Stay Tuned As Life Continues For Others

Yutaka opened his eyes when his alarm clock blared out a several loud beeps. He had only returned home from a party a few hours prior, since then he had tried several times to fall asleep but none of them succeeded. Yutaka crawled out of bed and proceeded to his closet. After digging for a few moments he pulled out a black suit and black shirt, preserved neatly in a vacuum sealed garment bag. He slowly took his clothes off and dressed himself into the shirt and suit. He pulled out a pair of black dress shoes and walked out into the hallway and set them by the door.

He then walked into the kitchen, he opened the refrigerator door and stared at its contents. His gaze covered the whole fridge, but he knew even if he wanted to, he couldn’t even force himself to eat. So instead he shut the door and reached into the suit and pulled out a large steel flask. He then walked over to a cupboard and opened it, and pulled out a large bottle of liquor, and filled the flask. After sealing the flask and placing it back into the suit pocket, he returned the bottle to its dusty resting place, and grabbed a small case of four new shot glasses. He placed them in the jacket as well and walked to the door and opened up the closet and removed an old trench coat. He checked the pockets and found a half empty box of matches. He then slipped his dress shoes on and was just about to grab the door handle when he felt it. It felt like his stomach suddenly had shrunk to the size of a pea as a wave of nausea passed over him. He ran to the bathroom, making it just in time.

After puking several times, Yutaka checked his watch. “I don’t have time for this shit.” He cursed; he then stood up and made his way to the sink to clean up. While cleaning up he looked at the sorry looking sap in the mirror. The man in the mirror looked like death had come for him, the color was missing from his skin and the fire in his eyes had long burnt out. After washing up and cleaning his mouth, Yutaka turned to leave, but was stopped by the image in the mirror. The deathly man’s hair was a mess. Yutaka went back to the sink, and within a few minutes of struggling got his hair parted and neat. Deeming himself now ready Yutaka made his way back to the front door. This time he reached for the door handle, fighting the urge to run back to the bathroom. After a few moments, of holding onto the doorknob with a death grip, the pain had spread to Yutaka’s whole body, and eventually it just went numb. He then turned the knob and walked out the door.

Moments later once he raised his gaze from his feet, he could see the temple rising up in front of the bus. The numbness he felt earlier had faded off allowing the nausea to flow over him again with free reign. He watched as the bus got closer and closer to the temple. The bus stopped at the foot of hill and he proceeded up the small flight of stairs to the temple.

Once he got up the small hill he avoided most of the temple and its occupants by simply walking along the outside instead of the much quicker trip through the temple itself, however just when he thought he was in the clear a door opened up and out stepped an elderly man. “I’m glad I caught you before you went any further. We seem to have a leak in the roof so the covered walkway is icy, so please be careful.”

Yutaka stunned by the man’s sudden appearance, simply nodded and continued on his way, checking his watch he picked up the pace. He could see the large sheet of ice he had been told about, but knew if he was going to make it in time, he couldn’t slow down. His feet hit the slippery ice, and he went sliding a few feet before they once again hit traction. He carried his quick pace until he reached a large iron gate, he pushed it open sending it crashing into the fencing sending out a loud clang.

He followed the trail like he had many years in the past, until he reached his destination. He checked his watch, he was a couple minutes early. “Hi Mom. Hi Dad. Hi Grandma. Merry Christmas.” Yutaka said, his words catching slightly in his throat. “Sorry I haven’t come and visited for a while, life has been pretty hectic for a while, but I’m sure you know how it goes.”

Yutaka took a deep breath, trying to keep the nausea in check. “I brought you all a drink.” Yutaka reached into his coat and jacket pulled out the shot glasses and his flask. He forced a smile upon his face as he placed the glasses in front of his family, and then proceeded to fill them with the flask’s contents. Once the last glass was filled took a swig from his flask, and then proceeded to take another and another.

