The Scars Remind Us

No one bothered fixing breakfast that morning.

\"I can\'t believe it.\" Omi rested his forehead in his palms. Ran and Yohji sat in silence across the table, drowning in similar streams of thought. Yohji let a thin sigh escape his lips. Ran pushed off the table with one foot, his chair rocking slowly on its back legs. \"Ken... he\'s in jail... for murder...\"

\"Who\'d of ever thought... a professional assassin in jail for accidental homicide.\" Yohji rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. \"And Ken... of all people.\"

\"He was charged with rape, too.\"

\"That\'s what the evidence showed.\" Yohji clenched his teeth. \"He didn\'t. Ken never could\'ve raped anyone.\"

The trial had been the day before. Ken came out, handcuffed, his hair scruffy and unbrushed, a stern look plastered across a usually gentle and kind face. There was nothing in his eyes, as if he really was a cold-blooded killer, a common murderer, a criminal. It was as if he held no remorse for the girl he had accidentally killed. Omi had simply said to himself that this was not Ken, it had to be someone else, not the Ken he knew, not the Ken who every time he killed was nearly sucked into the abyss alongside his victim. Not the Ken with the wounded soul who cried endless tears for every life he took.

\"All stand for the honorable Judge Tuller.\"

As soon as Ken had been led into place the jury had hushed. The judge shifted his glasses and held up the documents. \"Hidaka Kenji, you are hereby charged with the rape and murder of Adah Keiko, age twenty five. She was found, in your room, profusely bleeding from both her anal cavity and the back of her skull, which had reportedly been bashed against the headboard of your bed. She suffered severe brain trauma before her death. How do you plead?\"

Omi watched in horror the still look on Ken\'s face. \"Guilty.\"

The entire room began to buzz quietly. Omi\'s mind went entirely blank. He had blocked out the rest of the proceeding. The next thing he knew, he was watching the policemen lead Ken from the courtroom, the soft sadness returning to Ken\'s face. Omi wanted to scream.

\"I can\'t believe he was so calm.\" Yohji\'s voice broke through the daydream. \"Damn it!\" The other two boys shifted their eyes over to the oldest boy and stared in awe. \"I know we could\'ve gotten him off, or at least he could\'ve plead insanity!\"

Ran\'s face twisted sourly. \"He was scared. I know he was scared. I could see it.\"

\"Wha-?\"

\"I should know.\" Ran closed his eyes and let out a heavy breath. \"I should know because that\'s the same way I am... when I get scared.\"

******

No matter what he tried, Ken couldn’t sleep.

He played the scene over and over through his head. No matter how many times he did, he still couldn’t believe it. It wasn’t like all the other times he had killed, not even like Kase... he hadn’t meant to. He hadn’t meant to, and for some reason, that made it worse. He wished he could get those flickering images to leave him alone, but no amount of distraction nor any measure of pain could make them budge an inch. And he hated himself all the more. If he could’ve just imploded at that very second, he would have.

The cell was completely dark. It was as if the moon refused to shine for him. And why should it? He didn’t deserve anything. Not a single shred of kindness, not a drop of sympathy. He was a damned creature, an abomination. That was all. There was nothing more to him that that. He wanted to bury himself so deep into the cheap linen sheets that no one could ever find him. He felt his body shaking violently, but in his heart, he knew he deserved nothing more. He could die here and it would do nothing but make the world a better place.

The other inmates were surprisingly quiet, there was barely a cough or a whisper to be heard. There were no clanking bars or thudding of heavy feet. He almost wished something would happen. Something loud. Anything to take his mind off of things for even a moment.

Nothing came.

Ken’s eyes flicked open suddenly to the sound of rattling bars and the bright rays of morning sun piercing his eyes.

******

It was so hard trying to seem strong all the time. Ken sat down, wishing that everything in that damned place wasn\'t so hard. He nearly dropped his tray on the table, trying to stay as far away from the other inmates as possible. However, before he could even pick up his fork another tray had slid down beside his. He stopped.

“Hey there, you new?”

Ken let out a heavy breath and simply stared down at the slop on his tray. Whoever this guy was, he was already getting Ken fairly pissed off. “Yeah, and?”

“Thanks for showing up.”

