Midian Evolution

I’d attempted to relax a bit, but failed. Walter left a lot of blood for me and Alucard, and I drank my share while waiting for Master to return. He’d come back, then left with Walter. Now, I sat and sipped at another juice, staring at a silent, watchful Sir Integra.

She hadn’t spoken once. At first it made me nervous. Now, tired and cranky but enjoying a different drink, I felt more resigned. I didn’t like the idea of slavery; it went against my personal code. However, I wasn’t a fool. I preferred to push this issue rather than have it hanging over all our heads.

“Orange juice, Seras?” Integra asked suddenly. “Your master drinks wine and you choose simple juice.”

“Alcohol makes me stupid or sick, or stupidly sick,” I answered. “It’s really good to taste something like food again, so I don’t care what sort of juice it is.” I ventured to smile at her, and after a moment her lips moved to return it, albeit only slightly.

“You know that I don’t want to put the Hellsing seals on you, don’t you, Seras?” she asked.

“Yeah.” She’d said that before. I dropped my empty bottle beside the other one and curled up in the corner of the couch. “But, I don’t think this has anything to do with what you want, or what I want.” I looked to the side and stared at the window. The moon shone brilliantly though only half full. I felt it stirring me inside. “I’m dangerous, and I don’t think Alucard can control me anymore.”

It absolutely sucked to chose slavery, especially when I suspected I’d become like Alucard. I’d probably start enjoying Hellsing’s occult powers, that is, if I could sort them from what Master gave me naturally. I’d pop, too, after a few centuries of occult tampering.

“Yes, he assures me that I should take your opinion on the matter over his own, or mine,” she murmured, eyes suddenly distant. “He certainly bit off more than he could chew, didn’t he? I wonder if he did or didn’t know what you’d become.”

“Hah-hah,” I said, nearly giggling but not quite that far gone. “Bit off more than he could chew?”

Integra shook her head abruptly, showing she hadn’t realized she made a funny. A ghost of a smile flitted across her lips. But, she straightened up and became all business the next second. “Give me one, well-thought, valid reason to ward you and I’ll do it,” she said.

I blinked. “Okay. I consider Alucard my mate, and I’m insanely jealous when you touch him or order him about. I almost shredded you on the train, sir.” I didn’t like admitting this, not at all, but I had to. “It doesn’t even matter that I know you aren’t…” I looked at the window again, feeling a definite pull to go outside, now. “Master says I’ll learn to control my reaction to that, but not how it makes me feel. I don’t have the time to wait; I can’t risk hurting you, so you’ll have to bind me.”

I felt willing to spend my eternity bound for more reason than those. I wanted to stay with Alucard. Maybe if I could keep the Hellsing family from giving him too much power, I might be able to prevent his fate. He was as greedy as a tick, but perhaps I could pull his head out of Hellsing’s main artery. Even once would help.

Integra rubbed at her eyes before giving me a brusque nod. “Well thought and valid, Seras,” she said. “I think feelings are the crux of the matter as well.” She dipped into her nicotine candy and took a dose, looking disgruntled and slightly ill. “My father would tell me to do as you ask. He had plenty of magical research to support binding vampires, but never of freeing them, so I can’t immediately bind you just because you’re afraid right now.” She chewed furiously, her blue eyes troubled. “We’ll have to return home to perform a ceremony like that, so you have a few days to control yourself and to consider things.”

“Yes, Sir Integra,” I murmured, realizing our conversation drew to a close.

“Good.” Integra stood and walked for the left hand door, which I assumed to be the room she and Walter took for themselves.

I didn’t sit alone more than a minute before Alucard returned. He sat across from me, silent and watchful, then shrugged off his long coat and threw it on the floor. It landed atop Anderson’s cassock. I stared at it a second, seeing more symbolism than maybe I should.

“I never listened to you much in the beginning,” Alucard said abruptly. “You bewildered me. You were Midian, yet human, and humans perplex my mind easily.” He shucked his tie, kicked off his boots, and folded his arms across his chest, eyes upon me the whole while. “Now, you’re even more of a mystery. Yet, I don’t wish to ignore you; I anticipate what you’ll say or do.”