Suddenly the watch on his wrist started to chime, and memories of the past that he could usually repress overtook him. He could feel his knees wobble, his stomach churn and his eyes fill with water. His legs gave out and collapsed onto the snowy and icy ground. As his tears streamed down his face he could feel them thicken and freeze before they reached his chin. He couldn’t even try to bring himself to try to stop crying, so his sobs got worse and his body started to tremble uncontrollably.

He sat on the chilling snow for several minutes, crying, sobbing, shaking. “How could it be seven years already?” Yutaka mumbled as he looked up at the small stone mausoleum in front of him. “Why did you have to go?” Yutaka cried out. “All these years I ask myself the same question, and I still am not any closer to an answer.”

Yutaka bowed down and rested his forehead on the cold snow for a few minutes, afterwards he sat up, his body numb. He wiped his face the best he could with his cold wet hands, “I miss you guys so much.” He could feel his eyes pooling up so he grabbed his flask and took a long swig. “You’ve left me here, inexperienced and unguided. Another year has passed, and I can’t help but think what this year could of yielded if you were still here.” Yutaka‘s eyes started overflowing with tears, he stopped talking as he knew his voice would simply choke in his throat if he tried to speak again.

Yutaka tried once again wiping his face clear of the tears. “How rude of me, I’ve just been wallowing here in pity. I’m sure you want to hear of what’s been going on in my life. Well the band has got back together, we had a Christmas concert last night. It was really great you would have all really enjoyed it. Especially you Grandma.” A smile tried to appear on Yutaka’s face at the thought of the previous night came to mind, but it got choked out by his numb face.

“College went really well, passed all my classes, made new friends. And before I forget…” Yutaka then reached into his coat and pulled out a pack of cigarettes and placed them next to the shots. “Akira wanted me to say hello to you Grandma, he gave me those to give to you. They’re your brand. I know Grandpa wouldn’t approve but who cares what he thinks.” He paused and gazed at the mausoleum some more, as if searching for eyes to look into. “I’m sorry, I know last time we talked I promised that I would call him. But I still can’t bring myself around to it.” Anger started to come out in Yutaka’s voice. “I still can’t forgive him for what he said, and not only what he did to me but what he did to you too. You were his wife, I was his Grandson, he should have treated us better, but he didn’t. Now he’ll have to live with it the rest of his god-forsaken life.” Yutaka spat out the last few words with pure distaste.

“I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t talk about him like that. But he still makes me so angry. And now that none of you are here I find it hard to keep those emotions in check. So that just proves that I still need you Mom and Dad, even after all this time I’m still that child that you left with Grandma that day. And I know you did your best Grandma trying to raise me the rest of the way. But you left me too. I still look back on those days when we would all get together, play games and laugh. And some days I can’t help but think that I will never experience that joy again, that love again. That now that you’ve left me, I’m just doomed to an existence of perpetual torment.”

Just then a joyful tune played through the air, one that upon hearing it warmed Yutaka’s body and mind up. And the thought of himself being alone seemed like a distant silly idea. Yutaka stood up and tried clearing his throat the best he could. “Hello.”

“Merry Christmas Yutaka!” cheered a merry voice.

“Merry Christmas to you too Koushiro.” Yutaka said, trying his best to conceal the fact that he had been crying.

“Everything alright? You don’t sound too good.” Koushiro responded.

“Ohh..sorry I just woke up.” Yutaka lied.

“I didn’t wake you up did I?” asked Koushiro.

Yutaka started his response but was cut off by someone talking to Koushiro. Koushiro then said, “Sorry Yutaka. I have to go, my Mom is calling me. I’ll talk to you later alright.”

“I’ll be looking forward to it.” Yutaka said.

As Koushiro hung up Yutaka felt some of the numbness creep back, but it didn’t consume him like it had earlier. He sat and stared at where his family’s remains were laid. Then a thought crawled into his mind, had this new relationship had been powered by the people that he was now looking upon? He couldn’t know for sure, and it was impossible find out.