That was the last thing Ken expected one of the other inmates to say to him. He blinked a few times, then looked over at the man who had so casually decided to initiate conversation with him. He was a fairly attractive man with shoulder length black hair and a thin build. He looked like the type that people always had to look twice at, not quite a heartthrob or a model, but good looking nonetheless. He looked away and redirected his attention back to the crap on his plate. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Oh, nothing really, just that now I’m not the prettiest guy here anymore they might give me a break and hassle you for a while.”

Ken frowned. Maybe if he bashed the guy over the head with his tray he would go away or at least swing a punch. Ken could use a fight right about now. He tightened his fist. “Comforting. Are you always such a jerk?”

“You have to be, or your spirit will get broken.” The man shook his hair. “What’s your name, new guy?”

“That’s none of your business.”

The man smiled. “Hah, so you\'re one of those. All right then. What’re you in for, tiger? Me, I’m in for six counts of vehicular homicide.”

He didn’t say anything, but Ken was pretty sure this guy was mentally unstable. He scoffed. “You act like you\'re proud of it. That’s sick.”

“Okay then, how’d you get the scars, mister good guy?”

“Attempted suicide. There. Happy?”

“It doesn’t matter how sarcastic you get, nothing’s gonna spoil my mood right now. You’re just Take’s type and I’m off the hook. Good luck, soldier, you’re gonna need it.”

“Take? Who’s that? And what do you mean I’m his ‘type’?” Ken shifted his eyes toward the longhaired man.

“Take is the guy who practically runs the place. He keeps the prisoners in line for the wardens, and in exchange, the wardens look the other way when Take decides to ‘have his way’ with any of the prisoners he wants.”

“Are you serious?”

The man laughed. “Yeah, that’s a pretty sweet deal for the wardens. I mean, we’re like the scum of the earth to those guys. It doesn’t take nothin’ out of their pockets, and they don’t really give a shit about what happens to us. And like I said. You’re just his type. It’s bad luck to be pretty in a place like this. Your magazine cover looks ain\'t gonna get you nowhere but bent over in the showers here.”

******

“Because you’re new here, it’s only fair I show you around your domain.” The warden motioned for the man behind him to follow. “You’ve been given the mid day shift. It’s kinda crazy sometimes. Usually the new recruits get early morning or mid night shifts.”

The new warden smiled and saluted the chubby man ahead of him. “All clear, Katsuko-san! I think I can handle it. I was in the army for three years.”

The head warden laughed heartily. “Hoo ho! Then I’m sure you can! There’s almost never anything to worry about, especially not with Tamachi Takeshiro keeping the other inmates in line!”

“A prisoner watches over the other prisoners? Isn’t that a safety hazard?” The young man blinked and brushed a lock of hair from his face.

“Takeshiro’s nothing to worry about, I assure you, Yamagata. He gets everything he could ever want here. A roof over his head, two meals a day, exercise, not to mention the fear and respect of the other inmates. He’s a god among insects. He’s happy to help us out, and he asks very little in return.”

The young warden stopped. “Just what does he ask in return?”

“That’s something you’ll learn after you’ve worked here a while.” The warden fingered through his key ring and inserted the key into the metal door to the cellblock. “In fact, why don’t you meet him now.”

The door swung open with a slight squeak. The two wardens stepped through, quietly, the rubber soles of their shoes close to the only sounds one could hear. The younger warden looked back and forth at each cell, trying to get a quick glance of the prisoners. Unfortunately, most of their faces weren\'t in plain view. When the head warden stopped, the young man almost crashed right into him. He turned to face the prisoner in the cell beside them. The prisoner, presumably Tamachi Takeshiro, was a strong, muscled man with dark hair and piercing eyes.

“Katsuko! Is it exercise time already?”

The warden laughed. “No, no. I just have someone for you to meet. This is Yamagata Shinji, the newest warden you’ll have the pleasure of associating with.”

Take smirked and rubbed his chin. “Well, ain\'t he a looker.”

The warden laughed. “I hear the newest prisoner on your block’s a real bombshell, too. The guys tell me he’s got model looks and an athlete’s body.”

“We’ll see.”

The young warden looked over at his elder curiously. “So is this what you do all day? Gossip?”

The prisoner, completely disregarding the young warden’s words, flashed another smile. “So, Shinji, was it? You up for a good time?”

“Uh...” The young man’s glance darted from side to side. “You’re not really my type, sorry. I’m more into women.”

“That’s a shame, I could’ve blown your mind.”