I sighed. Nice words, but what the hell was he saying? I guessed I could consider his words complimentary, in light of how romantically crippled he was. I looked at the window a third time, smelling the prey… No, the humans. The humans walking around far below us. Even though I felt full and content from medical blood, I wanted to go out there and hunt.

“There are those who questioned why I turned you, Seras,” Alucard went on, not seeming perturbed I wasn’t looking at him anymore. “I questioned my motives afterward, but not before.”

“You felt pity and boredom,” I said dully. “I told you that more than a week ago and you didn’t deny it.”

“I didn’t deny it because I had to consider it,” he growled lowly.

Hm. I’d made him mad. I tore my eyes from the glass and focused upon him again. “What’s your point, Master?”

His eyes narrowed. “This was easier when you let me inside your head, damn it.” His hands flexed, and I wondered if he had an urge to wrap his fingers around my throat. “It was a more natural way of communication.”

I looked at the way that white shirt stretched across his elegant composition of flesh, sinew and muscle. With a thought I undid a few of his buttons. Better view…

“Seras, are you listening to me?” Alucard sat up fully, bracing on the cushions like he might push up from them at any second.

“Yes.” I undid his cuffs next. He didn’t appear to notice.

“Do you realize how difficult it is to treat you as neither servant nor queen?” he said harshly, and I watched some muscle flexing under the shirt.

“So, like a wife?” I asked. “You should stop calling me your wife if you can’t treat me like one,” I observed calmly, wondering just how far the truth would push him in his current mood. “I got over wanting a wedding, but you could at least honor the spirit of marriage.”

Alucard stared. I felt his amazement. He hadn’t expected this side of the issue at all.

“And yes,” I went on softly. “I am determined to get something out of you that no one else ever has. Do you know what it is yet?” I wanted his love. He’d figure that out, maybe, but not before he understood what love even was. I could learn patience, I supposed.

I stood and walked past him for the window. I needed out. Even if I didn’t hunt, I desired the night. It would soothe me to feel moonlight on my skin. “I want to be alone awhile, Master. I’ll be back in a few hours.”

Before he could speak, I’d become living darkness. Leaking out a small crack in the pane, I drifted down to the street and floated into a secluded alley. Re-forming, I leaned back on wet bricks and closed my eyes.

How could Alucard expect me to tell him what he needed to be? I knew he needed a role, but I hadn’t one to give. Fledgling vampire, servant, wife or queen, I barely knew myself anymore.

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I walked for awhile, not paying attention to where I went, and, so, I was surprised when I felt Master’s shadow-form reaching for me. Startled, I cast my gaze around the street. I didn’t see him, but I felt him. Slowly, I centered on him and began to follow.

I didn’t take two steps before Alucard’s gunpowder and rosemary scented darkness surrounded me, pressing. He forced my own change to fog, and I felt like I was getting sucked into a black hole. Sound and light rippled past us at an amazing speed. But, the journey stopped almost as soon as it started. I found myself facing Master from the top of a crumbling tower.

At first I thought he’d somehow brought us to Urquhart again, but as I looked at the condition of the castle and the view, I realized we occupied an unfamiliar place. Almost nothing of this building stood. It was in utter ruins, far worse than that Scottish castle on the Loch.

“My broken battlements,” Alucard said in a soft, aching, strange voice. “I thought you should see where a vampire’s heart becomes attuned to mirth.”

He’d brought me to his ruined home. He’d taken me to an origin, just one of many, but I imagined it his most significant one. The strength and suddenness of this gesture took my dead heart and squeezed it. I felt it flutter just three times, moved to beat but unable to quite commit.

The wind kicked up, causing our clothes to flutter and snap. I stared into his wide, luminous eyes. “I love the shade and shadow,” I replied, knowing Stoker had those words right, at least. Alucard loved what he was, loved to dance in the gloom and murk. He took the dark and made it hot, potent, terrifying and glorious.

I couldn’t afford to paraphrase Stoker much, though. Master attempted to reach out to me right now, in his particular way, and I wouldn’t fuck him over with my ignorance. He’d lead me well enough; show me what he wanted or what disturbed him. I didn’t need to force a confidence. That was for humans. I was Midian, and beyond children’s games of give and take.

