Ranmachat.com

A/N Yet another plot twist, don’t ask me how this came about, I just write these things. Btw, the boy’s nosebleed conversation is just poking fun at the puritanical views of the characters about how they are always talking about ‘dating and marriage’. They seriously don’t act like any teenaged boys I ever met. Believe me; I remember those hormones with feet. Sid

******

Ranma had to play the duel role as Akane ex-fiancée, rejected forever by her and as her main source of online support. Neither role he relished particularly at this low point in his life, but at least the latter allowed him to speak with her, something that she almost refused to do in real life. Oh she was still polite to him, way too polite for the normally fiery girl. The last time that he’d witnessed her temper was when she raged at her family that she refused to be forced into marriage with anyone, for any reason and should they persist, then she would leave home after college and never return.

He suffered loss of face again when she announced that they were no longer engaged to the entire school. He’d quelled any notion of them starting up the game of winning dates from Akane again. He announcing that any who participated in that would answer to him, something which Akane had politely thanked him for, rather than screaming at him that she could take care of herself.

Looking at his ex-fiancée showing more animation speaking to her friends than she’d shown him in weeks, Ranma was forced to examine his past behaviour of her and discovered that it had been pretty bad. He’d insulted her, he’d mocked her and worst was; he’d allowed her to be used as a trophy for numerous challenges without once asking her opinion before he accepted them. She’d been right about him putting his martial arts prowess before her. He resolved that that would stop immediately, so he called together his normal challengers to speak with them, including, Mousse, Kuno, Ryoga, Shampoo, Kodachi and Ukyou.

“I bet you’re wondering why I called you all here?” he announced to the six confused martial artists sitting in a semi circle before him in the dojo.

“Well yes” replied Kuno “It’s not like you consider any of us to be your friend”

“Bite your tongue, I’m his friend!” cried Ukyou

“I thought you were his fiancée?” asked Kuno

“I can be both his fiancée and his friend” she said primly.

Ranma turned to the female side, their battle furies were already flaring off of them to be in the other’s presence. “I hope you don’t mind if I ask you to join Kasumi for refreshments, while I talk to the boys for a second ladies? I’ll make it worth your while” he said in his sexiest voice.

“Of course not Ran-chan” Ukyou said.

“Is okay with Shampoo” Shampoo replied.

“I suppose I best learn the kitchen I shall preside over” Kodachi said.

Once they were gone

“Boys, you’re all wonderful martial artists in your right and all of you have given me a run for my money at some point or other. As you are all men of honour, I have a favour to ask of you; I want you to lay off Akane Tendo”

“She’s no longer yours to claim” Ryoga replied.

“That’s my point; she isn’t anyone’s to claim. She’s a person, not a trophy, slave or toy and we’ve all have been treating her like that” he chided.

“I have no real interest in Akane Tendo” Mousse volunteered.

“Yet you challenged me for her hand in marriage when we first met” Ranma reminded him.

“That was just to prove a point to Shampoo” he said sheepishly.

“So what would you have done with her if you’d won? It wasn’t like you even had a place to take her to, even if you wanted” Ranma asked more out of curiousity then anything.

Mousse thought for a second “I would have probably taken her on a date and then sent her home” he replied.

“That’s all you would have wanted to do with Akane Tendo!” Ryoga cried in astonishment.

Ranma looked at the other two males, suspecting their answers would be completely different “And you two, what if you’d won her? What would you have expected her to do? The only non-verbal answer he received from them was a pair of nosebleeds. “I thought as much, you two make me sick!” he said with disgust. “That’s why I have called us together today; I want everyone here to promise not to use her as a trophy anymore. She’s a person who’s entitled to her own opinions, not a party favour to be passed around”

“I suppose that Mousse never gets those thoughts about Shampoo?” Kuno said sarcastically. All three turned to critically examine the bespectacled martial artist, who blushed.......then got a nose bleed.

“You didn’t have to accept our challenges when we suggested her as a prize. You could have said no” Ryoga pointed out. “Besides, she’s fair game now that she rejected you” he taunted.

“Yeah, she’ll be all over you P-chan, last I heard she banned you from the house” he replied. “Look I want us to come to an agreement that no one shall try to win her by martial arts of any sort. If anyone one goes after her, the only ammunition they can use is charm, wit, personality and good looks” Ranma declared.

“I’m fine with that, I’m well endowed in all those departments” Kuno replied. “And others not so apparent” he said facetiously.

“Don’t forget modest too” chimed in Ryoga.

