And I feel so guilty, and scared.
I lead him to the couch and sit down, still holding him, and just letting him cry on my shoulder. I want to say sorry, but will it do any good? Will he shout at me? I hope I can help him.
I close my eyes as I realise he has to see his parents tomorrow. I hope he can put on a happy mask for their sakes, but what about his? Maybe it would have been better if he hadn’t come back…no, damn it, I’m glad he’s back.
Why is it so hard for me to understand? As he falls asleep in my arms, I make a promise to myself. I’m going to help him get over this, and I’m going to get him back in my life. No matter what.
I need him, and I think deep down he needs me too, even though he wont admit it. And because I’ve changed, I can be what he needs me to be.