Rainbow

Chapter Five: Light


After a long day at STN-J Headquarters, the evening found Robin in the old St. Andrew’s Cathedral, where she was now kneeling in front of the alter and candles, praying silently to the stillness.

She had been heading home on her Vespa, but found herself literally drawn to the church. Unable to stop herself, she entered the old stone and brick church, and was drawn to where she was right then

Kneeling in front of the alter with hands clasped very hard together, she asked for guidance for herself. She had one question now inside of herself, even though she did not want to even think on it. Was she a lesbian?

She knew far too well, that it was against the Catholic Church teachings to be homosexual, but if anyone could help her with it she knew a ‘higher power’ could. She had no one else to turn to on this problem, and out of desperation, looked to the heavens to find out what was happening in her self.

She unclasped her hands and looked up at the crucifix of Jesus high overhead, breathing in the incense that hung on the air from a mass earlier in the day. She made a sign of the cross as was the custom, and began to stand up. She felt a heavy sort of stiffness in her legs suddenly attack her and wondered just how long she had been praying for.

As she turned, she noticed a figure was watching her from the area of the confessional booths. She gasped a little and looked hard over at who ever it was, as she had not heard anyone come in while praying. She moved a bit over from the alter, to get a better look at this half shadowed figure.

She smiled, recognizing the person as Father Yamamoto- the lead priest of this particular Church. She knew him well, as she had confided in him many times since coming to Japan. She also knew that he was a good friend of her grandfather, Father Juliano, who was still back in Tuscany.

The kindly small Japanese born priest smiled, and walked over to where the girl was.
“ You were praying there for a very long time there, Robin.” The Priest said smiling.
“ I guess I got lost in talking to the Lord.” She said, her face pulling into a sheepish smile.
“ When you are talking to God-almighty himself, we all can get lost in that sort of thing.” He said, the man’s smile warm and calming. “ I too, get lost when I am speaking to him almost every day.”

Robin smiled and nodded, feeling a little awkward at the moment as she looked at the Priest. She found herself blushing a little, knowing what she was praying about. She felt a little shame also cross her heart, and she turned her face a little to hid that fact from the man.

She started to leave, but the man spoke and halted her leaving.
“ If you need to talk about anything, Robin, remember I am here.” He said, then adding. “ Through your eyes, I can see that you are having some sort of conflict raging within yourself. Perhaps I could be of some help by at least lending you my ear for awhile.”

The girl looked at the man with a wide eyes stare. She did not know it was so obvious of her, maybe it was written right there on her face. She bowed her head a little, wondering what to do now.
“ I am having a kind of conflict...” She blurted out surprised that she actually elided to it.
“ Then come and sit down with me... I might be able to help you out.” He said, motioning to a pew in the front.
“ I... I don’t know....” Robin stammered, taking a step back, but stopping after that.
“ You know me by now, Robin... all I want to do is help.” He said, his warm smile and friendly eyes shining out to the young teenager.

She froze to the spot, and looked at the man in black. She was struggling within herself, as she did not want to lie, especially inside of a church. The man’s kindly face and friendly demeanor was relaxing her some, and she simply took a long moment to simply think of what to do.

She blushed, as she knew she had to say something to the waiting man of the cloth.
“ It is sort of ... really embarrassing...” She warned, her cheeks flushing. “ It really is.”
“ I have heard many things over the ten plus years I have been a priest, and most things now do not faze me...” He said, his warmth coming out of his eyes. “ What ever you have to say, whatever you have to unload...I will listen. No one is in the church right now and I will not judge you.” He made a small laugh. “ I am a priest, I am sworn to the utmost secrecy... what you say will go no where.”

Robin looked at the man and smiled softly and took a small breath in. She felt her body tremble as she sat down. She was just going to stand and leave, but for some odd reason she did not. The priest sat next to her.
“ Start it from the beginning... let’s see if we can calm your riled up soul down a notch or two.” He said with a soft tone. “ After that, perhaps we can find a path you can follow on.”

Unintentionally, the girl soon found herself emptying all of her thoughts, feelings and fears to the man. She was not going to go that far into it, but found herself literally pouring everything out to the Priest like a waterfall, not being able to stop any of it.

The man simply sat and listened in silence to the girl, once in a while making sure that she knew he was indeed listening to her.

After awhile, she had cleared herself of everything, and now sat a little hunched over in the pew. Feeling now so spent from it, she simply sat and looked at Father Yamamoto, waiting for whatever his reactions to everything. She was so apprehensive with waiting, as she went over the teachings she had while a s a young child back in Italy, her Grandfathers booming voice was the on in her head.

The Priest was silent, as it was plain to see that he was thinking on everything that Robin had told him. She felt nervous as the seconds ticked by without hm saying anything. Wringing her hands absently, she did not know quite what the man was pondering on.

He finally sat up straight and looked at the waiting girl, she could only read the broad smile that had now captured his face.
“ Let me say first of all that you are remarkable...” He said finally.