“I have some more good news. I have a boyfriend now. His name is Izumi Koushiro, he’s one of Yamato’s friends. We went to High School together but we didn’t really know each other then. We got to know each other as while we visited Takeru in the hospital. He’s really great, really sweet and the smartest guy I’ve ever met. Dad I’m sure you’d like him that is, until he beats you at chess.” Yutaka stopped and took a deep breath trying to compose himself. “I really wish you guys could meet each other, I’m sure you’d all really hit it off.”
Yutaka tried to take another breath, but the air got caught in his throat, so instead he choked and slumped back down to the ground. He began to cry again, and the numbness once again consumed him.

“Yutaka”, said a voice.

Yutaka still laid on the bone chilling ground, and didn’t hear the voice calling him.

“Yutaka?” said the voice again.

This time Yutaka heard it, but just thought he had gone crazier than he already was.

“Yutaka is that you?” The voice asked.

This time the voice registered in Yutaka’s mind, and a flood of emotions ran through him. Anger, hate, fear, sadness, and many other clashed like waves within. Yutaka sat up and saw the last person he wanted to see. There in front of him stood an elderly man in a dark coat and hat, a wooden cane holding his old crippled body upright.

“I thought I’d find you here.” Said the Elderly Man.

Without even trying to hide the hatred in his voice Yutaka answered, “What are you doing here?”

“I believe I’m here to do much of what you are doing. Mourning the dead, and asking for their guidance.” The Elderly Man answered as he hobbled closer to Yutaka.

“You’ve never have come before, so why start now. No one forced or asked you to come here.” Yutaka responded as he stood up his voice overflowing with spite.

“Those are years in the past Yutaka. I was a selfish old man then, I didn’t pay attention to much besides myself. I’ve paid the price for that through many years, I ignored my daughter when she needed my help, I even downplayed my own wife’s health condition, and I disowned my only grandchild because of petty differences.” The old had to stop talking as he began to cough. The cough shook the man’s fragile body, and sounded as if parts were breaking up. Once the coughing fit had passed the old man took several wheezy breaths of the frigid air. “So I’ve come to ask for their forgiveness, as well as your own.”

Yutaka glared at his grandfather. “You think you can really just show up out of the blue and ask for forgiveness for the things you have done, without any acts of repentance?”

The Elderly Man’s face grew somber, “You are my first, last and only act of repentance I can offer. Their love for you Yutaka knew no bounds. So if I can barely fill this void that is between us, I believe it will help me redeem myself in their eyes.”

Yutaka threw his hands up in rage, “So what you disowned me, just so you can fix it and therefore feel like you led a somewhat decent life before your miserable life ends in a few months?”

The old man took a few wheezy breaths, before giving out a few more body shaking coughs. “You know?”

Yutaka nodded, “Just because you disowned me doesn’t mean I disowned you.”

The old man gave a slight smile but it was hidden from the world behind his wrinkles, “You have so much of your mother and grandmother in you.”

Yutaka looked away from the man and to the mausoleum.

“I don’t expect you to forgive me for all the things I have done. I came here expecting that you wouldn’t even talk to me. I know I wouldn’t have if I were you.” The old man said, “And that is why we don’t get along, you aren’t me. You are your mother’s son, just as she is her mother’s daughter. They were full of forgiveness, and so I hope you are too. So can you give an old dying man a chance to make up for his past sins?”

Yutaka once again turned to the mausoleum, looking for answered. And this time as he looked at it, water began to pool up in his eyes once more, and began to over flow. He knew he should forgive his Grandfather, he knew that, that was what they would want. But the wounds that his Grandfather had left on his heart were scared over, and hard to heal. “You’ve caused so much pain in my life. Pain that will live with me until I die. So don’t think that I’ll forgive you for the things you’ve done just because you’re dying. So I’m glad I can finally live up to your expectation. I can’t forgive you for the things you’ve done, because I didn’t have the time to learn it from my Mother and Grandmother.” Yutaka then turned and walked past his Grandfather, leaving the dead and the dying alone in the graveyard.
--------------
Author's Note: SORRY! All this time I thought I had this Chapter posted up here but as I found out a little bit ago, It wasn't! So I'm sorry for the Christmas stuff now in January. Hope Life is treating everyone kindly. Hopefully I will be able to get back to writing these couple stories very soon.