Midian Evolution

Sotie…

My eyes snapped open. Master hovered over my bed. His beautiful, burning orange eyes bored into me like a drill.

Sotia Mea, we leave in forty-five minutes. Gather up what you want to take.

I leaped from the mattress and frantically began flinging clothes into my readied suitcase. Master, so soon?

Alucard drifted to my vanity table and began dropping cosmetics into the small travel bag. You know my master; she’s eager to begin her honeymoon, and she champs at the bit. He picked up my comb and began pulling strands of my hair from it slowly, his long fingers curling over the hairs and gathering them with an absent sort of precision. She’s happy this morning, Sotie. Walter made her feel like the queen she is.

Relief for Integra filled my cells. I cherished her, and I knew Master did, too. But, she wasn’t for us. To know Walter had made her feel good went a very long way to satisfying the hole in my chest cavity. I love her, Master, I confessed ardently, putting my new, unused stockings in the lid compartment of my travel case. And, I love Walter. It makes me feel so light to know they love each other.

Master heaved an audible sigh. He didn’t need to breathe, so the small act meant so much more for him than it might a living man. Yes, Sotie, he said. It relieves me, too. He ran his hands over the fishnet hose I deliberately hadn’t packed, going so far as to pick them up. I had hopes in the beginning that you and Integra would feel affection for each other in a more carnal way, and that I would be involved in that. He smiled as he put the stockings in my suitcase. But, the manner things have transpired pleases me. I know Walter in ways that you cannot imagine. He compliments my master completely.

You care for Walter. I didn’t feel jealousy. I knew my master could be without gender, and that he shared something with my best friend that I could never hope to touch. Aside from that, his earier revelation hardly shocked me. He’d had Lucy and Mina before; Integra and I resembled them in a few ways. And, he’d had three in that frightful old castle when Johnathan Harker came to visit.

…yes… he answered at long last. Walter is important to me.

Good. I felt reassured to know Master had a similar agenda to mine. I tossed a few nice shirts into the carry-all, along with some long, flowing skirts. I want both of you to have the comfort of knowing someone else cares.

Master drifted over to my collection of candles and incense, the assortment Integra had put together for me. He picked up a sandalwood candle, sniffed it, then placed it back on the level plane I’d put it on, his expression pensive. You do care, don’t you, Sotie, he asked.

Yes, Master, I answered immediately. I put a pair of good boots into the case. You are my creator, but Integra and Walter are my family. I added a few lacey bras and knickers into the pile before shutting the lid. I didn’t feel up to asking him for penance yet, didn’t want to address the punishment I deserved for what I’d done, but I felt compelled to tackle that issue. No, I felt more than compelled. I knew if I didn’t make things right soon, that I’d die. And, death to a Midian meant more than a human’s death.

Master. I fell to my knees in front of him, lifting my face to his though I didn’t deserve to even meet his eyes. Please, forgive me for what I did. I shamed you, and it’s killing me.

Alucard closed his beautiful, back-lit eyes and turned his head. Sotie, he mumrmured softly in my head, but he said nothing else.

Tears welled up behind my eyes, stinging and painful. I felt blood dripping, and I didn’t care. All that mattered was making ammends. Master, I would never disrespect you, I vowed, hating the horrible pit of nothing in my chest. But, I did, and I want to make it right. Please, let me.

Sotie. My master inhaled sharply. Get up. We’ll speak of this later, on the train.

I had to be satisfyied with that.

I got up and went back to packing, opening up my suitcase again. I could barely focus on what I wanted to add to the collection. Blood dripped onto my clothes. I turned away and fled to my bathroom, feeling Master’s presence watching my retreat.

I stood and looked into my mirror, seeing a wretched thing that oozed red. Careless in my pain, I swiped at my eyes and ran a sink full of clean, hot water, dunking my head. I hated myself as much as I found my soul something to exhault.

Carefully, I applied the toner to my hair again and took the time to make a stripe of Vampire Red beside a stripe of Raven and Electric Lizard. Everywhere I’d applied the toner my hair looked almost white. I gazed at myself, not understanding why I seemed so different.

I’m not right.

I hadn’t meant for Master to hear, but he answered. Sotie, no one is ‘right’. We’re all unnatural; that’s what makes it possible for someone like me to seize someone like you.

I giggled, feeling craziness swelling up from my core. I couldn’t take much more. My fist went out and shattered my mirror, causing a rain of sparkling sharpness and red. Like me, Master? I asked, darkness bubbling up from the depths of my dead heart. Like me, truly? I’m a fucking monster, more of a monster than you’ll ever be.

Master inhaled and went silent. I took that quietude as agreement, and it didn’t hurt. Nothing hurt much, anymore. In fact, pain felt like pleaure. Pain reminded me I had a human side. Pain prompted action and satiation.

You like me this way, my master? I asked, picking up a shard of mirror. It parted my skin effortlessly, leaving a crimson trail in its wake. I held my wrist up to the light, admiring the ruby drops as they fell to the bone white porcelain. So fucking gorgeous, Master. Blood is the prettiest color.

Seras, what are you doing?

Nothing. I let the blood keep flowing, admiring the patterns on the basin.
Don’t lie to me, Sotia Mea.

I giggled again, overcome by some indefinable something. With greatest pleasure I healed my wound with a swipe of my tongue. It’s nothing, Master. I’ll be out in a moment.

You’ll be out right now. Master appeared beside me. He took in the ruin of my mirror and sink, the barely healed cut on my wrist, and grabbed me. He tugged me into the bedroom, sat me forcibly on the bed. In seconds he’d locked his beautiful eyes to mine, his hands cupping my face.

I fell into my Master’s mind.

Quiet, so quiet here. So calm. So peaceful and still, like the surface of a forgotten lake. The madness inside me receeded, the swirling black and red falling under his incredible tranquillity. I sagged with respite, falling against him, feeling his arms wrapping around me.

Sotie, before you add another layer to your remorse and worry, remember that Midian is not human, he said. Midian is outside the human.

Master… I pressed my face to his neck, inhaling the seductive scent of him. Why can’t I be what I need to be?

Because you are what you are. Stop punishing yourself for that, Seras. Your punishments and rewards are my responsibility; you made that so when you first denied becoming a No-Life Queen.

Relief and confusion went to war deep inside me. I enjoyed knowing I didn’t have to be in control, even of myself, but I didn’t understand how he could rule me utterly when it was me who led what we were together.

Finish gathering up what you want to take, he said, releasing me. I’ll meet you at the limo. We’re flying to Constantinople, and from there we take the train to Venice. He rose and looked down at me. You’re doing well with Anderson, by the way. Keep it up.