Robin was shocked and perplexed by the man’s statement. She looked at him, trying to read the man’s friendly expression on his face. She only saw caring and compassion in his dark colored eyes
“ You think I am remarkable?” She asked, not understanding just how to take his statement.

He chuckled and nodded.
“ You, at your young age, have such a grasp on your feelings that you have know idea that you have that.” He started, his voice strong and clear. “ It appears to me that you indeed do feel strongly for this woman... more than you really are wanting to admit to yourself.”
“ But is that not against what the teachings in the bible are?” She said back. “ Is that not a sin to be in love with someone that is the same sex as you are?”

The priest took her hand in his and squeezed it like a real father would have. He smiled sweetly, his eyes holding great softness.
“ Technically, it does say that... but I see this from a different angle than that... one that God approves of, I have learned.”
“ Different angle?” Asked the Tawny haired girl, not really sure what the Priest was saying. “ I don’t understand, Father.”

He nodded.
“ Let me start by explaining something to you...” He said, so very calmly. “ My real sister, the youngest out of my family, Kika, is a lesbian. She has been with her partner for well over twelve years last month, and is happy in ever way.”

Robin was shocked by this little bit of news. She leaned inward to the Priest with wide eyed interest.
“ Your sister is gay?” She asked, mouth open.

Robin clasped her hands over her mouth, shocked at her outburst to the man. It did not seem to phase him anyways.
“ She is... “ He chuckled. “ The teachings are in the Church are that Homosexuality is wrong, but I have seen her stay with her partner for all that time, and saw the love they have in their eyes for one another.” He paused and shook his head. “ I was resistant at first with the choices she was making for herself in her life, nearly breaking all ties with her at one point in response to it.”
“ Could I ask... What changed your mind then?” Robin said, hanging on his words with eagerness.

The man did not even hesitate, and answered the girl outright.
“ I believe God helped me see that type of true love, I see it between them. I can be happy for them, even if I don’t understand. It is God’s way of unconditionally loving us. God is love, period!”
“ Then you renounce the teachings that you have so long studied and lived by?” Said the shocked girl.
“ In some respects, yes I do.” He said, without hesitating. “ All I am saying that love is a gift from God himself, to his children... the thought of a Homosexual as a sinner is becoming outdated, in my eyes. It is not normal, I admit, but I think it is time for the Church to debate on that point.”

Robin smiled, then frowned. It seemed that her mind had hit a snag with everything already.
“ Would my Grandfather disapprove?” She asked softly, almost hating to ask the question.
“ He may not understand, that is fair to assume... but I know that if you find the love that makes you happy, he will simply accept it. He can do that, without agreeing... just like I do with Kika and her partner. He will embrace it because your Grandfather loves you so much.”

The girl took a deep breath, her body and mind was not feeling as heavy as it had been over the longest time. She seemed a little more at peace right then.
“ Then what do I do about it?”
“ I can help you sort things out to a degree, but there are those things you have to come to grips with....” The priest said. He put his hand on his chin and looked Robin in the eyes. “ You have to ask yourself really hard, if you love this woman named Dojima, and whether or not if you can become at ease with being gay or not. “
” Am I gay?” She said, that question simply wanting to come out of her.
“ Only you know that for sure.” He said, smiling. “ I think that you are you, time and a lot of prayer will just help define that part, the rest will come from God Almighty’s loving lips.”

Robin looked at the man, her face showing her continuing unsureness about it. He put a hand on her shoulder, and flashed a small smile of reassurance top the girl.
“ Pray on it, think on it... Look at it with all of your heart, mind and soul...” He suggested. “ If you are doing that, then let yourself come to whatever that is with a open and honest heart” Father Yamamoto flashed a smile one more time. “ Being truthful to yourself and to God... I believe that he will give you a serenity that will be more than boundless than anyone could here on earth, and he will grant you the gift of the ability to see you through his divine plan.”

Robin stood up and smiled. Deep inside of her own soul, she felt more calm than she had been in a while. She made one last cross of herself to the pulpit and turned. The twinkle had reappeared in her emerald eyes now
“ Thank you.” She said, turning to head out to her Vespa.
“ May God bless you, my child.” He said, blessing the young teen with the mark of the cross.

The girl nodded, and walked out the door nearest to her. She paused only to put on her white helmet for the ride, then was out the door. A few moment’s later, the sound of the small scooter leaving marked the girl’s leaving for her home.

The Priest just smiled and looked up to the rafters of the Cathedral that were high overhead after the girl had left.
“ Grant that child peace with herself... she deserves it after all.. just like you always teach us mere mortals.” He made a cross on himself, and looked at the large crucifix that guarded everyone who entered the sanctuary. “ You are the God of love and understanding of all things that we simply do not. I will trust that you will lead that child where you want her to be, in your time and grace... not by some human type of whim of us here on earth.”

The priest set to work replacing the hymnals that were out of place, as he knew that midnight mass was not far off. He whistled a happy tune, while he continued to pray for his tawny haired friend. He was sure that God would do what he could not.