“Why be modest when I’m the perfect specimen of masculinity?” Kuno declared, causing the rest to exchange foul looks.

“That’s another thing I’ve been wondering about. Why are we, as teenaged males, so obsessed with marriage? I mean other teenaged boys are more concerned with doing OTHER things with girls” Ranma pointed out.

“I’m not sure. Perhaps we just aren’t drawn that way?” suggested Kuno (A/N Ha ha I kill myself)

“Like dating them you mean?” Ryoga asked.

“Yes amongst OTHER things” Ranma explained, he glanced at the blank looks on the other boy’s faces, sighed and said “#%#ing them”. Everyone in the room blushed bright red, including Ranma and started to nosebleed.

“Who would want to do THAT with a girl he wasn’t married to?” asked Mousse in a shocked tone of voice

“Everyone besides us apparently” Ranma said. “Look, I have another proposition for you. You guys need to gain experience with girls and I have girls to spare, there’s three of you and three of them. I suggest that we do a temporary matching”

“Why should we help you?” Ryoga protested.

“Just think, Shampoo, Ukyou and Kodachi are all extremely pretty and not only would you get to spend time with them, but you could possibly discover what women want” Ranma said persuasively.

“Who gets who?” demanded Mousse.

“Well, the most obvious choices would be you with Shampoo, Kuno with Ukyou and Ryoga with Kodachi; Kuno can hardly be paired with his own sister after all. What I propose, if the girls agree to it, is that you live together as husband and wife” Ranma suggested. Seeing the nosebleeds starting again, he added “THAT is not included in the deal” he proclaimed

“Sounds good” Ryoga said.

“I agree” said Mousse, rubbing his hands together in anticipation.

“That sounds acceptable” Kuno replied.

“Good lets get the girls back here then” Ranma said with a grin; everything was falling into place.

“Ladies, I can’t marry any of you!” Ranma declared nastily. “None of you have received proper bridal training and I have high standards of what I expect in a wife”

“What you mean, Ranma?” demanded Shampoo.

“Yes what do you mean Sugar?” said Ukyou

“I mean is that I don’t want some girl who sits there uselessly while I do all the cooking and cleaning myself” he sneered.

“How dare you, we’ve all received bridal training!” cried Ukyou.

“What all these bloody tissues for?” Shampoo wondered a loud.

“Prove it” Ranma answered.

“How? I’ll prove it in any way that you care to name!” Kodachi challenged.

“Very well, you live as husband and wife with a groom of my choice for two weeks and they get to evaluate you” Ranma suggested.

All the girls blushed “we don’t have to....with THEM?” Ukyou asked hesitantly.

“No they sleep in a different room and you’ll be evaluated on your cook skills, cleaning skills and general thoughtfulness towards your husband. It would be arranged as so: Mousse and Shampoo already live together, Kuno would move into Ukyou’s guestroom and Ryoga into the mansion with Kodachi. You can only eat food that you prepared, going out for dinner shall be limited to once a week and household chores are to be divided as you choose. Are you girls up to the challenge?” Ranma demanded.

“Wait a minute, why isn’t one of the grooms you?” demanded Kodachi, glaring dubiously at Ryoga.

“I would be biased towards that girl. This is the only fair way I can think of” Ranma explained.

“What we win?” Shampoo asked.

“A date with the man of your dreams” Ranma said with a winning smile.

All the girls went off to discuss Ranma’s proposal. “Okay, we agree to your terms but no hanky panky at all, not even kissing” Ukyou said, acting as spokesperson of the group.

“That’s acceptable” replied Ryoga, acting as the spokesperson for the boys.

“Great! Congratulations on your nuptials; you may kiss your bride!” Ranma proclaimed.

“Mousse not dare!” Shampoo warned.

“That goes double for me” replied Ukyou and they all filed out in reluctant pairs.

Ranma danced for joy and praised his ingenuity; this way the girls would be kept away from him and the guys would be too busy to hit on Akane. Now all he had to do was figure out a way to get Akane back, he missed having her as his fiancée.

Mousse and Shampoo

“Isn’t this a wonderful idea Shampoo? Just think, I’m your Airen” Mousse said happily.

“Yes, Shampoo so happy she make special dinner for Airen” she said sourly as she leaned over the meat counter in the Chinese grocery store that they were in. “That one” she told the attendant “chop off head for me please?” she asked him sweetly.

Mousse gasped when he chopped the head off the white duck carcass with a huge butcher knife. “What the matter Airen, Mousse no like duck?” Shampoo asked sweetly, noticing how pale he looked.

