Shades of Time

WARNING!!! This chapter has spoilers for the Gaiden manga of Saiyuki. If you don\'t want to know, don\'t read. Sorry, I tried to write out the whole Tenpou/Shi departure from each other but just couldn\'t do it. Yeah, I\'m mush.



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They had known. All of them had, except for Goku because they’d tried to protect him as long as they possibly could. They had seen it coming and couldn’t seem to stop it no matter how hard they’d tried and they had all tried to keep this from happening. But they all knew that Goku was too big of a threat to Li Touten’s plans to rise in the ranks via Nataku. They knew he would order Nataku to kill Goku in order to hold his place.



Even a week later, everything was just a blur in Shi’s mind. More emotional connection than actual memory if truth be told. But even before they had gone into the central hall chasing after Goku, they knew this was the last of their time together.



Tenpou had kissed her and told her to take Nataku after it was all over, that he would need her more than ever, and he’d take Goku. She’d nodded, not feeling quite real at that moment.



“Shi,” Tenpou had said. “Remember I love you, even when I’m gone.”



“I’ll find you,” she’d said. “No matter how long it takes, I’ll find you.”



“I’ll be waiting.”



She wasn’t sure exactly how long she’d been sitting by the waterfall, maybe hours, maybe only a few minutes but it hardly mattered. What mattered was somehow getting in to see Nataku. No one had been allowed near him since the incident that had gotten four of the most important people in her life thrown from Heaven’s gates. Not thrown exactly, they’d walked out under their own power because they had to. She ground the heels of her hands into her eyes, trying in vain to stop that infernal leaking they kept doing. Her head came up when she sensed another presence and heard movement in the trees. To her surprise, Nataku came staggering toward her. She was on her feet in an instant, hurrying to him and catching him as he tilted too far forward.



“Shi,” he said. “I don’t feel good.”



“Come and sit down then,” she said, supporting him over to the blanket she’d been sitting on. They settled down and she wrapped both arms around him, hugging him tightly.



“Shi,” he said, his voice sounding somewhat far off. “Where’s Goku? I’ve asked and asked and no one will tell me. They just say I’ve been ill and won’t tell me anything.”



Shi bit her lip and sifted her hand through Nataku’s hair gently. “Nataku, I’m not sure if . . .”



He cut her off. “I keep having these horrible nightmares. I hurt you and Tenpou . . . Kenren too, I think. And . . . and I . . . I tried to kill Goku. Because that person who made me told me to do it. Shi, why can’t I find Goku? Why is Konzen’s office locked up along with Tenpou’s and Kenren’s? Why do I feel sick inside every time I think of them?”



“Nataku, sweetie . . .”



He glanced up at her, noticing for the first time the fading mark on the side of her face. A mark he knew he had made.



“I did try to kill Goku. Didn’t I, Shi? I hurt Tenpou and Kenren and you when you tried to stop me,” Nataku said, tears starting to stream down his little face. “I love you and Goku so much. How could I ever obey an order to hurt either of you? What am I, Shi? What kind of monster hurts and tries to kill the only people who have ever mattered in his life?” he said, tearing at his hair and scooting back away from her.



She grabbed him and pulled him tight against her heart. “Nataku, sweetheart, don’t do this to yourself. It wasn’t your fault.”



“I can’t resist, Shi. He made me so I couldn’t resist his orders. Did I kill Goku, Shi? Tell me the truth. I need to know the truth from someone. Just once. Please.”



“Goku is alive, Nataku. Konzen and the others went with him. As far as I know they’re all alive.”



The tension seemed to drain out of Nataku’s small body all at once and he slumped forward a little more against Shi’s chest. “Good. That’s good. Shi?”



“What is it, sweet heart?” she asked, cradling him closer. Gods, she would have Li Touten’s head on a platter for this. Somehow. No child should go through what the one in her arms had.



“Do you think I have a soul?” he asked, sounding very serious.



“Of course you do. You have a bright and beautiful soul. Anyone who knows you can see that,” Shi said, stroking down his hair where it was sticking up from him pulling on it.



“A soul doesn’t have to be anchored in a body though, right?”



“Not necessarily, no. Sometimes a soul will leave temporarily, such as when going on an astral journey. But without a soul we’d just be empty shells of flesh. One of us especially since the body can’t die.”



A small, sad smile played around Nataku’s lips. “I’ll always love you, Shi. If I ever wanted to call anyone Mother it was you,” he said, his voice growing fainter with each word. “I can’t let him use me anymore.”



Shi leaned back and looked at him. “Nataku? Nataku!” she said, shaking him a little. She noticed that the usually bright eyes had started to glass over.



He seemed to be hearing her voice but as if from very far away. She’d said a soul didn’t have to be anchored in a body. If his soul went travelling, he could be reborn as someone else, something else. Be a good person, find the fit for what his soul truly wanted to be. Love you, Shi. Love you all. I’ll find you again somehow. With that last thought, he willingly severed his soul’s ties to the body he’d inhabited and slipped off into the darkness.