“He said I wanted to be alone with my thoughts.” Alucard looked out into the distance, past my shoulder. “He made that up. He didn’t like the truth.” He clenched his fists and gritted his teeth. “I didn’t like it either.”

So, my instincts and reasoning proved sound again. Why did I doubt myself after all this time? Was I that afraid of taking responsibility? Did I cling to his possession of me so desperately? I’d enjoyed having him make my decisions, relaxed in knowing he’d have control. I’d been responsible for myself nearly all my life, and even for others, so his assuming ownership of me had felt like a blessing at first.

But, things had changed on me yet again. I could let him rule me, but his rule could not stand inviolate. He didn’t know me well enough to make the right decisions all the time. It was, in fact, wrong of me to expect that of him. I dared to imagine he’d been the law-giver in every relationship, no matter the dynamic. It was probably all he knew. That didn’t mean he had to be that person for me.

The wind continued to whip at us. I swallowed hard. It seemed vulgar to look at him while he struggled with some indefinable emotion, yet how could I look away? His frustration, his admitting a weakness no matter how subtly, gave me hope. I looked for proof he wasn’t made of stone, and here it was, shining in all the sinister, silver glory of moonlight.

“You think I don’t see you as a woman, Seras?” he asked, turning his eyes fully to mine once more. “You think I fall short when I call you my wife?” His voice dropped to a low, terrible tone, yet I easily heard. “You still don’t believe you’re any different than the women I kept here? Are these the reasons why I haven’t been given permission to take you, or are there more?”

He chaffed at not having me, I knew that. But for him, the itch to mate couldn’t be so overwhelming. He’d admitted to having enough age and experience to be less affected when Neo-Thelema’s magic put me in sexual agony.

“I’m sorry,” I said, and I was sincere. “You’ve never had to try this hard before, have you, Master?”

“No,” he answered coldly. “With women, I’ve never had to try.” He returned to staring past me, his posture still wound up and defensive. “Especially after I made them into my kind,” he added. “You wouldn’t have fallen under me any easier as a living woman; I can tell. You’re stubborn, persistent, wayward and proud.”

“Everything that you are,” I replied. “Why would I absorb so much of you when the other women didn’t?”

“Because you fell in love with me when they couldn’t!” he roared, seeming to grow about a meter. “I told you not to expect me to ever be a living man, and you ignored my warning!”

“I did not,” I said, feeling my soul stir to anger. “I’ve never forgotten for even an instant what you are, Vlad.” I’d used his name before, for comfort, for closeness, and it seemed both fitting and foolish to use it now, but I did. “But, a little no-name virgin cop isn’t a match for you, or for what Hellsing has added to you.” I felt tears starting. Furious, I scrubbed at my eyes. “You’re mad at me because I make you feel something other than lust, and you’re picking on that one part of our relationship just to divert my attention.”

I advanced upon him, ignoring his seething, towering wrath. The crumbling stone under my feet seemed to move, to shift dangerously. “You could wait for me to spread my legs for years, admit it. This isn’t about sex at all.”

“Damn you, Seras.” He snatched me, gripping my shoulders hard. “You push me unwisely, woman!”

Snarling, I grabbed his shirt and hauled us even closer. “You push me, and see what I become,” I challenged, staring right up into his burning, beautiful eyes. Our hot breath mixed in the cold air only to be sucked away by wind. “You made me, master. I’m your reflection. You take a good look and tell me I’m wrong to behave the way I do!”

As I spoke I felt the night and the moon curling around me, the luscious, drunken spin of power and supernatural forces. It coiled, rolled into a ball and struck us both. As one, we released each other and staggered backward.

Our anger had it’s own life, it seemed.

And, the stones began to shake underneath us.

“What have you done?” Alucard demanded, grabbing me again. But, he didn’t shake me. He took us to the solid ground, holding onto me with a death grip. I looked up, expecting to see his anger. What I saw in his eyes, what shone there with heat, was not anger.

“I don’t know,” I answered softly, never breaking our gazes. I wanted to see that emotion. I wanted to see that he cared. He might never show me this again, or he might show it to me every day. We were matched capriciously that way, by his blood and by my love. Both were forces in flux. I desired them to become stable…

Alucard glanced at the castle. A look of wonder passed through his eyes. “Seras…”

Prompted by his expression, by his tone of awe, I made myself look at the ruins. Surrounded by sizzling black energy, the bits and pieces started stacking. Stones tore up from the ground, rolled upward from the valley, even emerged from the river. They made the earth quiver and the air roar.