Chattin’ Time

Ranma was still Akane’s BFF on the chat forum and had been comforting the girl and learning how she viewed him at the same time.

Kickinbutt: How’re you holding up Red?

Red2221: It’s kind of awkward with him living with me.

Kickinbutt: Would you like to talk about it?

Red2221: What’s to talk about? He has a million girls after him, he’s rude and arrogant and totally obsessed with accepting any martial arts challenge that comes his way no matter how stupid

Ranma preened a bit at the first part and frowned a bit at the second part.

Kickinbutt: Then why do you like him?

Akane thought about this

Red2221: He’s charming and intelligent when you get to know him. There’s just something about him.

Kickinbutt: That he’s handsome?

Akane frowned and wondered if perhaps Ray was gay

Red2221: Yes and no, it’s more like his take charge attitude and inner sweetness that he tries to hide. He always seems so gruff when it comes to showing emotions, but he’s always there when people need him.

Kickinbutt: Even you? I thought you said he was an insensitive lout.

Red2221: No I said he was a tad clueless, not insensitive. I’ve seen him go from fighting someone one minute and consoling them if they’re sad the next minute. It is just him. I really don’t know how to describe it.

Kickinbutt: Then you do like him?

Red2221: It’s impossible not to like him. He just sort of grew on me.

Kickinbutt: Like fungus?

Red2221: I don’t think he’d like to be compared to that, but yes.

Kickinbutt: Do you miss him?

Akane thought about that

Red2221: I miss hanging out with him, but I don’t miss being with him.

Now it was Ranma’s true to frown

Kickinbutt: Why not?

Red2221: Well, I felt like we were both trapped into a situation that neither one wanted to be in. Then there were people demanding that we had to be together and giving us no time alone to decide for ourselves. It was like we were both endangered species in a zoo that people put into the same cage to force them to mate.

Ranma had to admit that it was a pretty accurate description

Kickinbutt: Don’t you think that perhaps he liked you for yourself?

Red2221: Yes after martial arts challenges and all things martial arts related. I just wish that he had sometimes taken an interest in things I might enjoy, or even made some effort to get to know me.

Ranma felt bad about this

Kickinbutt: Perhaps he never thought about that because you were being crammed down his throat too?

Akane paused

Red2221: I realized that, but that should have made us band together and opposed our oppressors rather than him turning on me. And how about the childish name calling?

Ranma whispered “you’re right Akane, I’m sorry. None of this was your fault”

Kickinbutt: Perhaps that’s the only way he knows how to talk to you?

Red2221: Who needs him then? I don’t want to know that I’m ugly and uncoordinated. He even insults my martial arts!

Kickinbutt: Well, it sounds like he grew up without proper parenting. Could that be one of the reasons?

Red2221: True with his father, he might as well have been raised by wolves, only the wolves protect their young, not throw them to other wolves.

Ranma frowned at this

Kickinbutt: So this is it? You want nothing more to do with him?

Red2221: Until he makes his mind up about what we are to each, then yes

Akane heard Kasumi calling them to dinner

Red2221: I have to go eat dinner, perhaps chat to you later.

Kickinbutt: You can count on it

Red2221: No, I can count on you and that’s a rare thing these days

Kickinbutt: I’ll always be here for you Red

Ukyou and Kuno

“Dinner” she said plopping a plate in front of him

Kuno looked distastefully at it “what is it?”

Ukyou sat down and dug into her own food “okonomiyaki” she explained.

“You mean you make this fast food all day long and then you still want to eat it for dinner?” he asked incredulously.

“I’m sorry that it isn’t the Lobster Thermidor, not everyone has their own personal chef” she snarled at the spoiled rich boy.

“We could just move into my home until this travesty is over and both enjoy that for dinner tonight!” he snarled back. “Then I wouldn’t have to sleep in a room the size of a closet!”

“Oh no, I’m following the rules. I’m not losing to one of those hussies because you’re having space issues. Now eat your dinner!” she snapped, then remembered that she was being evaluated by Kuno and added “darling”

He picked at his food “I’ll eat it, but that doesn’t mean I have to enjoy it” Kuno said grouchily.

“We just have to live together for two weeks, for better or for worse, until then we’re the perfect married couple. Got it? We’re both in this together” Ukyou said in a threatening tone of voice.

“I loath you woman” Kuno said.

“That goes double for me Sugar” replied Ukyou

“I like pretty, feminine girls” Kuno pointed out smugly.

He couldn’t comprehend why Ukyou burst out laughing when he said this.