Alucard and I joined hands as naturally as you please while we watched his castle rebuild.

“I didn’t do this,” I protested, tracking bits of glass that sparkled. Reduced to dust by the years, the powder coalesced, melted and became decorative finials. Oiled cloth stretched over small, arched windows. The structure kept growing.

“I…” Alucard shivered. He fell silent without concluding his thought.

In a bare fifteen minutes, my master’s castle stood tall and proud, as sturdy as when first erected, and just as complete. The black, seething mass of energy that had put it together, simply evaporated.

“I can’t go inside it,” he murmured. He inhaled sharply before looking down at me. “Seras, we must…”

“Be careful,” I finished for him. “If our anger can do that…”

We sat down on the damp soil and stared, focusing on each other, then the castle, then back. “I’m afraid for you,” I blurted. This seemed like such a good example of why Hellsing’s occult powers would eventually become too much for him to contain. We’d put his castle back together, for god’s sake! “Master, you’re almost too powerful! If Hellsing keeps feeding you, you’re going to burst!”

And then I burst, but into tears. “How do you know how much you can take?” I demanded, not able to see him through my watering eyes. “Look at me, Master! You’ve never made a fledgling like me; you’ve admitted that many times. It’s because you’re not the same vampire you were when you made all the others! I’ve sucked Hellsing down into myself every single time I’ve had your blood!”

He didn’t even try to argue or reason with me, just put me back into his arms and held on tight. I gagged with the depth of my worry, my sadness, clutching onto his clothing and burying my face between layers of cloth. When my lips and nose finally touched the smooth flesh of his corded throat, I shuddered in relief.

“I’ll stay by your side until the world rots,” I whispered. “Even if Hellsing ends up popping us both like over-filled balloons.” It was true. Despite my fear, I’d do what he wanted. I’d stay. I’d face it with him even if he was being greedy and stupid.

Alucard huffed out the smallest of noise of humor. His arms loosened a little, but he still held me very close. “Popping us like balloons?” he asked dryly. Another ripple of amusement surged through his wiry body. “Will we leave black, greasy shreds on the floor of Hellsing Manor, sotie?”

It’s strange what despair and black humor can become when combined.

“Bats,” I said. “Dead bats and centipedes.”

“Then, more like an undead piñata,” he mused. “Shall Integra plan our explosive demise to her offspring’s birthday?” I heard his awareness of how serious this all was. It hummed underneath his flippancy and witty joke.

“It’s really not at all funny,” I protested, getting an arm around his waist.

“No, it isn’t,” he agreed. “Truthfully, Seras, I hadn’t even considered it. I’m too much ego-wrapped-in-sin to anticipate such an issue.”

Hope touched my yet-unbeating heart. “But, you’re thinking about it now.”

“Of course. It’s an aspect of Abraham.” Alucard began stroking my hair, and I could have started crying all over again at how much I’d missed him doing that. “But, I don’t think Integra wants us exploding all over the place. She plans her moves against the lesser undead with me as a player character. Now that you are hers, she has another player, and Integra isn’t foolish enough to toss away a strong piece on the chess board.”

A tentative sense of peace settled over me, then. Maybe he was right. Maybe Integra already knew the risks and didn’t give my master more than he could bear. Perhaps she wouldn’t explode him.

“Are you finished with female hysterics?” he asked lightly.

I pinched his side, hard, making him jerk in surprise. “Are you finished posturing and throwing your weight around?” I shot back.

“Not a chance,” he murmured. “But, I’m finished throwing my weight around on you, at least for now.”

Slowly, we parted. I stood and looked at the castle, amazed still. “What should we do about that?”

Alucard grinned. “I expect we should do nothing.”

“But, it’s going to cause a huge uproar!” I looked at him, both amused and amazed that he intended to let his old castle stand in its former glory. “People are going to notice it, Master!”

“Let them.” Alucard formed his hat and sunglasses. Still grinning, he put them on and held his hand out to me. “The Romani are still faithful, no matter the tribe. I’ve relied upon them many times.”